When discretion becomes trickery

[NeedGFEs 103]

I am new, but would give my nickname over willingly. I only joined Cerb at the suggestion of a SP. Was not even aware of it and had been seeing escorts from the Escorts Canada listings. Anyhow, I would think if your serious about meeting, then what's the problem?

[Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958]

Tiffany Amber's post just rocked the shit out of this entire thread.

 

She presented A concisely worded post that nicely sums up the fact that this is not only a two way street we all walk, but the fact that this two way street can get all sorts of gnarly for all parties involved (hooray for humanity, sad but true).

 

So what the hell is wrong with having measures in place that can assure at least some measure of comfort and security? Like others on this thread have already said, we're all at risk here. It's just a part of being involved in the so called fringes of acceptable society.

 

In the end, we're all on the same team here folks!

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I've thought about privacy issues and paid companionship a lot. Some men are almost rabid in their insistence that they will have 100% anonymity in their dealings with companions, no matter what. They often say that their privacy is more important than anything else, which presumably includes the companion's safety. And that's the problem.

 

I sell fantasies. I can appreciate that, for some clients, a big part of the fantasy is to think they're getting away with something that no one will ever know about--including me! Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to be invisible, sometime? An encounter that leaves no trace is appealing to many people.

 

Unfortunately, it's also part of the plot of many murder mysteries and true crime stories. Too often the victim in these stories is a prostitute, paid companion, courtesan or a woman falsely accused of being one of us. As we're all aware, even the federal government doesn't consider our safety to be as important as that of women who are not in the sex trade, and the police don't pay as much attention to our demise as they do to the death of the banker's wife next door.

 

Feeling powerful is erotic. I think that some men enjoy imagining that they're navigating through a demi-monde riddled with crime and deeds of darkness when they see one of us. They go on and on about their safety and security, and they book meetings with those of us who will agree to see them. They get off on the company, the sex and the feeling that they have come away unscathed, that they have bested or tricked the underworld and lived to tell their story. In other words, the encounter may be, at least in part, about their feeling that they can compete with other men and come out ahead.

 

Sensible women avoid men's pissing contests.

 

Most of us won't see someone who demands iron-clad anonymity. It's far too likely that he may be hoping to get away with something violent. Speaking for myself, I'm happy to play a convincing fantasy game full of elaborate plot twists, subterfuge and secret passwords exchanged in train stations only when I know a few things about the client.

 

What it comes down to is this: we're on the same side. I am not a client's enemy. We want the same things.

[manitoba 2758]

Date verification sites can take a lot of the risk of a new contact out of the equation while maintaining discursion and privacy.

Cerb handles, phone numbers are all basically disposable anyway. A date verification site will however ensure that the client is a safe client. A lady that uses a date verification service is a professional who will not cause any problems.

[Tiffany Amber 7031]

Date verification sites can take a lot of the risk of a new contact out of the equation while maintaining discursion and privacy.

 

Cerb handles, phone numbers are all basically disposable anyway. A date verification site will however ensure that the client is a safe client. A lady that uses a date verification service is a professional who will not cause any problems.

 

Just to be clear, are you saying thoose that do NOT use a verification site are more UNprofessional and may cause problems with the info she has requested?

[roamingguy 300292]

Couple more comments, I've said them before, I'll say them again

1. I don't see ladies I'm embarrassed to be seen with in public, or

embarrassed/ashamed if someone I know found out I was seeing.

 

2. Trust is a two way street. If the lady you want to see you don't trust

with your handle (a made up name btw for a virtual world) not to

mention in cases of full verification (name, phone etc) why should she

trust you with her very safety...her life in fact

 

3. Further to point number two, if you don't trust the lady to begin with,

why even see her, it would end up being two people mistrustful of one

another which can't lead to having a good time together

 

4. What great calamity is going to fall if the lady knows your handle/name

etc etc...blackmail...most of us aren't rich enough to make it worthwhile

(not to mention how can you be blackmailed for seeing beautiful

women...ok, I'm single, not married)

Are you a public figure, she'll know as soon as she sees you anyway

Not to mention, at least in the case of outcalls to your hotel, there is a

record of who you are, when you registered/checked in

 

Just some more thoughts, sorry for repeating myself

RG

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

With all due respect WIT I don't think this analogy makes sense ....

