Time Wasting

[inlove 564]

So today I'm in work. Light afternoon, looks like I can get away early. In the mood for fun I have a look at backpage. See a girl, she has no reviews here but her ad looks good. So I text, get rates and availability. I say I should be able to get there in an hour. Literally 2 mins after all he'll breaks loose in work. I immediately send a very apologetic text to the girl telling her I can't make it.

 

She says that it's the lamest excuse ever and she's going to post my number on backpage. I apologize again and assure her that it's not an excuse, apologizing yet again. She responds that she has publicized my number.

 

So why am I telling you this? Well I get that time wasters must be the parasites of this profession. I get how annoying and troublesome they must be. I have nothing against the girl who posted my number, I'm sure she was angry and I understand why she would be. But, I wasn't wasting her time. An emergency did come up at work. I told her less than five mins after booking.

 

I'm not saying she wasn't right to be angry, I'm just saying that sometimes, on both sides, emergencies can happen and it doesn't mean that it's time wasting. I feel really bad about canceling, but I had no choice. Sometimes what might look like a time wasting jerk, might not be :)

[Boyneedsromance 818]

Absolutely agree, it doesn't feel good to run into someone like this, so imagine being a sp having to deal with this kind of situation all day long, it is quite understandable how one can snap, she might be one of those trashy girls but it's never wrong to be honest and be respectful at all times. No need to worry yourself, out of curiousity I check BP doesn't seem like an actual ad was posted with your number. Be safe, and be grateful we have all the wonderful girls here that's consistently respectful and courteous, not to say damn sexy as well

[inlove 564]

Thanks, I appreciate that.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Once you have a firm appointment, best bet in my opinion is to figure out a way to make it up to the lady financially. In your situation (every one is different) I would have offered her half the fee in an emailed gift certificate or some other way to show her you are seriously sorry.

 

Once you have a firm appointment, especially one that is coming up shortly, you have "crossed the rubicon," so to speak, and the onus is on you, regardless of the reason, and regardless of whether it was only confirmed five minutes before. Also by doing that you are likely to keep her interest and keep you out of potential trouble.

[inlove 564]

That's a good point. As it was literally 120 seconds after "I'll be there in an hour" I didn't think of it. But you're right that would have helped.

[nerdnerd 449]

I have similar situations... often the only time I have is last minute, and I've had my last minute get-away get screwed up. In all but one case, she understood, and I did make it up next time.

[Guest Prufrock Cummings]

Once you have a firm appointment, best bet in my opinion is to figure out a way to make it up to the lady financially. In your situation (every one is different) I would have offered her half the fee in an emailed gift certificate or some other way to show her you are seriously sorry.

 

Once you have a firm appointment, especially one that is coming up shortly, you have "crossed the rubicon," so to speak, and the onus is on you, regardless of the reason, and regardless of whether it was only confirmed five minutes before. Also by doing that you are likely to keep her interest and keep you out of potential trouble.

 

I feel that I have to disagree. If it was literally 2 minutes, then her time has not been infringed upon (really, think about it, two minutes, the kettle doesn't even boil in that time). How many other bookings could she have turned down in the 120 seconds that followed? How much prep-work could she have done in two minutes; walk to the bathroom and wash her hands, maybe tinkle?

 

I've pre booked with women weeks in advance and in one case I got violently ill the same day. I cancelled with 8 hours notice but I paid 100% restitution for the missed date, because there was time and prep on both her part (and mine) over the weeks leading up. I've often made lunch plans with coworkers to turn around 5 minutes later and say omg, I'm so sorry, but the you know what just hit the fan and I can't make lunch. My coworkers don't hold it against me, or get vindictive on Facebook, things can happen in a moment.

 

What the woman did in this case is purely vindictive. Two minutes, really, is that so terrible?

[Luckyme 41401]

I think the lady had over-reacted a bit. In doing so, she had essentially burned the bridges behind her, so to speak.

