Has this happened to you?

[aznluvrr 119]

Hi, I recently had a MA session where something happened and I feel conflicted and confused. I wanted to get the opinions of others and see what I should do. I would greatly appreciate the opinions of MAs, so MAs feel free to message me your opinion (if you didn't want to publicly reply to my post).

 

For some background, I have been partaking in the MA hobby for nearly half-a-dozen years now and I usually stick to a couple MAs for whatever length of time because I enjoy my connection with those ladies. So, while I am not new to the hobby, the number of MAs I have been with is on the lower end despite my lengthy(?) participation. Due to these conditions, what happened to me recently with the new MA I have been seeing has conflicted and confused me.

 

During my most recent session with the new MA I am seeing, I was blindfolded and handcuffed when she was massaging my front while on top of me. Things got heated and I noticed at some point that about an inch and a half to two inches of my penis was wrapped in a particular warmth that is only felt when having sex without a condom. I asked her, "Is my penis in you?" and she replied, "No." But, after she replied, that particular warmth around the top portion of my penis was gone, and the massage continued with no further talk about what happened. I had not requested or consented to her about having my penis touching or being in her vagina in any way before or during the session. She is only a MA, not a SP.

 

After that session, I have been feeling very conflicted and confused. This has never occurred to me before with a MA before, and I'm pretty sure what she did is unacceptable within the MA industry. I feel violated because it was done when I was in a vulnerable position (blinded, handcuffed, no condom), but I am not sure if what I experienced was rape. I don't know whether I should report her (or not) or to talk to her about (or not). That is why I am making this post to know if other hobbyists in this forum have experienced something similar and if MAs in this forum have done something similar with a client. I would like to know what people here think what I should do and I would greatly appreciating knowing your opinions because the violation I feel is very unsettling. Feel free to message me instead of replying to this post if you would prefer privacy with this sensitive topic.

 

I will not give the name of this MA to those who want to see her and hope that something similar would happen to them. If you want your penis in a vagina, go see a SP and not a MA. There's nothing wrong with doing that, just make you are both protected and have both consented.

 

[Guest]

  This sounds like something you and her should discuss privately. By allowing the "blindfolded and handcuffed" session with someone you don't know, you've made yourself vulnerable to a complete stranger. Why you agreed to this is beyond me. Even in the world is BDSM , this wouldn't be tolerated.

   This was reckless for both of you. If you want to escalate this or not, is up to you. But keep in mind you got a part of responsibility in this.

[Kitten 1281]

You feeling violated is completely justifiable and i dont think posting about it is a bad idea at all. A private conversation to let her know how it left you feeling may be good to help her keep her clients feeling safe in the future. If it was at a spa i would defintely bring it to the attention of management. Why is an ma blinding and cuffing others without conscent, or at all? Is it safe to provide massage when bound? I wouldnt think so. 

[MassageLover-613 2027]

3 hours ago, Greenteal said:

  This sounds like something you and her should discuss privately. By allowing the "blindfolded and handcuffed" session with someone you don't know, you've made yourself vulnerable to a complete stranger. Why you agreed to this is beyond me. Even in the world is BDSM , this wouldn't be tolerated.

   This was reckless for both of you. If you want to escalate this or not, is up to you. But keep in mind you got a part of responsibility in this.

Greenteal,

 

i am am a big fan of your posts and have gained a great deal of knowledge and experiences from you contributions ... I know I know her comes the but.....

suggesting that the OP has responsibility for someone doing something to him without consent is very wrong. The OP carries no responsibility for being violated if that is what happened. I will concede it was not great judgement on his part and shows a lack of professionalism on behalf of the MA but in no way is someone ever responsible for being raped or otherwise taken advantage of. That is only a stone’s throw away from saying someone should not have been walking in that neighbourhood or wearing those slutty clothes and if they were taken advantage of it’s their fault because of it. Taking OP at face value he paid for a professional service and allowed himself to trust even if it was misguided. Trusting someone is not an invitation to be taken advantage of by them.

i feel very strongly we need to create a society where those who prey on others must take responsibility for their actions and we need to stop victim blaming.

