Defining The SP/Hobbiest Relationship

[roamingguy 300292]

Just a topic for discussion. Is the relationship between a SP/Hobbiest (and from now on I'll use the term lady and gentleman) strictly a business relationship, or more.

From the outside (ie as one who sees it without participating in it) it may seem like a strictly business relationship. Customer pays in exchange for services and time.

But, I find it hard to compare in any way shape or form the relationship a lady and gentleman have to let's say, your mechanic, who you pay to fix your car (service) and time (hourly rate)...no comparison...at least in this guy's opinion

Is it a cold hearted business on the ladies' part. Real good play acting while she's seeing the gentleman, making him feel special, just to get money, but good riddance when he leaves, he's nothing to her after the encounter...hope not but I don't know.

Is it a cold hearted activity on the part of the gentleman, so he can relieve his needs, without the complications of a relationship, and she is nothing to him but a notch on his belt...a trophy at most. Hope not, know it's not for me, but I can only speak for myself

Is it a mutually beneficial activity. Yes, there is the business aspect, payment for time and services rendered. But the time spent, is there a real connection, the gentleman and lady do get to know one another, a bit. And a bit more in the case of repeat encounters. I personally liken this activity to friends (within the confines of the sp/hobbiest relationship) with benefits, the benefits twofold...income for the lady, companionship for the gentleman.

Food for thought

RG

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I've touched on this topic before in my "sex work is work" thread.

 

Is it a business relationship? Yes. Does that mean it must be a cold-transaction with no connection whatsoever?

 

Think of the business relationship a woman may have with her monthly hairdresser. Is it a business transaction? Yes! Does that mean it must be a cold relationship with no friendship whatsoever? Of course not!

 

I have some regular clients going back to my early massage days and even my dancing days. How is it possible for me to see someone regularly for a period of many months and years and not form some kind of attachment? I have had friendships and business relationships with many people, not just in this line of work.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

This is a hot (sensitive) topic. I opened an almost similar thread last June that dragged on for many pages, and .... well at the end I wished I hadn't. I therefore refrain from commenting.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I therefore refrain from commenting.

But you just did LOL!

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Not in this thread I didn't LOL!!!. Yes my friend roamingguy I rather be a chicken than roast chicken LOL :-).

[roamingguy 300292]

Not in this thread I didn't LOL!!!. Yes my friend roamingguy I rather be a chicken than roast chicken LOL :-).

 

Ah, but ancient Chinese proverb, to take no action is an action LOL

And me thinks your less worried about being roast chicken than getting your goose cooked

RG

[Capital Hunter 18263]

My goose got cooked well done last June. More and it will be completely burned lol!!!.

 

No seriously, My views with regard to hobbying, encounters with SPs, definition of GFE, and many other topics (even economics and politics) is vastly different with the majority of cerbites and if expressing my views (though I am entitled to them) could be offensive to some people (a lot of of them my cerb friends) then it would be best if I refrain from expressing them. Don't you agree?

[roamingguy 300292]

You have to do what your comfortable doing. Me when it comes to discussion and debate, different opinions are welcome, it would be a pretty boring world if we all agreed 100 percent on everything. As long as people show respect for others opinion, and they of yours, and treat everyone with respect, I have no issues

RG

[etasman2000 15994]

I took the bus for many years. Same route same time often same driver for months. You could say there was a relationship formed, he would know my stops, sometimes wait a bit if he was early. Heck we might even talk about how the day went, it was a 45 mins ride on his bus.

 

I don't think there is any difference here.

 

Devils are in the details of course.

 

Some people (lady and gentleman) find it better to treat it at arms length, business like. They need it to protect their psychological health, nothing wrong with that.

 

Others find a deeper relationship healthier, its just like massaging/sleeping with my BF/GF. Nothing wrong with that either.

 

Problems arise when there is a mis-match in the expectations for the relationship.

 

It is also true that relationships are fluid, they strengthen and weaken with the passage of time and effort.

 

The real question is, what are you looking for.

 

I no longer take the bus.

