racist

[Kilt Boy 29353]

A couple of weeks ago I was at my local dance hall and a friend I was out with called me a racist. That made me think.

 

The details of the exchange are that I show a certain amount of love for ladies within a certain range of skin colouration. This is well known both to myself, my friends, and a shedload of dancers. I'll dance with just about anyone, but I have a preference.

 

Does this make me racist? Keep in mind that I'm not using the politically charged 'common' definition of that hated word. Try to think about what that word means before adding any comment, please. I'm not trying to start a political firestorm. I'd prefer a rational discussion.

 

When I think of the word racist, I think of a person who is exclusionary. I am merely preferential. I like one thing more than the others instead of hating all but one thing. Is there a word for that? I don't want to use the word 'racial' because that has its own problems.

 

I'd like to be able to respond to any further discussion of this nature with something like, "I'm not racist, I'm preferential," without sounding like a complete turd. Is that even possible?

[Blaize 1019]

A couple of weeks ago I was at my local dance hall and a friend I was out with called me a racist. That made me think.

 

The details of the exchange are that I show a certain amount of love for ladies within a certain range of skin colouration. This is well known both to myself, my friends, and a shedload of dancers. I'll dance with just about anyone, but I have a preference.

 

Does this make me racist? Keep in mind that I'm not using the politically charged 'common' definition of that hated word. Try to think about what that word means before adding any comment, please. I'm not trying to start a political firestorm. I'd prefer a rational discussion.

 

When I think of the word racist, I think of a person who is exclusionary. I am merely preferential. I like one thing more than the others instead of hating all but one thing. Is there a word for that? I don't want to use the word 'racial' because that has its own problems.

 

I'd like to be able to respond to any further discussion of this nature with something like, "I'm not racist, I'm preferential," without sounding like a complete turd. Is that even possible?

Everyone has a preference. If all things are equal and I had to choose between a skin tone, my curiosity would lead me to choose something other than Caucasian.

 

Why? Well it's not looks, it's because when I see someone with light skin, subconsciously I'm thinking, "okay, no big deal. I see light skin all the time"

 

Now that's not to say I don't find them attractive; they're just not as intriguing.

 

I enjoy differences far more than I do similarities. Differences challenge your perceptions and in doing so make you learn.

 

Without knowing the context of your conversation (mostly if your friend was serious or joking), I'd say either your friend was jealous, or is the racist - simply for coming to that conclusion.

 

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[Kilt Boy 29353]

I'd say either your friend was jealous, or is the racist - simply for coming to that conclusion.

I don't think he meant it in a seriously negative way, but more as a slightly drunk, throw-away conversational point.

 

Still, I remembered it and am giving the concept some thought.

[NotchJohnson 214134]

Maybe you like girls that are exotic? So If you are a white male and like to see Asians, Ebony, or Russian girls that is your choice.

Without highjacking your post for the people from other ethnicity are we exotic to them? I'm a white dude, so am I exotic to Asians?

[Kilt Boy 29353]

I'm a white dude, so am I exotic to Asians?

There was an episode of Better Off Ted (an excellent show) that had a similar exchange.

 

A white guy was hitting on an Asian gal and said that he found her exotic. She said that there were many more Asians than whites, so if anything ... HE was the exotic one.

 

I guess it depends on your perspective.

 

Also, there's a difference between exotic and desirable.

[Tempted Monk 5057]

I guess, nobody will try to define me by some special word or see anything negative if I say I prefer brunettes over blondes (or vice versa). I don't see any difference if I like more girls with caramel skin color - just personal preference. IMHO

[WhereIRoam 21825]

I have spent time with women of most ethnicities at a SC and in the CR and yes, I too prefer caucasians and Asians but I think it is purely based on "the look", not skin tone. Outside of SCs I have friends and socialize with persons without thought of their ethnicity and even though I do see the visual color of their skin all that registers in my brain is the color my eyes are seeing.

 

What has me thinking is that I have been intimate with women of different races but I have yet to be intimate with one of middle eastern descent. Could that in any way be perceived as me being "racist" or does it simply mean that my preference is that of caucasians and Asians? I don't think it makes me racist, simply that I have preferences. We all have our preferences but the question is how would someone else interpret it? I would hate to think that one would find this to make me "racist". Perceptions do vary...

