How do you feel about being alone?

[mrgreen760 37785]

In my early 30's I spent the better part of a year alone. I worked and interacted but socially I mostly retreated. I had become a cynical smart ass and unintentionally hurt some one feelings with a quip. I was shocked and it made me feel horrible so I kind of disappeared. I spent time reading, sitting in front of the fire, listening to records (I'm old) and over time took a hard look at myself and didn't like what I saw so I used the time to think and reflect on the kind of person I wanted to be and slowly I did figure some of it out. When I emerged I was a much happier positive person, a little quieter, became a good listener and I was more confident. I was asked all the time what was different, had I lost weight, changed my hair or wardrobe. I had no real answer but it seemed I was exuding something and people were drawn to it. A few were a little uncomfortable because I was different and had escaped my box but they too eventually came around.

 

I look back at my alone time with great fondness as it changed my path and I'm so very grateful.

 

Peace

MG

[Sweet Emily J 172062]

I grew up an only child, and while I had lots of friends, it still meant there was lots of time for me to be alone. Reflecting on this over the last few years, I am very grateful for it. It really gave me my strong sense of independence and ability to be completely content being alone. I don't need to rely on others for any reason, and I never get lonely or bored. I do lots of stuff alone and it doesn't phase me one bit. There are definitely some parts of my life up to now when I was more social than solitary, but I am definitely at a stage now where I truly prefer to be alone (well, at least alone with my fur babies!) :)

 

I do like people, and I am easily sociable in the right settings, but I prefer it to be in small doses, and to spend the majority of my time doing my own thing.

 

There was a really great episode a couple months ago of DNTO, one of my favourite radio shows about this exact topic called "What happened when you found yourself "going solo"..."Most of us avoid being by ourselves if we can help it. From dining alone to travelling alone to being left at home by ourselves - it's something we've all faced. But sometimes, when we're forced to be on our own, we can surprise ourselves." Really cool stories from a variety of people.

 

It's available online and on podcast to hear: http://www.cbc.ca/dnto/episode/2013/09/26/what-happened-when-you-found-yourself-going-solo/

[Guest K***e D****ls]

I've always been more of a loner than an extrovert. I can crank the personality from time to time and enjoy that part of my life but I'm really protective of my alone/personal time. I've always been very much a lone wolf. I have a handful of excellent friends and my family, and as much as I love them and have a great time with them, I enjoy my own company a lot as well.

 

I travel alone, dine alone, go to movies alone- all as much as I do with friends. I read a lot. I really like researching different things, learning, and tapping into my creative outlet. I'm a very independent person.

 

I also keep to myself very much in this world. I'm always very friendly with everyone, help out with references or any advice I'm asked for by any ladies, but I'm not here (the business in general) to make bff's, become part of a clique, etc. I embrace that loner status in this world as well.

[FootFetishTess 1261]

I love the "how to be alone" poem. It's wonderful.

 

I saw a video today (a much sillier video) of a song called "get off the phone" about how so many of us are plugged into our smart-phones and missing out on social reality because we're so hooked up to social media.

 

As an introvert, I cherish my "me time", but I find that I have to be careful. If I spend that time catching up on twitter or watching youtube, I find that I wind up feeling lonely (not the same as being alone), whereas if I use the time to pursue a hobby like knitting or baking, or to go for a walk by the river, I feel much more energized and recharged.

It makes a huge difference.

 

For me, "alone time" means turning off the internet far more than it means spending time with nobody else in the room.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

With CREB just a click away, I'm never really alone - all you folks are here to keep me company.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I enjoy solitude and would go so far as to say I prefer it.

 

It can make for a complicated marriage but my wife knew what I was like for 7 years before we married and she says, tongue in cheek, that I have been consistent :). We don't have children and, thankfully my wife is quite independent and enjoys her solitude as well. We go out for dinner every weekend and never travel apart(except for business) and I almost always rub her feet each evening and catch up on her day and what's happened. The rest of my time I spend at work, martial arts, working out, downstairs meditating, reading or at the movies. We have different tastes in movies and she isn't into them anyway whereas I enjoy going to movies and don't mind sitting alone.

