Keep em....or Leave him

[alexgrenyait 2186]

Good Day to my fellow Cerbites

So I was downstairs washing my dishes and just couldn't resist posting this.Those that know me will be surprised as I generally do not say much on here,but once and a while I just have to.

This is how it begins...I was seeing someone (a client)for quite some time.Make no mistake about it he treated my very well...except by his words which to me mean more than gifts.But i like gifts too:)Over the course of 3 years little things were said that really bothered me...now normally I would just not see this person any longer but remember he treated me well..but most importantly I tried to tell myself he didnt mean it or was unaware of how cruel his words were.We ladies do provide a service but that does not mean we have to take unkind comments.(this happens to me rarely,,,,99 percent of you would never say these things...I think anyway)

I will give you some examples of what was said because without me writing them I will not get my answer....I have waited over a year to write this.

1) If we had a duo with a couple of ladies I would be second fiddle

2) My scars are so bad from a previous surgery that if I chose to have another surgery alot of people would not see me

3)I would like a 3 hour appt but you will need to ice your pussy(to me that is a disgusting comment

Now ladies and gents I did speak to this person more than once letting him know that these comments hurt my feelings very much and even though you bring me nice things I wont take it anymore

So I ask you am I crazy.....I dont think I am but did I overreact?Please remember this person treated me well except by his words(and trust me there is more)I also refused alot from this person as if I choose to not see someone for whatever reason I dont want to feel I owe them.

Oh and the clincher this came from someone that apparently wait for it...."was in love with me"

Thanks for your time alex g xo

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Not worth it. Move on! No amount of money is worth making you feel shitty.

[alexgrenyait 2186]

Good Day to my fellow Cerbites

So I was downstairs washing my dishes and just couldn't resist posting this.Those that know me will be surprised as I generally do not say much on here,but once and a while I just have to.

This is how it begins...I was seeing someone (a client)for quite some time.Make no mistake about it he treated my very well...except by his words which to me mean more than gifts.But i like gifts too:)Over the course of 3 years little things were said that really bothered me...now normally I would just not see this person any longer but remember he treated me well..but most importantly I tried to tell myself he didnt mean it or was unaware of how cruel his words were.We ladies do provide a service but that does not mean we have to take unkind comments.(this happens to me rarely,,,,99 percent of you would never say these things...I think anyway)

I will give you some examples of what was said because without me writing them I will not get my answer....I have waited over a year to write this.

1) If we had a duo with a couple of ladies I would be second fiddle

2) My scars are so bad from a previous surgery that if I chose to have another surgery alot of people would not see me

3)I would like a 3 hour appt but you will need to ice your pussy(to me that is a disgusting comment

Now ladies and gents I did speak to this person more than once letting him know that these comments hurt my feelings very much and even though you bring me nice things I wont take it anymore

So I ask you am I crazy.....I dont think I am but did I overreact?Please remember this person treated me well except by his words(and trust me there is more)I also refused alot from this person as if I choose to not see someone for whatever reason I dont want to feel I owe them.

Oh and the clincher this came from someone that apparently wait for it...."was in love with me"

Thanks for your time alex g xo

:ablow::ablow:

[Guest t******81]

Good day Alex,

 

I feel that you deserve to be treated with much more respect thans this and that no one, whatever they do in life should not have to accept such comments, this is just a total lack of respect. Paying or giving some gifts to someone doesn't allow to use this type of verbal abuse against anyone. The best lesson he can get is to left on is own for such behavior.

 

Have a great day.

 

Duke

[alexgrenyait 2186]

Not worth it. Move on! No amount of money is worth making you feel shitty.

Thanks Megan that is exacly what I did!!muah

[777flyer 1612]

Thanks Megan that is exacly what I did!!muah

 

Alex,

 

You are a beautiful, articulate and bright lady, and someone I find very desirable.

 

I would not allow someone to belittle me, or CONTINUALLY say things to me that are hurtful, especially after I had told that person to STOP.

 

Some people exert influence or control over others by being 'mean or nasty', believing that this 'bad boy' approach makes them more desirable.....frankly this approach is used by too many people.......

 

I suspect HE has issues of self worth, and probably believes you are too good for him, hence he constantly is trying to bring you down a notch or two...to his level....

 

You are a true winner......don't let some loser tell you otherwise, and bring you down to his level....

