Thoughts on Our Hobby

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Well, I agree. Monogamy is an artificial state that has been developed to support the female members with the difficult process of child rearing, particularly in more recent history when children need so much more time and support in order to mature. In prehistoric times, children matured earlier. Today, they require years to gain all the skills and knowledge that they need.

 

The only part of the post that I would question is the statement "the best qualities of each of the partners a woman chose to have sex with". Having multiple partners will not allow selection of the best qualities of each. Only one sperm will fertilize the egg.

 

Good post tho.

[MightyPen 67414]

Thanks for the reference. I hadn't heard of "Sex at Dawn" 'til this post and I'm curious enough to check it out sometime.

 

I'm always a bit leery of "A explains X, Y, and Z" theses. I can see where you're coming from, and I think there's some truth to what you're saying, but it doesn't quite match up with the way I see the world. Here are a few thoughts on your various points.

 

a) Monogamy isn't our natural state.

Well duh. ;) I don't think monogamy is enshrined in our culture because it's believed to be easy or natural. I think the idea is that people give up their natural inclinations to polygamy out of respect for their one chosen partner. And everyone knows it will be hard to stick to that -- it's part of the point. The tension and frustration this often imposes in our sex lives (especially once the relationship's initial glow wears off) is a perfectly natural and common result. What people do about that tension and frustration tells you a lot of what you need to know about that person and their relationship.

 

b) That explains swinging, group sex, and porn.

I dunno. These are outgrowths of the natural desires for a varied sex life, sure. But the psychology of each of these things is much deeper than "I want more partners". Our modern brains deal in symbols, and sexuality is VERY heavily laden with many layers of symbolic meaning. Some people who are hung up on power relationships may seek out many partners to "own" or "be owned" by many people. Some folks are looking for partners in leather, or to have another man's wife, or to pay back a cheating or disappointing husband. Check out the variety of specialized fetish porn on the 'net. There's LOTS going on in the minds of participants in the sex culture and sex trade. I agree that a natural inclination to simple variety, as well as sharing the self openly with a group of other human beings, is part of it. But this just grazes the surface.

 

c) And that's also why prostitution is cool and we like it.

Hmm. I think the same deal applies -- sure, a natural desire for multiple partners explains promiscuity, and service providers offer is a piece of the puzzle. I'll bet that for some folks that's the whole story. But the services people are seeking are hugely varied. Not just MORE sex, but DIFFERENT sex, or sex people are ashamed of, or sex with favourite toys or clothes or in special situations. Too much going on here to apply one label.

 

d) Service providers are like waitresses, teachers, or diplomats.

Those aren't the parallels I'd have chosen. (Although Waitress and Teacher open up all kinds of cool roleplaying opportunities.) I'll stop trying to list the variety of what all other people are after, and just explain my own attitude: service providers for me, when things go well, are more like therapists. They help remind me that it's always possible to make new intimate connections with the people around me. They get my fantasies out of the privacy of my own head and into the real world, where I can enact them and see what happens. I get to have fun sex with the trappings I enjoy and an accepting partner, which I find hugely satisfying and fulfilling. Sometimes this encourages me to explore something more deeply; other times, once even a powerful fantasy is acted out, it loses its power over my imagination and I put it aside. I get to laugh and have fun. And I always come away having learned something new about people and about me. And I meet some incredibly cool women who are completely comfortable with their sexuality and just plain fun to be with. A good session leaves me feeling great for days.

 

e) [being a Service Provider is] a social role requiring intricate knowledge of human interactions, and [serves] a valuable function for society.

At the level we're dealing with the industry here on CERB, yes I completely agree.

 

f) The building of community is the most natural state of human-kind.

Yes. We're herd creatures, not solitary predators. Our psychology is wired for connection and community because that's where we're strongest. Consider the many ways in which our current cultural and economic setup conflicts with this. :) For great illustrations of how people build communities, watch "Buffy" or "Firefly". Joss Whedon totally gets it.

 

I could go on, and maybe I'll return to the thread later, but those are my initial thoughts.

 

Additional Comments:

The only part of the post that I would question is the statement "the best qualities of each of the partners a woman chose to have sex with". Having multiple partners will not allow selection of the best qualities of each. Only one sperm will fertilize the egg.

Right, but he's not saying that's what really happens... just that some cultures who didn't have our biological knowledge believed it to be the case. And that the belief contributed to their celebration of multiple partners, so that the child would get the best of all of them.

