Guest J***u Report post Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) To make a long story short I met this girl on a dating site back in 2009 and met her in 2010 after spending alot of time with her I fell in love with her only thing stopping me was her boyfriend,so I waited for her to become single for half a year.The night she became single I jumped the gun telling her how I felt but she didn't give me a answer.Then I find out she left her boyfriend for someone else at the start of March I lost all respect for her.I wonder if I done the right thing by cutting her out of my life I want to hear your opinions Edited March 30, 2011 by J***u Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megan'sTouch 23875 Report post Posted March 30, 2011 If you have feelings for her that are not reciprocated, I think it's best to cut her out for your own mental health. Focus your energies elsewhere! You deserve it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ottawaadventurer 5114 Report post Posted March 30, 2011 Not sure I understand why you lost respect for her for leaving for someone else.... would you not have taken her had she left him for you? These things are complicated... I don't think anyone should be judged for following their heart. Life is too short. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest **cely***r***ne Report post Posted March 30, 2011 When it comes to matters of the heart...it is always wise to listen to ourselves, our gut feelings. This is our minds way of subconsciously making the right decision for us. I always go with my gut. That being said...My first thought for you was to totally cut her out of your life. Totally just thinking of your well being... In personal experience I have discovered that strong feelings for someone who does not feel the same way have had a huge impact on my mental health. It made me question things and I do feel that you deserve more than to be sitting around thinking "whats wrong with me? Why is she not with me?" In my opinion, I say do not waste your emotions and feelings on someone who will not be there to appreciate them. There are lots of women out there my darling just waiting for you to sweep them off there feet! Patience is a great virtue....your day will come my luv ;) Just my thoughts and feelings on this topic.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jughead 45 Report post Posted March 30, 2011 Been ther done that. A friends sister string me alone it went on for a lot longer then he is aware of. He helped me see that she plays men always has always will. She has ended marriges, and friend ships in the process of having fun. She has men asking her out regularly all from a happily married woman. After he told me what she was like I walked away from her and have never seen her since and never want to see her again. I have clearly told my friend if she walks in I walk out, he understand where I am comming from. The best thing I did for myself. Look forward not back. I believe that if it is ment to be that it will be, and both of you will realize it and things will progress naturally. "Life is what happens when your busy making plans" John Lennon You cannot plan to fall in love it happens all by itself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted March 30, 2011 Sounds, based on what you have said, at least three guys have seen her all around the same time...her boyfriend, the guy she left her boyfriend for, and you...who knows, maybe others too I know (believe me I know) it's hard, but cut her loose. You need to focus on yourself and emotionally speaking with her, your in deep water and she's an anchor that will drag you down. Good luck RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958 Report post Posted March 30, 2011 dude, unrequited love will bring nothing but misery. Like other people said, keeping a person in your life who brings unhappiness is a sure fire way to mess up your mental health and drag you down. Here's a little Headstones song for you. hope it makes you feel better! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J***u Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks everyone for replying and thanks Surf_Nazis_Must_Die for the song I saved it to my you tube Favorites Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Well you can't fault the girl for leaving her boyfriend for another guy. I mean, are you saying you wouldn't have gone out with her if she'd left him for you? Probably not. But, take it from me, you're better off to cut her out of your life because keeping her around will only hurt because she doesn't feel the same way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Well you can't fault the girl for leaving her boyfriend for another guy. I mean, are you saying you wouldn't have gone out with her if she'd left him for you? Probably not. But, take it from me, you're better off to cut her out of your life because keeping her around will only hurt because she doesn't feel the same way. Not faulting her (at least I'm not) for leaving her bf...but from the sounds of it, she has been involved with 3 guys around the same time period. Doesn't sound like a casual encounter, but serious, where people's emotions are at stake. It sounds to me that at this point a guy is setting himself up to be hurt, getting involved with her...at least that's how I see it based on what we know thus far Thank God I gave up dating/relationships and began hobbying...less drama and more fun RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen 67414 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Well you can't fault the girl for leaving her boyfriend for another guy. I mean, are you saying