Hello darkness, my old friend

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

This post is about depression. I have had 2 episodes in my life where I have suffered from extended bouts of depression, one in my early 20's and one early 40's. I fear I am entering another.

 

I have been speaking to a professional but have not gone on any medication yet. The thing about depression/anxiety is that it creeps up on you. You hardly notice it or worse, you ignore it until it has taken a firm hold on your thoughts.

 

Some strategies I've used in the past are meditation, exercise and admitting it. I don't like to admit I have a problem until it consumes me and by then it is too late in the sense that all you see is darkness. Sometimes you don't even want to see the light, you just convince yourself that this is all there is or ever will be. Thankfully I know this isn't true from past experience but still you have doubts.

 

If any of you experience this too, remember you can control your thoughts. It may seem like the hardest thing in the world but start with one positive thought. Once you lay that first positive thought in your mind you can build on it, but that first thought is always the hardest, I know. Also, never discount the benefit of getting 5 minutes of fresh air.

 

You may never avoid depression/anxiety but if it comes, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it, don't fear it... and talk about it in a healthy way with others. It really isn't a weakness to share your real self with others.

 

I wish you all good mental health and if you have your own tips to share, feel free. Some days, I feel like I can use the help.

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

Thank you for this thread, Steve. I hope this next dark period can be averted for you.

 

I had a year-long major depression when I was 28, and since then it recurrs regularly, though never again has it lasted quite so long. Like you, I rely on meditation and exercise to manage the condition, but I have great difficulty admitting it publicly. My immediate family knows, but no one else.

 

There seems to be a cyclic nature to the problem for me, peaking in early autumn and again in midwinter. I'm trying to fight it off right now, with limited success.

 

Something that seems to help is the notion of small victories. If I can accomplish something valuable or affirming each day, even if it is small, and focus on that it feels like a crack in the dark. Sunday was particularly bleak, but I made a nice dinner for my littles to return to from their respective activities, and had a board game set up and ready to go. That was all I accomplished that day but it was a small victory, and, at the moment, enough.

 

Wishing you well.

[Reddog01 30280]

It's hard to push negative thoughts away. I try "mindfulness" to focus on something around me. Focus on a part of the body or the environment around you: your core; breathing, the sun. You can try dissecting the negative thought to determine that it is not what we perceive it to be.

 

When I find myself building up anxiety I try to rationalize and put the thought or event in the context of time and focus on the immediate future. This too will pass...

[capitalCforcougar 16766]

I do thank you, both for your honesty and for your courage in posting this.. I know from working with several people afflicted .. as well as having a family member affected/consumed by this.. it is not an easy task.....

 

I could offer suggestions of some natural things you can implement.. but recent posts from a few individuals have produced a lot of flak for me on my inserting my professional knowledge...despite it only being ddone with good intention..(sometimes being a medical practitioner, an MP and a SP, has it's own struggles.. hehe) so.. I will save that should you decide to PM me... (and please, feel free to do so at any time), as well as a rather completely 'bizarre' incident that happened to me, when I was 14.. that I still to this day, credit with the fact that I am still here..... but....

 

A friend of mine last night, during my lovely drum group, shared something, that might be something to keep in your head.. especially when that 'dark' starts to creep up...

 

In our group, we always go through the four directions, and teachings on the spirit animal there, the medicines... and relating them to 'real life' situations as best we can....

Hers was speaking about courage... and not the kind that means you get up and 'physically' fight.. but the kind that symbolizes what a lot of people may go through on a daily basis...

 

the young mother who, despite her perhaps bleak situation, gets up every morning, deals with her children and her home the best she can (or he for that matter hehe), makes sure they are fed, clean.. drags them to daycare/school.. and heads off to school herself (whether high school or.. whatever).. deals with all the things that having a family involves.. whether tired or not.. does her homework.. and perhaps even works a job... and does it every.... single.. day..... no matter what.. because she knows she has to.....to reach whatever goal she has set..... *that* is courage.....

(this is a scenario I am familiar with.. I did it, for five years...complete with doing homework in the bathroom, shower on, as it was the only time I knew I would have a bit of time where I wasn't answering the constant 'moooom' call hehe)

 

the man who, despite hating his job.. perhaps not the best family/home scenario... (maybe has teenagers hehe *ugh!* hehe).... also.. gets up every single day..... puts up with what he has to.. takes it in stride despite the incredible desire to throttle the 'boss' who is 20 yrs his junior... again, because he knows he has to...

 

...the person struggling to live frugally.. wishing they could enjoy more, but having to keep a goal in mind... and having the control to get there, despite perhaps being lonely....

 

again, this is courage...

 

there are tons of examples of 'every day courage'.. everywhere one looks... even in something seemingly simple and mundane...

How many of the people you see in the local coffee shop, or on the bus on the way to work... are also struggling to get through their day...? The fact they are dressed.. en route.. and upright.. might also be a display of their own courage....even though nobody sees it.

 

But the thing she said that stuck with me was that despite everything that a day may throw at you.. whether self-induced or not.. at the end of that day.. when you are laying in your bed.. brain trying to sort out all of its crap and quiet itself to allow you some measure of rest was to just remember.. you *made it through that day*.... and *that*, my friend... is also courage :)...

 

Allow yourself to feel good about just making it through that day.. and 'perrrrhaps' the next one won't be so daunting <hugs>

[Guest]

thanks for this. I am actually currently in a bad bout of depression...meds are working well and the counselling isn't much either. It's tough feeling this way...especially knowing how it effects my family.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I posted this as a way of putting my real self out there, warts and all. I also felt that talking about it might allow others to feel it's OK to be real as well. No shame in struggling... and while you wouldn't wish this on anyone it can somehow be comforting knowing you're not alone.

