Is This Wrong?

[Guest J***u]

Hello I am posting this because I really do not have anyone to talk to about this at the moment.I am going to be sounding like a broken record so please forgive me.Anyways I only have two best friends left I had three but one of them betrayed me in one worst way yet but that is another story.My closest friend who I've known for about 10+ years has been getting upset at me because I do not trust him or anyone fully anymore because this year as been the worst I've been betrayed by people who I thought the world of.I know its not fair and I feel really bad about it I really do not know what to say to him or do for that matter any advise will be greatly accepted thanks in advanced

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

If you're having difficulty in trusting people and it's affecting people, you should find a good counsellor/therapist. I know many people, especially men, see this as a weakness, but I think it takes strength to recognize when you need help and ask for it. Best of luck!

[roamingguy 300292]

Betrayal is hard to get over, been betrayed know how it feels

But, like most people, you will have very few "true" friends in life. You may have a lot of acquaintances but very few true friend

Don't let the one bad apple in your life destroy the friendships you do have, they didn't betray you, they don't deserve to be treated with mistrust.

The only absolute way to ensure you never get betrayed by a friend again is to be 100 percent alone with no friends at all.

My thoughts

RG

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

I think we have all been in your shoes at one time or another..shit happens and we move on...I agree with roamingguy in that we only have very few true friends in life...some people grow out of friendships as well..think about the best friends you had in High school i bet you don't see them anymore...I find as we grow our friends change and usually for the better. don't you feel bad because your friend betrayed you..he should feel bad. anyway seeing a therapist is a good idea ..it certainly helps and i know from going to see mine {because i was betrayed} i feel so much better ...

big hugs,

Emma

[roamingguy 300292]

A quick added comment, when I was betrayed, I didn't see a therapist, but you know who was around providing support, my friends

BTW not knocking therapists, actually might be a good idea, just for me at that time my friends were my support.

RG

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

A quick added comment, when I was betrayed, I didn't see a therapist, but you know who was around providing support, my friends

BTW not knocking therapists, actually might be a good idea, just for me at that time my friends were my support.

RG

 

but his problem is with his friends..;)

[roamingguy 300292]

Yes, and I didn't miss the point. My point, if I read his post right, he mistrusts his friends because one friend betrayed him. My point is that your friends can support you in bad times. The one (now ex) friend, who betrayed him is leading him to mistrust his other friends, friends who if he trusted could be there for support.

And in no way am I knocking therapy, actually in this case it's probably the best.

RG

[Nathalie L 112512]

It's also really important not to generalize your past experiences onto people who had nothing to do with that situation though. As much as seeing a therapist would help, I think it's equally important to give your friends who did not betray you the benefit of the doubt. It's unfair to homogenize all of your friends, or to assume that because one betrayed you, the others will as well.

 

Therapy is an amazing tool though. Just make sure you shop around for a therapist! They all have different approaches and it can be hard to find one that suits you, your needs, and your philosophy.

[sexnonstop724 1727]

If you don't give, you won't get. To have a true friend, you have to be one the first place. There is always a risk, you have to be the one to decide if it is worth the risk. But remember, it is not a one way street. The reward is there if it works out.

 

SNS724

[JuliasUndies 7288]

It is at our lowest times that we find truths about many things in life. My sympathies are with you, I too have been in a similar predicament. I am good at giving advice, really, so listen here cause this is how it goes.

During our lowest times, any true friend would not only stick by you but understand and respect your feelings. Good friends don't get upset about your situation and how it selfishly affects them, good friends put themselves in your shoes, look at the bigger picture and stay biased to you.

You may just find out all their true colours in your time of doubts that you only have one good friend out of the three.

Go with your gut instincts, any doubts and oust them from your personal life -blind loyalty will get you hurt-Good luck!!

[Guest jake_cdn]

I only have two best friends left I had three but one of them betrayed me in one worst way yet but that is another story.My closest friend who I've known for about 10+ years has been getting upset at me because I do not trust him

 

Having fallen victim to betrayal as well I know that it shatters the foundation of your world. It seems that everything that you held sacred in your life, your trust, your openness and ability to share your thoughts with people has been violated.

 

You mentioned that you still have two friends left. If they are true friends then they realize that you are not the same person that you once were. You need to muster the courage to share your thoughts with them and let them know what is going on so that they can be supportive.

 

I was exactly the same when this happened to me and I almost lost the support of all of my other friends due to my newly acquired introverted personality.

 

I finally realized that the people who were there for me were my friends first and foremost. These are people who are prepared to be there for you if you will let them.

 

There is no shame is discussing your feelings with your friends and allowing them to help you through this period.

 

I sincerely hope that you hear the advice provided throughout this thread and work on building your relationships not driving them away.

 

When your life normalizes. and it will, don't dwell on the betrayal but on the strength of the friendships that you still have.

 

We will be thinking of you.

[Paradise Spa 24019]

Josbu sounds to me like your internal betrayal issues are sabotaging your other quality friendship. Best to just give the friendship your all and don't hold back. Sounds like you got a true friend! It is totally normal what you are feeling. It is human nature to push others away for their own protect to avoid getting hurt. First and foremost you are consciously aware that you have betrayal issues which is the starting point to change what you are doing :) Change what you are doing and you will get different results my friend :) Best of Luck. A good self help book might be worth considering.