you wouldn't have gone out with her if she'd left him for you? Probably not. I think what the OP is saying is that he didn't want to pursue her while she was seeing another guy, because he thought that was unethical for himself and the woman. He waited to see if she'd leave the guy of her own accord, without trying to lure her away by fooling around behind the other guy's back. Then he found out that when she did leave the original guy, it was because some other guy had been "wooing" her while she was with the first guy, and she had become involved. Because she was unfaithful (to some unknown degree) to her original partner, he's disappointed in her and lost all interest. (Off on a tangent: ) I remember getting some really good advice 25 years ago: never leave someone ONLY because a different relationship looks more promising. The other relationship could go sour too. Only leave someone if your current relationship fails on its own merits, not because it falls short of what you imagine another will be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Not faulting her (at least I'm not) for leaving her bf...but from the sounds of it, she has been involved with 3 guys around the same time period. Doesn't sound like a casual encounter, but serious, where people's emotions are at stake.It sounds to me that at this point a guy is setting himself up to be hurt, getting involved with her...at least that's how I see it based on what we know thus far Thank God I gave up dating/relationships and began hobbying...less drama and more fun RG Still not sure I see the issue. Was she cheating on said boyfriend with all these other men, or simply dating them? Cuz this sounds an awful lot like we're vilifying a woman who happens to be sexually active. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks everyone for replying and thanks Surf_Nazis_Must_Die for the song I saved it to my you tube Favorites Glad you enjoyed it! Emotions are all sorts of screwy, hopefully you make it through to the other side of this bad time a happier person, or at least less miserable than you are now! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Still not sure I see the issue. Was she cheating on said boyfriend with all these other men, or simply dating them? Cuz this sounds an awful lot like we're vilifying a woman who happens to be sexually active. My post did not vilify her in any way shape or form If she is being sexually active with multiple partners she is free to do so However it sounds like Josbu was seeking advice because he (and he can correct me if I'm wrong) had/has feelings for this woman and when one person sees another for a serious relationship, while the other is looking for a casual relationship with multiple partners, someone is going to get hurt No judgements here, just a relationship works only when both want it And I'm basing this on Josbu post, but as we all know, in relationships as in other stories, there is his side, her side, and then the truth RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GuyLabamba 104 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J***u Report post Posted March 31, 2011 I think what the OP is saying is that he didn't want to pursue her while she was seeing another guy, because he thought that was unethical for himself and the woman. He waited to see if she'd leave the guy of her own accord, without trying to lure her away by fooling around behind the other guy's back. Then he found out that when she did leave the original guy, it was because some other guy had been "wooing" her while she was with the first guy, and she had become involved. Because she was unfaithful (to some unknown degree) to her original partner, he's disappointed in her and lost all interest. (Off on a tangent: ) I remember getting some really good advice 25 years ago: never leave someone ONLY because a different relationship looks more promising. The other relationship could go sour too. Only leave someone if your current relationship fails on its own merits, not because it falls short of what you imagine another will be. You're right 100%, her ex (who is my friend now) had no idea I loved her and neither did she before I met her I was dating someone for almost 3 years and she left me for another guy so I know how that feels and I would never do that to anyone even my own enemy's.I should of waited and told her how I felt but I was worried he would try and get her back but he didn't instead she packed up and moved to Grand Manan to be with a guy she never even met.I offered her to live with me but she refused I wondered why and I found out.But I learned to never wait for a girl to become single again lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
E.D. man 691 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 To make a long story short I met this girl on a dating site back in 2009 and met her in 2010 after spending alot of time with her I fell in love with her only thing stopping me was her boyfriend,so I waited for her to become single for half a year.The night she became single I jumped the gun telling her how I felt but she didn't give me a answer.Then I find out she left her boyfriend for someone else at the start of March I lost all respect for her.I wonder if I done the right thing by cutting her out of my life I want to hear your opinions Shes just using you and has no real interest in dating you. yes leaving her is the best thing you can do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
