A touchy subject.

[docottawa 541]

I imagine that many of you are aware of the unfolding story concerning allegations of influence peddling by the ex-adviser to Stephen Harper, Bruce Carson. Certainly, what gives the story a little more flavour is the news that Mr. Carson is engaged to a much younger local girl who used to be an SP and was once a member here on CERB.

 

Now, for the first time that I've read, his fiancee has given her own side of this story, at least in part. It is interesting reading but what most stands out to me about her story is how she felt that her experience as an escort was one of exploitation and abuse.

 

One of her quotes as reported in the Ottawa Citizen is: "It sounds awful because it was awful but I finally got out of it. A lot of girls can't get out of it so I'm lucky I did. It was a life of exploitation and abuse."

I'm quite new to this...I'll call it experience, of enjoying my time with the girls here on CERB. I'll admit that I struggle with the notion that some of the women who I may choose to contact feel the same way that this young lady does. How would I know? I'm pretty certain that most of the men who use this board are aware that, from a sheer business perspective, the ladies need to project an image of happiness within the profession but really, what percentage (of you) ARE happy with your choice?

 

I realize that this is a personal question, so please understand that I'm not asking you about your own experience. Rather your impression of a percentage overall within the industry. I suspect that the ladies here are in a better position than am I to accurately guess an appropriate number.

 

 

 

 

Read more: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Accusations+leave+former+adviser+fiancee+bawling/4499577/story.html#ixzz1HclCuKyu

 

 

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

You have to understand that for advertising purposes, all the girls will say that they are happy. It's not written in a thread and nobody will come out of the closet saying they get beaten up for not brigning the money in...

 

Your article is quite interesting in a self-examination point. When I read it, I discovered that:

-I'm a seductive (now) mature woman;

-My skills have me known in some places I never heard of;

-I met people (ladies and gents) I would never have otherwise;

-I had rich and amazing experience either with the clients or escorts;

-I've met friends that are very important to me, still and forever;

-...

-I had huge problems with money;

-I had stalkers;

-I met discusting people (in acting or being);

-I neglected myself as a person (lack of sleep, bad alimentation, family...)

-...

 

The good list is, for me, way longer then the bad one, so yes, I'm happy with what I'm doing, but there's some change I had to make to live it better, to the foolest!

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I find the abuse and exploitation is only from society and the media.

 

Am I happy with my choice? That is a tricky one. I started too young, long before we had a community like this! My life would be different I am sure had I not taken this path. The biggest part that I face now is that there is no pension plan for me, no health benefits. So for that reason, I wish I had been older when I got into this industry. I would have been wiser to these facts.

 

However, I love my life! I find myself asking what else is there that I want to do now? Honestly,no, I love my work. If that lady was a member here, then she must have not spent time getting to know the great people we conduct business with!

[Guest **cely***r***ne]

Very true Sophia!

And Grasshopper is right...alot of us will say we are happy for advertisement purposes...I am sure of it...it just cant be 100% of us in love with this profession. I believe it takes a "special" kind of person with a "special" type of personality to be throughly happy with it.

 

To me being an SP is a fullfilling career choice. I could not see myself doing anything different. After all we all choose our own paths, and we make all our own choices on that path. If we are not happy with our choice..we have the power to change it.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

How would I know? ...

 

The bottom line is we don't really know, no matter how mindful and sensitive we try to be.

 

There are plenty of unhappy people in the world, in all walks of life. And plenty of people who don't like their jobs. Most with good reason. And for a number of reasons, this occupation in particular can be highly stressful and open to feelings of ambivalence. The most important thing for us all to do, is to conduct ourselves in such a way that we don't contribute to that unhappiness.

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

We all have good days and bad days no matter what line of work you do. I remember working tech support and some days I would come home at the end of the day and hate my job, hate my life.

 

But like Grasshopper pointed out, doing this job the pro's out weigh the cons.

 

As for the exploitation that happens, it happens everywhere. At one job my boss tried to tell me unless I did him "favors" I would not get promoted!

 

There is no way to guarantee that a lady is truly happy with being an SP, just treat her well and do not give her any reason to not enjoy her time with you. By doing this you are giving her another plus to doing what she does.

[Guest C*****tte]

Exploitative and abusive. I am sure this the truth for some. It is not for me.

 

Though I wonder if in part this had to do with the woman entering the business at a young age. I will say I had some exploitative and abusive waitress and retail jobs in my late teens and early twenties. It took me a while to figure out what was what and who to trust. I can only imagine if I had done sex work at that age the potential for much more serious consequences.