 

In a situation like this, there are two things that can be done to make amends. When you contact her to cancel, offer her compensation, ie a cancellation fee. Second is to offer to reschedule the appointment. Chances are that with the second offer, she'd be quite unlikely to accept the compensation offered, based on my own experiences.

[Mikeyboy 27134]

She is the only one that is in the wrong here in my opinion.

 

I do believe in compensating a lady when you have truly inconvenienced her and possibly cost her some income due to the loss of other appointments. If you had booked days in advance and then cancelled with only a few hours notice for example. This is clearly not the case here. It often takes several points of contact to solidify a date and time that works for both parties. You called her back 2 minutes after booking. (and likely would have re-booked with her if she had handled it differently). At that point, you only owed her the courtesy of a letting her know asap that you couldn't make it. You did that.

 

I understand that these ladies have to put up with a lot of BS out there, with fake bookings, no-shows, tire kickers and any number of other time wasters. I can also appreciate how frustrated they must get by it. But to immediately lump you into that category after having to cancel 2 minutes after booking is just crazy. If you were the guy she assumed you were here, you wouldn't have bothered calling her back.

 

Her crime was far more serious in my mind. Anonymity on both parties the cornerstone of this industry. The fact that her first thought was to betray that, or even to threaten to betray that on the slightest hunch that you may have intentionally wasted 2 minutes of her time tells me she is dangerous and should be avoided by everyone.

[inlove 564]

Thanks Mikeyboy, I do think she overreacted. But maybe she was having a really tough day? But you're right, no matter the circumstances, to reflexively go to "I'm going to expose your number publicly" isn't a defensible approach.

[Exotic Touch Danielle 31734]

Yes life happens and I totally understand and I do agree she may have overly reacted a bit when she said she will post your contact # on bp(not something I would do)....but we deal with so much on a daily basis that sometimes it's really hard to tell wether or not it was just a fake booking or perhaps he is telling the truth

A cancellation fee would only be right especially if the lady could have had another booking for the time

[Biker Dude 2398]

I get it that there are a lot of time wasters and that is the bane of the existence of service providers, but publicly pronouncing someone as a time wasting hobbyist the first time when he canceled within 5 minutes is a crazy overreaction. I think even inlove was even too nice about this. Happens to me all the time where I have to cancel plans (whether with a SP or a buddy for a beer) last minute because shit hits the fan at work.

 

Please tell us who this was so I never book her.

[Mikeyboy 27134]

I get it that there are a lot of time wasters and that is the bane of the existence of service providers, but publicly pronouncing someone as a time wasting hobbyist the first time when he canceled within 5 minutes is a crazy overreaction. I think even inlove was even too nice about this. Happens to me all the time where I have to cancel plans (whether with a SP or a buddy for a beer) last minute because shit hits the fan at work.

 

Please tell us who this was so I never book her.

 

I agree. I'm not sure if there shouldn't be a thread in the warning section about her. (Mods might have to weigh in on that one.) Weather or not a cancellation fee should have been offered aside, threats like that should not be tolerated. Especially off of 1 cancellation. (Not a no show, a cancellation!) It's people like this who make life difficult for other ladies. No wonder you get so many blocked calls and texts aps! One little hiccup and you publish my phone number?

[Exotic Touch Danielle 31734]

I personally do not answer blocked calls or text apps for safety reasons and for this specific reason...if someone has previously booked and just did not show up (without calling to cancel or made one to many bookings and flat out wasted my time) yeah I just stop responding altogether...my time is valuable as well as yours

 

my intuition is pretty good when it comes to calling out the fake bookings

 

But sorry that happened to you, she did overreact

[Kubrickfan 12836]

So she did overreact, but that's not the point. You can be as rightfully indignant as you want , but still end up with your number published and potentially having to get a new mobile and a new identity. What would you rather deal with? One approach gives everyone the sense that you are a gentleman and want to be equitable, the other is you want to quibble over the facts of a meeting you scheduled. Which approach puts you in a better light? I'd rather throw some money at the issue ... Or at least offer to do that.