esoterica 624 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Nobody did anything wrong. It just didn't work out. If all of our desires came true, we would never need bitter-sweet love songs. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest s*f******0*3 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 You did the right thing... Not everything we love and care for are always the best for us.... Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 My post did not vilify her in any way shape or formIf she is being sexually active with multiple partners she is free to do so However it sounds like Josbu was seeking advice because he (and he can correct me if I'm wrong) had/has feelings for this woman and when one person sees another for a serious relationship, while the other is looking for a casual relationship with multiple partners, someone is going to get hurt No judgements here, just a relationship works only when both want it And I'm basing this on Josbu post, but as we all know, in relationships as in other stories, there is his side, her side, and then the truth RG Well, the questioning of how many guys she was seeing around the same time seems to imply that it matters how many guys she was seeing. While no one in this thread has come out and specifically blamed her, the meaning behind the words is still the same. Maybe she didn't want to date the OP because he's gross or a jerk (I'm not saying you are OP!). But you're right, there are definitely two sides to every story. I just don't see the point in automatically assuming that she was using this guy (ED Man's words here, not yours roamingguy). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Well, the questioning of how many guys she was seeing around the same time seems to imply that it matters how many guys she was seeing. While no one in this thread has come out and specifically blamed her, the meaning behind the words is still the same. Maybe she didn't want to date the OP because he's gross or a jerk (I'm not saying you are OP!). But you're right, there are definitely two sides to every story. I just don't see the point in automatically assuming that she was using this guy (ED Man's words here, not yours roamingguy). The only implication in me saying (based on the thread) that she was seeing three guys around the same time, while Josbu was interested in her in apparently a serious and I assume by extension monogamous relationship is that someone is going to get hurt I'm not judging casual relationships vs a serious monogamous relationship I am saying it does matter how many guys she's seeing only insofar as it would impact a serious monogamous relationship Likewise I would argue the same for a woman who is serious about a guy, yet he is playing the field, and doesn't want to stop It appears from what has been disclosed that she isn't serious about Josbu and given that,Josbu should leave her, so he doesn't get hurt But I'm not judging anyone, hell, look at the site I'm on...people living in glass houses don't throw stones. All I was doing is providing my input and advice for Josbubased on what he posted...that's it RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SmartnSexy 2089 Report post Posted March 31, 2011 Well, the questioning of how many guys she was seeing around the same time seems to imply that it matters how many guys she was seeing. While no one in this thread has come out and specifically blamed her, the meaning behind the words is still the same. Since, as you pointed out, no one has come out and specifically blamed her maybe you should just leave it at that and refrain from putting words into RG's mouth. If he wanted to blame her he could and probably would have, but he didn't. I don't see why you have to start accusing him of something he didn't do just because the words he used could have been interpreted that way. To the OP, I tend to agree with most of the people in this thread, you did the right thing by just cutting her out. I get where you're coming from in your thoughts about never waiting for a girl to become single before you make a move (Sloan's The Other Man anyone? ;)), but I'm not sure that's the best option either (wish I had the correct option for you, but I don't, sorry :(). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rickkm 328 Report post Posted April 1, 2011 You have the right to feel frustrated; it seems like she may lead you on only to go with another man instead but you may not be alone. A lesson here is that if a girl is in a relationship, leave her alone because if she flirts with you, she can bloodly flirt with other men as well.....walk away man, live to fight another day, lesson learned!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moonshine 399 Report post Posted April 1, 2011 All this sounds like to me is a guy wanted to be something more with a girl who only ever looked at him as a friend. Little too much speculation going on about her with zero information, and then some congratulatory responses on getting rid of her without knowing if that was a sour response to not getting what he wanted. It's stuff like this that makes me embarrassed to be a guy sometimes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted April 1, 2011 Since, as you pointed out, no one has come out and specifically blamed her maybe you should just leave it at that and refrain from putting words into RG's mouth. If he wanted to blame her he could and probably would have, but he didn't. I don't see why you have to start accusing him of something he didn't do just because the words he used could have been interpreted that way. My intent was not to start a fight or accuse anyone--RG's post was as good as anyone's to use as an example. The words you use are very important especially because they can be interpreted the wrong way by others. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
