Kilt Boy 29353 Report post Posted July 27, 2017 What is the best way to deal with a stalker? This is not a hypothetical situation. Asking for a friend. Let's say that someone you were engaged with as an adult service provider began to display signs of mental disturbance. Obsession. Delusion. Need for constant attention. Incessant texting, calling, leaving messages. Threatening self-harm. Etc. Let's assume that the offender has been cut off from as many channels of contact as is possible and you've already changed your phone number because he gets around call blocking by just using a different phone. Somehow he has found your real phone number and/or your home address. He knows where you work, and you've warned everyone you trust and work with about him along with pictures and all relevant information pertaining to your safety and the situation. The police have been called, but there is very little that they can do proactively. What else can you do to keep yourself safe and calm your mind? 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest *Ste***cque** Report post Posted July 27, 2017 Sh'e already reported him to the authorities. There are probably additional steps one could take but each case is unique. If it were me being stalked? Cut off all communication. Resist the urge to explain yourself. Any connection you maintain will be rationalized into a relationship. Cut off ALL communication! Trust your gut instinct, always! Don't let potential embarrassment cause you to ignore your body's warning signs. Always carry mace and practice getting at it and using it. Never engage with him. If he shows up somewhere you are, leave. Don't antagonize him, just leave. If his behavior escalates into something threatening, get a restraining order and enforce it. As a last resort? Move. These people may suffer from temporary or longer lasting delusions. Do all you can not to feed the delusion. If they have nothing to hold onto, they may move on eventually. I hope it works out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Exotic Touch Danielle 31713 Report post Posted July 27, 2017 The police were already contacted then she must protect herself by any means necessary Carry a weapon if need be because he obviously isn't to be trusted and possibly won't stop until he does some damage to her Notify her neighbors maybe they can keep an eye on her place...set up an alarm system That's so scarey 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest n*gu**6 Report post Posted July 28, 2017 If the police have already been involved, there is a file started. Unfortunately, the options for response are largely "re-active" not "pro-active". It seems something has to happen before anything can be done which by that time is too late... I will be cautious regarding the carrying of a weapon unless it is a licensed/legal weapon). Be cautious of bear spray or mace as some local jurisdictions prohibit that and could involve in legal issues of her own. (FYI... Wasp Blaster, while a larger can.... is perfectly legal and also rather effective to the eyes) One avenue she should pursue would be a peace bond or cease and desist order against the stalker. If there is proof (phone records/emails etc) that can be used to justify the letter it can prohibit contact, being in proximity, etc. While just a piece of paper.... it is when you can prove contact or get picture of him violating that order that can be acted on by authorities. I'm in a situation myself where I have an unwanted stalker sporadically harassing me. While I have not gone to a peace bond or restraining order yet, it will be my next step. Not a fun time. Sadly the stalker seems to have most of the rights until it is too late. Good luck to her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boomer 33202 Report post Posted July 28, 2017 Always difficult, and will take time to resolve. First, start keeping a meticulous record of any interactions he attempts. Second, I would see a lawyer who can advise you of your rights and how to enforce them, and if necessary be your go between with the law. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted August 1, 2017 I have no personal experience with this, and IANAL, but one thing I've heard/read about is that it's very useful to keep a log of all interactions with this person. It's all very well saying he turned up at her house/work multiple times last week, but if she can give dates and times when he was there and grab a pic on the cellphone without him noticing it may well be very helpful down the line if/when it actually comes to putting together a legal case against the stalker. Same with calls, emails, texts, etc. In a similar vein, it might be worth her letting her cellphone provider know about the issue and asking them to keep call/text logs for longer, too, so that they'll be available as evidence if need be. Or asking for copies if that's possible. Even if she never answered the phone, being able to demonstrate that he made X calls and sent Y texts in the space of a week is powerful evidence of unreasonable behavior, and evidence is the most important thing the police and courts need in order to do something useful to help. Similarly, it might be useful for her to keep a diary of the effects on her. Saying, "I'm losing sleep over this" is not as good as, "Here is a record of every time I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep because of this". 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meaghan McLeod 179664 Report post Posted August 1, 2017 There are apps you can install on your phone that do a number of things. Send a text to a contact, locate you via GPS etc. I remember seeing one that would do that plus record video/audio of you and your surroundings. Did a quick search online and there are a few to choose from. One example *I have not used so can't verify it* http://redpanicbutton.com/ 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Studio 110 by Sophia 150333 Report post Posted August 1, 2017 If you have any info on him such as where he lives, works etc...you can hire a lawyer to send him a notice to cease harrasing activity or legal action will be taken. As long long as you can provide 10 expamples of harrassments or threats he can do it. I did this once, and it worked! Hand delivered registred letter. Never heard a peep after that. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meg O'Ryan 266444 Report post Posted August 1, 2017 Yup Sophia! Keep accurate logs and you can get a restraining order! I did it once! 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted August 2, 2017 For anyone who's interested: an old thread, but it gives you some idea of what can be done. https://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=66258 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Regent 35404 Report post Posted August 5, 2017 I would highly recommend you and your friend read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It's an incredibly valuable resource for knowing how to assess situations and respond in a way that will keep you safe. https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
