"Non-pro" and judgment of sex work

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I frequently check out the "gigs-adult" of CL and the occasional sugar daddy websites, not really for work, but just because I find them interesting.

 

I find several postings by men who are looking to pay for sex but they specifically write "I'm looking for non-pro women only." I understand the appeal of the "girl next door" or the innocent thing, but a lot of escorts I know can offer this! The vibe I get is that these men want to pay for sex, but they don't want to have sex with a working girl, seeing themselves as "above" that. It makes no sense to me to say "I want to buy sex, but not from someone who sells it."

 

I also see the occasional woman posting "I'm not a prostitute and I wouldn't normally do this but....." as if they are somehow better than the rest of us. Let's face it, honey, if you're having sex for money, you're a sex worker just like the rest of us! You're not any better than us just because you're doing it *insert reason here*. I could be naive. Maybe this is just an SP who has a clever marketing scheme.

 

This isn't really a vent, just an observation I made and wanted to point out to someone...... and that led me to CERB!

[cat 262460]

There is a definite stereotype about sexworkers. I know a couple of sugar daddies who avoid professionals not because they think they are above seeing a professional because they don't want to be manipulated and part of the sexworker misperception is that we are gifted grifters.

 

I do not understand the mentality of people who think they are above being a prostitute because we all prostitute ourselves at some point. Whether it's going to a job everyday that we hate, marrying someone for financial security or any other situation that you are in that you are only there to get something out of it.

 

People feel the need to reassure themselves of their self worth by finding others to look down on, we are just a convenient group to look down on.

 

cat

[Two Thirty 1422]

Well said, Cat!

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I do not understand the mentality of people who think they are above being a prostitute because we all prostitute ourselves at some point. Whether it's going to a job everyday that we hate, marrying someone for financial security or any other situation that you are in that you are only there to get something out of it.

This reminds me of a quotation from Southpark. Chef sings a song about prostitutes:

 

"A prostitute is like any other woman (they all exchange something for sex) but she does it well!"

[etasman2000 15994]

The vibe I get is that these men want to pay for sex' date=' but they don't want to have sex with a working girl, seeing themselves as "above" that. It makes no sense to me to say "I want to buy sex, but not from someone who sells it."[/quote']

 

Which is faulty logic in itself since obviously the sugar baby is selling sex.

 

My opinion on this topic are:

 

Culture, a mistress might for all intends and purposes be a sex worker but some cultures consider it normal or even expected for a successful man to have a mistress ... or two.

 

Exclusivity, would the SD have exclusive access to a pro sugar baby ? There is an element of prestige associated with exclusivity. Sugar baby is someone *you* can't have.

 

White knight, I conjecture that most SD style themselves as white knights.

 

My 2 cents.

[Guest S****tha Ott*wa]

I hear your rant...

I think they are also looking for that non-pro because of afew reasons... one is regulars. If they wanted something consistantly lets say every 3days or 4 days the schedual can be pretty tight with a full time sex working with her regular schedual she already has. I can understand when a regular wants to see you and other appointments make him wait for another day.

Also you can also agree if someone is non-pro they wouldnt be involved with some of the crazy life in this industry.

I am sure there are others but that would be the view I see of it.

[roamingguy 300292]

I don't understand why people need to be in judgement of anyone. Who in life is so superior that they can look down in judgement at someone else.

And why is it that society in general looks down at someone who is a sex worker.

I try my best to be judgement free of others, and even in pre hobbying days I didn't judge ladies who were/are sex workers

The important things in life are how you treat others, are you a good, honest and ethical person, and to not hurt others...long and short, treat others as you want to be treated

Don't know whether this post applies to this thread but posted anyways

RG

[Reddog01 30280]

Why are they looking for a "non-sex worker" (but in the end they really are, a sex worker I mean), maybe they want:

 

a. to assume control (perhaps afraid that they themselves are less experienced than a sex worker);

 

b. support the perception that there is less risk of an "STD" with a less experienced partner;

 

c. to control her "relationships" ie keep her to himself as if he has a mistress but without the “love”;

 

d. something that they can’t seem to get in their present relationship;

 

e. or need an escape from reality with someone (medium to long term) with out complications when they want to cease the relationship

 

Megan: I can't see how they might feel they are above seeing a prostitute; because that is exactly what they are doing anyway. Seeing prostitutes range from the streetwalker, red-light district a la Amsterdam to Escorts or companions and sugar babies. It’s all based on money you can afford to pay and risk one might be willing to accept.

