Looking for feedback

[amf67 360]

So, I have a question.

There is a girl I have seen about a half dozen times over the past year and a bit. We had a session last week and I was less than satisfied so I am looking for other opinions about this.

She has not been ready at the appointed time once in my experience but we have gone over by a few minutes so I understand that may be why she often runs late. She texted me about 15 minutes before my hour appt and pushed me back 30 minutes. OK I understand that and I was ready for it. That time comes and she still needs about 10 more minutes.

As I getting close to the finish line, I see her looking at the clock. I have now been there for an hour. She blurts out that "I have a new guy coming in for 2 hours in 10 minutes !" I got dressed and left - time management is not her bag.

But I have another issue. Our sessions are BDSMish. THe prior time I specifically said - unscented please ! Yet she used a vanilla wax on me - I didn't realize how strong it was until I got home. This time I went home with noticeable welts and bruising on my ass. I don't mind the bruises but I had no idea til later !

I am not a complainer and I don't like confrontation so I didn't say anything. I am leaning towards not going back. When I write it down, it makes me think I should definitelty not go back. But I do enjoy our time. Should I let her know my issues ? Should I just not contact her anymore ? Suggestions ?

[Guest]

I suggest raising your standards and find a girl who does not chain work...

 

You should never leave a meeting feeling the girl is not all there for you ,and that includes remembering your requests.

 

There is plenty of ladies,look for another one...

[WhereIRoam 21825]

I too have seen someone a half dozen times over the last two years. Nine days ago I left after visiting her and for the first time, I didn't feel as though it was a wonderful session. After speaking about it with someone who has more experience than me, he assured me that these things will occur from time to time. That it is not completely abnormal.

 

Yes, to answer a question, you should speak about it with her. Seeing how she responds to your conversation will help you determine if you want to see her again. Reiterating things you don't want during your sessions is not impolite. There too, seeing how she responds will help you in making a decision.

 

If you have had many good visits, why not put in a little bit of time and effort in trying to ensure that you can have more of them before moving on to someone else without even trying.

 

I decided to not let one unpleasent experience stop me from seeing my provider ever again. I hope yours can really listen and hopefully provide you with more great sessions like you have already had.

 

Good luck!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

It sounds as though she is booking her appointments too close together, maybe the previous client showed up late which threw her off track and this can be stressful.

 

While clients do understand that we may take more than one appointment in a day, the goal with each client is to make them feel as though they are the only one at that moment in time with no client knowing that another one is going to be there any minute. It happens to the best of us but it can be done in a way where it's not as obvious and abrupt.

 

I would speak to her and let her know that you could book a time where she isn't rushed. Explain to her that you're not looking to take advantage of her time but more so that she can relax which will make you relaxed. Tell her you were concerned because she seemed very stressed out and affects the flow of things during your time together.

 

The stress of booking appointments back to back can be rough. Sometimes there is no choice and we have to deal with it but you are the customer and if she wants you to come back then this has to be addressed or she will soon find out why you are no longer contacting her. Hopefully this was a one time bad scenario where things were lagging behind that day.

 

As for the scented vanilla wax, simply tell her you are attached or whatever the situation may be and that you cannot afford to have this sort of indiscretion. Do it in a nice, calmful manner as opposed to being accusatory and I'm sure she will make things better for you.

[Tempted Monk 5057]

I learned from my good and bad experience over years that when you become loyal regular client it can develop in two directions.

First one: Lady likes you to be regular client. She gives you small signs of appreciation like remembering all your requests and habits, booking at convenient for you time (sometimes even reserving this time for you), never moving your appointment, never booking other client close before or after you, etc...

 

Second way: Girl considers you to be "close person", sort of "friend" who will understand if she is not ready on time, or if she moves your appointment at last minutes, or if she has to book someone very close to you. You have proved your loyalty and that you like her already. You are supposed to be happy to help her keep her business running by accepting some inconveniences on your side.

 

Both approaches have the right to exist, it depends on provider's personality.

And it looks like the second approach is OP's case.

But this

...

She blurts out that "I have a new guy coming in for 2 hours in 10 minutes !"

...

is just disrespect of both clients. I would not come back again in such a situation.(IMHO)

[casey 2936]

I personally believe that both of you must have developed a very precious and close client-provider relationship. To put an end to everything overnight could be a waste of your invested time and $$.