 

Thanks for the support.

[Phaedrus 209521]

I posted this as a way of putting my real self out there, warts and all. I also felt that talking about it might allow others to feel it's OK to be real as well. No shame in struggling... and while you wouldn't wish this on anyone it can somehow be comforting knowing you're not alone.

 

Thanks for doing this. And you're dead right: knowing you're not alone can make all the difference.

 

For those who are interested, here's a blogpost from another sufferer of depression on the same theme: https://popehat.com/2016/08/09/why-openness-about-mental-illness-is-worth-the-effort-and-discomfort/. Also has some links to other good stuff.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

How can you tell the difference between stress or depression? I have had some major life changes this summer, and pushing through the best I can, but I dont kbow the difference between stress depression and sadness? Any input?

I also want to add, for is ladies therapy is very difficult as most tend to say it is our work that is the cause! Last thing I need oa for someone to try to take my work away from me lol! Now that would be real depressing for me haha.

[Mikeyboy 27133]

I lost a dear friend this year to suicide. We played in bands together in high school and university and at one point in my life, was one of my best friends. We had drifted apart in recent years as he had moved to Ontario to start a family. We were still in touch superficially through facebook and the occasional message but otherwise, I let that relationship go. (A fact I will now have to live with forever.)

 

Turns out, after talking with his brother that he had been battling depression for years. I never knew. He was always one of the smartest and strongest people I knew. That made it inconcievable to me. He was very good at playing the person everyone expected him to be, but he needed help.

 

I don't know where I am going with this. I just wish he could have reached out. Maybe if the stigma around depression and mental illness were gone, people could feel better asking for help when needed. Or at least not feeling like it were something to hide or be ashamed of.

 

Thanks for starting this thread Steve. Talking about it can only help. Wishing you the best.

 

Mike

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/stressed-or-depressed-know-difference (I figured it was time I learned how to copy and paste)

 

Attached is a link that gives a bit of info on the difference between stress and depression, Sophia. Stress is a part of life but if you let it get out of balance it may eventually wear you down and could turn into depression. Keep an eye on it, OK?

 

I was reading something the other day in the Globe and Mail about a woman starting a podcast this November titled "Terrible, thanks for asking" as a way of answering "how are you?" questions, particularly after facing the loss of her Father, husband and unborn child all within a few weeks. It deals with having the guts to say how we're really feeling, instead of the typical "fine", when you're dying inside. Saying "I'm drowning in a sea of anxiety. How are you?" can lead to open and honest conversations, instead of the typical glib responses when asked "how are you" that hide our insecurities from each other.

 

I appreciate everyone's replies/PM's and you are in my thoughts. So, the next time someone asks how you're doing, remember you can start something worthwhile with a simple honest answer like the one above. Of course, as with everything, moderation.

 

Take care.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Yes, nice to see some clarity on these seperate yet similar symptoms....

Guess I have delt with extreme stress the best I can, and feel maybe I have been all 3 all my life to the point it feels normal now. Sigh...

I find I loose interest, then gain.. Then loose again.

I am struggeling with learning to cook and eat alone, as I write this I have tears. As most of you know my love of food. But these days not so much. Even tho I try to invite ppl around me to eat with me .. .atlast there is only one whom I cooked and enjoyed with. So I eat 1/4 of my plate no matter how good it is. Music has gone aside too:(

In time I hope to get over this, I have to for my health and wellbeing. My future depends on my health/beauty.

Thanks for sharing your story so that I for once can open up too. I am a very private person, so to pubically say this is a big challange for me.

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

Sophia, thank you for sharing here. Wishing you well with all my heart.

 

Yes, nice to see some clarity on these seperate yet similar symptoms....

Guess I have delt with extreme stress the best I can, and feel maybe I have been all 3 all my life to the point it feels normal now. Sigh...

I find I loose interest, then gain.. Then loose again.

I am struggeling with learning to cook and eat alone, as I write this I have tears. As most of you know my love of food. But these days not so much. Even tho I try to invite ppl around me to eat with me .. .atlast there is only one whom I cooked and enjoyed with. So I eat 1/4 of my plate no matter how good it is. Music has gone aside too:(

In time I hope to get over this, I have to for my health and wellbeing. My future depends on my health/beauty.

Thanks for sharing your story so that I for once can open up too. I am a very private person, so to pubically say this is a big challange for me.

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

A further thank you.

 

I've made an appointment to see someone this week, prompted in part by this thread. White-knuckling it is wearing me out.

 

It's not easy to ask for help. Thanks for encouraging me to try.

[Sherlock 707]

I found counselling to be helpful. It was good to talk to someone objective about my anxiety. Re-establishing a routine after my abrupt retirement, and the temporary use of medication have me back on an even keel. The latest low point in the cycle was easy to deal with.

There's no shame in saying we have a problem; so many people do these days.

If you break an arm, who would think less of you for going to the hospital? Our problem also needs to be treated and its future impact diminished.

Best wishes as you take your life back!

[NotchJohnson 214123]

I feel for all of you who are going through the stress in live and also depression. I'm not going through it myself but have a wife who is going through that road and I support her has much has possible. She does have good days but often have the bad it seems to get worst in the cold months so I'm getting ready for this winter.

 

For us it all started when she could not conceive a child for us. She takes all the blame even though it's a team effort. I will not go into details about our life struggle but I will just say I wish you all the best of luck.