 

Funny, I never though I would pay for a prostitute’s service. I was one that thought it was beneath me, but, you know what, once I took the plunge (for what ever reason) I have met the most incredible women. Beautiful, funny, intelligent and always and above all interesting. So far no regrets.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Funny, I never though I would pay for a prostitute’s service. I was one that thought it was beneath me, but, you know what, once I took the plunge (for what ever reason) I have met the most incredible women. Beautiful, funny, intelligent and always and above all interesting. So far no regrets.

That's interesting and great to hear!

 

I have to admit, I was the same way. Around ages 16-20 I thought "I will never use my body to make money because I have brains so I don't need to!"

 

Funny how I use my brain just as much, if not more, than with straight jobs.

 

When I was dancing, I had a few guys comment to me: "If you're smart and educated, why are you working here?" Nothing pissed me off more than that!

[danrica 431]

i think its the std preception. Fewer sexual partner the lower the risk. same reason many like younger sp too.

Posted via Mobile Device

[MiaBella 10988]

 

Exclusivity, would the SD have exclusive access to a pro sugar baby ? There is an element of prestige associated with exclusivity. Sugar baby is someone *you* can't have.

 

White knight, I conjecture that most SD style themselves as white knights.

 

My 2 cents.

 

 

I definitely feel like the Idea of Exclusivity to the sugar babe is a major motive of the SD.

 

However, I have to say, maybe the SD has already experienced the SP level and found that maybe he felt he was not in control of the situation. An SP would be, as they say, "Professional". Ready for all situations, smarter and more aware of dangers, etc. Could it be that they may want to take advantage of an inexperienced girl/lady? This being things like having sex without protection, screwing the sugar babe over in the money area, or even something worse like being a predator? I never really thought of it that way before, but it came to me out of the blue.

Am I just being negative?

[Trinity1 101]

I have to agree with the post above. I don't believe that you are being negative at all, pretty accurate is more like it.

 

My 2 cents. :|

[Annessa 22743]

sorry this is going to come off as a rant but i totally get what you're saying megan,

 

I also browse the Sd sites as well....and i find it very rude when a man boasts about how he spoils his women and is looking for a woman to devote her time to him and in exchange he will shower her with gifts...but will not pay a monthly fee because if he wanted a whore he could afford it and would do so....but he wants something real.

 

ok so how are you better than all the gentlemen willing to compensate for time (or sex) with money (gifts = money)....you are paying for companionship!

 

what a lot of these guys also don't realize is that many of us escors wont stick around for someone we dont feel we are compatible with...no matter what the price....or perhaps they will feel like the relationship is fake once money is involved.

 

Like any hobbiest/SP relationship, as long as there is mutual respect there shouldn't be any problems...but these guys who say that an escort is worse than dealing with a non-pro (who very well may take them for all their worth!) is ignorant to say the least, in my opinion

 

I find those sites are 20% real SDs who are honest in their expectations (to a mutually beneficial arrangement) then 40% like the guys Megan described whos egos are too big for their wallets....then the rest of the 40% are guys who aren't looking to be SDs at all but are looking for unpaid flings or ad in their profiles that they're looking for "someone who is interested in having children in the long run" (EEEK!!)

 

I get messages from guys like this and never respond......I received one this week saying "I see you checked out my profile after I msged you....why the hell didnt you respond? didnt like what you see?" (he described in his profile that he wasn't looking for an escort...he wanted children)....ummm....Plus major red flag for anyone to get testy when I take a couple days to get back to them. That'd be like me messaging a gent that I sent my website to after he asked and emailing them asking why they haven't booked me yet....tacky!