 

I am not saying young women are not suited for sex work, but having a bit of life experience has helped * me * within the sex work industry. I started at age 27 and left a mainstream job. I now have difficulty finding mainstream work in my original field of study because of it, but it is a consequence I am learning to live with (which is why I am going to school in a totally different field - where I can be self employed).

 

There is also just basic personality that will affect you and the consequences of your choices. I have acquaintances who did the circuit for late hour appointments. Most clients are high and you need to have a special attitude for those kinds of meetings. Not my thing. This I know. But others may not and take the appointment and learn a hard lesson. Others are totally built for such appointments.

[cat 262460]

There are people who are chronically unhappy no matter what they are doing and those that are happy no matter what they have to do in all walks of life. An unhappy person says "I'll be happy when...." but when that blank gets filled in they are still unhappy. Being happy is a personal decision that comes with acceptance of what is.

There is abuse in this industry and most SPs are bent in some way or another as are we all. As I have said before; little girls don't decide to be an SP when they grow up. Life happens and they find themselves in it. What they decide to make of it determines whether or not they are successful.

cat

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

. . . . There is abuse in this industry and most SPs are bent in some way or another as are we all. As I have said before; little girls don't decide to be an SP when they grow up. Life happens and they find themselves in it. What they decide to make of it determines whether or not they are successful.

 

I agree with Cat, 100%. Many things bring us to the choice between being an SP and doing, or not doing, something else. As much as we could, we've weighed the possible consequences of our decisions and moved forward.

 

Yes, there are abused women in this industry. There are abused people everywhere you look. Women and men, young and old, have suffered unspeakable violence and degradation. If we knew one-quarter of the stories of the people we see every day in the grocery store, at the park, in the movie theatre or on the bus, I daresay that most of us would have a hard time standing up under the weight of their grief.

 

I'm more than a little exhausted and exasperated by what Audicia Ray calls "sex worker trauma porn." It's the main thing that women in the sex trade are supposed to talk about. Violence, degradation, drugs and dehumanizing situations are a goldmine, but not for the victims. Do, please, notice that. Newspapers, magazines and new media need these stories.

 

Stories about how being in this business made life better for someone don't sell as readily. Women who really like sex and can enjoy having many partners whom they don't know, largely because those men pay them for it, somehow have less credibility than women who speak of being abused.

 

We know that the world is full of pain and sorrow. We know that life is hard for most people, regardless of their socioeconomic profile. We know that human beings are frequently appallingly cruel to each other. We know that many, many people--not to mention governments and armies--thrive on suspicion and paranoia, and that fear is one of the finest tools for controlling others. We know all of that.

 

Every morning we each wake up and decide what kind of world we are going to live in. Every day, we need to be inspired. What we need are not more tales of terror and warnings about perils to come. We need to hear stories about how people have risen above pain and loss, how they have transcended the darkness, how they found meaning, hope and determination to live in and to make a better place.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

At least from the point of view of the guys, WIT is right ... we simply dont know. And this is the issue that is always in the back of my mind whenever I see someone new.

 

I prefer to only see ladies that are independents and from one or two agencies that I believe do a reasonably good job of vetting candidates, but who knows. Virtually all of the ladies I have seen appear positive and in a healthy mood. And, frankly, some of the brightest, spirited ladies I have met are SPs, especially the independents. And I hope that's always the case.

[Lowdark 5613]

There may also be a reason no one has mentioned. Is it possible that the young lady in question was not entirely honest in her interview? I'm not saying that she was, perhaps she endured true unhappiness and exploitation and if that is the case I feel for here and am happy she is out of any potentially dangerous situation. But a lot of the things she said in the interview seemed to parrot many common stigmas and sterotypes about SPs, and seemingly portrays Mr. Carson as a bit of a White Knight that saved her. Is it possible she may have been bending the truth a little to spin some of the negativity off him? I do worry about the possibility that some of the women I have seen are perhaps not in a good place. I have always strived to treat them with respect and dignity (and I have had the privilege of them returning the respect). As others have said, we may never really know. But a part of me wonders if perhaps this interview wasn't a bit of politcal theatre and spin. Just a possibilty.

[mrrnice2 157005]

This question has been one that has been in my mind since my initial foray into the world of SP's and hobbyists.

 

As I have said before, I would not want to be taking advantage of another person for any reason.

 

By the mere reality of having two people meet, a personna is portrayed for each of the participants. This personna we must remember is a two way street. The SP and the client each present their own versions of who they are. The reality and honest portrayal is up to each individual to present, or to mask, whatever the case may be.

 

Speaking for myself all that I can do is meet each person and treat them as an individual and give them the same respect that I would like to have myself.

 

If one person at a time, be they SP or hobbyist did that then we all would be better off for it.