 

The few friends I have are loner types too, which works for us.

 

I am so much of a loner that if not for my wife I think I could live as a hermit. I've never actually tried it so I can't say for certain, but it does appeal to me. Some may wonder why marry but the benefit is learning to love someone more than anything in this world, including myself and it's enlightening and a gift to experience that.

[MightyPen 67414]

Yep, definitely an introvert here. I need a good fraction of alone-time to feel fulfilled -- time in which to reflect, consider, learn, and absorb. (But like Emily, my "puppies" don't count -- they're ALWAYS welcome. :) )

 

Funny thing is, people who know me casually would never think so -- I'm very well engaged with people and dynamic in social situations, including at work. Good with people, able leader of groups, etc. etc. ... and I truly enjoy all those things, in certain doses. Being introverted isn't the same as "shy" or "don't like people". But it does mean that I need solitary time to recharge and re-balance, or I get very cranky!

 

As a kid, I always had a small number of very close and intimate friends. Never did the group thing well until my 20s though, when I pretty much forced myself to learn how in increments. It's valuable knowledge and opens up more of life to me... but it doesn't diminish the value of regular solitude.

 

It's always struck me that, for those of us lucky enough to die of natural causes, there's going to be at least a few moments at the very end when we're right on the threshold of death, our external senses have all shut down, everything dark, and our brains will be isolated from the world. In that moment we'll each be completely and utterly alone inside a universe contained within our skull, aware of nothing else. It's the ultimate in solitude, and an unavoidable pause on the doorstep between life and death. If we can't bear being alone NOW, then how much harder will that moment be when it arrives?

[Fresh start 17467]

I've spent most of my life alone, as in few friends a lot of alone time. Where I could loose myself in my thought. I would often zone out and retreat into daydreaming to block whatever around me was happening. I grew so accustom to it that as I grew older it followed me. I would get bored off I went into my mind a safe place. It made hours feel like minutes. As an adult I would often find myself needing some down or alone time. Still today I need it.

Although my problem now is to much alone time isn't good. I begin to feel the loneliness, and I've come to learn and realize that for me loneliness effects me mentally. I begin to feel like an outcast, and plays a huge part on my self esteem. I begin to feel no good, useless, unwanted and un loved. Now I know logically its untrue but a part of me feels this. Unfortunately feeling is stronger than logic for me. I begin to get overwhelmed to the point where It triggers my depression to worsen. Luckily I've found the healing power of touch and affection which cerb has provided me with my temporary cure. I must say I never new how great a hug can be and how it can flush away my loneliness.

So in the end I prefer a healthy balance of the two.

[JoyfulC 132299]

What is really alone? Even when I'm reading, I feel like I'm with the characters in the story. We're always connected through phones and the internet. And then there are the furballs.

 

Aloneness reminds me a lot of darkness. I've only experienced true darkness a few times in my life. When we moved out here to the sticks, one thing I assumed we'd have a lot of was sweet, sensual darkness. I figured when night fell, and then as people went to bed, all the lights would be shut off, and there'd be just the moon and the stars to enjoy. Nope! I don't know why, but country people keep the outdoors lit up like Vegas from dusk 'til dawn. (Their hydro bills must be gargantuan.)

 

One thing I have always enjoyed is having the house to myself on a regular basis. Before my husband retired, I couldn't wait for him to go to work in the morning so I could plan my day, work out, shower, do housework and entertain pretty much whenever I wanted. I really loved it. When he retired, I realized just how precious it was! Then, when we first moved out here, I kept a place in town for entertaining for the first couple years, and while I was in town, he got into a routine, for the first time ever, being in his own home and having the place to himself on a regular basis. He loved it too! But I gave up the apartment, and now I'm the one again who has the place to myself in the evenings when he goes out for his business. Sure, I still have to contend with the furballs and my daughter texting me here and there and the phone, but it is nice to know that I'll get this bit of time relatively to myself each day.