What a woman really wants

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

So, in the course of my day, I see men who are married, into their 40's-70's, who say basically the same thing. "I'm married, however, our sex life is non existant".

On the flip side, I talk to women in the same age bracket, who say "sex isn't important anymore. I've raised my kids, so the need for sex isn't there anymore", "my body just doesn't enjoy it".

When I question this, they generally have a few things in common. Sex became routine. She never really had a real orgasm. Hubby just points to junior and gives a wink wink nudge nudge and thinks that what happened in their twenties will keep happening.

So, I've asked some of these women, what do you want?

Replies include, " I want him to do the wooing and sweep me away". "I keep reading these stories of lovers who don't want anything in return, just worship their lady lover for entire encounter", "I just wish he would try something new, if I try something new, he immediately gets defensive thinking I've learnt this from someone else". 

That's the gist. Many of these women don't masterbate, as they've always felt "dirty", so don't even really know what their bodies like. One women I know has never had her husband do oral on her. Just a couple of kisses then proceeds to penetration. 

So, as men's bodies change with age, so do women's.  However that doesn't mean it's over. Like an older model car, they need to be warmed up before putting into gear.

So, my thoughts. Have you ever made a date with your wife and just did something different? Change the routine. Made your satisfaction not the goal, but instead the goal is her satisfaction? Did it work? Was she surprised? Glad? Or did she shut you down?

For men who have a non existant sex life, what happened? Was it something that has nothing to do with sex, but instead something else, and sex is being withheld?

I'm curious.

 

[waterat 20911]

An interesting question Meaghan and I'll need to mull this over before responding...... in the meantime here's a somewhat humourous answer presented by Fred Eaglesmith and his wife, Tiff Ginn playing Toggle Switch. You alluded to this in your post:

 

[peacectryguy 12547]

That's interesting. Honestly, I can't give very much insight on the lack of sex. For my ex and me, the sex was never really a problem. We were both very oral and passionate in bed. One negative in our sex life was that she had a tough time with natural lubrication. Not always but often and would be quite painful for me. We would have to use lubes which I sometimes find I have to be careful with because some of them gave me a burning sensation. That could be a turn off for me and make it difficult to maintain an erection. Of course, with escorts, having a condom on prevents that situation so lubes are fine.

The one thing I find interesting in that post was the women saying when they tried something new, the guy would show a hint of jealousy or suspicion. I was never that way and actually, she would often interrogate me about how many women I had been with and where I learned this or that. That was also very off putting for me. 

As for what women want, I've been pretty good about the sexual part. It's all the other emotional and mental stuff that I will likely never figure out. 

[Guest]

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

19 hours ago, peacectryguy said:

. We would have to use lubes which I sometimes find I have to be careful with because some of them gave me a burning sensation. That could be a turn off for me and make it difficult to maintain an erection.

First peacectryguy, it sounds like you have a sensitivity to ingredients in lube (not that it's an issue with your ex now and ex but for future reference). I highly recommend sliquid whenever you might need some (always good to have your own) especially the organic as they have very few additives and are good for those with sensitivities.

 

As to your question Meaghan, I've seen and heard a lot. I've seen the selfish angles where the women have no interest for whatever reason and just expect their partner to "shut themselves" down which is not fair to either party as it will eventually impact happiness and the enjoyment of the marriage when resentments build up. I've also seen disinterest in the partner based on nothing more then "we've been together so long". Stepping out of comfort zones to explore, communicate and share is not an option with some of these folks for whatever reason. Then there are those who try and are met with resistance and I find when this happens, it's lack of communication, assumptions and ego that get in the way. Then there are those who are together for nothing more than obligation (long term, kids, support etc). Have to be honest and say some people just don't jive no matter what takes place. Sex has been made to be a "bad" thing. Something naughty or dirty or that shouldn't be enjoyed or a sin or whatever when it should be embraced as a normal and wonderful human experience to be enjoyed and celebrated. Add to this all our natural human inclinations towards fear based emotions and not wanting to communicate openly, honestly and vulnerably, we're in a right mess.

I think everyone wants intimacy and connection and most have no idea how to get it, not in an honest, healthy way. It takes two to tango and both people have to be involved equally in the communication. Small baby steps are better than none but they have to be taken. So much to this topic and tonnes of different examples of lack and dysfunction. It's not easy, it IS work but it IS worth it. We are all broken in some way from something, it's scary to be vulnerable and put yourself out there in an honest way.

 

[Jabba 18389]

Some of the comments touch on everything I've experienced. A little of this and a little of that. My SO would  agree with a lot of the OP's views as do I.

What to do?

Is there an elixier that cures sexual boredom?

Yup. It's called: Sex with a complete stranger.

Try it blindfolded.

[NotchJohnson 214129]

Like many of us men I'm in the same boat.  My SO and I love each other very much, she is an absolute gorgeous woman and she turns me on a lot( I even masturbate thinking about things we did in our younger days) she has the body of a 25yo girl, tight bottom and firm breasts(man made now) and like mentioned she does not self lube so it is very tough to enjoy it for both of us.  I enjoy foreplay probably more then the rest and she is hesitant to insert my male appendage in her mouth because I'm too big, she did it often in our younger days.  Is her mouth getting smaller?

So we often plan sex night, 99% of the time it never happens because of other life emergencies.  So my theory is do not plan it just go with it.  Now don't get me wrong we touch each other all the time, she will lay her head on my lap while watching TV and my hands will scratch her head and then will slide down her back and I'll rub her firm ass.  She will take one hand and rub my pants and I get aroused easily but that's as far as it will go.  I could try to explain why but I would have to write for ever in details why it didn't go any further every night.

Honestly, I don't need much but I'm looking for a sure thing so by booking with Lyla ladies I get a guaranteed chance of getting what I want/need.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Every relationship is different and therefore the reasons will be different I am married more than 35yrs and love here more today then when we met over 40,000 yrs ago.

I will say that there are many many things that can happen in a family that can affect the sex life even when love still exists.