advice wanted: SP just beginning a serious addiction

[dmsdms 180]

Hello all. I'm seeking advice. I travel for work and recently was somewhere other than Toronto. I called on an SP after someone else had cancelled. She said she'd never done an out call but it sounded safe enough, and she has been in the biz for more than five years. She came to my hotel. We hit it off. She stayed late and really opened up about all the tragedies in her life. It was sad to hear but like hanging out with an old friend going through hard times.

 

I was back in that city two weeks later. I called her again. She agreed to another outcall. She showed up four hours late, spent the night, and while it was fun, she smoked crack until 8am. I had to work and couldn't rouse her. I left the room and she eventually got herself up and out.

 

She had indicated her habit was new. I had had a crack addiction decades ago, I know this doesn't end well or easily. She's a very popular provider, and a really sweet lady who just doesn't see that she has anything left to lose.

 

What do I do?

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[drlove 37204]

That's sad, and very unfortunate... Be supportive and encourage her to seek help, whether that's in the form of an addictions counselor, rehab facility, family, friends or a combination of these networks...You may also want to talk with her about your own experiences, having gone through it. That way, it won't come across as "preaching", and she may be more apt to listen and consider your advice. Hope everything works out for her!

[fortunateone 156618]

as an ex user, you can't be around that stuff. it isn't being ingested, iit is being inhaled as a smoke and there is zero chance that others around her aren't also inhaling it involuntarily.

 

so, as much as you might like her, it is based on the first visit when she was (almost) behaving as a professional (rambling on with her sad life story, to me, is just a hustle, but i'm a cynic, and i feel she was trying to solicit sympathy in the way of another appt or extra $$ at the end of this extended session).

 

 

she's not your friend, you shared a moment, time for you to protect yourself and your health and move on away from that drama. she had zero respect for your health or your sobriety when she lit up the crack pipe all night long, you owe her nothing.

[dmsdms 180]

So, yes. I have tried to send positive messages ... but I can only do so via text and really how effective can that be?

 

And, I didn't get any sense that this was a scam for more $. I left cash for what would normally be an hourly rate after spending several hours with her, and left her in a hotel room with all my shit including a laptop and what I got was a hand written note thanking me for leaving any money at all ...it was as though she thought we were just expected to hang out as old friends.

 

More to the point, she was more worried than I was, at the time, about even exposing me to the second hand smoke of her pipe after I had explained my history.

 

I wasn't being scammed for more $. I wasn't being a mark for a good scam. I really was just one human being offering safe harbor to another human being who was in a bad way .... and now I realize just how bad that way was.

 

I feel helpless to do more. Is just sending more positive text messages really all that can be done?

[Mikeyboy 27134]

I agree that you need to keep your distance as long as she is using, for your own sake. You can offer her your friendship and support if or when the time comes that she wants to get clean. The fact that you come from a genuine position of understanding in this gives it sincerity. It won't come off as preachy as you have actually been there. There isn't much more you can do for her though until she is ready for help. Maybe the offer of support will make a difference. If not today, then down the road when she is ready. Knowing she isn't alone in it may one day give her the strength.

Best of luck

Mikey

[Kadie Lux 1860]

Wow! Thats nuts. I think it would be healthy for you to stay away and find a new SP to see. Theres plenty of us that are awesome and have great reviews!

Not good to be around someone with that type of addiction and you don't want to get yourself into trouble either. Do what is best for you always!

[Victoria Banks 21899]

Let it go.

[Andee 220524]

In keeping with the spirit of this board, I don't think it's appropriate to post this because you will have people messaging you to find out who this is.

 

Having been there yourself, you should know that until someone is ready to quit, there is not much you can really do.

[dmsdms 180]

I will ask the moderator to strike this thread.

 

In keeping with the spirit of this board, I don't think it's appropriate to post this because you will have people messaging you to find out who this is.

 

Having been there yourself, you should know that until someone is ready to quit, there is not much you can really do.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

Not all sp s are considered as professional. I tend to judge others pretty quickly, but maybe she s more on a personnal level...

