Obsessed?

[Crake 29]

I saw a provider the other day, and I just can't stop thinking of her. I can't focus on anything, not even a video game. I even had trouble sleeping last night. Has anyone had a similar experience? How do I deal with this obsession? My head is racing, my chest tightens when I think of her... how do I stay sane before my next visit?

[OldandNerdy 1303]

I have the same feeling every time I see the same provider.

 

She really knows how to invade your thoughts doesn't she

[Leviathan31 8387]

If your thoughts are stemming from your pants, that's good - it will make the next visit all that better.  Leave it at that and keep enjoying the wonderful sex.

 

If your thoughts are more emotional, remember, it's all fake, not matter what she says/does - that's her job.  Let those feelings go.....fast.  Trust me. 

[Crake 29]

1 hour ago, Leviathan31 said:

If your thoughts are stemming from your pants, that's good - it will make the next visit all that better.  Leave it at that and keep enjoying the wonderful sex.

 

If your thoughts are more emotional, remember, it's all fake, not matter what she says/does - that's her job.  Let those feelings go.....fast.  Trust me. 

 

I'd say my thoughts are primarily sexual, but the distinction is blurry to me. I'm a masochist, so sexual thoughts to me is not just thinking of sex or similar activities, but of serving a beautiful woman, and pleasing her (even if it's artificial, and she doesn't even pretend to appreciate - especially so in that case).

 

Anyway, however you want to classify my obsession (sexual/emotional), it's hindering my ability to do every day activities, and I need to know how to drop it - not whether or not I should.

[Tejjet 322]

I think you should enjoy this particular provider as often as you can because her availability will eventually disappear. Maybe a week, a month or year from now! Enjoy while you can, knowing it will end! In the meantime you should book with a very high end provider or two, to diminish these thoughts! Elsa from BLE is here now and I’ve read reviews that she is top notch in looks and service. Seeing a few top notch Montreal women is a good start to sleeping soundly, in my opinion! 

[Guest]

        Whatever you do, don't share that information with her. This could either repulse her or entice her to financially exploit you. If you see her again, be yourself, enjoy the moment and see if those feelings remain the same. Once the thrill of the unknown is gone, it rarely feel the same.

        And if it remains obsessive.... 

        

[SarahAlexxx 2025]

I wouldnt reccomend voicing these to her, as obsession can lead to closed doors very quickly. Us providers are paid for our time and time only and most of us know this is just a job. Unfortunately, creating unrealistic boundaries in your head can lead to misery and miscommunication. 

I would suggest not planning a visit for awhile until you can deal with these thoughts. If she ever sees this, it could make her feel very vulnerable and send big red flags. 

Thanks for listening. 

[JimmyJohn 18]

I know this post is a couple months old, but I've been in the exact situation where you've been when I first started this lifestyle.

 

At the time, I had alot of money at my disposal, and dispose of it I did lol. I seen a couple different women but ended up going back to the first one I seen.

 

I was in a very bad emotional state at the time and this particular woman took full advantage of it. I knew she had a drug problem, but it didn't bother me. I spent a few grand within the week, on her alone. Not entirely sure what made me snap out of it (probably my dwindling account balance lol) but eventually realized she was playing me, hard.

 

My best advice is basically what the others have said. See other providers in addition to this particular one you feel obsessed with. There's alot of great SPs in this city alone, and ones who occasionally come here on tour.

 

At the end of the day, these women are providing a service, that's it. When you go to the pharmacy, and you have good rapport with your pharmacist, and you just so happen to find her attractive, you wouldn't be obsessed with her, would you? Well you shouldn't, because she's just providing great customer service. I know that's kind of a watered-down example but it's the same core principle.

 

IMO, the difference between an ok service and a great service, is that the latter makes you feel like it's real. Maybe you do have chemistry with the SP, maybe you don't. Doesn't matter. It's their job to make you feel good.

 

Also, just some generic advice... focus on doing things to make yourself feel better (other than hobbying lol) and be productive with your time. Exercise, eat healthy, pick up a new hobby, take a class, etc. Start investing in yourself more, rather than trying to please others. Sounds selfish, but trust me, does wonders. Plus, helps get your mind off things staying busy.

 

Oh yeah, what ever you do, do not tell her your feelings. If you're lucky, she just won't see you anymore. If not, she could use it to her advantage, as was the case in my situation.

 

Best of luck to you Crake.