 

I would say, give her one more chance! See her again and set your appointment during the most perfect time. If I were you, I will choose a rainy day when most of the business would be quiet! Set your mind empty, don't reiterate what had happened in the past and treat her as usual or better if you like. Be upfront about the unscented oil since this concerns you a lot. Keep it only to yourself that this session will determine whether or not you are going to see her again!

 

If your budget and time aren't the issue, I suggest that you book her 2 hours to have an ample time for both of you. Especially if she realized the mistakes she'd made in the past and if she still appreciates you as a regular, I personally believe some "magical things" could happen. Like you, I am sensitive, shy person and I don't like confrontation either. I personally feel that some things are better left unsaid and see if situation gets better. All in all, during the session you judge her yourself and you shall have the answer. Best of luck!

 

I would like to dedicate this song to you and your lady and wish that everything will be just fine:

Neil Sedaka - Laughter In The Rain :

[Mikeyboy 27133]

I would say, give her one more chance!

 

Honestly, I can't say I agree with this. Respectfully, you don't owe her anything. The only commitment you have made to each other is for the duration of the hour or more of her time you have purchased. The whole point of this hobby is pleasure. If you are not 100% enjoying your engagements for whatever reason, then why go back? The fact that it is causing you this much stress is a sign that it isn't working for you. It simply shouldn't feel that way. If you aren't walking away from each session feeling like you are on top of the world, then why stay?

 

Try some other ladies. You may find one that gives you the fulfilling experience you are looking for, without the stress of wondering where you stand with her.

 

Just my thoughts on the subject.

[WhereIRoam 21825]

It simply shouldn't feel that way. If you aren't walking away from each session feeling like you are on top of the world, then why stay?

 

 

This is by no means an attempt to argue or debate your opinion. An opinion is one's view or judgement formed about something, an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something. It can never be deemed to be wrong.

 

I'm simply curious if this is how you mean that...

Every single session?

Meaning, if you were to see an SP approx. 20 times over a period of two years(just an example), every session should have you feeling like you are on top of the world when you leave... If you should ever have one "not so pleasant" session, you should never see her again and find another SP?

[Mikeyboy 27133]

This is by no means an attempt to argue or debate your opinion. An opinion is one's view or judgement formed about something, an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something. It can never be deemed to be wrong.

 

I'm simply curious if this is how you mean that...

Every single session?

Meaning, if you were to see an SP approx. 20 times over a period of two years(just an example), every session should have you feeling like you are on top of the world when you leave... If you should ever have one "not so pleasant" session, you should never see her again and find another SP?

 

No offence taken. That's what civil discussions are about.

 

I understand that everone has good days and bad days. This sounds a bit more like a pattern if I understand correctly. I just meant that once you start feeling like you have to 'work on the relationship', then it's time to move on. That isn't why I'm here. I get enough of that at home ;)

[amf67 360]

I asked the question looking for some other opinions and I got what I expected - various different positions ! (And not the fun positions I like to think about !) I think I will give it some time and see how I feel in a month. Is the irritation greater still than the desire to go back ?

 

We'll see if time changes my perspective.

 

Thanks all.

[casey 2936]

I would like to thank amf67 as well for raising this situation where any of us could potentially face the same scenario on one fateful day. And I admit different person has his/her brain wired differently. For me, I was born to have lots of patience, to be a compassionate, diplomatic and forgiven person hence my suggestion as you can see. There is no right or wrong...is just the matter if it works the best for you and your lady.

 

I do believe WhereIRoam and I share many things in common. Having said that, I suspected both of us come from same small corner of the world. I don't mean to profile...Haha!

 

As usual, my good friend TemptedMonk is a good analyst showing the web of situations, based on the psychology of a hobbyist and their social dynamics...he's a total genius.

 

As for Mikeyboy, I've learned a lot about hobbying from you, to be a realist and more practical hobbyist, show no remorse, be an alpha-male and kick-ass...so the pleasure would be a total blast! A Navy SEAL version of hobbyist! I just love you...

 

Have a wonderful long weekend!

[blowinsmoke 1083]

I would say discuss it with her. Raise your concerns ( be selective ) in a respectful manner hopefully you get some feedback and her side of things. If the discussion resonates and solves it great. If your concerns are dismissed then move on.

