WhereIRoam 21825 Report post Posted April 13, 2017 Two women are sitting in a reception area at a Dentist's office. One woman turns to the other and says,"It's so cold outside. I'm so happy my husband bought me these new leather boots." The other woman replies, "Well that's nice." The first woman then says, "This fur coat he bought me last year is the warmest and most comfortable coat I've ever had." The other woman replies, "Well that's nice." The first woman asks, "What did your husband buy you?" The other woman replies, "He payed for me to take a course on proper manners." So the woman asks, "Really, what did you learn during that course?" The other woman replies, "I learned to say, "Well that's nice" instead of "Hey listen! I don't really give a sh*t!" 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 1***otd** Report post Posted June 13, 2017 There are three people applying for a covert CIA position as an assassin. Two men and a woman. man #1 enters the interview room and is handed a gun and told to go into the interegation room where his wife is sitting and shoot her. Man #1 immediately says that "there's no way I'm going to shoot my wife... I love her". He is dismissed. Man #2 enters the room and is also handed a gun and told to shoot his wife. Man #2 enters the interegation room..... After about 5 minutes, Man #2 comes out of the interegation room in tears and says "I couldn't do it I just love her so much". He's sent home Now... The woman enters the room and is also handed a gun and given the same instructions (kill the husband). She enters the interegation room and for the next 10 minutes you hear shots being fired.... Crashing.... Banging .... Screaming..... Then the room go silent. The door slowly opens and the women walks out drenched in sweat and says.... "Shit ... The gun was loaded with blanks so I had to kill him with the chair" Who knew that women can be so efficient. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest n*gu**6 Report post Posted June 14, 2017 So....i have this talent where I can tell a woman's age by her breasts... I was telling a woman this the other day and she didn't believe me so she told me to show her So I gently took her breasts in my hands and gently squeezed and caressed them. Studying them intently. After about 6 or 7 minutes of me fondling her she got a bit impatient and said "Ok. So you felt them.. tell me when I was born" I said "yesterday???".... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J**ck*9 Report post Posted October 17, 2017 Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" Asks Sean, the bartender "Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight" says Paddy "That little shit, O'Connor" says Sean .... "He couldn't have done all that to you! He must have had something in his hand" "That he did" said Paddy. ... "A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it" "Well," said Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Connor's right breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but pretty fooking useless in a fight" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gregsand 6116 Report post Posted October 17, 2017 What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield at 70mph? ...... his asshole! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CornyM53 1030 Report post Posted October 20, 2017 Oldie but a goodie..... Fellow was heading to Toronto from Newfoundland. Approaching the big metropolis, he noticed a sign "Toronto left". So he turned around and went back home. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J**ck*9 Report post Posted October 29, 2017 Three friends are travelling together when they happen upon the only hotel in town. They each wanted their own room, however, the hotel clerk informed them that there was only one room left but it had a king sized bed so the three should all be able to fit. So the three friends go to bed in the same bed. When they woke up the next morning.... The friend on the right side of the bed said "I had the most wonderful dream last night. I dreamed that I was making love to the most beautiful woman" The friend on the left side of the bed said "Wow! me too. I dreamed that I was making love to the most beautiful woman" The friend in the middle said "That's funny .... I kept dreaming that I was cross country skiing" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
