A Gentleman's Guide to Stage Diving

[Kilt Boy 29353]

I love strip clubs. I find them a lot of fun. I enjoy spending time with a pretty girl, getting to know her in a completely fake environment that favours me, the stage show, the back room, all of it. Okay, maybe not the overpriced drinks.

 

One thing that I really find fun is the stage dance participation. How about a discussion on how to handle this? Tips. Tricks. Warnings.

 

I usually try to arrange this beforehand so the lady has some idea and isn't surprised. One of my regulars had never done it before, so we chatted about different things she could try and how to practice at home. There aren't a lot of Youtube videos about how to grind on a stage. I made sure to do it when there was nobody else in the club one Monday at noon. She did a pretty good job and accepted criticism well. Hey, it's her job. Right? Without feedback, how can you improve? Doing your job better means getting paid better, hopefully. I like to see the dancers as people who are doing a job and interact with them a bit. I'm not at a vending machine.

 

Tipping amount.

I used to see $5 tips, but now I spend at least $10.

 

Tipping location.

Rolling the bill up lengthwise and putting it in your mouth is just rude. Also, possibly, painful. Don't do it. Certainly feel free to grasp one edge of the bill in your mouth to hold it there, against your lower lip and chin. I find the best place is in your belt. She's going to shake her goodies in your face regardless, so don't put anything in the way. If you want her to put on a show, put the bills where it will give you the most action for your buck. If she has long hair, you may be in for a surprise treat.

 

General advice.

Don't be a dick.

You've gotten her attention. With any luck, she'll remember you and come visit.

Don't forget to smile. This is supposed to be fun.

Ask her to let you know when she's finished.

When she says you're done, you're done. Get off the stage.

She's the one putting on the show. Let her do her job. She's advertising for the back room.

This is not the champagne room. No touching (on your part). Keep your hands/noses/tongues to yourself.

If she pulls your kilt up and exposes you to the room, just go with it. Hopefully, nobody faints this time.

 

Getting onto the stage.

Some guys throw themselves on stage before the dancer even sees them approach. They'll come up over the seats and just lay down anywhere. I've also seen girls trip over a guy when she didn't see him there. I always approach slowly and catch her eye, then wave the money as I approach the steps. It gives her a chance to prepare her wardrobe appropriately before you get there. I walk up the steps slowly and use the pole to lower myself to the floor gently. I find that being near the pole is good because it gives the girl support to bounce on you or do a pole spin onto you (DANGER!).

 

Getting off of the stage.

Be graceful. Don't stomp around like a bear. Roll over onto your hands and knees and push up.

Don't fall. If there is a pole or railing, use it. You're not insured up there.

Take a bow or give a quick wave to anyone cheering.

The show aside, behave like you're a gentleman and the woman who just shook her jigglies in your face is a lady.

Again, if you arrange it in advance it is fun to bow and kiss her hand. Maybe that's just me.

 

The Face Trick.

This is getting more popular. She takes your bill and creases it lengthwise, then tents it over your nose and mouth. She sits completely on your face and her natural moistness sticks the bill to her when she comes up. The problem now is with our new money. It is so light that the slightest breath, movement or breeze will send it off target. No need to ask me how I know this. I think we may have come up with an ingenious workaround for this problem. Put your regular donation in a more secure location (belt, sticking out of a front pocket, etc.) and use a 10¢ Canadian Tire bill for the trick! I mean, what were you saving that for anyway? I now have a few that I'm going to keep in my wallet. ($1 CT money? Oo! Big spender!)

 

Bouncing.

If she sits astride you and bounces in place, that's part of the show for the other patrons. It won't likely do anything for you at all. Be honoured to be included in her performance. Keep your hands on her knees (if facing), ankles (if not), or out to the side. You can add wild gesticulation if the latter. The crowd loves that. She may grind on you. That can work.

 

The Pole Drop Trick.

If you're very lucky, you'll get to experience this. If you're beside the pole, hips just north of center, a talented dancer can do a pole trick and land on you at the bottom. It's a great vantage point to see the trick from, but it can be painful if done incorrectly. A controlled descent is important. A SPINNING controlled descent is amazing when done correctly. Let her position you and don't move. Again, this is more of a performance piece than an act of carnal savagery.

 

The Hidden B J.

If she has long hair, she may shield your crotch from the crowd with it and shake her head back and forth vigorously or up and down in a visual mockery of the much beloved 'B J'. Note: she is not actually giving you a B J. She is NEVER GOING to give you a B J. It can be a bit of fun, but is mostly for the show. Enjoy it for what it is. There may be some ancillary contact. Don't read anything into it.

 

The Prom.

She takes you by the hand and puts the other on your shoulder. You do the same, but put your hand on her waist. Keeping a good 6" between you, you dance awkwardly for 3 minutes and leave the stage frustrated and alone.

[r__d 12698]

Just have to start getting in to 340 more with these sorts of wonderful shenanigans transpiring onstage. All except for the "if she pulls your kilt up" part. Yikes! (I see England, I see France, I wish I saw your.......)