[blue_eyes56 2010]

I've found constructive feedback, no matter how respectfully given, is rarely well received. My go-to strategy is to wait (quite) a while until you book again - she may or may not get the hint - and if things aren't better (they usually aren't) you're done.

[fortunateone 156618]

So, I have a question.

There is a girl I have seen about a half dozen times over the past year and a bit. We had a session last week and I was less than satisfied so I am looking for other opinions about this.

She has not been ready at the appointed time once in my experience but we have gone over by a few minutes so I understand that may be why she often runs late. She texted me about 15 minutes before my hour appt and pushed me back 30 minutes. OK I understand that and I was ready for it. That time comes and she still needs about 10 more minutes.

As I getting close to the finish line, I see her looking at the clock. I have now been there for an hour. She blurts out that "I have a new guy coming in for 2 hours in 10 minutes !" I got dressed and left - time management is not her bag.

But I have another issue. Our sessions are BDSMish. THe prior time I specifically said - unscented please ! Yet she used a vanilla wax on me - I didn't realize how strong it was until I got home. This time I went home with noticeable welts and bruising on my ass. I don't mind the bruises but I had no idea til later !

I am not a complainer and I don't like confrontation so I didn't say anything. I am leaning towards not going back. When I write it down, it makes me think I should definitelty not go back. But I do enjoy our time. Should I let her know my issues ? Should I just not contact her anymore ? Suggestions ?

 

 

i think that if she reschedules like this , i mean that is over half an hour, you can expect that when your time is up she'll be checking the clock. maybe if it happened again, just cancel on your end.

 

what happened i don't see as back to back booking, clearly at some point she ran overtime, whether her fault or the guy one or two before you. so well worth giving her the benefit of the doubt if every other session has been fine.

 

remember, she had nothing to say until your actual appt was over, she didnt say hey we have to end on time i have to run off right away, she didn't say can we just do 45 minutes today, she gave the full time even tho she knew she was strapped for time in general.

 

we all have clients who end up screwing up things not just for us but everyone who comes after their appt, and as any provider will say we try to accomodate that late arrival, and still juggle everyone else, she no doubt had enough time between appts if he had arrived on time or not stayed overtime, (no idea if he did, or not, or if he compensated for extra time remember, but that is her stress to deal with), but stuff happens. doesn't mean it happens every day, and it obviously hadn't happened all the other times you made appts.

[Mikeyboy 27133]

......doesn't mean it happens every day, and it obviously hadn't happened all the other times you made appts.

 

Actually he did say that "she has not been ready at the appointed time once in my experience but... "

 

And then went on to talk about how this time she made him feel particularly bad about this last session.

 

I wasn't trying to come off as abrupt as I likely did. (at least it would seem I did from casey's description of me anyway ;) .) That really isn't who I am. I wasn't saying 1 strike and you're out. This just sounds like more of a pattern to me. Instead of feeling great about the amazing session he had, he feels like she couldn't be bothered to give him the time of day once again. (My interpretation of the original post admittedly.)

 

There are lots of ladies who will.

[Kadie Lux 1860]

Well.. There's absolutely no problem telling her how you feel. Maybe mention it over text if it's too difficult to do so in person. Clearly she doesn't respect your loyalty to her and that is not cool whatsoever. If you are a regular or NOT, an SP/DOM should always respect their clients hard earned cash and time.

 

She should have warned you about this before not while you were spending time with her. Id say move on, find someone new. You are better than that and do not deserve it at all sweetie. All the best and I promise there is many many amazing ladies out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You seem like an awesome person!

PM me if you ever need someone to chat with and I hope to meet you in the future!

Sending love and kisses. Smile! You're better then that I promise!

 

xoxo Kadie

[cinelli 22184]

If the next client is due in ten minutes that does not leave much time for her to freshen up for him!

 

This is an ongoing situation and not likely to change. Some people cannot manage time.

