Wives!

[cat 262460]

Gentlemen,

Recently I have recieved a couple of phone calls from women who have located my number on their significant others phone. As most of you know, I prefer email for all communications and my phone number is not public information. Occasionally I will forward my cell in the event a guest feels there may be timing or logistical issues, but it is rare. This leads me to believe that many of you do not erase numbers from your call list.

I am wondering how many of you actually have an SP's number programmed in? In the event we receive a phone call, how would you suggest we handle it? Suggestions would be very welcome...

Catherine

[shypilot 113]

I think the first line of defense is to know where your phone is. If anyone is like me my phone is my business link and I never let it out of my sight. If it is a shared phone you need to get your own.

 

That being said I do not believe it is the responsibility of the SP to have to deal with this you should never have been put in the situation in the first place. Also, how would you know that it is the wife of a client calling? You don't!

 

Quite frankly I am not sure at that point if there is anything you could say that would relieve a suspicious wife. Lets face it she must be suspicious if she is calling a number on the phone call list and it is her husbands cell phone.

 

I know what I am saying does not answer your question but in the end you should not have to ask the question since the responsibility lies with the client.

 

Keep Smiling Cat.

[cat 262460]

Dearest shypilot,

 

Point taken, but it does happen. I am fairly quick thinking on my feet, and immediately asked why they were calling my husbands cell phone. I then explained he was married with children, and that in the event of a divorce he would be left penniless and I would torture him until the end of time. (for those that don't know me, that is so far from the truth of who I am, I would never torture anyone!) The silence on the other end was time enough for me to tell her never to call back and if I ever found out who she was, we would meet and it would not be pretty.

 

It is a tricky situation because suspicious women are like blood hounds and are so bent on finding out the "truth" they usually don't think about what they are going to do with it once it is found.

 

If all this thread does is to serve as a reminder to be careful and keep your call lists clear then it is worth it. Also remember detailed billing can be deadly also. I would genuinely like to hear some other suggestions as to how to handle this so it minimizes the tension on the other end.

 

Catherine

[Lucas 100]

My phone is used for business, is password protected and my password is changed every 30 days. I would suggest to anybody who has "personal" information on their phone they do not wish to share to do the same. My answer to the question "why is your phone password protected?" is simply "a standard practice to protect access to my business data". The same goes for my PC, etc...

[Guest Demfeller]

Guys as soon as you finished with an SP, delete the number.

[v*****m*n 220]

If you forget to delete the number, and Cat you said this has happend more than once, you could always say your a Florist.

[cat 262460]

If you forget to delete the number, and Cat you said this has happend more than once, you could always say your a Florist.

 

 

Great answer!

 

C

[shypilot 113]

The florist idea is a good one it gives the SP a neutral out without having to get into details.

 

But I also like the password option for the clients since I do the same thing and it is not that difficult to deal with. We live in an information age so as a rule and a good practice protect that information. I know Cat and I am sure other SP's take care of your private information so why not you with theirs.

[mod 135640]

Hmm... Who are you sending flowers to behind your wife's back? LOL... not well thought out if she did not receive flowers recently! Also most cell phones have detailed billing so your bill would probably have incoming and outgoing calls.

[shypilot 113]

At least with the detailed billing only a number appears which in and of it's self does help a bit, but like most people if you put a number in your phone you are also likely to put the name with the entry and that could be a dead giveaway. Who is this Catherine you have in your phone??? LOL.

 

I still think if you have something to hide then protect it.

[Mars_Bound 110]

Hmm... Who are you sending flowers to behind your wife's back? LOL... not well thought out if she did not receive flowers recently! Also most cell phones have detailed billing so your bill would probably have incoming and outgoing calls.

A recently deceased relative whom your wife may not know, or the flowers are for his recently deceased best friend's (male or female) grave.

[Mars_Bound 110]

Well Cat dearest, I am assuming these wives do not know what an SP is. In their husband's phone, is there a female name and then your number stored? If that is the case it could make it seem suspicious that they call this number with a female name beside it, a female (you) answer and then say the phone belongs to your husband.

 

The florist response sounds ok, or maybe you could say you were a perfume seller.

[Maestro 100]

Even if you think you have all of you i's dotted and your t's crossed, at some point in time something's going to screw up no matter how smart you think you are. I've been burnt by Murphy too many times (maybe that means I'm not terribly smart Jenny) so my input/suggestion, for what it's worth, is:

 

1-Technology makes us lazy. If she mesmerizes you, (which she does I'm sure) then memorize her number.

 

2-If you care for her (which I'm sure you do) then delete, delete, delete the trail off the phone!!!

 

Mamma always said................