 

WIR

[r__d 12698]

 

We all have our preferences but the question is how would someone else interpret it? I would hate to think this would make me "racist". Perceptions do vary...

 

WIR

 

This strikes me as being the delicate point in discussions of this matter. I believe KB has drawn a meaningful and significant distinction between "preference" and thoroughgoing "prejudice", but the behaviour of one who consistently exercises a certain preference without fail might be deemed by some to be indicative of a prejudicial and thus racist attitude and, of course, in some cases the perception sadly might be correct.

 

It's also worth noting that it's a good thing "we all have our preferences". It just wouldn't do for all of us to be lined up waiting for the same ebony spinner or busty blonde or Asian goddess or.....

 

This reminds me that many years ago I was accused of being a racist in a "dance hall" (Barb's) but in that instance the accusation was levelled not by a friend but by a dancer after I declined her invitations to the CR. Considered complaining to management, but then decided to let it go. Had never happened before and has never been repeated (at Barb's or anywhere else).

 

Additional Comments:

After all, variety is, ah, interesting........

[Hukupp 1651]

Definitely okay to have a preference. Something that gets touchy for some is only having one experience with a certain background and making conclusions. Stereotyping can take over fast. In this day and age more than ever, education, how and where somebody is born and raised, people they hang with, career and many other factors will have more of an influence as opposed to their actual background. So, for some, try the spices! Can be great!

[TheDivaChanel917 6917]

A couple of weeks ago I was at my local dance hall and a friend I was out with called me a racist. That made me think.

 

The details of the exchange are that I show a certain amount of love for ladies within a certain range of skin colouration. This is well known both to myself, my friends, and a shedload of dancers. I'll dance with just about anyone, but I have a preference.

 

Does this make me racist? Keep in mind that I'm not using the politically charged 'common' definition of that hated word. Try to think about what that word means before adding any comment, please. I'm not trying to start a political firestorm. I'd prefer a rational discussion.

 

When I think of the word racist, I think of a person who is exclusionary. I am merely preferential. I like one thing more than the others instead of hating all but one thing. Is there a word for that? I don't want to use the word 'racial' because that has its own problems.

 

I'd like to be able to respond to any further discussion of this nature with something like, "I'm not racist, I'm preferential," without sounding like a complete turd. Is that even possible?

 

 

 

Well I can vouch your defiantly not racist !

 

 

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[Brad 49548]

On one side, I would agree that it can come down to simple preference, not racism. We don't consciously control or rationally choose what traits we find desirable. If people find they have a special attraction for a certain height, hair colour, build, style of look, fingernail length, or literally any other physical trait you can name, wouldn't it actually be odd if skin colour wasn't included?

 

That said, a couple caveats or points to consider...

 

While I don't think it's automatically racism--at least in the overt definition being used in this thread--to be attracted to certain skin colours more than others, it's worth thinking about why a person is attracted to one colour more than another.

 

We are all of us to a degree influenced by systemic racism. We can try to be self-aware, we can try to ensure we don't act on it and educate ourselves about the experiences of those different than us, and we can certainly ensure that we treat everyone with dignity. But even if it's on an unconscious level, our society and cultural and surroundings affect us.

 

For example, is the reason for not being attracted to someone of middle eastern descent simply a matter of random taste? Or have years of being bombarded with negative media images, alt-right memes, racist humour, and stereotypes unconsciously influenced that preference?

 

If a person is generally speaking more often attracted to someone with lighter skin than darker skin, how much of that is because they grew up bombarded by images on tv, movies, ads, and magazines that overwhelmingly represented a certain race as the standard of beauty? People seem to agree that such media influences the weight, bust size, and age that is considered "ideal". Could it not just as easily have an influence on perception of skin colour and beauty?

 

So no, I don't think being attracted to certain skin colours is overt racism or makes a person any more prejudice than the next. It's not something an individual can choose to "turn off" or change, and it doesn't mean they think that one skin colour makes a person inherently better than another. But I do think it's possible our preferences and attractions could be unconsciously shaped by systemic/societal racism.

