what would you do

[quick25 137]

To start this off, this happened a little while ago, this is not anything negative, and she is not on on cerb. But I went to visit a sp, who worked out of her locale. She was a single mother. Anyways told me to come up to her room. So I got there, met her and we sat down and began talking. But about after 5 mins of that there was a knock at the door. The babysitter came, with the little kid, about age 4, who wanted to get some of the kid's toys. At that point I felt bad, I do not know why. She introduced me to her son as a friend. She was very nice about everything. The babysitter and son left after a few minutes. But we continued on like it never happened. But I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Would you have suggested something different.

[MightyPen 67414]

I'm not sure what you're asking, or what else you think you should have done. Are you asking if you should have left? Just because you saw truth for a minute instead of illusion?

 

Folks are working for a living, after all.

[Guest Ou**or**n]

Sounds like you got a bit jarred from the illusion to reality. I don't see anything wrong with what anyone did - you included. Don't worry about it.

[quick25 137]

no man. It's more like I was asking what I should have done. I think it was just a feeling of guilt, like I mentioned before I do not know why I felt that way. It was just a ethical question really.

 

I'm not sure what you're asking, or what else you think you should have done. Are you asking if you should have left? Just because you saw truth for a minute instead of illusion?

 

Folks are working for a living, after all.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Why would that make you feel guilty?

[roamingguy 300292]

Yes, why feel guilty. If at all, feel good that the time you spent with her provided money to the lady to put food in the child's mouth and clothes on the child's back

I do see it leading to awkward feelings, but feeling bad, why?

My 2 cents

RG

[quick25 137]

again, I might have different morals then some people but I think it was the thought of getting her personal life mixed up in her work life. I know I did not do anything wrong and sorry for the confusion but I would not want to be the person if the door was not locked and the babysitter walked right in a few mins later, what might have happened.

 

Why would that make you feel guilty?

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Sorry but I still don't understand why this little mix-up of personal/work life would be immoral in any way. I can understand it making you uncomfortable, but I can't see how it would be immoral in any way. My morals are dictated by what helps/hurts people. Hurting people is bad. Helping people is good. I guess I'm just simple like that :) Obviously this situation, no one way hurt, the lady and you were helped and benefitted (as did her little one). So what's the big deal?

 

Forgive me for hypothesizing, but I find that a lot of men have underlying guilt that they are somehow doing something wrong by seeing a sex worker. The media and second-wave feminists love to paint us as victims, and I'm sure that is something clients can't ignore, even if it's furthest from the truth.

 

Rest assured you did nothing wrong.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

Were you afraid of "outing" her to the babysitter? I'm 98% sure the babysitter is in on it.

[MightyPen 67414]

again, I might have different morals then some people but I think it was the thought of getting her personal life mixed up in her work life. I know I did not do anything wrong and sorry for the confusion but I would not want to be the person if the door was not locked and the babysitter walked right in a few mins later, what might have happened.

Maybe I'm reading too much into your question, or maybe not. It's true you don't want folks just walking in -- that would be awkward and weird. What would I have done? The answer could be as simple as, "I would suggest she lock the door." But I'm not sure if that's what you're asking. ;)

 

Maybe you can break it down. You ask "what would you have done?". Can you list a few of the things you considered doing, or which you think about now that you look back on the situation? What do you think were your options?

 

Right now I can't tell if you are asking:

 

a) I felt ashamed and I wanted to leave. Should I have felt ashamed?

b) I felt ashamed and I wanted to leave. Should I have left?

c) I felt we didn't have privacy and I wanted to ensure we did. Should I have asked her to lock the door?

 

... or something entirely different than those. The answers will be different depending what exactly you're asking. Help me out. ;)

[Guest al****s]

I have a bit of a different take on this. Do I think you should feel ashamed or guilty? No. Do I think it's inappropriate to have your children wandering around with the potential of walking in on you working. Hell yes!

 

Like some of you mentioned, this is what we do for a living and every client we choose to see helps with the day to day bills, food, etc. But I personally think that having potential strangers coming into your home when there are children present is a risk that I for one would not be willing to take.

