The complete and logical guide to winning at your own life in 19 super difficult step

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[URL="https://medium.pjrvs.com/the-complete-and-logical-guide-to-winning-at-your-own-life-in-19-super-difficult-steps-135a17b3c5c6"]The complete and logical guide to winning at your own life in 19 super difficult steps[/URL]

[I]As the author says, this is a really long piece. Too long, in fact, to post as one item here. The first seven points are here to give you a sense of the piece. If it interests you, follow the link for the whole article. If it doesn't, move on. [/I]

The complete and logical guide to winning at your own life in 19 super difficult steps
By Paul Jarvis


Just like every other human on the planet, I have epically awesome days and days when life just shits on my face. And while I canâ??t stand most self-help (see: tired quotes over stock photography on Instagram), sometimes I need a little pick-me-up. And most of the time, in order to get out of a slump (because my brain leans more into math/science than anything else), I need to drop a logic bomb on my ass.

Yes, this is a long article. But hereâ??s the thingâ??â??â??if youâ??re reading this in your inbox and are already like, â??fuck this!â? delete it. No hard feelings. If youâ??re reading this in a browser on a website, and you see how tiny the scroll-bar is because of how far you still have to scroll to get to the bottom, close this tab and go back to 140-character tidbits of advice.

Still with me? Phew. Just had to weed out all the folks from points: #1, #4 and #8. Welcome friends, onward we go.

This guide works when anything shitty happens. Someone criticizes you online? Read this. Someone wants a refund on something that took you five years to build, and theyâ??re mean about it? Read this. You got fired from a job or by a client? Read this. Zombie apocalypse? Wellâ?¦ in that case, whatâ??s probably more important is non-perishable provisions and zombie-smashing devices (but maybe afterwards, read this).



1. Everyone is offended all of the time.

Weâ??re all set in our ways. As much as we tout how open-minded we all are, we all have little nit picks about everyone else. Slow drivers (who speed up when the road goes from one to two lanes), 17-year-old yoga teachers who talk about the meaning of life for the first 45 minutes of a 60-minute yoga class, people who write op-ed pieces on the Internet (like meâ?¦), people who swear, people who use social media in a way that we donâ??t.

Assume whatever it is youâ??re doing, someone else canâ??â??â??and willâ??â??â??be offended by it. This shouldnâ??t stop you from doing what youâ??re doing, but it also shouldnâ??t come as a surprise when someone tries to tell you how offended they are by what you just did.



2. If someone is offended by you, thatâ??s because theyâ??ve noticed you.

Before you get bent out of shape about someone dumping their shit on you, realize that theyâ??ve taken time out of their day to call you out. They noticed you, paid attention, and consumed what you made. Sure, they hated it, but now youâ??re wasting even more of their time because theyâ??re telling you how much or why they hated it.

Even if you donâ??t respond (and you probably shouldnâ??t), youâ??ve won because youâ??re on their radar and they donâ??t want you to be. Plus, even if someone is offended by you, them telling you about it is basically the worst case scenario. Life will continue, the planet will keep fucking spinning, and no one but you will be the wiser that someone was offended.

Worst-er case scenario: someone complains about you publicly. Reality: itâ??s not that bad, because people have the attention span of a gnat when it doesnâ??t relate to them, so it fades quickly from the collective radar (or Twitter stream).

Weâ??re all paranoid that everyone will hate us. Especially when we make things for other people, and especially when we put those things online. Go into everything assuming that even if a few people do hate you or what youâ??ve made, there are more people silently consuming what you made (or even better, buying what you made).



3. Not being noticed sucks more, but itâ??s a universal pain.

If no one hates you, no one is paying attention. If attention is what you want for vanity, confidence, or, hellâ??â??â??to make a decent livingâ??â??â??then know that itâ??s not instantaneous. Every single person that youâ??re currently paying attention to, at some point in their lives, was in your exact position. They kept at it and worked enough so that others started listening.

