Guilt

[WhereIRoam 21825]

Definition of guilt:

1-NA

2- a: the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously

b: NA

3-a feeling of deserving blame for offenses

 

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes --accurately or not-- that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation.

 

It's appropriate to feel guilty when you've done something wrong. Feeling the emotion of guilt for an action deserving of remorse is normal; to not feel guilty, in these cases, may be a sign of psychopathy.

 

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*Not intended towards 100% fully consensual affairs within this industry.*

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I also believe guilt is a taught/learned behavior. Through generations we have been taught a long list of things we should feel guilty about and many of these things are judgements from others on how we should behave. I believe we have to honestly look at many of the things we feel guilty about and determine if it is programmed/learned or if it IS truly coming from within ourselves as a guiding point.

 

So many people feel guilty when they "self care" yet this is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Life is not black or white. There are so many nuances and intricacies to it and every situation is unique to the people involved. if we approach our lives with love and respect and in doing what's best for ourselves and those involved, I feel there will be a lot less guilt and a lot more love and happiness.

 

In regard to the aspects pertaining to this industry, there is SO much judgement and guilt flung about from so many sources. If it adds to your life, makes you happy, fulfills a need and isn't hurting anyone, why feel guilty? If someone is guilty because of someone else's opinion or judgement, the true issue is why does someone else's opinion have the ability to steal power and make them feel that way. If it's because of a relationship, where does the guilt stem from and is it because we should or shouldn't do this or that (learned behavior) or are we ignoring something we are not open and honest about looking at.

 

Having the thought of a Universal Standard is a learned concept. It implies everyone has to fit into the box and everyone is the same when that's very far from the truth. Each and every person is unique and what bothers one, doesn't bother another. If both have the same experience and society judges that experience as negative or bad and something you should feel guilty about, if one feels guilt and the other doesn't, what does that say? It says that it's a taught/learned behavior. I think we unnecessarily suffer a LOT due to learned behaviors and limiting beliefs.. including guilt!

[WhereIRoam 21825]

Life is not black or white. There are so many nuances and intricacies to it and every situation is unique to the people involved. if we approach our lives with love and respect and in doing what's best for ourselves and those involved, I feel there will be a lot less guilt and a lot more love and happiness.

 

When one is informed or gains knowledge that poses an "issue" to another person or a group of others and feels/knows action should be taken, even when the "right way" to go about it is chosen, a feeling of guilt can still very often present itself to that person. The sense of doing and following through with doing what is right for a greater number or a cause can or does have consequences for a person or smaller group involved within the issue at hand. (ie: A mother knows her son committed murder and reports him to the police. The "right thing" was done but her action has a consequence and can or will most often leave her with a sense of guilt.)

 

Not always or even often a win/win situation when dealing with certain topics.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

WhereIRoam, are you asking whether we should feel guilt because we are on here?

 

My feelings on this are... people screw up, some regularly. Should you feel guilt when you do? Yes, probably.

 

Speaking for myself, I feel guilt regularly when I screw up. It can be very useful in adjusting behaviour, if one is so inclined. I try not to beat myself up over it though. That is not healthy. You make a mistake, feel guilt, acknowledge whether it's legitimate to feel that way, move forward, don't let it turn into something toxic.

 

I would rather feel guilt and decide if it's warranted than train myself not to feel it or ignore it. That's just me. No offence to others who view things differently.

 

As for whether I feel guilt being on here, yes, I do, but I don't beat myself up about it.

[WhereIRoam 21825]

WhereIRoam, are you asking whether we should feel guilt because we are on here?

 

Read me last line on the OP. Right below the doted line across the screen.

 

***Not in regards to this industry.***

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

My mistake. I thought that was part of your signature line.

 

I should have my posting rights removed until I learn to read. I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid!! ... that would be an example of toxic guilt. :)

[WhereIRoam 21825]

As for whether I feel guilt being on here, yes, I do, but I don't beat myself up about it.

 

If you feel guilty about being on here. Does that mean you feel this industry is wrong...that it shouldn't exist...it should be kept criminal as it is between two fully consensual adults?

 

Maybe that's another thread of it's own.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I'm married. My guilt is directed in that area solely. In previous posts I have explained that my wife gives me permission but I doubt if it's truly sincere, hence my guilt. I don't partake anymore now so it's less of a concern.

 

I don't think this industry is wrong. I would prefer it be legalized to take away some of the stigma, potential for abuse and dangers associated with hiding this activity between consenting adults. As for married people, I leave that up to them to decide how or if they feel guilt.

[GoinDown 3669]

seems op was overcome by guilt lol

 

Additional Comments:

and to his credit he did the honourable thing.

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

I'm not sold on the notion of complete moral relativism. There are certain boundaries that virtually all humans hold in common, and which boil down, in my opinion, to a universal standard, whether one believes this standard has a bio-evolutionary basis or a spiritual one. Abuse of children, for instance, is transgressive in nearly all cultures. Similarly, most people, of most backgrounds unless they have been specifically conditioned TO accept it, find the notions of torture and cold blooded, premeditated murder abhorrent.

 

There are lots of other areas, however, where we are socialized to experience guilt in relation to circumstances that are much more culturally specific. I had a strict upbringing, for example, and was forbidden to attend dances when I was growing up. In my late teens, when I started to go anyway, I couldn't evade the feeling of guilt associated with dancing, the conditioning was so thorough.

 

The question of harm is central to me now. If an action causes no harm , then it shouldn't be attended by guilt. Tracking down the chain of causality to harm, however, is trickier than it looks.

 

I'm still a terribly awkward dancer. So there's that. :)

[GoinDown 3669]

SOD it's rare these days to read something that makes you pause, reread for nuance, and rethink. These boards are the last place I would look for intellectual stimulation, but happily you haven't disappointed me yet ;) Cheers !