I do agree each of us has to take responsibility for our own personal security and it would seem the OP May learn to get to know someone better before trusting them blindly ( no pun intended)

 

As for you aznluvrr ... I am sorry this happened to you but as was suggested you should definitely bring it up with the MA or Spa if applicable. You can’t take an accusation like that back if it could be a misunderstanding. Only the two of you know what happened.

 

ML

[NotchJohnson 214129]

To the massage lover out there I'm sure you are aware of warming massage oils.  When applied it feels like regular massage oil and if you blow on it, it will give you a warm sensation.  I'm not implying that this is what happened but since you were blindfolded and your hands were handcuffed you can't see what she did.  I have no idea where her face was when you felt that warm feeling, she may have been blowing air on it and that would explain the  sensation you felt.  Again not taking anybodies side here.

Just saying...

[Guest]

7 hours ago, MassageLover-613 said:

 The OP carries no responsibility for being violated if that is what happened. I will concede it was not great judgement on his part and shows a lack of professionalism on behalf of the MA but in no way is someone ever responsible for being raped or otherwise taken advantage of. That is only a stone’s throw away from saying someone should not have been walking in that neighbourhood or wearing those slutty clothes and if they were taken advantage of it’s their fault because of it. Taking OP at face value he paid for a professional service and allowed himself to trust even if it was misguided. Trusting someone is not an invitation to be taken advantage of by them.

   The only way your analogy would make sense was if the victim paid the aggressor to restrain her(or him) and not expected things to go wrong.

   There so many things wrong with this story:

   First, we're talking about an MA, not an SP or a dominatrix. So why the blindfolds and restrains?

   Why would someone accept this with a complete stranger?

   Why no rules, no safe words?

   And one that really puzzles me is why would an MA gratuitously do an unsafe thing that too many would pay extra for? 

 If everything was cut and dry, this would be in the warning section with the name of the provider and we wouldn't be having a debate on who's at fault. Reason why I think this confusion should have been settled between them and not on this board.

[Kitten 1281]

I was happy to see message lovers response as it was something i did want to mention as well and feel he is right. I also felt there was a tad of victim blaming present. Thank you message lover for the empathy and care behind your message. That needed to be said and was likely more effective from a fellow hobbyist. Weather circumstances may have very well been innocent, and he may have made a mistake, he was still put in a vulnerable place and making him feel like it was his fault for it is not ok. He put his trust into a provider period. Any provider must take care and be mindful of those they are serving. Perhaps she didnt think it would make him feel this way but this post will help mas understand this. Even doms ask their subs if they are comfortable being bound the first time and again even in bdsm conscent, safety and care for those under you is your number one concern, ALWAYS! also again, im not sure being tied is a safe proceedure while conducting a practice thats aimed at getting the blood flowing. When being massaged the arms are usually lined up with the body for a reason. I am jo professional ms but am a bit of an A&P geek.  I hope they were loose enough for it to be safe.

[Guest]

11 hours ago, MassageLover-613 said:

Greenteal,

 

i am am a big fan of your posts and have gained a great deal of knowledge and experiences from you contributions ... I know I know her comes the but.....

   I apologise for bursting your bubble, but I don't always agree on everything with everyone nor do I expect my followers to always agree with my opinions.

   After reading several times aznluvrr description of his experience, this feels more like a misunderstanding than a clear abuse. In my opinion , she likely misinterpreted what he wanted and attempted to offer "extra mileage". But after he reacted negatively, she tried to dismiss it and this was her biggest faux pas. This is a reason why extra mileage(or any attempt to) should be discussed privately.

