Poll: What is this thing they call Emotional Labour?

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

 

How much of it is expected in this field? How much is delivered? Do you understand the true value of emotional labour? How important is it to you?

Should you pay extra for it? Can you expect it when the rate seems to include an attitude/atmosphere that is always friendly and strives to be fulfilling every time? (example: with a rate that barely seems to cover expenses, one would assume that emotional labour is NOT part of the package)

 

Clear Definition of emotional labor (according to this author)

 

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

Umm...I gave that shit up years ago.

I didn't vote because the options don't appeal to me. I give extra value to those that mean something to me, not because it's expected, but because I genuinely want to.

I do what I want, because I want to. Not because someone expects me, or because I was taught to be "nice". That kills so many lives, and let's face it, why would anyone need to do this? 

So, if I do something for someone, It's genuine.  There are those that I also say...well ...bugger off please.  

I will not pretend for friends, family and especially clients that I should be fake or allow anyone to create an environment where I feel like I have to force feelings that are not there.

Those of us would prefer to live a life of happiness and love. 

 

[katie 1337]

38 minutes ago, Meaghan McLeod said:

Umm...I gave that shit up years ago.

I didn't vote because the options don't appeal to me. I give extra value to those that mean something to me, not because it's expected, but because I genuinely want to.

I do what I want, because I want to. Not because someone expects me, or because I was taught to be "nice". That kills so many lives, and let's face it, why would anyone need to do this? 

So, if I do something for someone, It's genuine.  There are those that I also say...well ...bugger off please.  

I will not pretend for friends, family and especially clients that I should be fake or allow anyone to create an environment where I feel like I have to force feelings that are not there.

Those of us would prefer to live a life of happiness and love. 

 

You said it!  "I am who I am", "If somebody doesn't like it, too bad", "I don't and won't pretend", "If I have to pretend, then I won't do it", "I won't be told what to do or say","I'll do as I want.. I say what I say", 

"I won't pretend to be something,I'm not" and "Don't really like ones that do pretend" .. "I Am Who I Am.. Nothing Else Otherwise" .. ! 

[peacectryguy 12547]

18 hours ago, TorontoMelanieJolliet said:

Should you pay extra for it? Can you expect it when the rate seems to include an attitude/atmosphere that is always friendly and strives to be fulfilling every time? (example: with a rate that barely seems to cover expenses, one would assume that emotional labour is NOT part of the package)

As a client who makes a conscious effort to always be my best when seeing an escort and return the kindness she shows, questions like this can be a little hard to take at times. Do I expect something? The only thing I expect is professionalism just the same as customers in my business expect that professionalism from me. Being friendly and "on point" all the time can be difficult and stressful. It is part of being in any service industry but it also is not something you should have to fake when the gent you are with is some misogynistic ass and turns you off by his behavior. 

I prefer Meaghan's response to this about it being genuine. I don't think this can or should be faked. It is also something that, like most things in life, is different for every individual. As far as your advertising and rates go, I have always encouraged women in this biz to do whatever she feels is necessary to be successful and happy. What I think is completely irrelevant. As a client, I either will book with you or I won't. I'm not really all that important in the big picture. That's all I can say about the whole rates thing.

As for the social issue at large, my biggest problem in all of this is the misconception that all men expect this but are immune from it themselves. The notion that this is merely a woman's issue is false. To use some of the examples from that article, many's a day that I have had to smile and be friendly and all that other stuff at the workplace despite being exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally and also despite having customers treat me shitty and expect me to fix things.

This also comes to relationships for us. Many of our S.O.'s expect us to be perfect and fix everything. If we somehow miss the slightest thing, we get the "talk" about how we don't appreciate her and yada, yada. I once was casually talking to someone at a luncheon about home repairs and such and said,"Yeah, I need to fix a couple things on my house this weekend." A week later, after stewing about it, my ex ambushed me for not saying "our house and am I not included BS". She's all crying and shit and I had to walk on eggshells for a long time over something that in hindsight was utterly trivial. That is only one example. 

I am a firm believer in gender equality. I don't like "man blaming" as some stereotype just as much as I don't believe in "mansplaining", guys trying to explain women's issues to women. I'm not gonna try to tell you what to do and I'm not trying to seem dismissive to the issue. I just wanted to point out that it really isn't just some either/or scenario. It's complicated just like all human issues. All we can do is try to have empathy for others and do our best to walk in their shoes, so to speak. 

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

I am impressed by your thoughtful response and understanding. kudos! (that is not emotional labour, but an honest observance) ☺️

[Maria Divina 2262]

First, I read the article with attention to be sure to know what we're talking about. 😄 

 

From my point of view in this line of activity, "emotional labour" will begin at the minute there is something "unpleasant" that will happen, and that you will decided to just act as nothing happened just to keep the encounter on a more positive note. 

 

I do have quite a good tolerance, understanding that sometimes, I am exactly there to help someone changing/improving/putting more positivity in his life, giving him a break of his day-to-day life, helping to recharge his battery.  That could be part of the "job description"

 

The hardest for me it's not that ... It's when I can realized clearly that the person in face of me couldn't care less for me as a human, and is explicitly "chosifying" myself "in my face", without this being part of a kind of role-play agreed in advance together, but as a real bad attitude toward me. It could happen, sometimes, that even with a proper screening, someone of this kind will succeed to go through and have an encounter. Of course! they are not dangerous, don't harm or nothing, so some ladies will give an "ok" as a reference because those ladies just don't mind this kind of "chosifying attitude". I'm trying to put my own preferences of type of encounters in evidence in my ads and website, but a problem that is more and more common is the lack of reading. A large proportion of eventual clients are seeing a picture, a phone number or an email, and bang! here we go, they contact right away without verifying further if the lady in question will "fit" with what they're looking for.  I think the human factor should be considered. Not all humans, not all men & not all women just feel & want to live the same in "encounters". Some just want to "do the deed" and some other's want a warm contact.  :)  Nothing is a worst match to mix both type of personality because it brings emotional labour then. People would say "that's normal" in each work... but I will say that to be able to keep our sanity in the long run in this field, just do all you can to avoid this mixmatch. IF not, you will finished to "f..k up" your sexuality and your interpersonal rapport to others.