[Barney 2550]

This is a Business you are paying for a service , an example would be just like taking you car in for service . I know this may sound cold but its true , this is how they make their living , their bread and butter its not where you find a girl friend , best advice see another provider and move forward or find your self a partner . 

[Jigglerz 65]

[msexy6969 148]

So far you did get great advice and I can just second all of the above. Yes, it is magical when you find the one provider you are klicking with and even better if it works on both ends. But this is as far as it goes. Once that door closes behind you after the session, YOUR live will continue with YOU being front and center.

I have to admit, there are some of the best providers in this country here in Halifax, with some visiting on occasion. One could get lost in this hobby and at the end, it is a hobby. An escape from real life, an adventure for your senses. Enjoy these little moments given to you.

Hope you do find your way in this hobby

[Janebondage 2264]

Crake I hope things are a little easier with this now. I am wondering if the feelings weaned off over the week as you mentioned it was just the other day.
 

BDSM, sex and drugs share similar pathways in the brain’s pleasure centers. 
Some experiences Like these surge our brain’s pleasure centres with happy neurotransmitters like norepinephrine (endorphins), dopamine (happy) and oxytocin (bonding). This over surge of endorphins can bring us to a higher state of happy go lucky for days. But the body has a natural way balancing itself out (Homeostasis). What goes up must come down. Often that drop is lower then the normal chemical levels. So sometimes they balance themselves out but one can lighten the drop by doing small things that boost ones endorphins like going to the  gym, snuggles with a lover or dark coco chocolate over 70% (Common for athletes after events).  

If it is an obsession longer than that its what we call ‘New Relationship Energy’ in the bdsm and poly communities.  It too is a surge of dopamine and norepinephrine in particular. it can take days, months years to wear off. 

 

I have often been on the receiving end of this from submissive men as dominant in the bdsm community. I have even experienced it twice myself. Once just on my end which was its own kinda hell and once were we both had it. The first lasted about 6 months, the latter is right now with the man I am dating.

 

I agree with the opinions voiced about not telling most providers. They wont be able to do anything about it and are likely to be uncomfortable or in some cases take advantage. Neither is helpful

In my case I do prefer to know so I can help them through it. There is very little I can actually Do really do except help one be more aware of it so it holds less power. For me this likely means I shape the start/end of a session differently. it also means making sure can make sure I am not being booked more then the norm for what they typically book with providers.

As for what you can do....

Keep yourself aware it is a biochemical reaction in the brain. Try having distractions for when you are obsessioni g. The gym or something that You like that requires focus, get out with a friend. These wont solve it but they will likely help lesson it over time. Make sure you keep yourself restricted to your own boundaries with said provider and do NOT feed into the thoughts or start over booking. Have a friend help keep you in check on this. Its much easier said then done. 

 

I hope that helps a little. Please let me know if any aspects need clarification. Its a complex biochemistry to lay out in hread and bear in mind While I do have a back ground in human health I am not a medical professional in this field. 
 

hugs. 

 

[Janebondage 2264]

Oh dear excuse the late night typos. I am dyslexic as hell so escaping a long thread without them is always unlikely. Writing/typing is not my best medium for communication for me and is much more time consuming then the average person. The alternative is not responding and I do not want a few typos to derail me interacting on the boards. Its an area of insecurity for myself so I just try to push past it. Sorry to any grammar police or English teachers out there. Its not a lack of care, it just is what it is.       

[annapolis1949 340]

Janebondage largely has it right. I understand it may be easy to get obsessed with a SP , particularly if the experience is a good (outstanding) one on a recurring basis. One feels "the connection" and comes to believe there is a mutual attraction particularly when the SP is very good . I have had similar experiences (twice). but have learned that outside of the professional service time there is no room for a personal relationship. The SP may even "like" you as an individual and "enjoy" the time together but she really does not want a relationship beyond the "paid" time. If the SP wanted the personal relationship she would determine a way , place and time to communicate that piece . And the flip side is of course that the large majority of hobbyists do not want a relationship over and above the professional one.

Crake...you have opened a valuable thread judging from the responses here. I suspect there are many "non responders" who have had your experience and the advice given here will be helpful. Enjoy the hobby but do not expect to find a lifetime partner from this activity.

[Janebondage 2264]

 

Yes @Crake as @annapolis1949 has mentioned This is a valuable feed many can likely relate talk but do not talk about. 

 

thank you for opening up an sharing.

😘