Telling your SO about this...

[zoneman 357]

Hey all,

TL:DR - have any of you told your SO about seeing escorts and if so how’d it go?

Okay this may be a bit lengthy my apologies.  Some of you may have read my other post about my situation, quick recap, I’m married for 17 years to a former escort, I met her as an escort we fell in love got married in Niagara Falls, shes no longer an escort and hasn’t been for 17 years.  

Okay, so I’ve been seeing escorts off and on for the entire 17 years but mostly within the last 10, anyway my marriage has been suffering the past year with various issues to the point where it just didn’t seem like it was working, on top of this I started to feel like she should know about my activities so I told her, which was quite the experience to be honest.  She sat calmly and asked pointed questions and wanted some rather explicit details.  She didn’t pack a bag and leave and she didn’t run screaming.. So I’m curious has anyone else gone through this and if so how did it end?

[NotchJohnson 214136]

I would never dare tell my wife about this.  Personally I know she would leave and it would be rather tough on both of us, she is still my anchor.   I can understand that because your wife was once an escort that she would be a bit more open about the discussion but I would like to know what made you feel like you needed to see those escorts after the wedding?  I want to say that every relationship is different and we can not compare everybody to the same image that we all have in our mind.  My wife and I had a great sex life and it actually was more often then what I was wishing for but hey, I do what I have to do to keep the flame going.  But all of sudden in 2004 it came to a sudden stop for us, no more sex and if we did it was few and far in between.  All I will say is depression was the cause of all of it. 

I wish you good luck with this issue that you and your wife are having.

[drlove 37204]

One word... don’t. Here’s a similar story: I once dated a former escort as well. The difference was that I didn’t find out about her past until later on. Now, given the fact that I’m a very laid back, liberal kind of guy, it didn’t faze me in the least. I told her I was fine with it, and she was a bit taken aback since she was expecting me to react negatively. Anyway, since she was being honest and upfront, I decided to do the same... Well, she hit the roof! Apparently it was fine for her to do what she did, but then proceeded to rake me over the coals! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! *lol* 😛 Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end of our relationship...

[Guest]

     Getting her involve in the hobby as part of an introduction to a 3some/swinging experience is not that hard with an open minded partner.

     But for her to learn you cheated for months or years, is a much harder pill to swallow.

     Wouldn't recommend unless at a point you had nothing to lose.

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

I wonder if she feels more betrayed because it use to be her profession. 

 

And I wonder why the topic of seeing escorts never came up before based on her profession and how you met. When she quit, was it not discussed that you quit as well?  

 

If so, why go back without having a discussion with her first? She may have been more open to discuss the issues in your marriage. Unless of course it was solely selfish reasons for going back to the hobby. 

 

This whole ole thread has got my head swimming now. I need coffee. Can't process. Hahahahaha. 

 

 

[Sumac 1106]

Well Jessica, I was just sitting here sipping my coffee and reading Lyla posts for fun.  Then you had to post a comment with that exceedingly sexy series of pictures at the bottom of your post.  Now I'm utterly distracted wondering when you are coming to PEI.  Thank you!

[katie 1337]

Well, There's a lot I need/want to say on this Thread. 😘.. It's Knowing how to put certain things  into words,trying to keep it, not too Lengthly,at the same time.. Try to keep on Topic. :)

Myself, I'm not certain if I would Admit my Hobbying to my SO (if the tables were turned). Weather Tge Relationship was going through some Hard Times or Not. Yes, of course Honesty is Best (to a point). I think, I'd Rather get caught Hobbying.. Rather than Admit it. Yes, of course it may not make sense... But that's only my Opinion Also. Keep in mind, Eveyone is Different, and Hobby for Differnt Reasons. 

Is their Selfless Reasons to be in this Hobby.. I don't maybe. How would one describe any of those Selfness Reasons. To me .. We are all into this Hobby, for our own reasons. Weather, We Started With this Hobby or Weather we Continue with this Hobby. Myself, Weather we are the one Providing the Services or The One Seeking The Services.. There's not much Difference. I will say that when I 1st Started Providing the Services (Service Provider) Yes, of course it was for, Financial Reasons, but as time went on.. It wasn't for only Financial Reasons. Since 2013, I've been in the Hobby (SP).. Full-Time, Have taken a couple of Breaks, and now back Part-Time. Yes, of course the Extra Helps, Weather it's Actual Bills or Just Plain Extra's. 

Its ReallyGard to Explain My Reasons For Staying in this Hobby as a Service Provider to Someone. Thinking it may not make much Sense, especially to someone that doesn't know much about this Hobby in General. The Times I did take a Break for this Hobby.... "I Really Missed It". It didn't have anything to do with the "Sexual Side" of it.. It was the Companionship Side of this Hobby. I Missed The Friendships that were made,the Companionship that I was Providing and Receiving. I look Forward to my Dates, with my Friends. I'm not only in this Hobby for Financial Reasons... I really love it. Its just part of me.. when I'm not Providing.. I kinda feel like I'm Missing Something. So, for my Own Reasons, I'm in this Hobby.. Providing, at the Same Time.. I am Receiving Also. I know Most of my Special Friends are Either Married or in a Relationship, I know that they "Still Love Their SO", and that is wonderful. Do I think any Different from my Special Friends that have a SO.. Or Are Single... Never. How can that be, Why.. It's So hard to Explain but I just don't. There are different Reasons why One uses this Hobby.. I know that... and respect that. I'm using this Hobby for My own Reasons also. I don't think they are for Selfness Reasons Either. Maybe one would Differ Opinion ... But that's okay.. This Hobby is a "Secret Side Of My Life".. Im the Same Person.. Weather I'm Hobbying (SP) or Not. Thinking this Hobby is a bit Difficult to Explain to someone .. on Why or What.. Weather One is Seeking or Providing... But Really... Who cares.. on the Reason (either side) ... We Are all Into This Hobby Together... 😉... 

