Still feeling A Bit Down...

[drlove 37204]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks before Christmas, and I'm still a bit down about it. Granted, we were only together for two months, but it was a very intense relationship - actually too intense for me. I know she had some issues and I couldn't see it being a really long term thing, although I would have liked it to last for a few more months at least.

 

The biggest thing was that she was very clingy, insecure and a bit jealous. Also, she was also a bit of a game player with her "tests". I was hoping we were past that stage. She constantly needed re-assurance which I found a bit draining after awhile. She wanted to me to spend time with her 24/7 or at least close too it, which I feel is too much for anyone, especially since I'm not used to that. Of course, I like to see the person I'm dating on a regular basis, just not ***ALL THE TIME*** lol. It felt like an overload, which is what I think killed it.

 

Admittedly, there are some things I could have done differently, I know that. However, it seemed that she placed all the blame on me, and didn't want to take any responsibility for anything herself. Very one sided...

 

I tried to patch things up, but to no avail. My friends think she may have gone back to her ex. It's too bad, since I really enjoyed my time with her.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

If it can help, look at it on the bright side, she was very clingy and you did not like that, jealousy is always a factor. Did she know about your hobby? if she did she would have all the reason in the world to be jealous and insecure.

 

The New Year is coming and it is time to start fresh, I'm sure you will find someone new and better then she was. We always aim for better.

 

Good luck in the new year.

[cat 262460]

I'm sorry drlove! I believe everyone comes into our lives to either teach us something, learn something from us or both. Take the relationship for what it was and realize that it added something to you and enjoy the memories that were positive. There are more adventures on the horizon, just wait and see...

cat

[Guest f***2f***]

Well dude it sounds like you're better off without that kind of hassle. Sounds like drama and pressure, two things I can't stand in a relationship. it's a New Year in a few hours...turn the page.

[drlove 37204]

I know... you're right. She didn't know about my hobby. I kept that a well guarded secret. Although she was partly to blame for the demise of the relationship, I did some stupid things which I regret:

 

1) There was one time I spent practically the entire weekend with her. I got home at midnight on Sunday and she called me to talk on the phone for 45 minutes. She called me again at 8:30 the next morning and wanted to talk to me on my way to work. This was a regular routine for her. I became so annoyed at the fact she wouldn't give me any space that I told her she was taking up too much of my daytime minutes on my cell phone in a rather curt manner. While the phone bill was $200 a month, I still over reacted since I was stressed out from her. She totally took that the wrong way and used it against me.

 

I didn't even clue in to the fact that I could have added an unlimited option to my plan - My fault. That meant instead of talking all the time, our phone conversations were limited due to opposite schedules (she worked nights) and the fact that I wanted to keep my phone costs down.

 

2) I made a comment about her making a mark on the wall in my condo with her still wet hand. I thought it was very innocuous, but apparently she had an ex who said the same type of things to her, and she took it the wrong way again. E.g. "You're just like so and so..." I think that really doomed things since she ignored me for about six days after that.

 

3) Toward the end of our relationship, there was one day she wanted to see me in the afternoon. It was unexpected and I already had plans. I changed our date to the evening, which she agreed to, albeit reluctantly. Later that evening I called her with a bunch of different date ideas. She shot them all down saying she was sleepy. She finally agreed to come pick me up (I was visiting my mom and didn't have a car). Anyway, 45 minutes later she called back to say she wasn't coming to get me after all, but would I mind taking a $30.00 cab ride out to see her?

 

Normally, I would have said yes, but with her attitude I felt like she didn't really want to do anything anyway. Therefore I said no; however I said the first thing that popped into my head e.g. ( No, that's too expensive, but there's always next week). Of course that was the totally wrong thing to say, but I said it without even thinking. The real reason I didn't go out is because I felt I wasn't really wanted there, and I was still upset with her for ditching me the week before. The thing is, that was one of her "tests" that I didn't clue into. Inference on her part: "She's not worth $30.00"

 

The following week, I was really busy with work and couldn't see her until that coming Friday, when it was all over. So, it is partly my fault for making some careless and stupid mistakes regarding the way I handled things. I feel had I done some things differently, we might still be together.

[Lowdark 5613]

I think the biggest thing you may want to consider is the possibility that she may have returned to her previous boyfriend in the few months since you stopped seeing her. If she's as needy as you say, that may be a fair litmus test of her character and something that could have caused some nastiness down the road. You probably suspected as much when you came to the conclusion it would have ended anyway in a few months.

