Friendships advice

[Gregsand 6116]

Maybe it that "choosen way to express myself" that is getting in my way, but you were the one who brought up drinking to loosen someone up, you were the one that brought up talking in pieces and half statements to gather intel. You also brought up that a person's opinion is not always there opinion unless you probe them a bit.

 

For me, if I want to know someone's opinion on something, I ask them and I take their answer at face value then call it a day.

 

I don't think we're talking about the same thing. When I talk to a random person, I don't see the point of digging deep. If he or she tells me something, I'll take it as it is. If a friendship or else develop between me and that person, I would expect the previous answer to maybe change a little with the increased trust level.

 

When dealing with a good friend, the trust level should be a bit higher making it easier to share more intimate things. And when I talked about drinking, it was only to relax and not get drunk. If the friend doesn't want to share things related to intimacy, there's no point in raising the subject. But if she does open up, one can slowly return the favor.

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

I don't think we're talking about the same thing. When I talk to a random person, I don't see the point of digging deep. If he or she tells me something, I'll take it as it is. If a friendship or else develop between me and that person, I would expect the previous answer to maybe change a little with the increased trust level.

 

When dealing with a good friend, the trust level should be a bit higher making it easier to share more intimate things. And when I talked about drinking, it was only to relax and not get drunk. If the friend doesn't want to share things related to intimacy, there's no point in raising the subject. But if she does open up, one can slowly return the favor.

 

Well, I guess we are not talking about the same thing. Because I was not talking about random people. The OP was talking about a friend, so I was thinking along those lines. Why would I think about "random" people? Why would you be talking about random people? They don't seem to have a place in this conversation.

 

And just because someone is a good friend, doesn't mean you agree with the same things or have the same stance on polarizing topics such as involvement in the sex industry. Good friends, even families, have been divided in the US because of their political views coming to light years after the friendship was made.regarding Trump/Clinton.

 

We or I should say I, am here to post for the OP. I don't care about the "friends" possible opinion after time or discussion on possible relatable issues, or getting them to "relax" so they open up about their opinion, or opening their mind to new possibilities. That is just too much to get into. He knows his friend and should judge it according to what he knows now, not what they may think if he does this or that.

 

Should he tell his female friend about his life in the hobby?

Unless you know for sure she is accepting of the industry, the answer is no. It will ruin the friendship. Period.

 

You said at first to tell her his hobby, you changed that to FWB and now we are just talking in circles about change opinions, opening people up with "truth or dare" and "drinking". That is beyond childish if I am being totally honest.

 

You seem to choose to use this strong language to paint a picture with and then when called on the said language, you change your stance. Change it to something along the same lines but "less" then what you originally said. You say a "few bottles of wine", which would allude to drunkenness due to the volume you state, but then say - "Oh I only meant a couple to relax"

 

I was going to get out this thread before, I probably should have just left it there. My brain wouldn't be dizzy with this circle chasing. So I will do so now. However, my advice to you in the future :

 

Either say what you mean or mean what you say. Would make discussion much easier.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

To the OP, it's never wise to "react" in these situations. You give them all the control!

 

Your new friend (3 months) does something and to get her to stop you want to tell her something so personal? Why? Just tell her in a pointed way "I don't want to be set up with your friends, period. If this is some roundabout way of you showing interest in me, OK, I may be interested. If it's just your way of helping my love life, I appreciate the well intended suggestions but I really don't need help in that area". Leave it at that. If she's rational, she'll leave it alone, or express her own interest(or lack thereof) after you gave her an opening. At least she'll likely see you as a confident person that can handle themselves.

 

Everyone has their own personality. I'm more of a loner type but if you feel the need to tell someone your deepest secrets, I would recommend you saving those talks for someone you've built a trustworthy relationship with over many years of shared experiences... not someone you met 3 month ago.

 

If you tell acquaintances your deepest secrets they lose thier value.

 

Good luck.

[Parker 19761]

I never talk to people about my lifestyle as an hobbyist (or similar) but I have a friends who always thought me as the most nicest guys who never dated a woman and I kinda feel bad since she tried to introduced me to all the nicest girl that she knows. So I wanted to stopped her from doing that by telling her my lifestyle, will this ruined my friendships with her?

 

she just a friends that I just met a few months ago. she is matured and openminded. we have been talking a lot of things together like our problem, but mostly about her boyfriends. and since she is the most nicest people to talk too so I kinda don't want to ruined our friendships.

 

I would simply ask her to stop, I can't see that ruining your friendship with her.

I don't see the point in telling her about your private sex life though, unless that's regular conversation for you two. That might just make her uncomfortable, which could definitely ruin the friendship.

 

You could tell her you're simply not ready for anything 'real' at the moment and don't want to take advantage of the nice girls she's been trying to set you up with.

 

I would also think of asking if there's a reason for such.

I have a guy friend who was once awkwardly into me and I was forever doing this to him in an attempt to keep his sexual/romantic feelings elsewhere.. He eventually asked me to stop, though he didn't give me a reason beyond he wasn't really into any of them. I stopped and we're still friends.

(Not saying this is happening to you, she could just think you're really lonely or that she's helping you out- she won't know you don't like it unless you actually say something to her. :icon_wink:)