Looking for some input...

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

On 9/4/2018 at 9:32 PM, Guest 70340...2bc said:

OP here. I did help her for an extended time period to stop working, but unfortunately she came to the conclusion that she needed to continue working again to achieve her goals.

Anonymous poster hash: 70340...2bc

This is your answer. 

 

I think taking some time to step back from the situation is what is in order. 

 

Cut contact for 2-3 months. Let your feelings settle back down a bit and let the clarity of the actual relationship settle in. 

 

While giving a break from her, go to a MP or another SP. 

 

when you you are in a better emotional and mental state, then contact her again. 

 

If you want, you can tell her you are just taking a break from hobbling for a couple months. So she knows. 

 

But it you have answers your own question. You know what to do, you just don't  necessarily like it which I totally get. Who would???? 

 

Good luck to you. 

[Andee 220524]

Just because you helped someone doesn’t mean they can’t decide to get back in the game.  The fact she was/is an SP is irrelevant in terms of you deciding to help her or not because this can happen with anyone regardless of their occupation or relationship to someone.

[zoneman 357]

So I think it was greenteal that linked me this topic after I asked if anyone has fallen in love with an sp in a separate topic. 

Anyway I think I’ve read this topic three times in the past couple weeks and just wasn’t sure if I had anything to contribute.  However I do have some knowledge in this area.

While it is true that most sp/client relationships should stay that way, we are all adults here and as long as it’s mutual there is nothing wrong with going beyond that. But it has to be mutual..

Take myself for example, I’ve never shared this however since there a certain anonymity here it’s not like you all know me.  Back in the early 2000’s I met an sp as a client, spent only an hour and a half with her, it was a good experience, and I figured we’d go our separate ways and that would be the end of it.  Anyway low and behold the next day I got a message from her asking if i wanted to hang out. I advised her I didn’t have any money that night (I was spending my osap money) so I would be unable to visit with her and I figured she was just trying to maybe hit me up for another evening and when I declined I thought that’s where it would have ended.  However she said it was no charge just come over. So me being young and dumb sure I went over.  We spent the whole night together, I figured she was lonely, so it was an odd experience for me to say the least as I had read threads on terb at the time that the client/sp boundary is sacred and never to be crossed.

Anyway we continued to see eachother for about a week while she continued to work as an sp.  (I got an interesting inside look into it then too) At this point we had started to really develop feelings for eachother and decided to change the relationship and started dating. She decided at that point to quit being an sp.  We were married 6 weeks later and have been married for nearly 20 years now..

So my point is, while there is an established boundary with a client/sp, there is no carved in stone rule and nothing wrong with two consenting adults wishing to take the relationship somewhere different.

 

Blue Skies ✈️

[waterat 20911]

An interesting post Zoneman and you bring perspective to the discussion though I guess it is likely a very rare if not unique perspective. You and your wife have been together for almost 20 years and, while I don't mean to pry, you've been a member here for 6 years, may still have a Terb account and your posts seem to indicate you're still pariticpating in the industry. One of your posts indicated a slight discomfort with sharing your phone..... so my intrusive question: do both of you still pariticate in the industry or is it just you?

My wife of 31 years left me a few years ago. While whe was unaware of my involvement in this industry for the past 8+ years, the lack of intimacy and affection in our marriage for well over a decade led to failure of our marriage. To quote Zorba: "Am I not a man? And is not a man stupid? I'm a man, so I'm married. Wife, children, house--everything. The full catastrophe."

Apologies for my hijack - back to the client/sw relationship and its' evolution.

 

[zoneman 357]

23 hours ago, waterat said:

so my intrusive question: do both of you still pariticate in the industry or is it just you?

Just me, and I do so sparingly, in fact not since March..

[BrettonWoods 4365]

A client needs to remember this is not real. It is a respectful, caring business relationship, and no more. She has chosen to offer her companionship for her own reasons.  You may genuinely care for each other, but a life together is impractical. It is unfair for you to expect anything more than her compassion and kindness for the time you spend together by mutual agreement.