Being turned away.

[KarmaKiss 10585]

So last night I had the worst experience of my life. I drove 25 mins for an outcall that had been planned for a few days. I get there a few mins early so I text from the driveway. He tells me to come in. So I go to the door and he lets me in and is standing there staring at me funny. So I proceed in and take off my heels and we start walking across the kitchen and i turned to look at him for guidance for which direction and he comes right out and says rudely that I don’t look like my pictures? I was in shock as this is the first time this has happened to me in this situation. I have only had one other guy say this and he was looking to score a deal and stayed for the call even though at that point I didn’t even want to see him but I did. Anyways as I’m putting my shoes back on he was like I don’t want you to leave empty handed like he felt sorry for me. I was like take your money and shove it up your ass and have a wonderful night. Has anyone ever had an experience like this. I am the person in my pictures I don’t edit them only to watermark them and once in a while I have used filters for fun but other than that it is me. I also have reviews out there that verify who I am and that my pictures are accurate. How would you handle this situation? It really made me feel terrible and shook my confidence up. Not to mention made me feel like he was outright calling me a liar. 

[Guest]

  As I never seen you in person it's hard for me to form an opinion on if you look different from your pictures.

He obviously hadn't planned in wasting your time as he was willing to compensate you and was feeling bad about the situation. If you refused it because you took it too personal, that's something you got to deal with.

  I turned back/walked away from some ladies due to fake/outdated pics, rude behavior, questionnable age or just had a very bad feeling. Not saying his reasons were one of those, but for some reasons his expectations didn't match what he seen in you. You often use overexposed  pictures that tend to hide the skin tone and some facial features. Again, I'm not saying this caused the situation, just trying to find possible reasons.

  We all had to face the reality that we can't please everyone. I've been rejected more than once and had to say no to a few persons because things didn't felt right. There's no point in overanalysing this. Rejection is not always negative and can be used to grow as a human being.

 Personally, I would recommend you to move on. But if this tend to repeat itself, then maybe update your pictures.

 Hope this help. Have a nice day.

[KarmaKiss 10585]

Thank you for your opinion I appreciate it. It wasn’t even that he turned me away it was that he made me feel as if I was being dishonest with my pictures like I wasn’t the person in the pictures at all when It’s pretty obvious that I am and have had people even say my pictures don’t do me justice. I am chalking it up to just a bad experience and leaving it at that it was only one experience and I did take it a little too personally I guess but It’s hard not to sometimes as we are all human. I am a confident person and I do update my photos often to avoid this type of thing from happening. I’m sure No one wants to ever go through this experience on purpose. Those that post deceiving pictures on purpose  well that’s another story. 

[Guest]

  His reasons were maybe not directly the pictures. Was maybe a physical detail or something else that made him uncomfortable. And as "you don't look like your pictures" is a simple go to excuse for rejection, he likely used it to cut the conversation short.

  Better not make a big deal about it.

  Take care.

[waterat 20911]

Karma I concur with Greenteal's suggestions. An unfortunate incident, at least it has only happened to you once.

This fellow cost you 50 min. of driving/gas plus the time of your very brief interaction. If this ever happens again accept the offered cash and also always remember the Eleanor Roosevelt quotation:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 

Stay strong.

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

Sorry, this happened to you .. did he expect you to have the heart nose and animal ears like in your video? Couldn't resist. Yes, you should have taken the money..

[LuxeMulvari 65764]

I agree with GreenTeal, it wasn't about the pictures, that line is as overplayed as "I forgot my wallet in the car" or some kind of horrible accident " I/My mom/sister/brother/dog got into a car accident/ has to go to the hospital I can't make it" 

 

It's frustrating I know, that's why anything outside of Ottawa (or more than a 15 min drive) you should secure a deposit. That way should anything occur, your time/gas/ efforts/loss of income and loss other potential income due to reserving time for said appointment are covered...