 

Incidentally, does your sporran ever get in the way?

 

 

I love strip clubs. I find them a lot of fun. I enjoy spending time with a pretty girl, getting to know her in a completely fake environment that favours me, the stage show, the back room, all of it. Okay, maybe not the overpriced drinks.

 

One thing that I really find fun is the stage dance participation. How about a discussion on how to handle this? Tips. Tricks. Warnings.

 

I usually try to arrange this beforehand so the lady has some idea and isn't surprised. One of my regulars had never done it before, so we chatted about different things she could try and how to practice at home. There aren't a lot of Youtube videos about how to grind on a stage. I made sure to do it when there was nobody else in the club one Monday at noon. She did a pretty good job and accepted criticism well. Hey, it's her job. Right? Without feedback, how can you improve? Doing your job better means getting paid better, hopefully. I like to see the dancers as people who are doing a job and interact with them a bit. I'm not at a vending machine.

 

Tipping amount.

I used to see $5 tips, but now I spend at least $10.

 

Tipping location.

Rolling the bill up lengthwise and putting it in your mouth is just rude. Also, possibly, painful. Don't do it. Certainly feel free to grasp one edge of the bill in your mouth to hold it there, against your lower lip and chin. I find the best place is in your belt. She's going to shake her goodies in your face regardless, so don't put anything in the way. If you want her to put on a show, put the bills where it will give you the most action for your buck. If she has long hair, you may be in for a surprise treat.

 

General advice.

Don't be a dick.

You've gotten her attention. With any luck, she'll remember you and come visit.

Don't forget to smile. This is supposed to be fun.

Ask her to let you know when she's finished.

When she says you're done, you're done. Get off the stage.

She's the one putting on the show. Let her do her job. She's advertising for the back room.

This is not the champagne room. No touching (on your part). Keep your hands/noses/tongues to yourself.

If she pulls your kilt up and exposes you to the room, just go with it. Hopefully, nobody faints this time.

 

Getting onto the stage.

Some guys throw themselves on stage before the dancer even sees them approach. They'll come up over the seats and just lay down anywhere. I've also seen girls trip over a guy when she didn't see him there. I always approach slowly and catch her eye, then wave the money as I approach the steps. It gives her a chance to prepare her wardrobe appropriately before you get there. I walk up the steps slowly and use the pole to lower myself to the floor gently. I find that being near the pole is good because it gives the girl support to bounce on you or do a pole spin onto you (DANGER!).

 

Getting off of the stage.

Be graceful. Don't stomp around like a bear. Roll over onto your hands and knees and push up.

Don't fall. If there is a pole or railing, use it. You're not insured up there.

Take a bow or give a quick wave to anyone cheering.

The show aside, behave like you're a gentleman and the woman who just shook her jigglies in your face is a lady.

Again, if you arrange it in advance it is fun to bow and kiss her hand. Maybe that's just me.

 

The Face Trick.

This is getting more popular. She takes your bill and creases it lengthwise, then tents it over your nose and mouth. She sits completely on your face and her natural moistness sticks the bill to her when she comes up. The problem now is with our new money. It is so light that the slightest breath, movement or breeze will send it off target. No need to ask me how I know this. I think we may have come up with an ingenious workaround for this problem. Put your regular donation in a more secure location (belt, sticking out of a front pocket, etc.) and use a 10¢ Canadian Tire bill for the trick! I mean, what were you saving that for anyway? I now have a few that I'm going to keep in my wallet. ($1 CT money? Oo! Big spender!)

 

Bouncing.

If she sits astride you and bounces in place, that's part of the show for the other patrons. It won't likely do anything for you at all. Be honoured to be included in her performance. Keep your hands on her knees (if facing), ankles (if not), or out to the side. You can add wild gesticulation if the latter. The crowd loves that. She may grind on you. That can work.

 

The Pole Drop Trick.

If you're very lucky, you'll get to experience this. If you're beside the pole, hips just north of center, a talented dancer can do a pole trick and land on you at the bottom. It's a great vantage point to see the trick from, but it can be painful if done incorrectly. A controlled descent is important. A SPINNING controlled descent is amazing when done correctly. Let her position you and don't move. Again, this is more of a performance piece than an act of carnal savagery.

 

The Hidden B J.

If she has long hair, she may shield your crotch from the crowd with it and shake her head back and forth vigorously or up and down in a visual mockery of the much beloved 'B J'. Note: she is not actually giving you a B J. She is NEVER GOING to give you a B J. It can be a bit of fun, but is mostly for the show. Enjoy it for what it is. There may be some ancillary contact. Don't read anything into it.

 

The Prom.

She takes you by the hand and puts the other on your shoulder. You do the same, but put your hand on her waist. Keeping a good 6" between you, you dance awkwardly for 3 minutes and leave the stage frustrated and alone.

[Kilt Boy 29353]

Incidentally, does your sporran ever get in the way?

 

In the way of what?

[emoji13]

 

I wear a modern style that doesn't need one. However, my giant belt buckle has been a problem more than once.