 

Of course, it doesn't make sense - in the particular ways you mention, Isabella. Which is why I was careful to state up front: "NO, I am NOT comparing ladies to restaurants - I am making a strictly limited analogy for one narrow purpose". That narrow purpose was to point out the different way that people behave when faced with situations where they know that their behaviour stands to be publicly evaluated in a meaningful way.

 

I understand your point and sadly I'm sure it happens but that depends on how ethical the lady is...

 

I don't see anything unethical here. Any changes in behaviour may not even be done consciously. It's just plain human nature, in my opinion - as I stated: "I must empahisize that I'm not criticizing the recommendation process, or the guys, or the ladies. I'm just thinking about how the whole process works (or might work, since this theory is impossible to verify) ... in combination with the tendancies of human nature."

 

 

... how an encounter goes depends basically on chemistry and attitude ...

 

Absolutely! Which is why I said that the disclosure of a handle as a factor is "at best a secondary issue".

 

Yes, is all about the fun and the safety. Also I don't know how comfortable I would feel with someone that for some reason thinks he should keep his handle from me if his intentions are good.

 

Yup. As I said: "there's no reason that a lady should not ask for a Cerb (or other board) handle from a potential client - or any other identifiying or verification information whatsoever. That's completely up to her."

 

Does that mean he is concerned that I could do something to harm his reputation with no reason? Then why wanting to meet someone you obviously don't trust? ...

 

Since I didn't mention lack of trust, and since I've never refused anything in any lady's screening protocol, and since, as I mentioned, I always disclose my full name and home phone number up front whether asked for it or not, this is obviously not a response to my post. In fact, I can't help but notice that not a single gent in this thread has said that they don't trust the ladies - something to think about, and surely a good thing!

 

Isabella, I think we agree about most everything (... except about whether my understanding of human behaviour "makes sense" or not, ha ha ...)

 

Cheers, Wrinkled

 

Additional Comments:

I have absolutely no problem with... frequent reviewers getting some special treatment from the ladies...

 

Wellie, since you've quoted part of my post, I'll just take the liberty of quoting a further observation from my post that's directed to what you've mentioned: "I must empahisize that I'm not criticizing the recommendation process, or the guys, or the ladies. I'm just thinking about how the whole process works (or might work, since this theory is impossible to verify) ... in combination with the tendancies of human nature." It's something to be aware of, not something to cite as a problem.

 

Cheers, Wrinkled

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Once again, coming late to this string. This is a really interesting discussion and is getting close to that other touchy topic of clients disclosing real names of other aspects of identification.

 

To me, its pretty simple: I use my cerb name in my appointments, most of which are made in PMs on cerb. No big deal, and I have never felt any pressure to post a review or anything like that. But I'm glad to do so, with the lady's permission, if the visit was a good one.

 

Why? Because its easy, because the lady can see my identity and take a look at my posts, and because its a great way to keep in touch post-visit (within reason, of course). On the other hand, its my "identity" and I choose to use it that way; other guys may not.

 

Personally, I think the worst possible answer a guy on cerb could give a lady is, "well, yes, I'm on cerb but I dont want to disclose my identity." It jsut sounds suspicious to me. Its best to just not mention cerb and post via regular e-mail.

[fortunateone 156618]

I also wanted to know if the OP was only advertising on cerb and nowhere else, because if ads are visible by non-members, then yes quite a few potential clients who contact her by email are not going to be cerb members. If cerb membership is the only screening requirement she has, then I do think it might be time to expand on that.

 

Why not have the screening requirements lined up as 3-4 options. The client can choose the one he is most comfortable with. If the only requirement she has is book via pm with cerb handle, and the client approaches her in any other way, then so be it, turn him down until/unless he complies with the one and only requirement. Because if he thinks he's too special to follow the first and only requirement she has, what else does he think he's too special for?

 

However, I do feel there can be a lot of emphasis on things like this that really do not guarantee a successful encounter, a good client, a potential danger, or even just a chronic no show. There are so many factors, and many experienced sps are able to find a way of screening based on a single phone call and never have one problem. Personally, if someone were to pm me to set up an appt, or ask about one, they would get a reply to call me. I want a voice verification, not a handle verification, or an email, or a text.