 

I recently had a thread posted on another board by a once regular guest and someone I had considered a friend saying the same about me, that I misrepresent myself in my pictures. When asked by other members how I specifically didn't look like my pictures, his response was even though I blur my face, my face doesn't look like a certain porn star of a completely different race (nevermind a whole other person) that he imagined my face would look like... ( I know absurd, I honestly can't make this stuff up lol)

 

Because it wasn't about my pics ( if it was he wouldn't have kept on seeing me ) he had a personal issue with me and instead of coming to me as an adult, explaining his grievance and addressing it with me, he decided to attack my business and attempt to punish me by slandering my reputation with false claims that when examined by other members, held no weight...only then he finally admitted his personal issue with me . 

 

It's not about the pictures and really it's not about you.. it's more personal i.e. their issue, and in this business people will come up with all kinds of reasons and excuses instead of just being genuine and admitting their hang-ups, it's easier to project and place the blame on you. Don't take it personal, because it's not! Just let your pictures and your reputation speak for themselves, the good guys get it and the ones who don't? *Shrugs* Not your circus and not your monkeys 😉 

Keep smiling beautiful ! 

 

 

[Hukupp 1651]

KK, you show your face and your body type. The LAST thing he should have mentioned was you not looking like your pics. Something spooked him. You have no issues or reasons to reflect on this. ps Emma’s response was the best! 

[Guest]

31 minutes ago, LuxeMulvari said:

It's frustrating I know, that's why anything outside of Ottawa (or more than a 15 min drive) you should secure a deposit. That way should anything occur, your time/gas/ efforts/loss of income and loss other potential income due to reserving time for said appointment are covered...

 

   Hi,

  She did mention that he offered to compensate her, but at the time didn't took the money because too mad. There no point villainizing him as he did his best to act like a gentleman in this situation. Why he felt uncomfortable with her doesn't need to be to justified. Pointing out why someone is not attractive or can't meet expectations is not always obvious. He did what most of us would have done.

    It's a simply case of dealing with rejection. Not always plaisant , but part of life.

[drlove 37204]

Very sorry to hear about your experience. Having him say “you don’t look like your pictures” is very vague... e.g. in what way? He also could have used a gentler approach with a bit more tact. I can definitely understand why you felt the way you did in this unfortunate situation. I will say that individuals can look different in various photos depending on the pose, lighting etc.. I’ve gone on dating sites where women had posted a series of photos, and imo looked like different people from one photo to the next. So, it can happen.... However, if I had been the one cancelling after you arrived, I would have insisted that you take the full donation, plus a tip to compensate you for your time, gas and inconvenience. I would also have offered my sincerest apologies. After all, it’s the least that any respectable person would do.

[waterat 20911]

drlove you took the words right out of my mouth. I agree. An immediate apology and insistance of taking some sort of compensation. It can be difficult to respond effectively when things have gone downhill so precipitously.

@Greenteal:  "He did what most of us would have done."

Sadly I don't have the sense that 'most' clients would have done this. Perhaps I'll just foolishly hope that most lyla members would have.....

[Guest]

1 minute ago, waterat said:

drlove you took the words right out of my mouth. I agree. An immediate apology and insistance of taking some sort of compensation. It can be difficult to respond effectively when things have gone downhill so precipitously.

@Greenteal:  "He did what most of us would have done."

Sadly I don't have the sense that 'most' clients would have done this. Perhaps I'll just foolishly hope that most lyla members would have.....

 By "most of us", I was referring to sensible members of this board and other respectful lobbyists.

My point is simply that he did nothing wrong. If he apologized or not is not clear as she was too upset to accept his attempt to compensate her and make things right. 

 Things could have been far worst, but that's not the topic of this thread. She never dealt with the situation before and this experience will make her stronger in the future.