 

I say, move on......Tuesday is trash day....time to clean house and get rid of the undesired furniture......God knows there are SO MANY more of us that appreciate someone of your calibre.....

 

SNK

[alexgrenyait 2186]

Thanks everyone for the comment you have made me feel so much better.I was sure I handled it correctly but I guess I just needed some reassurance.Thanx a bunch..in the future I will be more active on this board as I believe a person should give as well as receive.muah alexo

[Mutau 2516]

Good morning Alex,

My dear, no one needs to put up with this type of aggravation. Your decision to cut your ties with this ungrateful lout is the proper course of action. You simply do not have to endure such diatribes from anyone.

 

Alex, you are a divine individual with ladylike qualities that transcend the demeaning words spoken to you by this ungrateful person. Your decision to move on is the right one. Life is too short to have to endure such callous and undeserving comments.

[ottanon 2930]

I don't think you will a problem with this person any longer as once he reads your post we probably wont want to see you again anyways. There are 2 sides to every story and perhaps he was concerned that about your scars has I see it was mentioned in one of your recs by another member and did not want you to lose business because of it.

 

The icing remark I hope he apologized. I can see some humor in it if he was comfortable with you enough to think you wont not be offended.

 

I would hope that after 3 years+ you would have talked it out abit instead of just dropping him. Couples and such have fights all the time which is fine, but time usually heals those and thery make up. If he is not worth making up with then you both need to move on. It will be a lose for both of you. Since you posted it, it must be on your mind and important enough.

 

I am sure you have many other clients to replace hm and there are many Sp's out there to fill his need.

[HarveySpecter 1908]

Certainly move on.

Any lady with grace should not be condemned verbally to the point of you having to think twice about someone and not having a peace of mind of your own.

 

Since you have warned him on various occasions and he still keeps bringing gifts then there is no need to feel guilty about dumping him and moving on.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Details or reasons don't matter a whole lot. If you're uncomfortable, that's really all that matters.

[alexgrenyait 2186]

I don't think you will a problem with this person any longer as once he reads your post we probably wont want to see you again anyways. There are 2 sides to every story and perhaps he was concerned that about your scars has I see it was mentioned in one of your recs by another member and did not want you to lose business because of it.

 

The icing remark I hope he apologized. I can see some humor in it if he was comfortable with you enough to think you wont not be offended.

 

I would hope that after 3 years+ you would have talked it out abit instead of just dropping him. Couples and such have fights all the time which is fine, but time usually heals those and thery make up. If he is not worth making up with then you both need to move on. It will be a lose for both of you. Since you posted it, it must be on your mind and important enough.

 

I am sure you have many other clients to replace hm and there are many Sp's out there to fill his need.

 

 

I did speak to him about his comments....more than once...he should know I dont take comments like that.

[bucky501 923]

The subtlety of ones words can often be more more demeaning and hurtful.

 

Just sounds like a `bully` to me.

 

And these are not words or innuendo that speaks to someone who `loves` you.

 

We express our love with our words & our acts of omission and commission.

 

You are a beautiful, sensual, grounded, intelligent & fun woman...-you deserve more; much more.

 

You take care.

[Guest s******ecan****]

You should always end it with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Whether that is uncomfortable in regards to safety, respect, hygiene etc. You can choose your clients and no amount of money or gifts are worth the negative feelings this situation left you with.

 

You did the right thing.

[PistolPete 61421]

Alex,

You are far to mature,intelligent to take any type of verbal abuse from a long time friend,and that is what it is verbal abuse.

 

The gifts and monies exchanged for your time,is exactly that! Your time, therefore you did exactly the right thing,moved on.

 

Sudden remarks and verbal shots lead to more of it,you are a classy lady and certainly do not need that in your life at any time.

 

Pete

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Alex, way to go. I think you drew the right conclusion and demonstrate your strength in moving on. My only advice is that you might not have waited 3 years. I full agree with 777's views on this. I would add that no gifts or other kind of compensation should balance b eing treated with disrespect. Reality is, it is a form of of abuse and people who behave like this don't easily change. In fact the behaviour typically gets worse and then so might the compensatory gifts. You should expect more and certainly respect from those who are chanced to meet you.