   I'm maybe completely wrong about this. But with the absence of her side of the story, this is my opinion for now.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, Kitten said:

I was happy to see message lovers response as it was something i did want to mention as well and feel he is right. I also felt there was a tad of victim blaming present. Thank you message lover for the empathy and care behind your message. That needed to be said and was likely more effective from a fellow hobbyist. Weather circumstances may have very well been innocent, and he may have made a mistake, he was still put in a vulnerable place and making him feel like it was his fault for it is not ok. He put his trust into a provider period. Any provider must take care and be mindful of those they are serving. Perhaps she didnt think it would make him feel this way but this post will help mas understand this. Even doms ask their subs if they are comfortable being bound the first time and again even in bdsm conscent, safety and care for those under you is your number one concern, ALWAYS! also again, im not sure being tied is a safe proceedure while conducting a practice thats aimed at getting the blood flowing. When being massaged the arms are usually lined up with the body for a reason. I am jo professional ms but am a bit of an A&P geek.  I hope they were loose enough for it to be safe.

  I'm not blaming the victim, I'm simply pointing out gross mistakes. Both of them have their responsibility in this and it's the reason why this story should be clarified and settled privately.

[Kitten 1281]

Fair enough and your points are also excellent sir. I just was happy to hear that kind of care for others feelings and had to express my appreciation for it. It was nothing against you guys whatsoever. I agree it was likely a simple misunderstanding but must show respect for those who show genderless empthy in such a way <3

[ottman75 1015]

I had something similar happen a while back, but I was not blindfolded or restrained, so I was able to stop it. The short version is that an independent MA straddled me, and before I knew what was happening, was sliding her bare vagina across my uncovered penis. It took me about 3 seconds before I asked her to stop, and she said something like "yeah, this is dangerous". Uh, yeah, thanks. I have not been back since, obviously.

 

Did I feel violated? No, not really, but perhaps I should have in retrospect. Was it unsafe? Hell yeah. I went and got tested very shortly after, and all good, but still.

 

TBH, I would not be shocked if the OP is talking about the same person. He can PM me if he'd like and we can discuss, without naming names.

[aznluvrr 119]

Thank you for the responses, the different opinions were helpful in helping me think more clearly when I was feeling bothered over the sense of violation I had.

 

For clarification, it was not the first time I saw the MA in question. I had seen her a handful of times, and we had discussed in person (in previous sessions) and online (when planning for upcoming sessions) what we enjoy during sessions and what we could introduce into our next session(s). With the most recent session I had with her, we had agreed online to introduce blindfolds and handcuffs. And this was not the first time I've been blindfolded and handcuffed by a MA that I was seeing regularly. Therefore, I think Greenteal's reassessment is probably correct where she misinterpreted and I misunderstood her actions. As suggested by most, if not all here, I will settle this privately with her.

 

To NotchJohnson's comment: She was sitting on my lower abdomen/crotch area and had her hands on my chest, so she was not doing the blowing hot air on my penis.

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

21 hours ago, Greenteal said:

  This sounds like something you and her should discuss privately. By allowing the "blindfolded and handcuffed" session with someone you don't know, you've made yourself vulnerable to a complete stranger. Why you agreed to this is beyond me. Even in the world is BDSM , this wouldn't be tolerated.

   This was reckless for both of you. If you want to escalate this or not, is up to you. But keep in mind you got a part of responsibility in this.

This is pure victim blaming. I have had sessions where I'm blind folded and tied up and if something happen to me during that time, against my consent, I would not hold an ounce of quilt. 

 

You can can jump up and down all you want and say it is not victim blaming but it 100% is. 

 

To the OP: 

 

Unless you can speak to her and confirm you were actually inside her, I'm afraid there is not much you can do. 

 

Sadly having the feelings of "I don't know" will make resolving the issue for yourself, that much harder. 

 

My suggestion, if you just want to move past this, is to not see her again and try to resolve your feelings on the matter on your own, the best you can. 

 

Know that if it is indeed fact that she did what you suspect, then yes - you were violated. Sadly many ladies in the business feel they can perform sexual services without obtaining consent first and hopefully this thread and other threads like it by other men speak out, will help these ladies see how important it is in their role to be mindful of what consent is and how to uphold it professionally for each and every client they have. 

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, Jessica Rain said:

This is pure victim blaming. I have had sessions where I'm blind folded and tied up and if something happen to me during that time, against my consent, I would not hold an ounce of quilt. 