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I personally do not answer blocked calls or text apps for safety reasons and for this specific reason...if someone has previously booked and just did not show up (without calling to cancel or made one to many bookings and flat out wasted my time) yeah I just stop responding altogether...my time is valuable as well as yours

 

my intuition is pretty good when it comes to calling out the fake bookings

 

But sorry that happened to you, she did overreact

 

I have to agree with Danielle and follow the same protocol in regards to blocked numbers and such. I have no time or tolerance for timewasters and I just ignore those who have wasted my time in the past, I have on occasion allowed a select few redeem themselves and it was good decision on my part as we continue to communicate and see one another to date.

 

Their is only one that I regret responding to after I had already blacklisted them for being a timewaster, oh well! Lesson learned and I'm pretty great at weeding out the fake bookers and timewasters.

 

My time is just as precious as a clients and I refuse to have it wasted.

 

Yes, she did overreact and to threaten someone's privacy is wrong on so many levels and very unprofessional. So sorry you had to deal with such behaviour....Whatever happened to discretion? Shameful!!

[Gregsand 6116]

Considering everything that can possibly go wrong between a lobbyist and an SP, a cancellation is not on the list of the worst things that can happen.

 

To name a few: A no-show, attempt to fraud/shortchange, violent behavior, police bust and blackmail, are definitely better reasons to be mad and frustrated at someone. That SP is either very young and inexperienced or pretty full of herself. She choose to work in a domain where discretion and trust is key and she went public for such a trivial reason. Not sure anyone looking for a private experience will want to deal with her if she's quick to publicly shame clients.

 

In a line of work where good word to mouth is vital, she likely seriously damaged her reputation with this.

[cat 262460]

Considering everything that can possibly go wrong between a lobbyist and an SP, a cancellation is not on the list of the worst things that can happen.

 

To name a few: A no-show, attempt to fraud/shortchange, violent behavior, police bust and blackmail, are definitely better reasons to be mad and frustrated at someone. That SP is either very young and inexperienced or pretty full of herself. She choose to work in a domain where discretion and trust is key and she went public for such a trivial reason. Not sure anyone looking for a private experience will want to deal with her if she's quick to publicly shame clients.

 

In a line of work where good word to mouth is vital, she likely seriously damaged her reputation with this.

 

I agree that a cancellation isn't the worst possibility and we are all too well aware of the potential dangers, rest assured; cancellations are still a huge problem in itself. For what ever reason she had, which we don't know given we haven't heard her side of the circumstance, I'm going assume she had her reasons at the time. Whether it was an over reaction, she perhaps had him in her phone from a long ago prior situation or she found him on a blacklist somewhere as a WOT, we don't know. For those unaware, there are both local and national blacklists that providers forward information to if we think it will prevent someone else from getting into a tricky situation. And while I'm not saying the OP in any way omitted information on the current occurrence, I am saying that everyone seems quick to judgement when we only have one side it. Publicly posting a number is extreme and even the most simple would understand the potential backlash so she must have felt justified for some reason unbeknownst to us. If it was an overreaction, I'm sure she will come to her senses once the waters calm. It is a true shame that one persons suffers for the consistent bad behaviour of so many that do cancel last minute or NC/NS but the truth is we'll never know why she hit her tipping point that day.

 

The truth is that word of mouth or in reality, anonymous online recommendations/warnings actually mean very little in this world of ours. The majority of bankable clients are not on the boards and those that are have the good common sense not to take what is written as either good or bad gospel. Will this hurt her? Perhaps but all it takes is box of $13 hair dye, some new selfies and a new $5 phone app and she's off to the races again. The unbranded providers are never for lack of traffic. The overinflated sense of importance and trust that boards inspire in their regular users is quite remarkable but of little genuine consequence.

 

I'm truly sorry this happened inlove and I do hope the fallout isn't life altering...