PS: I'm Huge on Marriage! I know Marriage Is Work.. and Marriage Is Continuous Work, Weather is been 10 Years or 30 years... If this is what one Wants/Needs To Help With Their Relationship.. Then I'm all for it. (See, This Hobby is So Darn Hard To Expain.. But.. It is what it is) 

Doesnt any of this make sense .. Idk.. Anyways ..

   Play Safe & Stay Safe

       Katie xoxo's 💋 

[zoneman 357]

Thanks everyone for your input.  I was just looking for some insight to what others thought. Thank you.

Life can be complex and we are all together trying to ride this wave..

 

Blue Skies ✈️

[Phaedrus 209521]

23 hours ago, Greenteal said:

Wouldn't recommend unless at a point you had nothing to lose. 

I'm not sure when that point would be, though. Even if the relationship is over, a vengeful ex can do a lot to make life unpleasant. Why risk it?

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Phaedrus said:

I'm not sure when that point would be, though. Even if the relationship is over, a vengeful ex can do a lot to make life unpleasant. Why risk it?

  A "vengeful ex" can only do so much when you literally got nothing to lose anymore. And the same goes if you're aware of a few skeletons in her closet.

 

[Jasmine Rain 23126]

On 5/27/2019 at 8:14 AM, Sumac said:

Well Jessica, I was just sitting here sipping my coffee and reading Lyla posts for fun.  Then you had to post a comment with that exceedingly sexy series of pictures at the bottom of your post.  Now I'm utterly distracted wondering when you are coming to PEI.  Thank you!

I'll in there June 9-11. Looking forward to helping with that distraction. Lol

15 hours ago, clearbluesky15 said:

Are there selfless reasons for going back to the hobby? 

 

I think that if the sexual relationship in the marriage has come to an end because one partner simply can not or fully chooses not perform for whatever reason, then I feel it is not selfish to seek that need from a professional. 

 

I also think it should be openly talked about, the non performing partner should be selfless in allowing their partner to have their sexual need fulfilled. 

 

In a case like that,  I don't think it is selfish. I think it is maturity to be honest. Something I think many people lack. 

[rob_otteast 142]

41 minutes ago, Jessica Rain said:

I think that if the sexual relationship in the marriage has come to an end because one partner simply can not or fully chooses not perform for whatever reason, then I feel it is not selfish to seek that need from a professional. 

 

I also think it should be openly talked about, the non performing partner should be selfless in allowing their partner to have their sexual need fulfilled. 

 

In a case like that,  I don't think it is selfish. I think it is maturity to be honest. Something I think many people lack. 

 

In my experience, that situation is extremely rare. When one partner decides to no longer have sex, they expect that their partner will go along. I know one lady, a friend's wife, who explicitly said so. Her attitude was that if she was no longer interested, then he simply had to go along with it, end of story. I think that was just self-delusion, she simply turned a blind eye to his many absences from home.

All part of our culture's bizarre hangups about sex. Sometimes you just need to get off, why make it more than that. It's very nice when it is more than that, but sometimes it just isn't.

[politegeek 113]

On a somewhat related note, when starting a new relationship, is this something you should tell partners about (that you have done it, assuming you're not planning to continue while you're in the relationship). Should that matter to a partner? I sort of expect a lot of people wouldn't be very accepting of it.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, politegeek said:

On a somewhat related note, when starting a new relationship, is this something you should tell partners about (that you have done it, assuming you're not planning to continue while you're in the relationship). Should that matter to a partner? I sort of expect a lot of people wouldn't be very accepting of it.

   Unless your intent is to divulge all physical relationships you had before meeting her, I don't quite see any benefits in sharing this kind of detail. No matter if part of a relationship or strictly business, it changes nothing. 

[NotchJohnson 214136]

7 minutes ago, politegeek said:

On a somewhat related note, when starting a new relationship, is this something you should tell partners about (that you have done it, assuming you're not planning to continue while you're in the relationship). Should that matter to a partner? I sort of expect a lot of people wouldn't be very accepting of it.

The spice girls said it well in one of their songs. "If you want my future, forget my past"  or in some case don't tell about your past. 

[Phaedrus 209521]

5 hours ago, politegeek said:

On a somewhat related note, when starting a new relationship, is this something you should tell partners about (that you have done it, assuming you're not planning to continue while you're in the relationship). Should that matter to a partner? I sort of expect a lot of people wouldn't be very accepting of it.

I see no good reason to do so, unless your new partner might find out about it via other means and you'd look bad for not having been up-front about it. As you say, a lot of people may react badly.

But really... we're all adults here. You can take it for granted at our time of life that your new partner will have a past of some sort and will have done stuff with other people before you came along. What difference does it make that there was an envelope with money in it somewhere in the room at the time?