[d*mm*y 887]

I know an MP that used to give out pens with the business name address and number on it. She would have wives call from time to time and has a special room set-up with waxing and facials etc... when they called she would book them and has several of them as repeat customers! they think it is legit spa and no harm done. She does wear the appropriate uniform and performs very good massages for the wives as well as esthetic's services. Of course this only works if you are also an esthetician!

[jughead 45]

Answer all calls

 

Acme Communications Center,

to whom may would you like to leave a message for?

 

Pretend you are an answering service taking messages for people. If you always answer calls it that way your clients will get to know how to answer the question. Any one else who asks for more information and pushes it tell them Privacy laws prevent us from releasing any information on our clients. If anyone wishes to sign up just tell them that they either need a referral from an existing client or are we not accepting new business at this time due to system limitations.

[Guest troy71]

It seems to me that it is really complicated, I think if your calling escorts and your married you should have a hard look at your choices. Marriage is serious, if she's not cool with your hobby than don't, or leave, but sneaking around and all that come on. From a guy who only wishes he could be married.

[Guest b****9]

It is easy. I have lots of golf courses on my speed dial in my phone, I just pick one or two and set them as my frequent escort numbers, problem solved.

[Guest reggit]

I speak for myself, but I am sure others would agree, in that I have everything I want in my home life except for one thing. I love my wife and will never leave her and I take care to protect her in all respects of my extracurricular behaviour. Maybe when you are married you will realise that if you get 99/100 things that you expect from marriage you have a decision to make, to suffer with a less than satisfying 1/100th or do I discretely satisfy that need elsewhere? It may not always be in the bedroom, but for most hobbyists that is where the problem usually lies in their marriage. I do everything to ensure my wife doesn’t find out let alone call my sp, but if she did I would want her to cover as best she can. With all the trails to cover in our technology based world, it is my responsibility to protect all involved even harder.

My 2 cents. ...

[Guest f***2f***]

It seems to me that it is really complicated, I think if your calling escorts and your married you should have a hard look at your choices. Marriage is serious, if she's not cool with your hobby than don't, or leave, but sneaking around and all that come on. From a guy who only wishes he could be married.

 

Well thanks for jumping to judgement there troy but you have no idea why some of us married guys choose to visit the ladies.

There is more to marriage than sex but for some of us it just ain't happening much at home and we need it. there are many reasons, probably as many as there are of us...medical, emotional (depression etc), physical (aging and menopause really suck).,,,and on and on

 

Cat that must have really sucked to have to deal with those calls. I personally keep my BB and laptop password protected and because of my work there are no questions with that...but I don't keep numbers in my phone or my computer....I just look it up again if I need to.

 

Be smart Gents....in this day and age every key stroke and every number is recorded somewhere...minimize your chances of putting someone at risk, or at the least embarrassed, by deleting and not carelessly saving....:eek:

[NameWitheldinOt 155]

Interesting thread? I have found a few ways of dealing with prying eyes. Here are a few.

 

1) As was previously mentioned, wipe the call history on your phone. For casual snooping it is effective, as long as the Snoop doesn?t go through the call history in your detailed billing.

2) Create a plausible contact in your address book with a business that you can remember. For extra protection change the name to a male equivalent. Then it will look like a business call to the Snoop. You just need to be able to remember or have a cross reference somewhere. Again, this one would be for a casual snoop.

3) Use a calling card. Pretty simple, get one of those 1-800 long distance calling cards. They are available in most shopping malls and stores. Then all the Snoop will see is that number on your phone or detailed billing. The Snoop can try the number and will just get the service. If questioned, tell the Snoop that cell phone long distance is expensive and you or your company has instituted the service in the spirit of cost savings. One issue will be call display. Few if any of these calling card services pass on your phone number to the called party. As we know, most SP?s will (and probably should) not answer calls from unknown numbers.

4) Use a separate long distance service. There are long distance providers out there that provide the same (usually better) service than the 1-800 cards. You will need to sign up for the service and provide a credit card number. Most (always check with them) will pass on the number you are calling from to the party you are calling and will use paperless billing to an email address you provide. Same as the calling card, the Snoop will only see the number for the service and the austerity reason applies. The service I use is North America wide with access numbers in all major cities and a toll free number areas with no local number. Aside from the security it provides, the rates for long distance are very low (~$0.02/minute) compared what to your cell provider charges unless it is included in your plan.

 

There is plenty of info in the net for long distance providers or you can PM me for the service that I use.

[cat 262460]

It seems to me that it is really complicated, I think if your calling escorts and your married you should have a hard look at your choices. Marriage is serious, if she's not cool with your hobby than don't, or leave, but sneaking around and all that come on. From a guy who only wishes he could be married.

 

Dear troy71,

 

Be very careful what you wish for, you just may get it. But if you don't clarify the wish, you could end up as the betrothed of a shrew! I agree with reggit, a marriage is so much more than just what happens behind closed doors.