 

One way or the other, if you decide to get involved, you are probably already aware that addiction is a hell of a monster.

 

Are you ready to get emotionally involved, with all that it demands?

[GetHard 1030]

It's a touchy subject, a lot of these girls are independent women and don't like to be told what to do.

If you really feel the need to mention something to her but if she doesn't want to have the conversation, let her be. She will have to quit on her own turns and when she wants.

I have never faced that addiction but I've dealt with SPs that have but as a client, I don't feel it's my place to lecture them, unless you have that close enough relationship with her already.

[Johnny Canuck 5347]

It's almost like deja vu reading this because I was in the same perdicament a few years back, but unfortunately it ended in tragedy. My honest opinion on this subject is to protect yourself, because at the end of the day, as much as you want to help this person, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

It's a touchy subject, a lot of these girls are independent women and don't like to be told what to do.

If you really feel the need to mention something to her but if she doesn't want to have the conversation, let her be. She will have to quit on her own turns and when she wants.

I have never faced that addiction but I've dealt with SPs that have but as a client, I don't feel it's my place to lecture them, unless you have that close enough relationship with her already.

 

A client should never have to lecture his SP and the other way around especially when it comes to drug use.

 

Its very nice of the OP and others to care however she will not stop until she is ready. This could also be never. Gentlemen spend time with us for an uncomplicated and stress free experience. Having someone doing crack on a date is far from that .

 

From my end if someone came here high on anything you are not staying . It should be the exact same for a client. With so many sober and straight ladies why spend the evening with a strung out person that is not even present?

 

This is not a slam to anyone who has a problem with anything . We all have issues . I just don't believe its appropriate to for a lady to waste someones time in this manner .

[Gregsand 6116]

If you deal with someone with an addiction problem, the best you can do is to politely point her in the right direction and not allow her to consume in your presence.

 

You took a very huge gamble by allowing her to smoke in your hotel room and also by leaving her alone there. She or a procurer could have robbed or trashed the place. And if she would have ODed, you would be neck deep in problems.

 

Having sympathy for someone doesn't mean you can't tell her NO. Better show her the door than having to answer questions on why a dead or comatose woman was found in your hotel room.

[Gregsand 6116]

I don't mean to contradict...

 

I don't consider your experience a contradiction. There some sad stories with happy endings and some not so much. In your case, she opened about her problems and took steps to clean herself up. If she stays away from the environment that got her there, she'll likely live a good life.

 

In the case of dmsdms, allowing her to consume in his hotel room and leaving her alone uncertain about her condition was pretty careless. This could have ended tragically on top of causing serious legal problems. If he wants to help her, he can meet her off the clock for a coffee and recommend her to seek help. If she doesn't, the best is to leave her alone until she finds the proper motivation to do so.

 

Helping someone doesn't mean allowing her to hijack your existence. Just point her in the right direction and hope she'll get the message.

[Paris Rose 1020]

This is an incredibly sad thing to read, but for your own safety and well-being you need to steer clear.

[Caterina 2255]

I have to agree with Mature Angela. Stating that she is a popular provider will only pique people's curiosity and it isn't helpful to her if this information becomes public knowledge associated with her. It will only bring her further down, the absolute last thing she needs. I'm speaking from experience, almost 8 years clean.

I think it's pretty great that you are so understanding of her situation, but let's be honest... Most clients are NOT and in my experience fellow SPs can be even worse. If her name is outed, she will most likely never escape the stigma attached with addiction whether she gets clean for a long period of time or not. Therefore I don't feel that this is an appropriate thread for this board in particular.

Also... addiction is addiction. There is no type that is better or worse.

[Chunky Protoss 1019]

If I were you, I'd jump off that bandwagon and focus on protecting myself due to the legal threats and second hand use. Sorry won't cover those things very well. And then you're left with a truth: "Even the most capable general can't fight against three different armies at once. Focus to yourself. Achieve YOUR goals. DONT TRY TO CHANGE PEOPLE. You will waste your time and you will get only pain in return." This was sent to me by a friend for my rough patches. It is true, you can try to help, but that's all you can do.