Looking for some input...

[Guest 70340...2bc]

I have been seeing a single SP over a number of years and been experiencing a bit of an emotional quandary over the last few months. I don't know whether its a fact I'm just getting older or I am just afraid of being alone, but I seem to be struggling with becoming attached to her in a way that I find unsettling.  We have always, I believe, connected on more than just a sexual level. We have had long conversations about virtually anything that came to mind. I even enjoy spending time with her just being in the same room as her.  I don't know if this is a common issue with many people out there, but I don't even know how to categorize how I feel about this woman.  I cannot read her mind but I am assuming since she sees me as often as we do, that she either feels comfortable with me of may even feel the same towards me, I don't know.  And that is the crux of my quandary.  I do not know what I should do about this emotional turmoil that I am experiencing. I realize that I really should talk to her about it, but I don't even know how to broach the subject.  Every time I try to start, I just feel incapable of expressing myself, almost like being a teenager again. It bothers me that I think about her as much as I do and I am almost to the point I would say it has impacted on my mental and physical health.

I am assuming that others have had similar situations as this before, I do remember reading one in the past, but I would like some candid opinions about this and also if anyone has been in a similar position, some dialogue on how or even what I should do about this. Please keep this on a civil tone.  Thank you

 

PS: this is a real problem, I am posting anonymously not to stir the pot, but to preserve a measure of privacy for all concerned

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

[Guest]

    I never really been in that situation, but with the right person I could understand how it could be possible. It's a bit hard to give advices on the matter as nobody thinks the same, but would recommend to try to get to know her on a more personal level. If she starts to share more about herself it should be a good sign. But if she makes it clear she prefers keeping work and her private life separate, the message should be quite clear.

[drlove 37204]

Thanks for sharing... I don’t presume to know the specifics of your situation, although I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. When you’re with someone that you feel you really connect with, the emotions and feelings you experience are real. However,  and I want to say this gently, try not to forget the context of your interaction. In other words, you likely met this woman in a business capacity. Now, that’s not to say genuine feelings cannot develop- they certainly can. In my experience, I’ve come to know some incredible women over the years, some of whom I consider friends - however, I don’t lose sight of the broader picture. I enjoy the time we have when we’re together, but I never expect anything more than that. In all my years in this industry, I’ve only heard of a few instances where a real relationship has developed. I’m not saying this to be harsh; On the contrary, I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt. If you feel that broaching the subject with her may assuage some of your trepidations, you can certainly discuss how you feel. However, be prepared that she may not feel the same way. Another suggestion may be to try and find a genuine, reciprocal connection by exploring real life dating etc.. That may be one way to fill the void. You may also want to consider talking to a therapist to try to get at the root cause of what’s missing in your life and how you’re feeling. Trust me, there’s no shame in that. I once went through a bad break up with a woman I’d been dating, and it helped me see things clearer. Again, these are simply some ideas and options.... not saying what you should or shouldn’t do. Please accept my fondest wishes that everything works out for you!

[Guest 70340...2bc]

OP here. I did help her for an extended time period to stop working, but unfortunately she came to the conclusion that she needed to continue working again to achieve her goals.

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

[WildTiger 1296]

Greenteal and DrLove made very good points.  I have also met some wonderful ladies that I have seen many times and fantasized about what it might have been like to meet them outside of this hobby.  And that's where I always stop.  I met them in an environment where we are expected to keep the boundaries in mind, especially after many wonderful sessions.  

It has happened where feelings are mutual and a genuine relationship has developed, but I believe these instances to be very rare.  Maybe you are lucky and have been able to find one of these special relationships.  My one caution to you would be to consider that if you do express a desire to move beyond the client-SP relationship you may risk scaring her off.  Or are you better off continuing within the confines of your current relationship where you have met someone you can feel comfortable with during the time you spend together?  In the end, whatever you choose to do will be right for you but be aware there could be unanticipated consequences.

Good luck!

[Guest]

We all got our own reasons to see providers. For many of us, it's the lack of affection, physical pleasures and the need to escape reality. But when you trade one reality for another, you tend to lose the illusion. Just a question of being careful what you wish for.

Not trying to be negative, just something to consider.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

Keep in mind that the reason why you go and see all the wonderful ladies that help you realize that fantasy that you want, you let yourself be vulnerable and if you enjoyed her company you will want to return for more.  The chances that she will quit this profession is small and will you have this in the back of your head for the length of time you 2 will share together?  After a days work when you come home from a tough day you will need someone to vent to, someone neutral about their feelings, will you do the same with her?

