Monogamy. Isn't that a nice wood for tables?

[Guest S**a*Q]

Or is it that game where you buy up properties and make hotels and stuff?

 

So I tempted my fate at monogamy... Well the seeking of a "normal" relationship... What the hell is normal nowadays anyway? After two months of time spent and lots of texts sent... all of a sudden there's nothing...

 

So now I'm seriously looking at monogamy as a facade... I've always wanted to believe that it exists, but I've also always known that humans are evolutionarily made to seek out the better mate for ourselves.

 

So does that mean that monogamy is not possible in the least?

 

I worked at a few open relationships, and many relationships that involved threesomes and extras added into our sexlives... However, I severely struggled with all of those relationships, mostly the open ones... We didn't have the trust built before we set into sleeping with others. So those failed. Like most of the relationships that I try to build...

 

I guess I'm just looking for everyones take on this, as the more opinions I get the more I have to choose from. Plus I just like making people talk...

[roamingguy 300292]

I believe monogomy exists, when two people just click, it works.

But alot of people enter into a relationship too fast, and the focus of the relationship is the passion. But when things like bills, housecleaning, kids etc etc etc come into the picture, well then the relationship can get strained. And your lady may look GREAT, but what about when she is sick with the flu.

A relationship is more than passion, it is about two people sharing their lives.

From someone who thought he found Miss Right, twice, only to find out Miss Right #1 (already a single mother) got pregnant with another man's baby, and Miss Right #2 turned into psycho stalker (yes true)

So I'm the philosophical sort now, enjoying meeting new ladies

Signed

Dr. Phil

aka roamingguy

[chavez 641]

Hi SMQ,

I like your comparative definitions of manogamy. Without a doubt, it is more like the board game where you buy up property , set up hotels, and impose a set of possesive rules. For me it is way too much about not shareing. I have much to say about this but always get myself in trouble here when I share to many thoughts so I better leave it as that for now.....

take care ...chicas

[Guest S**a*Q]

I want monogamy... Well at first, while we figure out who we are and what we want and make sure that we are good for each other. Then I think that others can be added, but you have to have that trust...

 

My ideal relationship would be a girl and a guy, but then I fear the whole jealousy or kids thing... As I don't want kids...

 

Grrr... Soo confusing. :)

To everyone who's responded.

Thanks for your opinions so far!!! :)

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I like being emotionally monogamous, but sexually open. I can't imagine being emotionally involved/committed with more than one man. On the other hand, I can't imagine limiting my sexual experiences to one person. I know some people can't separate emotions from sex, but this lady over here certainly can!

[Mister T 45020]

Great question, great thread. I have ben single for years. I have tried at relationships. All that experience, all that introspection while looking at couples i know with kids, the white picket fence and all of that, i dont know that's for me.

 

Finding that emotional connection, that trust in a relationship, the openness. Megan summed up my thoughts well. It's not easy, though, finding that relationship....

[Reuben Sandwich 13841]

Hey SMQ.

Monogamy has worked well for me for 26 years, but it has involved many personal sacrifices along the way. Most of those sacrifices were easy to make because they were for the betterment of our relationship or our children. Now through a combination of health issues and work commitments, we express our love less physically, much less, than before. So I spent the afternoon with a lovely lady I met here at CERB. My first priority is still to my SO and kids but my next priority is to me and my desire for a more sensual experience than what I have at home. We still have intimacy and our shared lives which I plan to carry on until I drop dead shovelling snow. After all these years together I know that even broaching the subject of seeing an SP is a no go with her. I made some distinct vows when were married and still believe them and hold to them. Maybe bent some too. We still may have another 30 years together and anything is possible.

Monogamy is great if you're working towards something together. There was no specific game plan when we started. Kids if we could make them. Two made it from four pregnancies. More common then we thought. In a few short years it wiil be just the two of us again but who knows what life can throw at you. Having a partner you can rely on ( I allmost said trust) is a good part of a monogamous relationship. Not that it only exists in this type, but it should be expected.

I ramble on in my head and don't quite put the correct words down. For me, marriage, or this monogamous relationship has worked, and continues to, but even with two compatible people it has taken much effort.

 

" I meant what I said and I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful, 100 per cent."

Horton the Elephant

 

Cheers

[Guest S**a*Q]

Hey SMQ.

Monogamy has worked well for me for 26 years, but it has involved many personal sacrifices along the way. Most of those sacrifices were easy to make because they were for the betterment of our relationship or our children. Now through a combination of health issues and work commitments, we express our love less physically, much less, than before. So I spent the afternoon with a lovely lady I met here at CERB. My first priority is still to my SO and kids but my next priority is to me and my desire for a more sensual experience than what I have at home. We still have intimacy and our shared lives which I plan to carry on until I drop dead shovelling snow. After all these years together I know that even broaching the subject of seeing an SP is a no go with her. I made some distinct vows when were married and still believe them and hold to them. Maybe bent some too. We still may have another 30 years together and anything is possible.

Monogamy is great if you're working towards something together. There was no specific game plan when we started. Kids if we could make them. Two made it from four pregnancies. More common then we thought. In a few short years it wiil be just the two of us again but who knows what life can throw at you. Having a partner you can rely on ( I allmost said trust) is a good part of a monogamous relationship. Not that it only exists in this type, but it should be expected.

I ramble on in my head and don't quite put the correct words down. For me, marriage, or this monogamous relationship has worked, and continues to, but even with two compatible people it has taken much effort.