[frednorth470 3830]

Regrettably sometimes the SP/client relationship has run its course. I had a SP I would regularly see and had a very good relationship with for over a year. I would have recommended her to anyone. Now, making an appointment is almost impossible over the last couple of months and I have decided that she is just someone I used to know now. It is a shame, but it happens. It's hard not to take personally, but that's they way some of these arrangements work out. It's not a light decision to just walk away, believe me, but sometimes it just has to be done.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

IMO regulars are to be treasured. Someone mentioned in an earlier post that it can either go both ways where a regular seems more like a friend where things can be more lax now the SP is more familiar with the client. I find myself doing the opposite with regulars making sure to be ready on time, looking nice and always have a new outfit or keep things interesting. That's how I keep them.

 

They are the ones who appreciate the SP and I always appreciate them back. I try to look ahead when meeting a new client instead of seeing our time together as a transaction for the money today and that's it. I like to invest in my clients and cultivating them into regulars. It's like growing a garden. Give them the attention they need and they will grow.

 

Doing things on a "friend" level like keeping them waiting or just being in casual clothes ( although some guys like that ) but basically not putting your best foot forward as you would with a new client, regulars take notice of that.

 

You have nothing to lose by talking to her and explaining your concerns. If she doesn't change, walk away. As others have said, these relationships can run their course. There were a few clients I stopped seeing because they no longer made me feel good.

 

One began to be very condescending and interjecting their opinions/advice where it wasn't solicited after I had a talk with them and it was like talking to a wall. It was almost as if he was attempting to be emotionally controlling trying to tell me what was best for me or that my business was unsafe. They could only see things black and white and that was it.

 

I found myself dreading to see him the next time so I stopped seeing him. He was a solid regular and maybe someone else would put up with his behaviour/unwanted comments just for a few hundred dollars but at that point I didn't care that I would be losing a certain amount of money every month. It was no longer worth it in terms of how I felt during our time together and afterwards. I consider my emotions to be more important as I won't do anything that I feel uncomfortable with.

 

His behaviour was very appalling after I really took some time to think about it and found myself focusing too much about it after he was long gone which meant something was really wrong. After I dismissed many of his comments after several sessions chalking it up to him just being him, I realized I didn't like him or who he was and that there were many things that truly bothered me or upset me. I couldn't look past it anymore.

 

As soon as I stopped seeing him, I opened the door to attract a better regular and that's exactly what happened. Sometimes if we stay in these situations and suck it up so to speak, nothing changes and we can't grow as individuals or learn something from it. Sometimes we just need to make a clean break from situations or people.

 

Ask yourself if she were to repeat this behaviour again, how would it make you feel in that particular moment? Sometimes it's best to play that script out in your mind and will give you an indication of your feelings. Often it's a feeling that we're not being being respected which in turn means we're not staying true to ourselves and maybe that's a reason why you may feel conflicted.

 

Speak up and say something otherwise you will never know but stay true to you! Maybe tell her how you feel and then walk away. Sometimes these things just run their course. This could be happening because you may very well be intended to meet someone better. There are no coincidences in life.

[Regent 35404]

But I have another issue. Our sessions are BDSMish. THe prior time I specifically said - unscented please ! Yet she used a vanilla wax on me - I didn't realize how strong it was until I got home. This time I went home with noticeable welts and bruising on my ass. I don't mind the bruises but I had no idea til later !

 

These things concern me more than anything else you've mentioned.

 

Your consent around what types of substances are used on your body is really important. If you ask for no fragrances you should be able to count on no fragrances being used on you.

 

In addition, whether or not the fragrance itself is an issue for you, scented wax is not a particularly safe choice for wax play. The different additives for colour and fragrance can make the melting point higher than expected or just unpredictable, which could result in burns (beeswax is also not recommended for this reason.) Plain, unscented cheap paraffin is the best choice for wax play.

 

Marks should also be something that is negotiated, not a surprise discovery when you get home. While bodies can be unpredictable, and all BDSM play comes with some risk, unnegotiated marks should be a very rare occurrence for a skilled practitioner who is familiar with their tools. And when an unexpected mark happens, it would be more like a single mark from an entire session, not leaving a client covered in them.

 

It sounds like this provider is perhaps a bit out of her depth when it comes to BDSM skills and safety knowledge, and that's always concerning. We call it play, but many activities carry the risk of serious injury or even death if not done right, so safety should always be taken extremely seriously.

[Guest v**do****g]

It is not the client's job to manage the time within an appointment.

 

It is a shame when a lady runs her appointments back to back and a definite reason to avoid seeing her in the future.