Sex work and its human insights

[MightyPen 67414]

While reading my favourite blog/commentary "The Dish", I found it had linked to the following article by a woman who worked as a dominatrix in NYC:

[URL="http://therumpus.net/2014/08/lessons-i-learned-as-a-dominatrix-10-things-that-dont-exist/"][B]LESSONS I LEARNED AS A DOMINATRIX: 10 THINGS THAT DONâ??T EXIST[/B][/URL]

I found the article a frank and interesting discussion of things the author learned or just thought about as a result of her work. In the article she lists "ten things that don't exist", according to what she learned:

1. Intimacy without vulnerability
2. An accurate definition of sex
3. A typical submissive man
4. A woman who isnâ??t someoneâ??s wildest fantasy
5. A neat cause-and-effect explanation for the nuances of human psychology
6. â??Normalâ?
7. A replacement for hard work
8. A one-sided relationship
9. Universal taboos
10. A good age to stop playing

For any of you who choose to follow the link, I think you'll find the things she says awfully familiar. I like the article a lot, but I was also struck that I can think of a dozen women here on CERB who could have written something very close to it. (And in several cases HAVE written something like it here, and more than once.) It takes some risk and some work to organize thoughts and share them like this, and I've always appreciated it wherever I've seen it.

I think one of the reasons I so value this kind of article AND the ladies' frank discussions here on CERB is that, when I was in my teens and early 20s, sex and intimacy of any type were completely alien to me. What comes naturally to a lot of people definitely did NOT come naturally to me, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out social dynamics and especially the mystery surrounding intimacy. It was no use; some of the social wiring of the brain just didn't come right for me, and later when I was finally ready I had to build it piece by piece through painful trial and error. Eventually I built a rough enough understanding to work with, enough that I was able to start moving forward, and after a few more heartwrenching disappointments I began to really get a handle on things, people, and myself. I shook off the old shackles, and became a functioning person. (This background would come as a shock to people who know me casually in real life today.)

Although I've come a long, long way since then, I'm still prone to puzzling over my own sexual landscape and history, poking the pieces and wondering about sex, me, and other people. This makes me highly responsive to the type of article I linked to, and many discussions here -- because they offer more examples of people puzzling through the same things I had to, and sometimes making the same mistakes. (For so long I thought I was the only one who had a hard time with sexuality! It always looked so easy for others...)

Anyway... why am I posting all this? I dunno. Because the article made me smile and read with interest and visit that same contemplative space again. Because it reminded me of the men and women who post here about the same things, and with the same honesty, and how much I've gained from those discussions. Because it reminded me that sex is complicated. And even that I'm a little envious of SPs for getting to glimpse such a wide variety of clients and see others' sometimes most secret sexual selves up close, and learn so much about human beings in the process.

Also because I'm frustrated by the coming changes here in Canada, and even the effect it will have on this little community and our ability to discuss this kind of thing honestly. I've always valued people's reflective posts here, and I'll miss them if they occur less often. And I hate losing stuff I like.

And maybe a bit of a mood. ;) Anyway, hope folks find the article interesting.