Also know that if no one is watching, you can experience true freedom. Dance in your underwear. Write entirely for yourself. Swear like thereâ??s a going-out-of-business sale on â??fucksâ? and â??shits.â? Find yourselfâ??â??â??not in some coming-of-age hippie way involving pasta and ashramsâ?? but in a way that helps you draw your own line in the sand for what matters and what doesnâ??t. Do what you want to do, just because you want to do that thing. This will build confidence that will come in handy later.



4. People will judge you, regardless of what you do, because everyoneâ??s â??judgy.â?

Fear can make us afraid of what others will think. Itâ??s not a question of if people will judge you, because they definitely will judge you. People are judgy and that judgement is scary.

True story: I just got invited to an event, read the invite online, and judged the hell out of the event. I actually said, out loud, to myself, â??Fucking hippies!â? Itâ??s a party that features fires and dancing, wild-harvested local food, rosehip mead and gratuitous photos of people with dreads and body paint hugging each other. Is their party happening regardless of whether not I attend? Heck yes, it is. Will the party be awful because I think theyâ??re a bunch of hippies? Heck no, hippies donâ??t give a shit about me. Theyâ??re going to drink their rose hip wine (probably out of chalices they whittled while chanting to fairies) and dance into the night having a blast.

Donâ??t be me in that situation, be the hippies. Not literally of course (unless thatâ??s your thing), but you get what I mean.

Look at it this wayâ??â??â??whatever you do, whenever you do it, youâ??ll be judged for it. Even by letting fear kick your ass and doing absolutely nothing, you will be judged. So, since youâ??re going to be judged any way, why not actually take action? That way, at least when you judge yourself, youâ??ll be able to sleep well at night (youâ??ll be tired from the figurative mead and dread-locked dancing). Everyone else who judges you can politely fuck off.

We all care what others have to say. But it becomes dangerous when we value their opinions more than our own. The list goes, in order of importance: 1) our opinion of ourselves, 2) (which is a distant second) everyone elseâ??s opinion of us.



5. Luckily, judgement & respect are different things

Being judged and being respected are not the same thing. People can think youâ??re an asshole and still hold you in high regard. People can totally disagree with you, but still understand your values.

Conversely, if someone judges you as a nice person or a decent human being, it doesnâ??t mean they respect you. People walk all over nice and decent human beings all the time. It sucks, but it happens. On the other hand, people donâ??t tend to walk all over people they respect.



6. Self-respect leads to others respecting you.

Self-respect, in a world where everyone is constantly offended and judging you, is fucking tough. But itâ??s necessary.

You need to figure out what makes you respect yourself first, before anyone else will respect you. Thatâ??s because people are sheep. They see one person doing something, and they do it, too. Like fucking lemmings and cliffs. Or that Derek Sivers TED talk where that one guy started dancing and everyone followed (he was probably drunk on rosehip mead). So if youâ??re respecting yourselfâ??â??â??publicly and proudlyâ??â??â??chances are, others will follow. And even if they donâ??t follow, hey, youâ??ve got yourself a nice big bowl of self-respect and thereâ??s nothing wrong with that.



7. Self-respect & entitlement are very, very different things.

Self-respect means you know what youâ??re willing to do and what youâ??re not willing to do. Itâ??s honour and dignity that makes you, you. Itâ??s your line in the sand to help you feel good about who you are and what youâ??ve done.

This doesnâ??t mean that you have special privileges or rights to anything, though. Whoa there, pardner!

Entitlement means you think you deserve something. You deserve your own self-respect and to be treated decently by others. Anything past thatâ??â??â??youâ??ve got to fucking work for it. And even then, even if it doesnâ??t work out the way you wanted, thatâ??s just the way the cards fall sometimes.

Feeling entitled is the quickest way to lose respect from others. The world doesnâ??t revolve around you. You donâ??t deserve anything that you didnâ??t earn. You need to start small and build up; paying some dues. You canâ??t just do whatever the fuck you feel like and make a shit-load of money or get famous doing it. The world doesnâ??t work like that. Iâ??m glad it doesnâ??t. Thatâ??s not healthy.

Ashton Kutcher had it right when he said, â??working hard and being generous and thoughtful and smart is a path to a better life. The only thing that can be below you is to not have a job.â?