 

 

[KarmaKiss 10585]

Thank you and yes. I am interested in hearing how other  ladies would have handled themselves as well,  as my first reaction was anger. That is why I didn’t accept the money as it was the manner in which it was offered. He made the situation wayyyy more awkward than he needed to by reacting the way he did. If he had simply and nicely said I don’t feel comfortable now that your here and have changed my mind. I’d be ok with that. He was confrontational in his reaction and that is what angered me and as I am not quick to get angry I am very easy going and laid back. He reacted like I purposely led him to believe I was someone else which I did not. He did not apologize at all. Just offered the money. And that is why I refused it. I know I probably should have accepted it and kept my cool but I didn’t and that part is on me. I never complained about the compensation part as he offered and I refused .

[LuxeMulvari 65764]

2 hours ago, Greenteal said:

   Hi,

  She did mention that he offered to compensate her, but at the time didn't took the money because too mad. There no point villainizing him as he did his best to act like a gentleman in this situation. Why he felt uncomfortable with her doesn't need to be to justified. Pointing out why someone is not attractive or can't meet expectations is not always obvious. He did what most of us would have done.

    It's a simply case of dealing with rejection. Not always plaisant , but part of life.

Exactly, a deposit is exactly what it says, a small investment in case things fall through.  Much like anything else with a deposit, such as a banquet hall or a suite rental, the funds are requested in case the purchaser doesn't come through with the booking and the business doesn't get stuck holding the bag. Many businesses employ this practice as it also makes the client much less apt to cancel as they've invested too. She said this gentleman was 25 mins away. I don't know if you've seen gas prices lately, but that's a long way to travel on a promise. Not to mention she's blocked off her available time to see him, so she's out on potential business time and compensation, most of us have lives and only have limited times available to have sessions. If she is willing to invest her time/gas/ time to prepare/products used to beautify herself/ she's already made an initial investment into the session, I don't see anything wrong with asking a client to reciprocate said efforts. That way, if things don't work out she at least got something for her time, and I find that clients that give deposits and screen no problem are serious and not looking to play games as was not the case with the gentleman above, which you yourself stated that his cancelation wasn't about the pictures.  I don't see why whenever ladies put practices in place to protect themselves, their time and their piece of mind it's immediately seen as a personal affront on clients. I'm sorry but I fail to see how giving her information to ensure her investments are protected in the future=vilifying?  

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, LuxeMulvari said:

Exactly, a deposit is exactly what it says, a small investment in case things fall through.  Much like anything else with a deposit, such as a banquet hall or a suite rental, the funds are requested in case the purchaser doesn't come through with the booking and the business doesn't get stuck holding the bag. Many businesses employ this practice as it also makes the client much less apt to cancel as they've invested too. She said this gentleman was 25 mins away. I don't know if you've seen gas prices lately, but that's a long way to travel on a promise. Not to mention she's blocked off her available time to see him, so she's out on potential business time and compensation, most of us have lives and only have limited times available to have sessions. If she is willing to invest her time/gas/ time to prepare/products used to beautify herself/ she's already made an initial investment into the session, I don't see anything wrong with asking a client to reciprocate said efforts. That way, if things don't work out she at least got something for her time, and I find that clients that give deposits and screen no problem are serious and not looking to play games as was not the case with the gentleman above, which yourself stated that his cancelation wasn't about the pictures.  I don't see why whenever ladies put practices in place to protect themselves, their time and their piece of mind it's immediately seen as a personal affront on clients. I'm sorry but I fail to see how giving her information to ensure her investments are protected in the future=vilifying?  

   I don't disagree with you. But the question of deposits is not really the topic and a little irrelevant to the situation as he did offer to compensate her.

[KarmaKiss 10585]

I would ask for deposits but here in Kingston men think you are ripping them off or won’t show up and honestly I would be out a lot of good decent clients if I did so. 

[rubylabellexo 1144]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Whatever his true reasons for changing his mind about wanting to see you, reacting in a confrontational manner is simply bad form. I like to think I would've taken the money offered and left but who knows. Only you know how the impact of his words and tone felt. 

