Holding eye contact with a stranger.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

For me, if it's a guy and I see him looking at me I typically hold it for a few seconds and then nod, whether I know him or not. One time this really big muscular guy was looking around a coffee shop and looked my way. I kept my gaze for a few seconds and then gave a nod. He frowned and walked toward me and I thought "oh shit, here goes" and pushed away from the table a little, just in case. He says "Steve?". Turns out I knew him but it had been several years. I thought afterward, I gotta stop holding eye contact with people I may not know, especially large brutes. Lol

 

With women it's different. I keep eye contact for the fun of it and sometimes, if she holds it for more than 5 seconds, I feel like walking over there because I assume she is interested. I don't because I am happily married but something in me is stirred by her boldness. Maybe I should look away if I'm not going to follow through with an approach but it's not really my personality. Usually I just nod and smile and she looks away after that. I'm waiting for that rare woman who will approach me ...still waiting. Lol

 

How long do you hold eye contact with a stranger, especially a beautiful women(or man if you're a woman)? Would you look away if you're not going to approach? To me it seems like harmless flirting but maybe some see it as too aggressive? I always assumed women would be flattered. Thoughts?

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

Interesting thread. I will rarely meet a woman's gaze for more than a few moments, partly because I am a bit shy, and partly because I am aware that the world, for women, is not the safe space that I take for granted. I would hate to make anyone feel nervous.

[redskin44 3588]

There is that meme going around that says " holding eye contact with another person for 5 seconds is an indication that you either want to sleep with that person or kill them "

Where this comes from , I don't know . Any truth to it , I don't know .

Fortunately for no one believes what they read on the Internet .

So next time you are finger painting with the colour red , make sure to clean your hands completely before leaving the house .

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Sometimes if I'm in the mood or if I see someone cute or handsome looking, I will stare intently at them at a red light or in the parking lot and then drive away. I have a soft, seductive and a somewhat "if looks could kill" type stare so it usually confuses them. lol. I'm a flirt an an aggressor all in one. Hehehe.

[Guest Prufrock Cummings]

The only strangers that I would hold eye contact with would be the cashier at the supermarket, the clerk at the auto shop, the new receptionist at the bank, etc. That is just out of respect and acknowledgement when completing a transaction. Admittedly there is a cashier at my grocery store that I see every Saturday morning and I lock onto her beautiful browns for as long as I can, however I don't view her as a stranger as I have seen her every Saturday for over a year.

 

I save true eye contact for friends, family and co-workers, and always done so in moderation, no point in staring down a loved one.

 

Gazing into the eyes of a lover is a whole different story. That can go on for an eternity.

[Kilt Boy 29353]

I am aware that the world, for women, is not the safe space that I take for granted. I would hate to make anyone feel nervous.

I feel the same way. I'm pretty intimidating to begin with, so I always maintain low tones when speaking, make sure I'm out of the way when standing, don't make overly long eye contact with anyone.

 

That said, when I am interacting with someone I will look them square in the eyes when talking to them initially. It cements our relationship for that brief moment.

 

Maybe I'm at that age now where people will stop seeing me as a threat and I can hold the gaze of an unfamiliar woman. It may confuse her, though. Am I just a helpless older gent who sees the beauty in everything, or am I (yes, I am) the helpless romantic who wants to get to know them better before ripping their clothes off? Okay, not really.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Thanks for the comments. I do get that you don't want to come across as aggressive which is why I eventually nod an acknowledgement that they were looking, and smile at them if it's a woman. Also, I try to keep it friendly ...no Clint Eastwood type scowls. :)

 

Remember, it takes two to stare. If a women "holds" your stare without looking away she probably is interested. Maybe she wants just a bit of male domination and sexual tension? Again, no scowls, just a stare that says I'm interested. Could you hold a beautiful woman's gaze from across the room until she looked away? Women ...do you like when a man holds your stare?

 

Nic, I'd like to find out which one of us looks away first. I don't think it would be me ;). You staring at me though would be a definite turn on as you do have a sensual aura about you.

[Kilt Boy 29353]

You're not wrong. Maybe a full-on smile with that slightly-overlong glance will make the difference.

 

I'll give it a try.

[jackiegilcrest 5152]

Great thread! I've struggled with social anxiety during my life - and experimenting with eye contact has helped tremendously. It was definitely a science for me, especially while holding a conversation - look when speaking and being spoken to, when there's a conversation pause it is likely appropriate to look away but keep your body and head angled toward them, etc! All this to say, that that down-to-a-science understanding all started with holding eye contact with strangers, cashiers were particularly good targets to practice with.

 

In a nutshell! I would say if my gaze crosses paths with someone, lock for one second, and move my gaze along.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I tend to maintain eye contact a bit too long lol. I am always interested in people and have a vivid imagination and I think my staring is a by product of the story I am creating in my mind while looking at an interesting face. My dad and I used to get dragged to the mall by my mom and we would find a bench and people watch which included taking turns making up a story about shopper. To this day when out and about I can't help but seek out interesting people and secretly making up stories. Odd I know but hey, often better than a movie!

[Kilt Boy 29353]

Meg, please tell me you've watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.There is a scene in that where 2 characters are doing the same thing and I found it fascinating.