 

Again, I'm a firm believer of the phrase "to each their own" but I can understand the way you are feeling about the situation.

 

alexis...xoxo

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

You have nothing to be ashamed of; nothing at all. I do, however, feel that it is ALWAYS inapropriate for a lady to have her children at her incall location; with or without a babysitter present. That was her bad choice and you have nothing to do with it. Don't feel bad at all!

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

I have a bit of a different take on this. Do I think you should feel ashamed or guilty? No. Do I think it's inappropriate to have your children wandering around with the potential of walking in on you working. Hell yes!

 

Like some of you mentioned, this is what we do for a living and every client we choose to see helps with the day to day bills, food, etc. But I personally think that having potential strangers coming into your home when there are children present is a risk that I for one would not be willing to take.

 

Again, I'm a firm believer of the phrase "to each their own" but I can understand the way you are feeling about the situation.

 

alexis...xoxo

 

Alexis, you took the words right out of my mouth! I would never let ANYONE in during my visits! Unless it was the fire dept, and the place was on fire!

[Capital Hunter 18263]

again, I might have different morals then some people .

 

This is very true, we all have our own (different) moral standards depending on our beliefs and how we are raised. My moral standard is for example NOT to be involved with a married woman or a lady in a relationship, knowingly. Some may laugh at me for having this standard but that is my stanadard and it belongs to me. Now yours is not to have her child around when you see an SP (and I understand and possibly relate to that though I have seen a number of single mothers but never with their children around when we party) and that is your standard and it belongs to you and likely shared by others too. Nothing to be apologagic for quick25, in my view.

 

I think it's inappropriate to have your children wandering around with the potential of walking in on you working. Hell yes!

 

I personally think that having potential strangers coming into your home when there are children present is a risk that I for one would not be willing to take.

 

Well said alexiss, I agree.

 

You have nothing to be ashamed of; nothing at all. I do, however, feel that it is ALWAYS inapropriate for a lady to have her children at her incall location; with or without a babysitter present. That was her bad choice and you have nothing to do with it. Don't feel bad at all!

 

As always very sweet and considerate meg. Well stated.

[quick25 137]

Like I am seeing this from the point of the kid. If he walked in not knowing now, but remembered later in life, it could create some problems. Anyway thanks for that I feel much better and there are a lot of different takes on this subject.

 

I have a bit of a different take on this. Do I think you should feel ashamed or guilty? No. Do I think it's inappropriate to have your children wandering around with the potential of walking in on you working. Hell yes!

 

Like some of you mentioned, this is what we do for a living and every client we choose to see helps with the day to day bills, food, etc. But I personally think that having potential strangers coming into your home when there are children present is a risk that I for one would not be willing to take.

 

Again, I'm a firm believer of the phrase "to each their own" but I can understand the way you are feeling about the situation.

 

alexis...xoxo

[stevecurious 42059]

Once when arriving at a ladies in call location I noticed a car running in front of her home. As I approached I noticed someone leaving the home with a small child in their arms walking towards the car. This was my first introduction to the reality of real life vs fantasy life as I circled the block and contemplated my next move. As it turns out I went through with the date happy in the knowledge that the lady did not have her child at home.

[luvbiggirls 100]

ya dude i know exactly where ur going with that i once went to see a sp

and when i got to her appt i met the sittter picking up her kid so she could spend time with me i felt well cant put to words but just like u feel!

[Annessa 22743]

I agree with what everyone has said so far in light of the fantasy versus reality comments...however as a single parent there are many things that irked me about the situation that if i was the mother in question, i would have done differently.

 

if the sitter came to the door and needed to get toys i would use any excuse (i have a friend over and shes emotional etc) and i would have the sitter wait at the door and i would go get the toys.

 

I wouldnt introduce my client to my kids or friend...thats not being very discreet and what if the sitter knew the gentleman? ragardless of whether she knows what her friend does, there will still be questions later. I'm incredible sacred with my client (even regulars) knowing about my son or meeting him....it kinda made me cringe that she would introduce them ...I can see it putting the client in an akward situation.