 

smiles, cat

[Gregsand 6116]

I agree that a cancellation isn't the worst possibility and we are all too well aware of the potential dangers, rest assured; cancellations are still a huge problem in itself. For what ever reason she had, which we don't know given we haven't heard her side of the circumstance, I'm going assume she had her reasons at the time. Whether it was an over reaction, she perhaps had him in her phone from a long ago prior situation or she found him on a blacklist somewhere as a WOT, we don't know.

 

I agree we don't know the full story and last minutes cancellation can be frustrating, but I fail to see how an SP can gain from this. Even if he deserved what was done to him , she's the one looking bad. Yes she can hit the "reset button" with a new look, name, phone number, new location and new clientele. But IMHO, this should be an extreme measure and not just because of a questionable tantrum.

[cat 262460]

I agree we don't know the full story and last minutes cancellation can be frustrating, but I fail to see how an SP can gain from this. Even if he deserved what was done to him , she's the one looking bad. Yes she can hit the "reset button" with a new look, name, phone number, new location and new clientele. But IMHO, this should be an extreme measure and not just because of a questionable tantrum.

 

Actually, hitting the reset button is exceedingly easy. She won't lose the majority of her client base as she simply stops advertising the old number but keeps it on and then rolls her clients to her new number as they come to see her. I can relaunch any provider as a no name back page girl in less than an hour with a completely new look, photos, a new number and there's usually no need for a new location. It's not at all difficult. And she looks bad for perhaps a couple of days at most but her regulars won't even notice. I know providers who have had multiple personas that cater to completely different demographics that have maintained them for years without being outed on the boards.

 

Trust me when I say the boards make up a very small percentage of the industry today and a resilient provider will always land on her feet. We are survivors, regardless of what happens in our lives. This is an industry of stage, illusion and fantasy so a recreation is actually fairly easy...

 

smiles, cat

[Gregsand 6116]

Actually, hitting the reset button is exceedingly easy. She won't lose the majority of her client base as she simply stops advertising the old number but keeps it on and then rolls her clients to her new number as they come to see her. I can relaunch any provider as a no name back page girl in less than an hour with a completely new look, photos, a new number and there's usually no need for a new location. It's not at all difficult. And she looks bad for perhaps a couple of days at most but her regulars won't even notice. I know providers who have had multiple personas that cater to completely different demographics that have maintained them for years without being outed on the boards.

 

Trust me when I say the boards make up a very small percentage of the industry today and a resilient provider will always land on her feet. We are survivors, regardless of what happens in our lives. This is an industry of stage, illusion and fantasy so a recreation is actually fairly easy...

 

smiles, cat

 

You're likely right, but I seen through "resets" of many SP's just in the way they wrote their ads. And that, way before I discovered this board. Again, even if she's in the right it gives a bad first impression.

 

Let's just agree to disagree :-) Have a nice week-end.

[cat 262460]

Agreed! You as well...

 

smiles, cat

[inlove 564]

Thank you so much for all the kind words. I really appreciate them.

 

To the best of my knowledge she didn't post my number anywhere.

 

I really think she was just having a bad day. Everyone has them. Yes she didn't act perfectly, but no one does all the time. A friend of mine actually saw her since. She is young and he thought she just wasn't comfortable in her own skin. He also suspected she was high. She hasn't posted adds recently (to be the best of my knowledge) although she's doing ok (I know this as my friend is "friends" with her on instagram.)

 

I would bet that there are a lot more bad clients / time wasters than there are bad providers. I think this business just wasn't for her. Like all businesses some do brilliantly in it and others just aren't cut out for it.

 

Anyway, thanks SO much for the kind words. It really is quite touching. I'm very grateful :)

[Mariska Harley 1445]

Agreed! That seems to be overreacting a bit. WOW

[capermalesydney 1]

I have to put my two cents in here. Most of the men that get these services are married or attached and need discretion. As mad as she was, posting a number was a no no and it should be posted here if a lady does that. I had a similiar experience and the woman threatened the exact same thing. Therefore I use a separate cell phone for this stuff to protect myself. Exposing a man could also happen if she wants to squeeze more money out of him so we have to weigh all of this.