[GoinDown 3669]

Age difference would be a huge factor. If some 60 y/o is trying to flirtatiously stare down a 20 something in public .. that's gonna be creepy and unwelcome 99 times out of 100.

[FunElement12 974]

I'm shy by nature and not at all flirtatious so I tend to not be good at all at staring at men. However, since I discovered (maybe it's more appropriate to say figured out!) that I'm also attracted to women, I've noticed that I'm much better at staring/smiling at women. But never in a creepy weird way of course!

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Good point, FunElement12, you holding a women's glance works just as well. Even if she isn't typically attracted to a women, she might just find your stare intriguing.

 

GoinDown, I hear you but if a 60 y/o can have a "date" with a 20 something from here, why is "holding" her stare creepy? Remember, I'm talking about a friendly stare, not a scowl or leer. Also, it takes two to stare and if she chooses to begin and hold it, why can't he maintain eye contact?

 

Leering or scowling is never flirtatious. Keep it friendly and you should be fine.

[GoinDown 3669]

SteveMcQ I always choose my words very carefully. Please don't misquote or partially quote me. I used the phrase ' in public ' which excludes transactional flirtation which obviously takes place on this site. Clearly not the same as 'in public' in the conventional sense. Cheers ! GD

 

Additional Comments:

*transactional *intergenerational* flirtation

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Didn't mean to misquote you, GoinDown. :)

I was just asking why you think it's creepy? I'm 57 which is close to 60 and I started the thread because I do have women stare at me for a flirtatiously long period of time every now and then, especially lately. Not that I'm great looking but I have been told I'm distinguished looking by women. I typically look up from reading my paper and when I look around the coffee shop I might notice a young, attractive woman looking at me. Rather than look away shyly, I simply choose to hold "her" stare and if it goes on longer than 5 or so seconds I smile, which is usually when she looks away. That doesn't seem creepy to me but I do make sure it's friendly, not leering with drool coming out of my mouth. Lol

I could be wrong but it seems merely flirtatious to me.

Anyway, appreciate your POV.

[GoinDown 3669]

Lucky you ! By all means keep doing what you're doing. That's cool !

SMcQ I'll know where to 'hunt' when the time comes ;) cheers !!

[filmgeek 280]

I think aging men see what they want to see. No offence, but distinguished looking is a euphemism for "old." You know any "young" distinguished looking men?

 

And just because someone might look in your direction or at you, for a few seconds, doesn't mean they're interested. Especially, if it's an attractive younger woman. Why would she? She has her choice of men, so she chooses an "old" guy? Really?

 

I don't get it. You're going to have to explain the rationale to me.

[Derp du Soleil 1320]

I've had two incidents where I've locked eyes with a women across the room, and in both cases, my first assumption was that "she must be looking at the person beside me."

 

In both cases, the woman was kind enough to correct me - I had a bit of a confidence issue when I was younger. With the second, I was in my early 20s and she was in her late 30s. She took me back to her place, taught me a thing or three, and produced a life-long attraction to the "older woman." :icon_biggrin:

[someguy 67067]

I find recently when I walk down the street I seem to be getting women who glance at me for a few seconds and smile at me. I think it may be that after spending the last couple of years with so many different woman that I now am a more confident man. Also I've lost a lot of weight and have been told that I look great :).

 

But during a ma or sp session with a new woman. I like to look into a woman's eye. As they say the eyes are the window to the soul. Beside's nothing is sexier then a woman who is having great time or just had a orgasm :).

 

And if the woman does not look you in the eye's and is staring away from you. Then you know that there is no chemistry or connection and you are probably not going to have a great time.

 

You can't trust people that won't look you straight in the eyes when they are talking to you or trying to sell you something.

[Kilt Boy 29353]

Sorry, someguy. I regret that I have but one thanks to give for your post.

[OceanMassage 5357]

None of this changes the fact that there are women out there that find this old geezer attractive and intriguing. Sorry? LOL

 

Heck, Sean Connery is twice my age and I find him all of that!

 

Additional Comments:

And if the woman does not look you in the eye's and is staring away from you. Then you know that there is no chemistry or connection and you are probably not going to have a great time.

 

I have to disagree here... I look away when the intensity of chemistry and connection is strong. Call it lack of self assurance, fear to loose control, fear of my own power, I simply don't know what to do and how to handle this.

 

People can litterally read me through my eyes. I feel vulnerable showing a stranger he has that effect/power over me. I look away to severe the link. Or when I am scared it would not be reciprocated and I would end up making a fool of myself.

 

 

Off the camera, the woman on that picture could not have sustained a glance 26 years ago, and still can't.

[Kilt Boy 29353]

My problem is that my force of personality and charisma is so strong that if I stare at her too long, she is immediately pregnant with my child.

 

Hey, it happens.

[OceanMassage 5357]

My problem is that my force of personality and charisma is so strong that if I stare at her too long, she is immediately pregnant with my child.

 

Hey, it happens.

 

Quite a skill; think you could achieve that on a 46 y.o. woman?

[Kilt Boy 29353]

Quite a skill; think you could achieve that on a 46 y.o. woman?

All I can do is try.

[emoji3]