 

There are dangerous people out there, of course, but not everyone calling from a block # or payphone or not wishing to give a handle is all dangerous, or sketchy, or up to something. Those ones are far fewer than the legit ones, for sure.

[mrrnice2 157005]

I have to think along the same lines as Isabella with this, and wonder what issue there might be for someone to withold their Cerb name from communications. Unless there are circumstances that I am unaware of, the identity of the person behind the name is anonymous, so a personal identification should not be an issue.

 

For me because of personal circumstances I have no issue with not only disclosing my Cerb handle but I often give my real name and contact information to a SP. I have been told that I am an overly trusting person, but I know that I have no issues with that with the women that I have met.

 

Looking through the comments from WIT he has broached an aspect of this that I had not even previously considered, being the rep of the hobbyist as a potentially strong writer of reccos. That is something that I would like to ponder a bit more.

 

As well, a Cerb handle being provided to the SP does give some degree of prior awareness about the hobbyist, if that hobbyist has been a contributor to forums. Those contributions, if they exist, would in all liklihood give the SP some prior knowledge if she chooses to search them out. THAT would be another interesting forum topic. DO SP's do "research" of that nature when contacted by a new potential date?

 

Good topic Isabella. Love it when you make me think!

[allcurious28 100]

This hooby is a lot more enjoyable if there is comfort and a connection between SP and client. I feel the the first step in making this an enjoyable encounter, is to make the lady feel comfortable and safe. If I convey my desire to make sure the lady is safe and comfortable, it seems to go a long way in insuring there is some start to the chemistry. If I thought I was doing something so wrong that I couldn't give a lady my made up name on a recommendation board, I probably shouldn't and wouldn't be doing said activity.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I recently received this submission on my website ...

 

First Name:Paul

Last Name:Paul

E-mail:paul@yahoo,com

Phone:613.123-4567

Your Message:Gia,

Free advice; for $230.00 per hour

your shower should be avaliable for your customers. Are you crazy?

NO SHOWER - it BS

 

You may be thinking what does this have to do with this thread? Very simple, I only advertise on cerb which means this guy is a member here who is a big coward and obviously contacted me through my website to keep his probably good reputation here.

I often read or hear from ladies about rude/inapropriate phone calls and I wonder how many of those 'fine men' are actually members here with a double (triple in theory) persona.

 

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

... I only advertise on cerb which means this guy is a member here who is a big coward and obviously contacted me through my website to keep his probably good reputation here.

 

 

Anyone whatsoever can read the ads on Cerb, not just members.

[PistolPete 61421]

I always use my Cerb handle,I don't get any special treatments, perhaps a quicker booking over another gent that does not give enough info. I do all my bookings through either pm's,emails or in fact a text message once in a while. I'm not hesitant to text or call from my cell phone. I'm a firm believer trust is a two way street all ladies that I have seen have kept the contact info in confidence.The more upfront you are with a lady, it will show that you are genuine and honest. Majority of the time a good advanced understanding of each other prior to our date is communicated through pm's or email.There is no need to use any trickery, and use your head..... Both of them ;)

[castle 38816]

I personally actually prefer communicating with a SP via PM on here, or if they're not too active on here (or aren't on here at all) I'll mention my handle and cerb in an e-mail. I really don't see how giving out my handle to a SP can threaten my privacy at all. With my handle, if she so chooses to, the SP can see my post history, get a good idea of my personality by reading some of my posts, get an idea of my preferences by reading past recommendations, and checking me out in the SP Only area and not seeing any complaints or red flags from other SP's (I hope :p ). Doing all these things in no way threatens my privacy, and would most assuredly make her more comfortable seeing me, which all but guarantees a more pleasurable encounter for both of us.

 

I'm also not worried about being pressured to give an unwarranted recommendation. If she's the type who expects a dishonest recommendation from me, then she's probably not someone I want to keep talking to, even online. If she tries to spread BS about me because I didn't give her a recommendation, well, my history on here should count for something. And upon request I'm sure at least a few of the SP's I've seen who are still active wouldn't mind vouching for me as a dependable, respectful and trustworthy client.