 

He was very attractive but I thought "best to not respond" but after reading this thread I think I just might, however I'm pretty sure he wont like my two cents

[Guest f***2f***]

You ladies are real night owls!

 

To tell you the truth I never even knew these websites existed...I feel like a babe in the woods. Anyway just thinking about it a bit I think there are elements of everything you folks are talking about, People are complicated and motives are never totally black and white. I looked at one of the sites where the guys have a section that they can put their budget in. So I can see how a guy might say "OK I've got this much spare cash a month and I don't want to chance that there won't be a girl available that I like when I like it so I'll have an arrangement whereby I have access when I need it due to busy schedule, family life etc."

 

There also may be some idea that he's getting a relationship of sorts and let's face it within any relationships there are those who are control freaks or take advantage of others to gratify themselves.

 

On the flip side for a sugar it might work the same way. She has a busy life and can schedule this in. She has a certain amount she wants to make a month and this is a guaranteed income and she gets extra presents too. From a business point of view it makes some sense.

 

Working as an SP you don't have a guaranteed income for the most part. Working as a sugar may guarantee a definite income each month.

 

The judgment thing is weird and underlines the fact that there still is a lot of stigma around the sex worker trade. I hate to say it but a lot of it is perpetuated by women. I was in a conversation with co workers the other day about the law and this woman starts ranting about the prostitution laws being liberalized. She was all weirded out and saying "well under these laws there could be brothels in my neighborhood, where my kids are....yada yada..." I said "I got news for you, there is already plenty of sex work going on in your neighborhood, it's pretty widespread and normal." Woo boy she didn't like that!

[roamingguy 300292]

i think its the std preception. Fewer sexual partner the lower the risk. same reason many like younger sp too.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

The std perception is, imho, a misperception. How can a non sex worker, who is sexually active, claim fewer sexual partners and less risk

The risk for std's comes from sex...not sex for money, not sex if your picked up at a bar, not sex in a relationship etc etc etc...just plain simple sex no matter what the circumstances

A few cents more to the conversation

RG

[swegin 5885]

I was thinking, of all the dumb things I waste money on every month, paying for a great time with a lovely lady is probably the thing I begrudge the least. Think about it - I pay people to cook me expensive meals in restaurants, make me $6 grandemochachocalattes, cut my hair, sell me polluting gasoline, etc. At least with a service provider I'm paying for the thing I love the most!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I hate to say it but with some of these wanna be sugar bunnies, they are hypocrites. To put it bluntly, if you have sex for money, you are a hooker. You are now part of the club. Sorry if you don't like the term but I have embraced it. Or whatever term you want to use. Many women justify their way around the whole sex for money idea this by saying that the guy took her shopping, bought her groceries, etc. So in essence you are still screwing them for a material item. Same goes for trophy wives. In my mind they are just elevated hookers who hit the jackpot and will probably never have to give another blowjob.loll.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

A SD is looking for an ongoing relationship and may also expect services that many pros don't offer, such as sex without condoms. I think that quite a few SDs are hoping to find someone who is less experienced (and therefore less savvy) than they are and who might be easier to control or intimidate.

 

The thing I don't understand is how these guys can be certain that they're not hearing from professional providers. I get a lot of queries from women who have recently become paid companions or who are thinking about doing it. Quite a few of them have told me that they reply to those ads from guys who are looking for a non-pro. Unless he has her on call 24/7, he's going to be scheduling time with her just as everyone else does.

[wade 101]

I agree. In the long run it even works out better than complicated relationships.

 

$$ cheaper too!:-)

 

Funny, I never though I would pay for a prostitute?s service. I was one that thought it was beneath me, but, you know what, once I took the plunge (for what ever reason) I have met the most incredible women. Beautiful, funny, intelligent and always and above all interesting. So far no regrets.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I've replied to a few of the guys posting in the casual encounters section on CL looking for "non-pros" and the majority are offering super cheap amounts--probably because they think that some naive student is going to think that 50 bucks is a lot of money.

