a year ago today

[mrgreen760 37785]

I wrote this a year ago today.

 

The apartment was clean and the landlord had completed the final inspection and it was time for me to go. I asked for a moment and stepped out onto the balcony for the last time. It was the morning of November 30 and it was a little chilly and as I lit my cigarette I noticed my hands shaking a bit and I felt a little shivery. As I inhaled that smoke and looked out on the courtyard I finally just let it all go. As I stood sobbing and smoking the landlord discretely stepped out of my view.

 

My Dad passed away on November 1 and the past 30 days has been a blur of making final arrangements, organizing a heck of a wake, making and receiving countless phone calls and having countless conversations as well as wading through a myriad of paper work. I made multiple daily trips to pack memorable items and donate and give away his stuff. George Carlin was right at the end no one really wants most of your stuff. It fully crystallized for me the futility of chasing stuff. And now it was over. Now it would be my time to mourn.

 

My Dad joined the Merchant Navy as a 16 year old in 1942 and began the adventure of a life time. His ports of call included Peru, Venezuela, Cuba, France, England and on and on including several trips across the North Atlantic and through the Guatemala Canal. Raised a family of 3 children, suffered the loss of a child aged 44 to breast cancer and then my Mom to stomach cancer 11 years ago. He lived in the same house for 52 years and spent the last 5 years in an apartment, the one I turned over yesterday.

 

Dad enjoyed remarkably good health for most of his life, 3 years ago in his early 80?s that started to change. I became part of his care giving team and we spent a lifetime of time together at Dtrs appointments and in hospital rooms. We never had much in common, I am not a parent and certainly didn?t go to war at 16 and things have come relatively easy for me. Truth be told he sort of figured I just skated through life and never really applied myself, and it was true mostly because I haven?t had to. It wasn?t that I didn?t work, I always have but he knew that even the exec positions I held came have come easy for me.

 

But all those hours together made us have to talk to pass the time and I learned exactly who this man, my Dad was, what he believed in, why he made the decisions he did. That was very cool.

 

Dad had a great home care team and my role was in reality pretty easy, I handled the banking, attended all appointments, and ultimately became in charge of his care. One Xmas season the home care schedule was thrown into flux and there would be no one available for bath day. There was really no choice, either there would be no bath or I would be the one to provide it. It was sort of a humiliating experience for him and an embarrassing situation for me but a one point I realized we were having one of those life is a full circle moments as he would have bathed me as a child and here the child was bathing him.

 

He had enjoyed a tremendous summer and celebrated his great grand daughter?s 1st and 3rd birthdays. I tried to convince him to go to emergency the day he passed, but said he didn?t want to lie in a hallway for days on end and would rather watch the World Series and eat some ice cream. He passed away that night and we found him the next morning. His last words to me were: Thanks for everything and don?t feel guilty?..

 

I stood there with tears streaming down my face reflecting on our journey together and how I found out whom he really was and in the process also found out who I really am and I couldn?t be more grateful.

 

It was my turn to mourn and then I?ll do what he would expect me to do.

 

I?ll live a lot and I?ll laugh a lot and I?ll love a lot?..he wouldn?t have in any other way.

 

 

Peace

MG

[antlerman 17064]

a true heart felt story....thank for brining the meaning of life and love back into perspective.

 

I too have been through something similar, but with my father being a deserter and refugee from Germany.......we will hopefully never live what they have been through......but I learned alot about life from him

[Mutau 2516]

Well said MG. The cycle of life is never ending. Why is that we only come to know our parents at the end-of-life stage?

 

My situation was a little different in that both my parnets were WWII veterans. My father passed suddenly. It was my mother who required the home care and passage through the stage of adult to infant. When one cares for their elderly parents there are embarassing moments for all but then what must be done is completed with care, love and respect for the other person's dignity.

 

Anniversaries are difficult, but they too pass. It is the memories that sustain us and the life lessons learned.

 

Enjoy the day knowing that you did what had to be done and are wiser for the experience.

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

Thank you Mr. Green, for sharing this heartfelt memoir of your father with us.

[Peachka 4334]

Thanks for sharing MG!

 

It gives us all something to think about. Glad to hear that you got a chance to really 'get to know' your father in the final years!

[renegade 11027]

My thoughts and prayers are with you on this anniversary of your fathers passing MG. Thanks for sharing that oh so personal of experiences, it moved me. Be thankful that you could be there for him !!!

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

Big hugs MrG...

[Apex2006 1071]

GREAT, now I need a tissue!

 

He sounded like a great man and we should all be so lucky to have someone like that in our lives!

[Guest c******n****h]

The timing of this post is very soothing. I lost my father a very short time ago and have spent many hours reflecting on his life and our time together. Fortunately, I was able to spend some time with him before he died and told him I loved him. I am happy that I was able to say that to him before he died. I would have regretted that for a long time. I hope as each day passes, that your loss hurts a little less.

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

I'm lucky, I still have both of my parents (I met my mother after 10 years of separation, last month... The surprise when she saw my 9yo daughter!). But having them both so close scares me about the final days. They don't get younger, and not aging too well. My father accumulates meds like crazy, and his starting to have strange behaviours. My grand-mothers have passed away from Alzheimer this year, and I feel like it's soon going to say good bye to my father.

 

Your letter goes right to my heart, but it smooth things a bit... Thanks for sharing. It hurts less when we know we are not alone to suffer...

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

What a beautiful tribute to your father. It brought tears to my eyes and reminds me that I should cherish every moment I have left with my parents. Last night my father made one of his annoying hour long chat about nothing calls while my mother was out at one of her "classes". I rolled my eyes, answered the phone and barely even listened to his chatter. After reading this, I have realized that each and every phone call IS important and I should be grateful that they are both still with me and healthy!

Thank you for giving me perspective!!!

[Lowdark 5613]

Hearfelt. Sincerely Genuine and Warm. Your father sounded like an extraordinary man and doubtless he would be proud of you.