 

Better luck in the New Year.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Even if it's for the best, it still hurts. Feel better soon!

Posted via Mobile Device

[drlove 37204]

Even if it's for the best' date=' it still hurts. Feel better soon!

Posted via Mobile Device

 

Thank you.

[Sensual Erin 33935]

Break-ups are tough even if it's the right thing to do, especially at this time of year. It seems whenever your single around the Holidays, everyone seems to have someone. The Holiday season has a way of being over the top with the family shows, commercials and innuendos of romance. It's the New Year and the best time for all singles to turn over a new chapter and find love in 2011. Being single is a great time to self reflect and love ourselves with full acceptance before we begin to share again with someone else. I'm a firm believer in taking time to heal rather than wanting to jump into another relationship. Love ourselves first and good things come....

[qwertyaccount 15793]

She is "broken" and you are better off without her.

 

Buy this book right away: http://www.doclove.com/

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

No matter how many words of encouragement you might receive here I know it still hurts and will likely continue to for a while yet. Cherish the fun moments and the bright spots in the relationship and try to move along. You'll know when you are ready to do so, with a new year comes new opportunities, new friendships and new companions!

[VedaSloan 119179]

Break-ups suck. They hurt worse than actual physical pain.

 

But, you'll make yourself feel worse if you spend time analyzing what went wrong and how it could have been fixed. What's done is done, all you can do now is move on and try not to repeat past mistakes.

 

Chin up! It will get better.

[drlove 37204]

Break-ups suck. They hurt worse than actual physical pain.

 

But, you'll make yourself feel worse if you spend time analyzing what went wrong and how it could have been fixed. What's done is done, all you can do now is move on and try not to repeat past mistakes.

 

Chin up! It will get better.

 

I tend to do that. (over analyze) Again, I know that my ex had issues - she even admitted it and told me some personal things about her that set off some red flags.

 

However, what I'm really upset about are what I view as my own shortcomings:

 

1) Perhaps I could have been a bit more sensitive. I always had it in the back of my mind that women don't want to date someone who's a doormat. Therefore, I stood my ground on a bunch of issues, especially when I got the feeling that she was trying to change me right off the bat. She felt that I was saying "no" too often, which she interpreted as me not valuing her opinion, and that I was putting up a wall between the two of us. I realize there's a fine line between being too agreeable and being unmoving. So, looking back I feel I could have compromised a bit more.

 

2) The Cellphone: This one really irk me the most, since if I had only known about (or bothered to check into) unlimited talk options with my carrier e.g. (My Five) I could have saved myself $200 a month and she and I could have continued talking, and the whole negative scene where i complained about her taking up my daytime minutes could have been avoided.

 

3) I need to become more in tune with how women think. At the start of the relationship I was on guard for the inevitable tests, but two months in I wasn't necessarily expecting it. I should have caught on to the fact that whole "cab ride" scenario was a test as well, and if I had been thinking at the time I would have. Perhaps if I had gone over there that night and talked things over with her, it may have salvaged the relationship.

 

4) Apparently, (judging by feedback from various sources) making an issue of a hand print on a wall was the wrong thing to do. Go figure...

[BarrhavenWoody 10776]

She is "broken" and you are better off without her.

 

Buy this book right away: http://www.doclove.com/

 

 

haha you're telling drlove to buy a book from doclove.com - too funny!

 

drlove, it will feel better in time. I understand about the insecurity and neediness. It can be very draining. And you feel like you are always on your toes cuz anything you say could be misinterpreted and used against you later. Been there, done that. :(

[drlove 37204]

drlove, it will feel better in time. I understand about the insecurity and neediness. It can be very draining. And you feel like you are always on your toes cuz anything you say could be misinterpreted and used against you later. Been there, done that. :(

 

You know, that's the really sad thing about it all. Here was a woman who was totally into me, extremely attractive, great personality (for the most part) and yet it was all sabotaged by insecurity. I'm sure there are legitimate reasons for why she is the way she is, but it's such a shame. Things could have been so much better... if only.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

haha you're telling drlove to buy a book from doclove.com - too funny!

 

I didn't even notice - that is damn funny!