[Guest Prufrock Cummings]

I remember reading novels by W.P. Kinsella in my youth (great Canadian author who sadly passed away last year with a zillion other celebrities). His novels centered on the Hobema Reserve in Alberta and focused on two main characters Silas Ermineskin and Frank Fencepost. Frank was well endowed and quite handsome. Many white women wanted their time with him, and he was more than willing to comply. He called the white woman who were interested in him as "Indian-struck". The term has stuck with me for life.

 

Not sure if this adds to your thread Kilt Boy, but it brought back a memory from years gone by when I read your post.

[TheDivaChanel917 6917]

Does anyone remember the time when white men and black women were not allowed to be together , so in that era. Something people learn about in schools that is frowned upon. While generations change , people become curious of other cultures , religion , ethnicities . Might you be white and into black might you be black and into white . Might you be one religion and wanting to learn something else. No one should call anyone anything a joking matter or not. You never know who your saying things towards. And I feel like these days we have to watch the way we phrase things and what we say. Yes we do have a freedom of speech however these days things have changed in a drastic amount of time. I am all for all ethnicities religions and cultures. Our skin colour our culture or ethnicity and our religion does not make us who we are. We are all individuals and growing into what we want ppl to perceive us as. But remember that who you hang out with or associate with is what you are. So therefore, if he wasn't joking I wouldn't choose to continue that friendship however if he was joking and drunk then it's def something to brush off! Most white men nowadays in this industry and I mean clientele wise usually like the chocolate ladies is what I like to call them and FYI everyone needs a little chocolate in their life! I don't have white skin but I'm not chocolate I'm a little mix of vanilla and mocha ... I'm on the exotic side I assume I am anyways everyone has different views ! But keep rocking on with them ladies KILTBOY !!!

 

 

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[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I agree with Brad, many people are influenced by what I will call "otherness". Differences, whether cultural or physical, can play a role in your beliefs. Those beliefs can be innocent or malicious.

 

Having a physical preference isn't racist in my book as it comes from desire.

Racism comes from hate and fear.

 

Put another way, desire resides in the groin, racism resides in the heart.

 

Your buddy was probably just busting your balls. React accordingly. :)

[Blaize 1019]

It was asked earlier if not having some kind of relations with a particular decent could be construed as racist and then mentioned that subconsciously racism might play into that choice.

 

On the relations side, if you made a conscious decision like, "I don't want to take her for a dance because Muslims are prudes", that would definitely be discrimination. Or finding a particular colour repellant.

 

That being said it may simply boil down to the opportunity to do so...

 

Personally I've had the chance to take Iranian, Lebanese, Moroccan, Portuguese, Spanish, Haitian, Jamaican, Russian, Italian and Dominican women for dances (all various skin tones, some of which you wouldn't know unless you asked).

 

If it just boils down to physical attractiveness and personality that's not racist. You might love almond-shaped eyes, that's a feature that happens a lot in middle-eastern people. That's a preference, not racism.

 

It's like I would choose a Lamborghini over a Ferrari anyday, given then choice. Would that make me a vehiculist? I like them both, just that lambos evoke a guttural desire somewhere deep in my soul and that is the Je-ne-sais-quoi that fuels my decision.

 

Being labeled racist because you prefer a particular skin colour or facial features is akin to being called sexist because you prefer females to males.

 

My extra two cents

 

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[TheDivaChanel917 6917]

It was asked earlier if not having some kind of relations with a particular decent could be construed as racist and then mentioned that subconsciously racism might play into that choice.

 

On the relations side, if you made a conscious decision like, "I don't want to take her for a dance because Muslims are prudes", that would definitely be discrimination. Or finding a particular colour repellant.

 

That being said it may simply boil down to the opportunity to do so...

 

Personally I've had the chance to take Iranian, Lebanese, Moroccan, Portuguese, Spanish, Haitian, Jamaican, Russian, Italian and Dominican women for dances (all various skin tones, some of which you wouldn't know unless you asked).

 

If it just boils down to physical attractiveness and personality that's not racist. You might love almond-shaped eyes, that's a feature that happens a lot in middle-eastern people. That's a preference, not racism.