Try not to let it get to you! It's not really about the photos. There are all sorts of men out there and I'm sure most will be pleasantly surprised by the difference between you IRL and in photos, rather than the other way around. 🙂

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

I’m sorry this happened to you . Once it happened to me touring . Back then I was more or less a ripped bodybuilder . I never tried to hind that, my arms and body were vascular . If he didn’t see that he didn’t bother to look or only glanced . He left without any mention of payment. It probably isn’t as bad at an in call but still insulting . 

There are also the type that do this all the time just to be debasing . Only a couple of years ago I had a caller in NB . He starred , looked stupid and asked if I was drunk or on drugs ? No and no. Then he just said he was sorry  that I wasn’t what he was expecting . Hum , most of my pics are up close and sharp . If I wasn’t what he expected  who was he ? 

 

You are a beautiful woman so try and move past the incident . It doesn’t matter how we present ourselves there will always be the odd ass that will find fault . 

I would also say you should have taken the money. 

Love to you . 

[peacectryguy 12547]

I've never completely understood the old "pictures aren't accurate" thing, tbh. I get that most guys are visual creatures by nature but even photos that aren't touched up or anything rarely are exact. Cameras have come a long way and selfies are all the rage and so on but depending on lighting and angles and all kinds of other factors, the real life in front of someone and the photo can have anywhere from subtle differences to things that are very different. I just don't see it as a deal breaker but again, I understand that some guys can be extremely specific in what they want or envision in an encounter. 

Having said that, perhaps he could have been more tactful and perhaps your reaction to his offer could have been less emotional but what's done is done. It's water under the bridge now. You probably should have accepted the offer and been compensated for your travel time but too late now. 

I guess this isn't much of an answer but chalk it up to experience and try not to take it too personally. Cheers and be safe out there.

[Guest]

On ‎8‎/‎26‎/‎2018 at 1:21 PM, peacectryguy said:

I've never completely understood the old "pictures aren't accurate" thing, tbh. I get that most guys are visual creatures by nature but even photos that aren't touched up or anything rarely are exact. 

   Again, more than often it's an easy excuse to walk out from an uncomfortable situation.

It's not always physical. I think we all seen situations where an attractive person would turn us off from her attitude, way of expressing herself or other details ruining what should have been a pleasant encounter. Someone will get under your skin and rub you the wrong way and pinpointing the cause is not always obvious. Even for someone open minded and not very picky, certain things simply won't work. Expressing it on the spot is not always easy. And even if it was, wouldn't change the outcome.

 No matter the excuse used, if one doesn't feel comfortable with the other things shouldn't be forced. Feelings may get hurt and egos may get bruised, but that's life. There things we can't change or prevent and the best thing to do is move on and learn from it when possible.

[LuxeMulvari 65764]

 

 

 

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

On 9/20/2018 at 11:49 AM, LuxeMulvari said:

 

 

 

Haha I retweeted that once on Twitter! 😂😂😂

 

”Your pictures aren’t accurate” can often be an easy way out as that is a clear indication that they are putting the onus on you because YOu apparently misrepresented yourself. *Some* men will use that excuse but like others said, some get nervous, spooked or could even be simply a mannerism or something *they* don’t like. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

 

Yes, it’s frustrating when this happens but if there is another time someone says that to you, just play the reverse psychology card when they say “ Sorry I can’t go through with this.” Just simply say “Yes that is very good idea. It’s best that you leave.”

 

I had someone show up one time after I had just got a phone call about someone being rushed to hospital seconds after I buzzed them up. They could see something was wrong and that I looked like I was upset.

 

At first he came to the door, looked at me and silence. He said maybe it’s best he go. I told him that was a good idea that he goes. I got a text from him minutes later asking why *I* refused him at the door. So he picked up on my vibe without knowing what was going on, I was in shock telling him it was best to leave and he took it upon himself thinking something was wrong with him and that I rejected him. 