[Loralee Reach 245]

why so much rant about sexwork????????????

Does anyone write about the veracity in the feelings of the guy who bakes pizza?

this is a profession, the oldest in the world....you are in it or you are not. Enough of excuses for being in it or out of it.

I am sick and tired of these topics, particularly in a website that sells sex.

IS THERE NO OTHER ISSUES TO TALK ABOUT THAN GRUDGE ABOUT SEX WORK?

YES, there is and many. Why in heavens do not we stop "listening to our writings"....yes, we love to read our thoughts...we are not superior or inferior...just a job....nobody is trying to invent the wheel here. Sex for sale is not part of the Maslow Pyramid , but is a need and we are here to sell it. PERIOD. This is turning to be a bunch of bull that no body interested in the "exchange" and "consideration" is really up to put up with.

You want to vent about how good is to sell sex, well you blog about it and leave the rest alone. Keep your need in perspective.

The persons who are interested in making a collateral and a "literature" issue out of their feelings for the freedom of prostitutes write books and sell them...all is money isn't it....?

Check how many persons on cerb are involved in these subjects????? just always the same bunch. Please cut it off and go proselytizing some where else!!!!!!!!!This is not just my voice...I guarantee it!!!!!!

loralee

 

 

For God's sake change the subject. This is not a feminist site, it is a sex site!!!

Loralee:ablow:

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

why so much rant about sexwork????????????

Does anyone write about the veracity in the feelings of the guy who bakes pizza?

this is a profession, the oldest in the world....you are in it or you are not. Enough of excuses for being in it or out of it.

I am sick and tiered of these topics, particularly in a website that sells sex.

IS THERE NO OTHER ISSUES TO TALK ABOUT THAN GRUDGE ABOUT SEX WORK?

YES, there is and many. Why in heavens do not we stop "listening to our writings"....yes, we love to read our thoutghts...we are not superior or inferior...just a job....

For Gid's sake change the subject. This is not a feminist site, it is a sex site!!!

Loralee:ablow:

Many people can't discuss such things in their personal life, and CERB is the only place to do it. CERB is a fabulous community filled with open-minded, intelligent, and thoughtful people. I love being an active member of this board, generating discussion, and reading the views of others. I will not apologize for that!

[Guest f***2f***]

This is a discussion not a rant. We are talking about attitudes and another aspect of the sex for hire world. I think it's a very thought provoking thread and I hope more respond to it.

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

Loralee, you might want to re-read this thread and take back your comments. This is a site where we discuss sex in an open and frank manner, and more importantly we don't JUDGE others for expressing themselves, especially when it's done in a polite and civil manner. We are all adults here let's act like it and check the judgment at the door. If you re-read the thread you'll find that we are all in agreement that the sugar daddy, sugar baby posts on CL are contradictory and insulting to anyone involved in the sextrade be they proivder or client.

 

Like Megan I like to read the other posts on craigslist to gain perspective and better understand differences and learn more about myself and others. I always got a kick out of the "generous" gentlemen seeking non pros, in the escort section!!! WTF there's like 100 ads of pros why post and ad seeking non pros in the pros section.

 

The fact is most people are uncomfortable discussing the sex trade because it is unfamiliar to them and they don't understand it. Society has put such a stigma on the industry that it's difficult for many to accept that they are involved in one manner or another. Because of social stigmas many from the outside feel it's beneath them to pay or accept payment for sex.

 

Craigslist gives us an interesting perspective on a different segment of life the rants and raves is always a fun read.

[rickoshadows 937]

Sex for sale is not part of the Maslow Pyramid , but is a need and we are here to sell it.

 

Actually it is in the pyramid of Maslow's heirarchy of needs.

Although western society, especially those with strong Judeo-Christian influences, would rather this were not the case. Anyone who deals with (leads) people would be a fool to disregard the importance of it.