 

In my experience, a relationship goes thru phases and as these phases happen, it is important to realize your partners limitations. As wife and mother, I remember nights I would have paid for an SP out of the milk money for my husband. He definitely deserved better than my tired ass! I remember just wanting it over with so I could get some sleep before the babies woke up. While in full blown "Mommy" mode, most women simply "take care" of his needs as they do everything else, out of necessity not because they want to play. They want to be held, cuddled, stroked and soothed. On rare occasions, when the stars align they want to romp. But what about the men the rest of the time? "Mommy" mode comes to an end eventually and the drive in her will return. Why would you cut loose a woman who is a good mother, friend and life partner for something you can temporarily outsource?

 

There are as many reasons as the stars for gentlemen to seek outside solace. I have yet to have a guest who genuinely wanted out of his marriage, when he looked at the big picture. Seldom is the wandering to an SP a symptom of other issues, otherwise he would be having an emotional affair with someone who is open to falling in love. Most of the time it's done to relieve the little missus of the hassle of putting out when she is simply too tired to.

 

Humans have 5 basic needs in order to survive. We can't function without them...

 

1. Air

2. Water

3. Food

4. Shelter

5. Physical contact

 

It is always easy to sit and judge, but until you have walked in anothers shoes it is always prudent to have a clear overview of the situation. There are many who would love the chance to have a great relationship and if you are proactive you can make it happen. But once you have the girl of your dreams, what do you do when she rolls over night after night after night after a kiss on the cheek and goes to sleep? Trade her in? After all the work it took to find her, woo her and finally land her? My bet would be you would simply find another way to scratch the itch. Good women are too hard to find...

 

Catherine

[shypilot 113]

I have to say I have very rarely herd it put in such clear terms. Your points are very accurate.

 

There are so many circumstances we find our selves in and without knowing the whole story you could never guess anything was up. You can love your wife to the grave but life certainly does throw curve balls at us all the time for both the husband and the wife.

 

I have been separated from my wife for quite some time. To most of the outside world people have no idea. I could have divorced but I do this because she is not well and requires a lot of care. It is not her fault she did not do this to me or herself, so in most ways I still love this woman I now take care of.

 

The separation was a way for me to be sure that I did not want to live with her but still loved her enough to keep my commitment to her in maintaining her care and health.

 

It took me a long time to try an SP and it has been one of the best experiences for me. It's not my ex's fault but I don't believe it is my fault either; this way I am able to feel like a normal real man and not just a care giver. The problems don't go away but knowing a woman like Catherine and many of the other ladies on this board who are exceptional people in every respect makes life bearable to exceptional.

 

In my situation if I divorced my wife I would be abandoning a woman who has never done a bad thing in her life except deal with illness. It is simply not right so what do I do? Go out and lie to woman I meet? Or go somewhere I may get a little understanding, friendship, support and always walkaway with a smile.

 

There you have it if you don't know the whole story be careful before you judge. Sorry for the long entry but I felt it was important to add to this line of discussion.

[kih 458]

This is a very interesting thread...good reading!

 

In my own situation, I am single not by choice but rather I don't want to put a gf or potential spouse's life under the microscope as it would complicate my situation further. In time, my situation will have final closure, until then I will visit sp's.

[treet123 100]

If any of your wives want to get even with you, have them give me a call.

[Jimbo351 98]

Some very good posts here, but three "small" details are missing:

 

1) Troy71 was not being judgmental, just expressing a different and valid opinion. People's sensitivity to his different point of view tends to prove his very point, that we instinctively know that something is wrong here (from the wife's point of view, and it is very, very important). We can't reflexively say someone is being judgmental just because they express a different point of view, and politely at that, when there's a giant elephant sitting in the room--the wife. Kinda hard to miss.

 

2) the wife, or most wives' feelings, if they knew about a so-called "hobby", after bearing their husbands' children, etc., among a million and other things. Try 12 hours of child birth, and now he does this??

 

3) not all women are exhausted all of the time (we can't generalize here from individual experiences). It takes work: you've gotta be attentive, sensitive, generous with the expectation of nothing in return. Most women respond well to that--very well, indeed. If they don't, there's something wrong in the relationship: it's not a sexual issue.

 

Now I have a question that partly contradicts point 2) above. Married or other women once they've had a child, to me, look quite unattractive, like a deflated paper bag. The wrinkles/sagging never go on the most beautiful part of their body, no matter how pretty they are in face or figure overall. I've seen this in beautiful girls of just 19, and can't quite believe it.

 

Is this something that "mommies" never tell their sons and daughters, one of the ugly facts of life no one ever speaks about because the implications are so negative?

 

That said, the posts were very revealing, indeed. Thanks all round!