 

I knew why he declined because I was in such a frenzy but after I told him what happened, everything came together. He ended up coming back to see me a few times after that. 

 

Sometimes its not really about you or its a matter of what they interpret in their head. Some men have this fantasy and what they see in a picture can’t be replicated in real life esp when personality comes into play. 

 

The biggest thing that freaks men out is if you appear rushed or anxious or nervous . That is a red flag for them. They will also check out your place just with one look. I’ve had guys tell me some places they went into were dirty dives and walked right back out.

 

Not referring to you or your situation but in general these are some of the things that tip them off. I’ve had guys freak me out and I’ve asked them to leave. One took it really personal and was so incensed that he continued to call me leaving voice messages demanding that I see him. I knew I made the right choice by asking him to leave.

 

If I’m in a bad mood, tired or anxious,  I won’t see new clients. It’s those first few seconds that make lasting impressions so I try to be at my best when I meet new people and of course my regulars.

 

its annoying when this happens because we often take it so personal but just remember the men out there who appreciate you for just being yourself. It’s his loss.

[TFZL1 229]

On 8/22/2018 at 6:54 PM, KarmaKiss said:

Thank you and yes. I am interested in hearing how other  ladies would have handled themselves as well,  as my first reaction was anger. That is why I didn’t accept the money as it was the manner in which it was offered. He made the situation wayyyy more awkward than he needed to by reacting the way he did. If he had simply and nicely said I don’t feel comfortable now that your here and have changed my mind. I’d be ok with that. He was confrontational in his reaction and that is what angered me and as I am not quick to get angry I am very easy going and laid back. He reacted like I purposely led him to believe I was someone else which I did not. He did not apologize at all. Just offered the money. And that is why I refused it. I know I probably should have accepted it and kept my cool but I didn’t and that part is on me. I never complained about the compensation part as he offered and I refused .

Hi Karma,

I can certainly see how it would be upsetting. I have never, would never turn an outcall away. I have walked away from incalls, either fake pics or bad attitude. One was bad/misleading directions, by the time I got to the room, I was pissed off, so I thought I better go.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take the money. Any compensation for your time would be better than nothing.

Once when I driving a girl to outcalls, she was turned away after the shower together. It was supposed to be a three hour call, so I was out having lunch and surprized when she texted, come get me. He just wasn’t feeling it, he told her. He asked for money back, she gave him 200 back out of the 900 fee, said she still had to pay her driver. She thought that was pretty good for 1/2h plus travel.

Take what you can get, it’s his problem, not yours.

 

[Ice4fun 78407]

It's unfortunate when this happens but is I think just part of the business... I also think it is extremely important that both the lady and the client reserve the right to decline when they meet and frankly there are many many reasons why that could happen. 

The real issue in my opinion is how this declining of service by either is handled.  If a lady in good faith has turned up at your place to meet you or prepared to meet you at hers and you decline her service she I think is entitled to appropriate renumeration. The rub is that often both parties don't agree on what is appropriate so I would encourage ladies to have a clear policy of what she expects in there circumstances on her website etc.  If she does the gentleman has no reason to object (yes some will anyway) as it was established at time of booking. Guys making bookings should understand that is part of the deal and that if the lady incurs cost (time or money) they deserve to be compensated.  

Now that said if the lady has a clear policy but also has also clearly mislead the client ( says 20 yo but is 50 yo, says 300lbs and is 105, says no tattoos and has body full.. then all bets are off)

If the lady turns up and decides to not provide service for a reason of her choice she should not expect any renumeration unless the gentleman has significantly misled her.  (She expects single guy he expects gang bang, situation is unsafe for lady etc). In the case of being misled or unsafe I think an expectation by the lady of being reimbursed for her costs is reasonable but I think we all know is not going to happen the majority of the time.

These types of misunderstanding are part of business and it is incumbent on both parties to do all that they can to reduce the chances of it happening.

Deposits can be used but from my perspective are not ideal.

Just my Opinion