Take a look at the big picture for now and see if you fit in it.

[Guest 70340...2bc]

Thank you all for the insights, I have a lot to think about. Need to calm down and think about things rationally.

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

[Guest 70340...2bc]

Well just an update if anyone cares, I have pretty much dissolved the relationship just recently. In looking back and being sensible I came to realize my feelings were being exploited for financial gain. There's a big hole in my life now, but I think I should just move on and experience life in the real world again. Thanks again for all the insights, I should have asked a long time ago and saved myself a lot of heartache.

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

[Guest]

   After reading and re-reading this thread and another one in regard to a questionable inquiry, I seriously hope you'll seek the kind of help that doesn't require cash payments.

    Take care.

[cometman 35115]

On 10/16/2018 at 5:52 AM, Guest 70340...2bc said:

Well just an update if anyone cares, I have pretty much dissolved the relationship just recently. In looking back and being sensible I came to realize my feelings were being exploited for financial gain. There's a big hole in my life now, but I think I should just move on and experience life in the real world again. Thanks again for all the insights, I should have asked a long time ago and saved myself a lot of heartache.

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

I feel for you. There are some marvelous people on here, but there is also the odd  deceptive one. I got taken by a deceptive one. Nobody to blame but myself. Like you, I should maybe have asked others. Likely wouldn't have listened anyways. Having said that, the majority here are straight up good folks. However, be very careful when approaching the line.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I think some things were left out by the OP here. He said he helped her out financially to stop working. Did he expect her to stop working? A lot about this situation is not clear. 

 

I think one has to keep in mind that no matter how one may feel about an SP and they are paying to see her, they cannot be upset about the nature and circumstances of the relationship between client and SP.

 

Unless the SP blatantly leads him on and taking things to another level and still expecting some sort of compensation, then that is outside of the regular SP -client relationship.

 

No one can blame an SP for a client having feelings and then getting upset that he has to pay her for her time. It doesn’t work that way.

 

I know feelings can sometimes get ahead of reality but we all have to remember why we are here and how a client has met an SP. Escort ads aren’t dating sites. We are here to provide an experience with no strings attached. 

 

Bottom line.. don’t cross into uncharted waters. It can be a rough aftermath. Just enjoy the experience for however long it lasts.

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Nicolette Vaughn said:

I think one has to keep in mind that no matter how one may feel about an SP and they are paying to see her, they cannot be upset about the nature and circumstances of the relationship between client and SP.

No one can blame an SP for a client having feelings and then getting upset that he has to pay her for her time. It doesn’t work that way.

I know feelings can sometimes get ahead of reality but we all have to remember why we are here and how a client has met an SP. Escort ads aren’t dating sites. We are here to provide an experience with no strings attached. 

Bottom line.. don’t cross into uncharted waters. It can be a rough aftermath. Just enjoy the experience for however long it lasts.

 Completely agree.

We shouldn't confuse being liked, respected and the exchange of little gifts with a "Pretty Woman" scenario.

Let's just keep it real.

[WildTiger 1296]

On 10/21/2018 at 8:38 AM, Greenteal said:

Let's just keep it real.

I thought it was all just fantasy.  

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, WildTiger said:

I thought it was all just fantasy.  

A session is supposed to be just that, an escape from our reality. No matter if from a bad marriage or lousy job, we just want a break from it. But when you mix both, you're more likely to end up with some extra baggage.

[WildTiger 1296]

So true Greenteal.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I also find there is another issue at hand relating to this subject where things can go in the wrong direction. For example: when a provider offers an excellent service and perhaps even has gone overtime in the session while having an interesting conversation...or has been seeing a regular for a long time and goes out to dinner with him and doesn’t charge him extra for her time because he has been extremely generous with gifts etc.

 

Suddenly it’s expected and if the SP says no at a later date, suddenly the client takes offence and accuses her of being too business like when in reality she is not obligated to go anywhere with him or spend extra time when not being compensated.

 

Or suddenly after being generous with her time to show appreciation for something the client has done for her, now they just want to “pop by” when they feel like it and get pretty aggressive about it. After being told no, they start to get passive aggressive or angry accusing the SP that it’s all about the money.

 

Keep in mind I’m not referring to women blantantly exploiting clients  telling them they “ love them” and want to be in a relationship with them while knowing exactly what they were doing. That is with intent and pathological.  I’m referring to an SP/client who have a good connection and client takes that and runs with it or SP is too nice and gets taken advantage of or SP relies too heavily on client and starts asking for money.