 

It's like I would choose a Lamborghini over a Ferrari anyday, given then choice. Would that make me a vehiculist? I like them both, just that lambos evoke a guttural desire somewhere deep in my soul and that is the Je-ne-sais-quoi that fuels my decision.

 

Being labeled racist because you prefer a particular skin colour or facial features is akin to being called sexist because you prefer females to males.

 

My extra two cents

 

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Well said !!

 

 

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[redskin44 3588]

so as we all know , when people immigrate to this continent , they tend to settle where other portions of their particular background has settled . we know this is done for most just to make the transition easier on themselves . it comes down to subconsciously most of people prefer what is familiar .

 

so let them judge while you enjoy yourself . one of these days they may realize what a great life they could of had with a more open mind .

 

when exotic gals dont approach me in the club , are they racist ? lol

[TheDivaChanel917 6917]

so as we all know , when people immigrate to this continent , they tend to settle where other portions of their particular background has settled . we know this is done for most just to make the transition easier on themselves . it comes down to subconsciously most of people prefer what is familiar .

 

 

 

so let them judge while you enjoy yourself . one of these days they may realize what a great life they could of had with a more open mind .

 

 

 

when exotic gals dont approach me in the club , are they racist ? lol

 

 

 

Hmmm , that's a good question

 

 

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[NotchJohnson 214134]

@Kilt Boy, just because you wear a skirt and you prefer a girl who wears a skirt it does not make you a racist. Just my opinion.

 

BTW I like girls that wear skirt and I know it's called a kilt.

[Exotic Touch Danielle 31734]

There is nothing at all wrong with having a preference in who you like to date or who you are attracted to..No that doesn't mean you are racist

 

When I think of racism well that word to me means hate and someone feeling I guess superior to whom they do not like

 

Having a sexual preference is not that same thing

 

I love the exotic look on both men and women...does that mean I am not attracted to others no

[NotchJohnson 214134]

There is nothing at all wrong with having a preference in who you like to date or who you are attracted to..No that doesn't mean you are racist

 

When I think of racism well that word to me means hate and someone feeling I guess superior to whom they do not like

 

Having a sexual preference is not that same thing

 

I love the exotic look on both men and women...does that mean I am not attracted to others no

Barack Obama as just recently got the most liked tweet of all time saying "No one is born hating another person because the colour or his skin, or is background or his religion" This tweet has been like more then 3 million time since it was posted on August 13 th.

 

Additional Comments:

There is nothing at all wrong with having a preference in who you like to date or who you are attracted to..No that doesn't mean you are racist

 

When I think of racism well that word to me means hate and someone feeling I guess superior to whom they do not like

 

Having a sexual preference is not that same thing

 

I love the exotic look on both men and women...does that mean I am not attracted to others no

Barack Obama as just recently got the most liked tweet of all time saying "No one is born hating another person because the colour or his skin, or is background or his religion" This tweet has been like more then 3 million time since it was posted on August 13 th.

[Guest Prufrock Cummings]

Additional Comments:

 

Barack Obama as just recently got the most liked tweet of all time saying "No one is born hating another person because the colour or his skin, or is background or his religion" This tweet has been like more then 3 million time since it was posted on August 13 th.

 

 

I thought Martin Luther King originally said that and Obama just semi-re-quoted it in a tweetie thing. I don't think he particularly was the one "saying" it.

[TheDivaChanel917 6917]

Barack Obama as just recently got the most liked tweet of all time saying "No one is born hating another person because the colour or his skin, or is background or his religion" This tweet has been like more then 3 million time since it was posted on August 13 th.

 

Additional Comments:

 

Barack Obama as just recently got the most liked tweet of all time saying "No one is born hating another person because the colour or his skin, or is background or his religion" This tweet has been like more then 3 million time since it was posted on August 13 th.

 

 

 

Barack Obama is my birthday twin !

 

 

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[Exotic Touch Danielle 31734]

Not sure why what I said was reposted with what Obama tweeted?

[conquistador 18487]

Not sure why what I said was reposted with what Obama tweeted?

 

Notch is just agreeing with you, you mentioned racism is related to hate and Obama is kind of saying the same thing in the tweet.

 

and i agree as well.