 

if he felt a little freaked out theres a gentle way of letting the girl know that you felt this way without making it sound like you're saying "I dont wanna know about your kid, it ruins my hard-on" ...which I'm sure you're not saying that but you dont want her to take offence to it like that.

 

all that being said at least she is taking the proper care-taking responsabilities for her little one and doesnt have him in another room unattended...she sounds like a good mom. I just would have suggested she handle a couple things differently :)

[quick25 137]

Yes I see what your saying. I'm pretty sure having 2 jobs going at the same time, being a sp, and a mom is hard to do. For what it's worth, looking back on it she tried as hard as she could, at the time. I'm sure I would not think of every discreet measure to take. It's life and things will happen. Nobody was hurt, and we move on.

 

I agree with what everyone has said so far in light of the fantasy versus reality comments...however as a single parent there are many things that irked me about the situation that if i was the mother in question, i would have done differently.

 

if the sitter came to the door and needed to get toys i would use any excuse (i have a friend over and shes emotional etc) and i would have the sitter wait at the door and i would go get the toys.

 

I wouldnt introduce my client to my kids or friend...thats not being very discreet and what if the sitter knew the gentleman? ragardless of whether she knows what her friend does, there will still be questions later. I'm incredible sacred with my client (even regulars) knowing about my son or meeting him....it kinda made me cringe that she would introduce them ...I can see it putting the client in an akward situation.

 

if he felt a little freaked out theres a gentle way of letting the girl know that you felt this way without making it sound like you're saying "I dont wanna know about your kid, it ruins my hard-on" ...which I'm sure you're not saying that but you dont want her to take offence to it like that.

 

all that being said at least she is taking the proper care-taking responsabilities for her little one and doesnt have him in another room unattended...she sounds like a good mom. I just would have suggested she handle a couple things differently :)

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I wouldn't think too badly of this companion the first time something like this happens. We don't know what her childcare arrangements were supposed to be. Speaking as a parent, I know from lots of experience that babysitters can be unpredictable or have emergencies in their lives that suddenly make them unavailable, leaving the parent scrambling for an alternative or having to cancel her plans. When unexpected things occur, most people resort to patterned behaviour. The sitter needs some toys--get the toys. When people don't know each other, introduce them. These sound like they might be automatic reactions, not planned.

 

I don't think quick25 has anything to be embarrassed about. He behaved very well. If he enjoyed his time and would like to see the lady again, I suggest that he ask her about her childcare plans and say that, for everyone's peace of mind, he doesn't want to run the risk of seeing anyone other than her when they're together. .

[Annessa 22743]

Yes I see what your saying. I'm pretty sure having 2 jobs going at the same time, being a sp, and a mom is hard to do. For what it's worth, looking back on it she tried as hard as she could, at the time. I'm sure I would not think of every discreet measure to take. It's life and things will happen. Nobody was hurt, and we move on.

 

exactly, we move on....Maybe I'm just strange in that i assume things will weird client out so I take precautions, I'm not saying everyone should be the same. Thats just what i would have done. thats all.

 

I wouldn't think too badly of this companion the first time something like this happens. We don't know what her childcare arrangements were supposed to be. Speaking as a parent, I know from lots of experience that babysitters can be unpredictable or have emergencies in their lives that suddenly make them unavailable, leaving the parent scrambling for an alternative or having to cancel her plans. When unexpected things occur, most people resort to patterned behaviour. The sitter needs some toys--get the toys. When people don't know each other, introduce them. These sound like they might be automatic reactions, not planned.

 

I don't think quick25 has anything to be embarrassed about. He behaved very well. If he enjoyed his time and would like to see the lady again, I suggest that he ask her about her childcare plans and say that, for everyone's peace of mind, he doesn't want to run the risk of seeing anyone other than her when they're together. .