[Lowdark 5613]

I have to agree about the multiple partners. Multiple mating is still a primary biological urge, but evolution has given us minds that not only allow us to reason and analyze, but also rise above our base, primal natures. I'm not judging anyone who has multiple, knowing consenting partners, but monogamy is possible given our minds, the thing that raises us above animals. After all, we have all felt the urge (sometimes need) to lash out in anger, yet we rise above that impulse. Those who don't get to enjoy prison.

 

But I totally agree about needing a whole village to raise a child. the best way.

[crunchyfrog 101]

Thanks for the insights, guys. I was hoping some people here would help me understand this topic, and indeed you have.

 

MightyPen:

 

>> b) That explains swinging, group sex, and porn.

> I dunno. ... the psychology of each of these things

> is much deeper than "I want more partners".

 

You're absolutely right. "Explains" was too strong a word - perhaps something like "the fact that we came from such societies is related to thoughts towards swinging, group sex, porn, or becoming a service provider." I didn't give people enough credit for being the complex creatures that they are. I show my own inexperience here. :-)

 

>> d) Service providers are like waitresses, teachers, or diplomats.

> Those aren't the parallels I'd have chosen. ... service providers for me,

> when things go well, are more like therapists.

 

Well put. Escorts are professionally trained to deal with all social situations. So are therapists, but therapists only read about it in a book.

 

Lowdark:

 

> monogamy is possible given our minds

Monogamy is absolutely possible and works for many people. I can only speculate as to how many entirely monogamous people are members here at CERB. ;-) "Monogamy" is a bit of a dirty word - it really should mean whatever the couple wants it to mean.

 

> the thing that raises us above animals...

one of the interesting things in another part of the book is that it notes how we share 98.4% of our genetic material with both chimps and bonobos. It's not just that we both descended from our common ancestor with the apes (you know... if you believe in that sort of thing), for all intents and purposes we _are apes . Chimps can be violent, but we share just as much in common with bonobos, which are peaceful, and for the most part live nearly exactly like modern day forager tribes. Our complex brain lets us work both ways (both violent and greedy capitalist, or peaceful villager) because we're highly adaptable.

 

Let's hear some more if you've got it.

 

-cf

[Amanda Bella 421]

I think multiple partners appeal to some of us when we not particularly in love with anyone.

 

As the greeks says love is a search and we will contine to search for love as long as we do not find that special someone, at least to me.

 

But for men it is different given the amount of testosterone diminishes with time but for females, sexual desire does increases as we age, which Viagra is here to bring some youth to the gents.

 

Maybe if i had a male body i would think about sexuality differently.

 

But love is not all about sex but mostly about sex, just kidding.

 

Yet i love the point in which the book argues that women need monogamy to have a guy to help her support and raise the kids, it makes sense.

 

But with the feminist revolution this is gone change and we shall see.

 

Sure monogamy it is possible and it is part of the process of emotional growth and that is why i am immature, i know and i am not kidding.

I remember been in a serious relationship and not wanting to have sex with other guys, because i hated been touched by someone other then my at the time boyfriend.

 

I desagree when someone here said that:

 

Been a sex provider it is like been: waitresses, teachers, or diplomats.

 

These cathegories of people are not ashamed to talk about their job issues at family dinner table yet i am and most sex workers are and would not discuss clients no show, or the up and downs of the daily lives of a sex worker, at their families dinner table.

 

But i do agree that we sex workers can be more like sexual therapistes which helps people fulfill their sexual fantasies and we offer erotic companionship to gents who are too busy with their careers. or uninterested in serious relationhips or wanting to save their dead bed marriage by learning sexual trickys from my expertise.

 

....to be continue later ok?

Interesting discussion!

[Guest s******ecan****]

Hey all,

 

 

I have spoken to a number of escorts in my time, and most were very articulate about their reasons for becoming escorts. Almost without exception they told me they loved their job, they loved the men (those that treated them well), and that they gained tremendous satisfaction from their work. They believe they provided a valuable service, but were a little hazy on exactly what that service was.

 

 

Be careful about bringing this subject up with the ladies. While many have no reservations about discussing it in person or on the board, some would be uncomfortable being asked. In all of my encounters I have never asked a lady whether they enjoy the business or how they got into it.....really its none of my business. Many have made their feelings known (always positive) but again that is their choice.