[peacectryguy 12547]

On 11/19/2018 at 10:30 AM, TorontoMelanieJolliet said:

I am impressed by your thoughtful response and understanding. kudos! (that is not emotional labour, but an honest observance) ☺️

Thank you Melanie. Okay, maybe I went a little off track in some respects but parts of that article really pissed me off. The following quote, for example. There was some stuff in there that was not a case of emotional labor. I mean the cleaning up after office celebrations etc., I can kinda understand but a lot of that is a case of a woman trying to "fix" everything for people and being the center of attention. That article was not a clear definition of this at all, imo. Like I said, I'm not being dismissive here. It's just a bad example. 

 Constantly smiling, making small talk, planning birthday celebrations, cleaning up after celebrations. This labor extended to her personal relationships, too—endless texting to help siblings through breakups, evaluating whether friends’ hookups were fully consensual, cleaning her roommate’s dishes.

 

[Guest]

      In my opinion, some things can't be faked or bought. Some people are better than other when playing a role. But with longer and repeated sessions, cracks tend to show up. When looking for companionship and physical pleasures, authentic emotions shouldn't be expected and occasionally not welcomed at all. Providers dealing with less unattractive clients can set conditions in order to remain comfortable instead of promising things they'll struggle to deliver. And when one of the participants gets a bit too emotionally involved, the other should either try to bring him(or her) back to reality or call it quit and allow things to cool down.

      Good chemistry and emotions can make great experiences. But when things get out of hand, this is when bad decisions tend to happen. I see sessions as fantasies. We each play our roles for the agreed time and once done life goes back to normal.

      As for the main question, I don't think providers should need to emotionally drain themselves in order to provide good services. It's all about being honest with their clients and themselves on what they can provide. I rather get less to be with someone who'll be comfortable, than the other way around.

     Just my two cents.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

I think I have figured out what emotional labour is. The biggest part of emotional labour in this field is done during the inquiry stage. And there are expectations. It's not just about answering questions. The expectations are that even though that information is available in ad or on website, the inquirer still wants the attention of the girl.

 

Nurses get burnt out. The claim was it was the hours. But they are realizing that it is the emotional labour that fills every one of those hours that lead to burn out.

 

In this job, the meeting means an end to the emotional labour. The expectations are done now. But it's the inquiries that lead to the most emotional labour being expended. Which could be why some/most refuse to engage with what is TimeWasters. The amount of patience to deal with them drains your goodwill towards ppl who deserve it. Even so, a serious inquiry will not drain the well when it comes to emotions that you have to portray to meet the expectations of an inquirer.

 

Proof: on these forums lots of girls have said they will not answer 'hi' or 'rates' etc, Some will not deal with arrogance, or explicitness. And consumers of their services will often complain when they don't get the expected answers to their questions. Or she didn't seem nice enough or had a quick enough reply. So emotional labour is expended and expected. (hence why some girls say they like this guy or that. The amount of emotional labour expected to be expended is considerably less. Now he is a favourite)

[Guest]

38 minutes ago, TorontoMelanieJolliet said:

In this job, the meeting means an end to the emotional labour. The expectations are done now. But it's the inquiries that lead to the most emotional labour being expended. Which could be why some/most refuse to engage with what is TimeWasters. The amount of patience to deal with them drains your goodwill towards ppl who deserve it. Even so, a serious inquiry will not drain the well when it comes to emotions that you have to portray to meet the expectations of an inquirer.

  I don't think there any universal answers to what part of the occupation is considered emotional labor on not. Not everyone is stressed by the same things and even less show similar reactions. Some like you will feel emotionally drained by the process of selling themselves, other will be to meeting the unknown or to pretend to be interested in someone and listen to their problems. And when a client tends to attach himself a bit too much, this also becomes an unwanted emotional load.

 It's up to providers(and others) to determine what causes them emotional problems and determine if they can handle it or not. It's not always worth it to keep an occupations that could cause long term issues.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

Its never worth it to keep occupation that causes issues. I mean everybody loves what they do and they get to do it till they die or retire. Ppl who don't want to do something that involves work get to do other things. I'm sure that paying rent or mortgage is not a problem for them. So yeah you are right, nurses can leave their professions, Starbucks employees who are required to smile, smile smile and be overly cheerful, can find a job digging for coal, doctors don't have to have bedside manner they can just poke you and do tests and get reception to call you if you have to come in again. And hookers can ignore hi, rates and the great chat-inducing, how are you?

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, TorontoMelanieJolliet said:

And hookers can ignore hi, rates and the great chat-inducing, how are you?

  You can either ignore that aspect of your occupation or find someone to handle that part of the job.

Yes it comes with a cost. But if it provides you with more enjoyment, it could be worth it.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

I was here exploring an idea, trying to learn something, figure out a strategy and make adjustments.

All you are doing is tryna tell me what to do.

Thanks for your consideration. Happy Holidays