WC

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[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Alex, this guy is not worth even after all the money and gifts. Perhaps he feels because he is paying you that it gives him a license to say whatever he feels like. It is a good thing you confronted him about these comments and if he were a smart individual, he would have stopped a long time ago. It's times like this when you just have to put yourself first and ditch him. It's a tough thing to do ( the confrontation part) but maybe this will make him realize what he is losing.

 

I am in a similar situation where I have a client who has wronged me in the past. I'm no longer comfortable seeing him even though he has been generous but there have been some things I cannot overlook anymore because it has always bothered me even though I only see him on rare ocassions. Bottom line, I don't trust him.

 

Always do what your gut instinct tells you to do. You obviously knew it was wrong, you tried to get him to see your way and he hasn't. I also believe the constant gift giving on every appt is a manipulation tactic. They know they've done something wrong and this is their way to reel you back in. In some of sick and twisted way, this is their way of regaining power over you. While this can be tempting, if he's a regular doing a lot of gift giving and seeing you a lot, sometimes we have to put the business and financial aspect aside and leave it all behind. You can make money from other clients who aren't going to give you an emotional headache. No need to swallow your pride from someone who has no respect for you whatsoever. It's time to clean house.

[emb3750 9398]

Good men are mesured by their words AND their actions...if the two are not in sync, then he is no measure of a man. The fine ladies of CERB deserve the best. In a relationship, compromise...yes, settle...never.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[shymale 10234]

move on, you should not be subjected to comment that are hurtfull to you. a lady shuld always be treated with the upmost respect and kindness.

[Guest **cely***r***ne]

And he supposedly "loved" you.......

Love does NOT hurt....

I agree that this person must have no self worth to talk down to a lady that is providing him with what he wants. Just for that any lady should be treated as a queen! I hope it didnt make you cry....no woman deserves to cry over words.....however words can hurt more than anything...I am so sorry that someone has made you feel this way. I dont know you but your a beautiful goddess of a woman

 

I also hope you dont take it to heart...thats not worth it. But I know its hard i take everything to heart!

 

Mwaaa! better days ahead!

[Andee 220524]

ings...I think anyway)

I will give you some examples of what was said because without me writing them I will not get my answer....I have waited over a year to write this.

1) If we had a duo with a couple of ladies I would be second fiddle

2) My scars are so bad from a previous surgery that if I chose to have another surgery alot of people would not see me

3)I would like a 3 hour appt but you will need to ice your pussy(to me that is a disgusting comment

 

Re: comment number 1): Did he actually say you would be "second fiddle" or have you had a duo where you were the second fiddle?

 

I would say that he thinks by being so-called nice to you (by giving you gifts or seeing you period), that gives him the right to talk to you any way he desires. And then to blatently disregard your feelings about his treatment of you. To me, this is a form of manipulation - his desire to maintain some kind of control. It's abusive and you don't deserve that.

 

I'd say, dump him!

[alexgrenyait 2186]

Actually yes he did say exact words"oh yeah you would definitely be second fiddle"but in all fairness the ladies we were speaking of are members here and i consider them drop dead gorgeous!!I didnt react I was completely stunned I tried to tell myself the person did not mean this and was unaware but,it continued and I said enough is enough.So thankyou for your input everybody I really appreciate the kind words.alex xo muah:-P

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

Alex, OMG on that second fiddle comment.

How totally insane is that?

My heart hurts for you.

That is so hurtful to say and reduces the concept of the duo to a completely degrading act.

The wording of your reply to Angela just got to me.

You can't shrug that off.

 

You need to move on, seriously.

Oh, and he did, does mean it no matter what excuses he may come up with.

 

J

[Mc Lovin 797]

Actually yes he did say exact words"oh yeah you would definitely be second fiddle"but in all fairness the ladies we were speaking of are members here and i consider them drop dead gorgeous!!I didnt react I was completely stunned I tried to tell myself the person did not mean this and was unaware but,it continued and I said enough is enough.So thankyou for your input everybody I really appreciate the kind words.alex xo muah:-P

 

I am dumbfounded by this scenario .. I have checked your pics out and in all fairness - you are drop dead gorgeous Alex - don't think yourself second fiddle to anyone - first fiddle is where your at :)

[Two Thirty 1422]

Abuse is abuse is ABUSE! From what you've written about your experience, to me this person has self-esteem and perhaps even latent anger issues. I'm happy that you've moved on before this person could escalate his indignities.