 

Seriously though, it's a great book and doc love can help drlove both get over this problem chick and avoid mistakes with the next.

 

drlove - you were right not letting her try to change you and not compromising. The phone should have only been for making dates, no chit chat. You'll be tested by "the one" until the day you die. Making an issue of the hand print was ok, her overreaction wasn't.

 

Best of all, you didn't have to spend money on a Xmas gift -- more hobby money!

 

I'm sure that there is more than one Cerb lady that would love to cheer you up!

[roamingguy 300292]

We've all been there and feel your pain. Right now it doesn't feel good, but in a few months you'll realize that the intensity of the relationship wasn't good, and you'll be happy. My last g/f was very intense (amongst other things)...hurt when we broke up, but the flip side, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders too.

Another benifit of the breakup happening so soon, is no splitting of property, support payments etc...what if you found out a couple years into the relationship (and you were living together or married), you could end up losing half.

It hurts, but wasn't meant to be. In the meantime, enjoy the company of the CERB ladies. Keep your dating casual for awhile

RG

aka Dr. Phil

[drlove 37204]

Best of all, you didn't have to spend money on a Xmas gift -- more hobby money!

 

My thoughts exactly! *lol*

 

Additional Comments:

We've all been there and feel your pain. Right now it doesn't feel good, but in a few months you'll realize that the intensity of the relationship wasn't good, and you'll be happy. My last g/f was very intense (amongst other things)...hurt when we broke up, but the flip side, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders too.

Another benifit of the breakup happening so soon, is no splitting of property, support payments etc...what if you found out a couple years into the relationship (and you were living together or married), you could end up losing half.

It hurts, but wasn't meant to be. In the meantime, enjoy the company of the CERB ladies. Keep your dating casual for awhile

RG

aka Dr. Phil

 

Very true... I actually thought of the consequences of living with her etc. and if I ever settled down with a woman I would have my lawyer draft a co-habitation agreement beforehand. It's funny you mentioned it, because she was actually hinting at things like living together, having kids etc. in a round about way. It really freaked me out since we had only been dating for about a month at that point. I'm used to a much more casual approach to dating, and keeping women at arm's length so to speak since my work occupies me constantly. I often find it difficult to make the time for a relationship. However, in this case I made a sincere effort, and it still wasn't enough for her. I remember when we got costumes for Halloween... She picked out a ball and chain for me - she was only half kidding!! :shock:

[qwertyaccount 15793]

...hinting at things like living together, having kids etc...

 

Man did you get out just in the nick of time!

 

Kids are great but can you imaging having to put up with this nut-job one way or another for 18+ years?

[A***** A***** 510]

I'm sorry drlove! I believe everyone comes into our lives to either teach us something, learn something from us or both. Take the relationship for what it was and realize that it added something to you and enjoy the memories that were positive. There are more adventures on the horizon, just wait and see...

 

cat

 

I agree with what cat has to say. IF you are interested, I can forward you some reading material that might make things a bit easier on you. It's by Chuck Spezzano. "are you a reason, a season or a lifetime" and his E book. Pm me here and I will get that off to you drlove

[roamingguy 300292]

One thing I would add, even if right now you focus on all her bad qualities, when the wounds are healed, chalk it up as you two weren't meant to be together.

Don't hold a grudge and don't hate her. You two were just not compatable

Believe it or not, at least in my experience it's easier to move on and be happy if you don't have any hard feelings towards her

Good luck

RG

[drlove 37204]

One thing I would add, even if right now you focus on all her bad qualities, when the wounds are healed, chalk it up as you two weren't meant to be together.

Don't hold a grudge and don't hate her. You two were just not compatable

Believe it or not, at least in my experience it's easier to move on and be happy if you don't have any hard feelings towards her

Good luck

RG

 

Exactly... I don't have any ill will toward her at all. In fact, she even said that she hoped we could be friends. Now, I'm not sure if she really means that, or if she's just saying it for effect. I thought I would give her some space and maybe call her mid February to wish her a happy birthday. This would be a way of opening the door to friendship as a pair of ex'es.

 

Deep down I know we weren't compatible for the long term. However, it hurts when someone who was so into you suddenly gives you the cold shoulder with out warning, simply because the relationship didn't live up to her unrealistic expectations of what it should be. This girl thought she was a princess and wanted the fairy tale... Apparently, I wasn't wooing her enough, whatever that means.