 

Its safe to say that keep it within the limits. Don’t go outside the boundaries no matter how casual the relationship seems because that’s when people get too comfortable and as they say ( and this is for either side) “You give an inch and they will take a mile”.

 

Then people wonder why they got “taken”. If a provider says no to a client’s advances such as going out to dinner off the clock or offering to bring her chicken soup when she is sick, understand that this is for the client’s own good and maintaining those boundaries.

 

In the end the provider gets blamed for just trying to do her job and how it’s all about the money for her. This is a business and for many how women make a living full time. We are offering a service and many of us enjoy meeting people but we are not looking to date or have a personal relationship outside of offering our services.

 

Just dont go there no no matter how nice she is or how nice a client is. Maintain the connection in a friendly way within the parameters of how you both have met.

 

 

 

 

[Tempted Monk 5057]

I was in similar (maybe ??) situation in the past but I consider it differently. Of course, we all come to escort world to satisfy our dream or fantasy, something what is not present in our real life. And why should one regret if something like this happened?

 

Over the years, I had several regular Ladies for different reasons.

But with that one it was very simple - I just could not see the other Ladies. I thought about her being with the other woman and such a date did not have any sense. This made her not just regular but exclusive one.

I always waited for our next date and I missed talking to her, I missed her smile, the feel of her body when I hug her, taste of her kiss, her laughing eyes, her silky hair... I have forgotten long time ago that I can feel something like this.

And I will be always grateful to this woman for that wonderful year when I felt really alive again.

 

 

[WhereIRoam 21825]

It's not complicated, pretty simple actually. This industry is just like everything else between any two people should be in the realm of life, 'Mutual'.

 

It really doesn't matter what mutual agreements are made, completely mutual (uncoerced in any manner), two adults are free to do as they wish with their time. When situations arise where feelings are formed by one person, either party, is when unpleasant issues can occur. Including Sugar Dating, I've experienced both sides of such a scenario and not one position is any easier than the other. Be real with yourself, be civilized, respect yourself as well as the other person involved at all times and in such a situation two caring humans can work out any differences in an amicable manner. Even if for one it leads to disappointment it still doesn't leave the other with a pleasant feeling. 

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, WhereIRoam said:

It's not complicated, pretty simple actually. This industry is just like everything else between any two people should be in the realm of life, 'Mutual'.

 

It really doesn't matter what mutual agreements are made, completely mutual (uncoerced in any manner), two adults are free to do as they wish with their time. When situations arise where feelings are formed by one person, either party, is when unpleasant issues can occur. Including Sugar Dating, I've experienced both sides of such a scenario and not one position is any easier than the other. Be real with yourself, be civilized, respect yourself as well as the other person involved at all times and in such a situation two caring humans can work out any differences in an amicable manner. Even if for one it leads to disappointment it still doesn't leave the other with a pleasant feeling. 

  I couldn't agree more.

There's nothing wrong with two adults breaking out of their provider/client roles when the situation gets a bit unusual.

A great example was nearly two decades ago when I met a provider working from an apartment. I've met that woman 4 or 5 times previously for outcall sessions. At the end of the hour, she asked me if I had anything planned after. It was an unusual question and answered "no". And she asked if I wanted to stay with her for a while. She explained she was stuck alone in that apartment for another 3 hours. No tv( was pre-smartphone era) and was a very quiet and boring day. She insisted that extra time was on her as I was making her a big favor by keeping her company. And I did for the following 3 hours. Was great to see her in such a natural way and learn about her and the industry. There was not a huge difference between her SP persona and real life, but it was there. I didn't abuse of the situation, but there was some extra intimacy. At the end we both went our separate ways. No abuse, no exploitation, she simply wanted company and we both benefited from that special time together. 

  Whatever the situation or circumstances, things can always be worked out. The key thing is to recognize it for what it is and keep it as private as possible.