   There's nothing wrong in pointing out mistakes with the objective of learning from those.

   The best example would be if said my car was stolen and admitted the doors were unlocked with the key in the ignition. It would still be a crime and I would be considered a victim. But I'm sure my friends, family, police officer and insurance company would lecture me on my negligence.

   As for being a victim in this incident, it would imply her intent was to cause harm. But the more we learn, the clearer it becomes that her attempt to spice it up simply backfired.

  Again, mistakes and miscommunications from both sides created this situation

  Time to learn, improve and move on.

 

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

44 minutes ago, Greenteal said:

   There's nothing wrong in pointing out mistakes with the objective of learning from those.

   The best example would be if said my car was stolen and admitted the doors were unlocked with the key in the ignition. It would still be a crime and I would be considered a victim. But I'm sure my friends, family, police officer and insurance company would lecture me on my negligence.

   As for being a victim in this incident, it would imply her intent was to cause harm. But the more we learn, the clearer it becomes that her attempt to spice it up simply backfired.

  Again, mistakes and miscommunications from both sides created this situation

  Time to learn, improve and move on.

 

Those are your opinions, doesn't mean they are right.

 

In the situation example you gave, that would be victim-blaming as well. That is what victim blaming is. 

 

And no, sexual assault does not have to be done with the intent to cause harm. Spousal Rape is something very real and many times the husband is not intending to hurt his wife. Just as an example. 

 

Anyway, I can ramble on for days with this topic. So before I start, I will just leave it here. You are clearly set in your opinion and that is fine. There is no point going back and forth with you on it. 

[Prufrock's Back 165]

To the OP, kudos to you for your open account of your feelings and interpretation of the events, and your clarification of things a few posts above.  I hope you can ignore the victim blaming of Greenteal, contrary to what he says, none of what happened was your fault, you did not ask for what happened;  you should not feel any guilt whatsoever.

Moving forward on this, it is difficult in terms of making a decision on reporting this or not.  In your mind are you 100% sure things happened as you feel they did (you seem to believe so in your clarification to Notch above)  Going from there  do you feel concern that this unwanted situation will happen again to others in the future like it did to you?  

Best to you aznluvrr!

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, Prufrock's Back said:

 I hope you can ignore the victim blaming of Greenteal, contrary to what he says, none of what happened was your fault, you did not ask for what happened;  you should not feel any guilt whatsoever.

Sure...

[aznluvrr 119]

It is good to see people having a small debate from my post and sharing their opinions with the intention of helping me out. I am thankful that this online forum has good people. With that being said though, I at the moment do not consider myself a "victim" from my situation because I do not know what was the intention of the MA I was with. If she had intended to take sexual advantage of me or abuse me sexually from the vulnerable state I was in, I would then consider myself a victim and report her immediately. However, if her intention was to provide an non-communicated "extra mileage" and I misunderstood it, then all feelings of violation will be gone and it'll be an interesting lesson learnt. Hence why I have decided to settle this privately with her, as suggested by many here.

 

To be clear with why I posted my situation in this forum, I did so due to my background (which is explained in my original post). I did not know what to do, and feeling confused and conflicted did not help in trying to find a solution to my situation. I hoped that posting here would allow me to see some different perspectives, get advice, and calm down before I did anything else to solve my situation. Luckily there are good people here in this forum, so I got what I was looking for and I am very thankful for it. At this point, I have contacted the MA and want it to be settled well. I will not provide any further details here, unless she did have bad intentions and I have to report her, since this is now a private matter. Thanks a lot and I hope you're enjoying the much warmer weather in town!

[aznluvrr 119]

2 hours ago, Prufrock's Back said:

To the OP, kudos to you for your open account of your feelings and interpretation of the events, and your clarification of things a few posts above.  I hope you can ignore the victim blaming of Greenteal, contrary to what he says, none of what happened was your fault, you did not ask for what happened;  you should not feel any guilt whatsoever.