 

I agree that the OP has nothing to be embarrassed about...but I still believe that if he was uncomfortable the best thing to do would be to take it up with the lady in a light matter....not bring it out in an open forum, possibly embarrasing her. Like you said Samantha, theres nothing wrong with clarifying her arrangements so they wont be interrupted if it made him uncomfortable......but on the other hand, as you said, you cant plan these things.

 

i think in the end the answer to the intitial question of 'what would you do?' would be : if you want to see her again, let her know how the situation made you feel ....before starting a thread about it...eep!

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

You didn't do anything wrong...feeling awkward maybe about the situation would be normal. I'm sure the lady felt the awkward as well thus the introducing of her child. Things happen sometimes and you handeles it well.

The lady really should have babysitting rules...tell the babysitter not to come by unless an emerg..have things packed ahead of time to give to the babysitter. So many things she could have done but we are all still learing. So give her a break...i'm sure you had a good time and helped someone out at the same time.

big hugs,

Emma

[Seymour 3970]

We were not there and we don't know.

 

• The provider might have asked a next door neighbor to watch the kid for an hour or so - to take the call.As working with kids on premise is a no no.
  
• Having the 'sitter' knock on the door and come in might have been a technique to ensure the provider was safe (of course having a kid in tow for this is silly, but you never know)
  

For the original poster you've asked this question "I'm not sure if I did the right thing" - only you can answer that. As other have stated in this thread, everyone has different rules for how they play and what is acceptable to some, may not be acceptable to others.

[Guest s******ecan****]

Certainly an awkward situation. I too have a home office and see clients (I'm not an SP) there from time to time. They expect a professional experience and kids are not part of that. So I take care to keep them seperated.

 

I note many SP's have voiced their concerns about the child being exposed to the situation and I think these concerns are wise and prudent. However sometimes shit happens and this cold be a case of that...perhaps it was an inexperienced baby sitter who ignored or forgot the SP's rules regarding disturbing her during client meetings. Still introducing the child to the client seems inappropriate and unprofessional.

 

As to feeling guilty as all have stated this is not really a logical response...unless it reveals that you have some unresolved issues about your own views on the industry. As a previous poster pointed out very perceptively, The government, churches, and some feminist groups do a great job at stigmatizing this industry and portraying all sex workers as victims. Perhaps deep down you feel that you are exploiting the SP therefore by meeting the child you are giving evidence to that child that their mother is a victim. Yet how do you know how the mother will choose to explain to her child what "mommy does" or "what mommy did" when the child is older? Your guilty feelings seem to assume that damage will be done to the child. Yet perhaps the opposite will happen. Perhaps the child will be raised by an independent mom who refuses to be seen as a victim, perhaps she will be an empowering role model for her child. In any event its not possible or appropriate for you to assume any role in the child's relationship with the mom. I'm sure you don't mean to either....it sounds like you are being influenced more by generations of social and moral programing.

 

As a client were I faced with this situation I believe I would have discussed with the SP that interruptions of any type (short of emergencies) be it phone calls, texts, or personal visits during a meeting are not what I expect.

 

Talk these things out with your SP rather than hide your feelings. You will learn more about your mutual combatibility by being open.

[Carrie Moon 68826]

uh... how did the babysitter know the op and sp weren't already engaged in the session beyond talking with their clothes still on??? Things could have been a lot worse...

 

A bedroom isn't an appropriate place to introduce a child to a ''friend'' of the opposite sex. No matter how old the child is.. it isn't at all innocent. Even if he was a friend that wasn't a paying guest it's inappropriate. Kudos to you for being able to go through with the appt considering the close call you might have had.

 

I'm a little confused. Was the babysitter in the house downstairs from ''her room''? seems strange to come up to her bedroom to look for a child's toys.. almost as if it's an excuse to introduce you to the child. People do strange things sometimes..

 

Frankly I'm surprised at the number of people who think this is even close to normal or acceptable.

 

If it were an emergency situation.. yes completely understandable.. but interrupting a session with the possible repurcussions for everyone for a mere toy? makes no sense to me.

 

You have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty.. but I'm sure she felt uncomfortable.. so you're feeling the awkwardness of that ''elephant in the room'' not being discussed while you finished up the appt.