[TFZL1 229]

I also have gotten very attached to a specific sp. a few times.

the one that was very special to me I spent a small fortune on. I helped her out with rides, clothes, picking up supplies for her, buying outfits, taking pics for her ads, taking her to industry events. When she quit and went into hiding because of a stalker, I was the only client who saw her regularly.  I became very attached. I never had any illusions about a relationship outside the industry, and never had any free sex, although I did treat her to dinner more rimes than I can count. I took her in a small paid vacation and paid for a few overnights. The problem was when I thought I deserved special treatment. She made it clear I was a client and at one point she told me to stay out of her personal life. I think she had friends who told her to keep me at arms length.  Every time I bought her a present, she’s tell me what she wanted next. It got out of hand.

i took up seeing many other sp’s.  And as I spent less and less money on her, she quit texting me asking for gifts and telling me what she needs. Eventually I realized rhat she’s doing quite well without me. It was me who put myself in the daddy/protector role and I don’t need to do that.  I haven’t seen her for a few months.  I’ve played sugar daddy to a few others, but in a few of those situations, they start taking advantage and drive me away.

The answer was to see more and different SP’s. Although I care and appreciate the Lady’s I see, I have no need to get involved in thier lives.

There is another one I care for who has a drug problem, and doesn’t want help. I backed away, hope she finds help someday but it’s not up to me to rescue anybody.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Long time members of this site might remember other similar threads over the years ... they might even recall my strongly insisting that "Real Friendships" can be developed in this industry ... well here we are years later and significantly wiser..

This is a business plain and simple... and yes in a business you can have friendly relationships that extend beyond the pure business transaction but you need to keep in mind that it is all dependent on that business transaction.

When you become a regular with a lady of course the relationship changes ... you learn more about each other and may even extend your interactions outside the actual business arrangement... there may be celebrations of special events Christmas, birthday etc but I have learner that it is extremely wise to remind yourself on what this is all built ... a sexual fantasy...  a business arrangement and even with the best intents by both parties letting it go further then that will result in problems.  Both parties need to ensure that they nip these things in the bud.

When they are not nipped in the bud trust me one party or the other will misuse the situation maybe not intentionally but regardless one or the other or both will get hurt.

My suggestion for this industry is to be lead by your little head and leave your heart out of a business arrangement.  Your not here to be a part of her personal life or to save her... and she is not here looking for a BF or Husband.

Just my Opinion

[misterdynomite30 174]

I've been in this sort of situation recently. I had an SP I was seeing back in 2009 which ended up that we hung out 

together and we became close. She got caught up in life drama & making bad life decisions and I had to break away

from it in 2012.

 

6 Years later out of the blue she contacts me out of nowhere and wanted to see where I was in life compared

to her. I was doing very well but her situation was pretty bad. I made the mistake of feeling sorry for her and 

lending an ear / attention to her for a few months to the point where I went to visit her in Ontario and help her

out a bit which ended up being a huge mistake as she ended up having feelings for me and dragged me into

her drama again. Long story short, she's back to being an escort again (even though she's married with kids

which I didn't know until I got there)

 

Fool me twice... shame on me. A lesson well learned.

 

As to why some of us men fall for this... I don't even know why. I know I don't have an answer as I'm usually a

lot more smarter & intelligent than this so i'm at a loss for an answer. But it happens more than you think. 

 

 

[lesuisse1234 186]

Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and comments.

 

i had a regular lady that I would see on regular basis. We had an amazing time together. She was able to give me what I was looking for in a client/sp way. Tried to keep everything on a business level. With time we have developed a wonderful friendship together.

 

With time my feeling for her got stronger. It was not love but something close. One day we and talked about our situation. And came to a conclusion that we were going to end the client/sp relationship. And now it has been close to 8 months we talk and text every day. I can not be any happier. I have lost an amazing sp but gained a good friend.

 

Since last October I have been seeing someone on regular basis in the industry. I have developed some sort of feelings for her. But unfortunately she can not fulfill my needs as a client.

 

All that to say Is that this industry is hard one. as plays with our emotions and feelings. Especially when we clients seek services from sp in search for an emotional connection. 

 

I have learnt with time for me that is better to stop before you get too emotionally involved. I have to admit that is hard.

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

On 9/4/2018 at 9:32 PM, Guest 70340...2bc said:

OP here. I did help her for an extended time period to stop working, but unfortunately she came to the conclusion that she needed to continue working again to achieve her goals.

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

This is your answer. 

 

I think taking some time to step back from the situation is what is in order. 

 

Cut contact for 2-3 months. Let your feelings settle back down a bit and let the clarity of the actual relationship settle in. 

 

While giving a break from her, go to a MP or another SP. 

 

when you you are in a better emotional and mental state, then contact her again. 

 

If you want, you can tell her you are just taking a break from hobbling for a couple months. So she knows. 

 

But it you have answers your own question. You know what to do, you just don't  necessarily like it which I totally get. Who would???? 

 

Good luck to you.