Moving forward on this, it is difficult in terms of making a decision on reporting this or not.  In your mind are you 100% sure things happened as you feel they did (you seem to believe so in your clarification to Notch above)  Going from there  do you feel concern that this unwanted situation will happen again to others in the future like it did to you?  

Best to you aznluvrr!

 

I am quoting your comment in my response, unlike in my previous ones, because I wanted to say something in regards to your question. You should not be wishing/hoping/imagining that my situation will happen to others (and truth be told, I am getting the impression from your question that you want it to happen to you). If you do, it is rather sick because it endangers the health of both parties. Anybody who finds themselves in a situation like mine should get tested ASAP and if there was ill intention with either party, it should be reported right away.

[ottman75 1015]

21 hours ago, aznluvrr said:

To NotchJohnson's comment: She was sitting on my lower abdomen/crotch area and had her hands on my chest, so she was not doing the blowing hot air on my penis.

Not that it makes it much better, but it's possible it was an accident. I know it sounds far-fetched, but it's entirely possible. Just lean back the right way, and in it goes. That said, highly unlikely. My guess is it was either her hand reaching around, and because of the way she was sitting on you and the fact that you couldn't see anything, it 'felt' like something else.

 

Most likely explanation is that she did, in fact, slide you into her. Either because she was getting a little carried away, or because you're a regular and she's comfortable with you, and thought "hey, what man wouldn't want this?" As Jessica said, some ladies may not see it as a violation. After all, you are there for a (primarily) sexual experience.

 

The definitions of sexual assault are the same regardless of gender, it's just that many people don't see it as quite the same when it's a woman doing it to a man, or see it as lesser. However one views it, personally, is their prerogative.

 

I was date raped when I was a teenager. I didn't want to have sex with this person, yet she made threats of telling people that I forced myself upon her if I didn't comply. It wasn't until many years later that I fully grasped the situation. I'm not traumatized by it or anything, but it's not exactly a happy memory either. It happens to men as well as women.

[Phaedrus 209521]

16 hours ago, aznluvrr said:

 

I am quoting your comment in my response, unlike in my previous ones, because I wanted to say something in regards to your question. You should not be wishing/hoping/imagining that my situation will happen to others (and truth be told, I am getting the impression from your question that you want it to happen to you).

That wasn't the understanding I had of Prufrock's post. I read it as him being concerned that the MA might cross boundaries like this with someone else in the future.

On the main topic of the thread: yes, you have every right to be concerned and to be unhappy about it, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, and victim-blaming is not something we should be indulging in.

[aznluvrr 119]

22 hours ago, Phaedrus said:

That wasn't the understanding I had of Prufrock's post. I read it as him being concerned that the MA might cross boundaries like this with someone else in the future.

 

Prufrock's second paragraph where he talks about the difficulty in deciding to report, the confirmation of my near-certainty of what happened, and asking whether a similar situation would happen again in the future came all added up to me as if he wanted it to happen to him (since if I were not to report, that's means there is at least that MA and maybe many more MAs that might do what I think certainly happened for free again). And as Greenteal said in one of his earlier comments, there are too many who would be willing to pay extra for what may have been a gratuitous service that occurred to me.

[zorobaby 4121]

On 5/6/2019 at 6:59 AM, Greenteal said:

 There so many things wrong with this story:

   First, we're talking about an MA, not an SP or a dominatrix. So why the blindfolds and restrains?

So just to this point. The fact that you are seeing an MA doesn't mean that you aren't seeing someone that doesn't like to do this kind of stuff. As I have experienced many times, it's Very possible to see an MA and still drift to the kinkier side of the life style while keeping within MA limits. So to point out this specific part of the OP story is redundant because it's meaningless.

 

To the OP, as has been said before, it's probably best to speak with her and clarify before potentially ruining someone's job over a misunderstanding. It sucks that you were put in that situation, but as someone else pointed out, there are in fact a few other ways to replicate that specific sensation pretty closely, therefore without the "matter of fact" knowledge of what went down, it's impossible to really say she did or didn't. I wish you the best sir, hopefully you aren't put in such a precarious position again.