 

" I meant what I said and I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful, 100 per cent."

Horton the Elephant

 

Cheers

 

I

understand and appreciate what you are telling me. I would love to have that available for me when I've found who I'm seeking. I think that afterwards if the physicality of it all suffered, I'd be okay as long as I was still the focus. :D

 

Thanxxx for sharing. :)

[VedaSloan 119179]

To me, monogamy is unrealistic. It is unrealistic to assume that one person will fulfill all of your needs. Certain people are better at certain things. Love is also not finite; a mother doesn't love any of her children any less the more she has. The only constraint is time. If you barely have time for one committed relationship, you're certainly not going to have time for two or three. But that's the beauty of polyamory. You might choose to have one primary partner and a couple of secondary partners with whom you are not emotionally committed to. Or you might find that having two primary partners is what works best for you. I, personally, try not to think of relationships in terms of primary, or secondary, because that creates a hierarchy and implicit in a hierarchy is that the one at the top is the best or most important. I have two relationships and both are equally important to me in their own ways.

 

These kinds of relationships won't work if you (all parties involved) can't communicate.

 

Additional Comments:

Hey SMQ.

Monogamy has worked well for me for 26 years, but it has involved many personal sacrifices along the way. Most of those sacrifices were easy to make because they were for the betterment of our relationship or our children. Now through a combination of health issues and work commitments, we express our love less physically, much less, than before. So I spent the afternoon with a lovely lady I met here at CERB. My first priority is still to my SO and kids but my next priority is to me and my desire for a more sensual experience than what I have at home. We still have intimacy and our shared lives which I plan to carry on until I drop dead shovelling snow. After all these years together I know that even broaching the subject of seeing an SP is a no go with her. I made some distinct vows when were married and still believe them and hold to them. Maybe bent some too. We still may have another 30 years together and anything is possible.

Monogamy is great if you're working towards something together. There was no specific game plan when we started. Kids if we could make them. Two made it from four pregnancies. More common then we thought. In a few short years it wiil be just the two of us again but who knows what life can throw at you. Having a partner you can rely on ( I allmost said trust) is a good part of a monogamous relationship. Not that it only exists in this type, but it should be expected.

I ramble on in my head and don't quite put the correct words down. For me, marriage, or this monogamous relationship has worked, and continues to, but even with two compatible people it has taken much effort.

 

" I meant what I said and I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful, 100 per cent."

Horton the Elephant

 

Cheers

 

 

I don't mean to single you out personally, but your response exemplifies something for me. Your wife has explicitly made clear that seeing SP's is a no-go and yet you do it anyway. Your relationship "works" because you omit the details of seeing SP's, not because you are actually monogamous.

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

My take on any relationship regardless of what kind. What is missing these days is honesty and communication.

 

It is fine to be in an open relationship but it is best to communicate amongst each other. Everyone must be a part of the relationship regardless of how many partners there are. 2,3,4,5,etc....

 

Jealousy is created by mistrust, if you have full communication and everyone in the relationship is honest, it will continue to function. As soon as people start lying and deceiving that is when the mistrust begins.

 

Just my 2 cents!

[moonshine 399]

Every person is unique and every relationship is complex as a result. That old adage where we're told we'll know the right one when it comes along is only partially true. Many people go through life with a lot of maybe's, almost's, and near misses, some settle for the best option even though it may not be the right one, others do find what they're looking for.

 

If you do find it, it could be radically different than you imagined. You think you can only live a certain way, and then something happens that changes your outlook. Personally, to say that I can't live one way or another would be ignorant because I don't know who I'll meet or who I'm going to be in the future.

 

You just need to wait and see what life brings you. I don't think any advice given here applies because you have no idea what that's going to be. Besides, a forum that in essence encourages lying, cheating, and deceit lends to a slight bias in one direction. All I would suggest is make sure you have fun while trying to figure things out.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I'm not sure what I think about monogamy these days. I can appreciate it as an ideal, but in practical terms, I agree with Berlin: it's hard to imagine that any one person can meet all of my needs, or that I could meet all of what someone else needs. I go for open relationships, now, and that's working well, but it could be that it works because none of my partners lives in the same city as I do.

 

I think monogamy is different from commitment. I can be committed to someone even while being involved with others.

 

The killer in any kind of relationship, though, is dishonesty and the erosion of trust.

[Alexandra-Sky 12606]

So I have a confession, I really didn't read the opening comment to this post because I am super tired right now but I do have something to say about monogamy/polyamory.

 

From about this past August-October I was in two committed relationships with two men who knew about each other and consented to the polyamory. I found that, unlike popular misconceptions, it took a lot more commitment and effort to maintain these two relationships as it took constant communication with both partners and constantly working on filtering out the jealousy in all three of our minds. There was also a lot more consent going on in terms of sexual relationships. It was all around a wonderful experience and I've come to really appreciate how great polyamory is.

 

xoxo

 

Sky

[Nathalie L 112512]

I agree with Berlin that not one person can fulfill all of our needs and desires. I don't like to hierarchasize my relationships into primary and secondary either.

 

Ultimately when I'm with someone I want it to be because I want to be with them and not because monogamy is privileged in society. When I'm in an open and/or poly relationship, I want to share the experiences I've had with other people because I want them to be a part of my life in its entirety. I want them to be a part of my personal growth! Although this is negatively perceived by a lot of people, I wish people saw this as me wanting to share my life (and all its facets).

 

I do not like to compartmentalize my life into fragments. I want to live my life as a whole with many different people =)