 

Long story short, if you're a decent person, and intend to treat the ladies you see with respect and kindness, then I don't see why anyone would be worried about giving out their handles.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I may book an appt through Cerb but when it comes time to verify, I require a phone number and I'm the one doing the dialing to see if they are in fact legit. I don't know why people are so protective over their cerb handles especially those who don't post. Having a handle here doesn't require giving up any personal info and with a different IP/computer can be changed. Even if someone does have a high post count doesn't really mean that much either other than the fact that I know I will be seeing and can check out their profile.

 

Could it mean that if you are high profile poster, you might assume that an SP will expect a review from you? This is not necessarily true in most cases or the ladies that I know in this business. I conduct my business in a discreet and orderly fashion. Like Busty Vanessa mentioned earlier, there are guys here who are beyond paranoid in how they use this site and I really can't blame them. So if they choose to book another way without a handle, who am I to judge? i am discreet in how I conduct my business and do it in an orderly fashion. I am not out to get anyone or "out" them with their identity or cerb handle if you have not harmed me, robbed me or did anything else that is not considered detrimental to me physically or mentally.

 

On other boards, not using a board handle to book seems to be what the majority of people do because it's all about the brotherhood and it's hobbyists v.s. escorts. There tends to be a lot of distrust towards escorts and you can see it play out when people post there.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you could be Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck booking through cerb or on the phone and you're both treated equally. If you mention your cerb handle to me or not, I really couldn't care less. I don't necessarily require it either and don't know unless the first point of contact is through this site. There are other ways to screen and if someone is going to be discreet about their handle, fine, whatever. As long as you give me a number to confirm, show up on time and pay me, it's all fine and dandy.

[roamingguy 300292]

 

On other boards, not using a board handle to book seems to be what the majority of people do because it's all about the brotherhood and it's hobbyists v.s. escorts. There tends to be a lot of distrust towards escorts and you can see it play out when people post there.

 

 

I tried a couple other boards, and they also seem hostile to hobbiests who aren't hostile/mistrustful of SP's (won't get into details, suffice to say the only board I'm on is CERB)...certainly not a "brotherhood" I want any part of

Why can't everyone accept that this is/can be a mutually beneficial hobby (hate that term for this btw).

As I see it, this is not ladies vs gentleman...more accurate to look at this as we are on opposite sides of the same coin, and encounters are a mutually beneficial activity

RG

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

...

Why can't everyone accept that this is/can be a mutually beneficial hobby (hate that term for this btw)...

 

RG, instead of using the word "hobby", I use the word "lifestyle" ;)

It is also much more discrete IF the lifestyle is discussed in a publlic setting.

 

Hope it helps :)

[PussyLikker 100]

One of the first things I learned when entered this industry was how important discretion is. Starting with my own. I am a private person (my mommy told me not to talk to strangers lol) and have respect for my personal life as well as the private lives of those who visit me.

 

This doesn't mean I don't allow them to get to know me, I just keep my most personal/private things to myself as I'm sure most here do and how much I open up depends on how comfortable I feel with the person.

 

I have a point with all this, I promise ... In my ads I ask to be contacted by Pm and specify that if contacting me via email is preferred to please mention their cerb handle. More than once I have received an email asking to book a date and when I ask the gentleman's cerb handle I just don't hear back from him.

 

Isn't having a handle anonymous enough? To me the fact that a member here feels the need to hide his cerb identity brings red lights and makes me think he is hiding something.

 

I know this is a lot more common that I imagined. Even someone posted in a thread here that he prefers calling the lady and not mention his handle when booking, I've even heard of guys making up a handle that does not even exist. This is not a rant but I just can't find a valid and legit reason to do this and feel curious to hear some answers that may be more clear than the impression that I now have about this.

 

I may not get responses at all and may make some feel like I'm putting them in a spot, that I guess depends on the intention to have done such a thing.

 

What I'll ask may come across as unnecessary but in case please refrain from giving names out, not the point of the thread.

 

Thanks in advance!

I'm proud of my CERB handle...it shows a lot about the real me too, lol