FWB Question

[frednorth470 3830]

Hey,

I have a FWB that I have had for about 8 months. She is a really busy professional woman with a stressful job. She works crazy shift work at all different hours so we cannot really plan anything. When she is available and caught up on her sleep she will give me a text once in while to let me know she is available and we work it out from there. Problem being that I was stupid and over stepped my bounds by showing up unannounced. It wasn't a situation where it affected our personal lives but she wasn't feeling very well. She was obviously upset that I showed up and I understand now that I understand our arrangement a little more clearly. I sent her a text to apologize and left it at that. I haven't heard for a bit, but I am just leaving it alone.

 

Anyway, I figured I did the right thing and will let it run it course for when she is ready again. Do you agree? She was a former SP but we continued to see each other since we have such an unbelievable time each time we get together.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

You apologized which is good and hopefully she will come around. Since your situation is a little bit more personal than a client/SP relationship, she will probably be much more forgiving. Just give it some time and she will most likely contact you since it sounds like you both have a good situation together.

 

Never show up unannounced whether it's a FWB situation or an SP.. I've had this happen as an SP. Someone I had seen a few times came by in my parking lot to see if I was there. I saw him as I got out of my car and I don't think he was expecting to see me. I don't know how long they were doing this for and my trust in that person was violated for good because they were lurking around. I've also had a somewhat regular client in the past show up to my place unannounced ringing the doorbell and he was chewed out for it.

 

In both cases, I was caught off guard and words could not express how angry I was. I had to hold back my words to be professional and diplomatic in dealing with both of these situations as soon as they happened. Those SP/client relationships were over in that moment and there was a strong feeling of my privacy being violated when they had no right to be there without an invitation.

 

If you really want to upset a woman, this is the way to do it. Always ask first if it's okay to stop by.

 

I hope it works out for you!

[waterat 20911]

Send flowers and a card apologizing and acknowledging that you overstepped the bounds. Wine too?

[Brad 49548]

Send flowers and a card apologizing and acknowledging that you overstepped the bounds. Wine too?

 

Hmm...depends on the person but I don't think I agree with this advice. If it's a FWB situation (especially a rather formal-sounding one like this) then any sort of large gestures could backfire, as they too might be crossing a line, pushing boundaries, and suggesting that the relationship is more than it is.

 

She was upset after all that he took an action that suggested more familiarity than she wants. Repeated apologies or unasked for gifts may just reinforce her worry that he see's the relationship as something more than it is.

 

He's apologized. I suspect the safest thing to do is leave it at that until she is ready to make contact again.

[waterat 20911]

Yes Brad. I see your point and totally agree. The apology card I suggested would need to recognize the relationship for what it is and any other gestures would need to be identified as being NSA. That may be tough to do given the circumstances.

[frednorth470 3830]

Thanks guys. That is what I kind of figured. I didn't realize our FWB status until I sat and thought about it. She is not into flowers or any kind of gift, so I think that would be a bad idea. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for chiming in. Appreciated. :)