[drlove 37204]

In my opinion, it is a business friendship. However, the individual interaction between the hobbyist and the escort may transcend the surface of this arrangement depending upon the individual dynamics that exist between the two parties involved. For myself, first and foremost I treat someone as I would like to be treated. Regardless of occupation or job title, I always see the person first. In the case of an escort, lets remind ourselves that she is someone's daughter, perhaps someone's sister, or perhaps she is also a mother.

 

That said, I prepare for an appointment in much the same way as I would for a civilian date. I'm always clean, prompt, courteous and respectful. I feel these qualities will only serve to enhance one's experience. I have in the past given tokens of appreciation to my regular ladies by way of a thoughtful gift e.g. (perhaps her favorite perfume etc.)

 

I have been handsomely rewarded in kind. I've had ladies return the favor in numerous ways, including spending their own time with me. I remember one lady took me out for lunch before our appointment. She didn't have to, but she wanted to since we had developed a friendship of sorts. Another lady spent an extra three hours with me at no charge... I take that as a huge compliment. The have been other instances as well, but it goes to show that we are all human, we all have emotions and feelings, and more importantly we are all capable of connecting with another and sharing a part of ourselves. This is what makes the hobby so wonderful and in my view, so special.

[jughead 45]

I do not think that this is a cold hearted activity for the lady or gentlemen, if it was none of us would be here disucssing it. Each of us give something of ourselves every time we have put effort into the time spent together and we get out of it what we put into it, our action speak the louder than words.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Many factors determine the kind of relationship I have with a client. The range of things clients have wanted from me is very broad, so it's difficult to define our interactions in a simple way.

 

Most of my clients are older men in their 50s, 60s and 70s. Quite a few of them have erectile difficulties due to diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, the medications they take to treat these conditions and other causes. Over the years, I've had several clients who wanted to explore their erotic responses with a safe, non-judgmental partner with whom they didn't have a long-term or complex emotional relationship. I had one long-time client who was quadriplegic: he could feel everything, but he couldn't move. Paid companions had been his only erotic outlet for years until he married his nurse. I've had several men who wanted to see me the first time they took Viagra; they wanted to know if or how it would affect them.

 

I've enjoyed all of these meetings. While not exactly clinical, they haven't been emotionally deep encounters, but they have been satisfying for me because I felt that I was truly beneficial to the clients.

 

I have quite a few regular clients with whom I've built up a great rapport over months or years of meeting. I honestly care about them and I feel cared about, in return, without a major emotional attachment in either direction. I know they're married. They know how I make my living. No one wants to change anything in their lives. The boundaries are well-placed and, within them, we enjoy each other.

 

I offer a wide range of submissive escort services, which is not common in Vancouver. I do it because it's a type of play that I truly enjoy and because, in my experience, those who have a good background in BDSM play are able to be very clear about what they want. They're comfortable with negotiating and sticking to agreed limits and boundaries. I have a great time with these clients and I'm sure they know it!

 

I'm often asked to provide genuine companionship without sex--lunch meetings, dinner meetings, accompanying a client to the theatre, on a shopping trip, to a concert or to a private party. If I do say so myself, I am excellent company, at ease with most people in lots of circumstances without having an expressly erotic aspect to the encounter.

 

My point in saying all of this is that I generally find it easy to establish a good rapport with the men I see. This is one of the reasons why I continue to choose to be a paid companion. I also enjoy meeting new people and exploring their needs, desires and fantasies: I learn a lot about people this way. I have a strong sex drive, too; I arouse easily and have no trouble reaching orgasm most of the time. In other words, the work is often sexually fulfilling for me.

 

But it's also true that I do these things because I'm being paid to do them. I wouldn't see most of my clients on any other basis. I have an intimate partner in my "real" life. Companionship is paid work for me. In screening potential clients, I try hard to determine whether we may be genuinely compatible--whether our personalities, likes and dislikes may mesh or enhance each other. If I find that I don't like someone enough, I will decline to see him a second time.

 

If the question is really whether I will care about you if we meet, the answer is that I expect that I will. Yes, you will pay me for my time and, yes, I care about the money I make. But I also care about treating you handsomely and ensuring that we have a mutually fulfilling experience together.

[roamingguy 300292]

What got me to thinking about this and starting this thread was a number of things.

When I took the plunge so to speak and saw my first sp, to me, in my mind, it was simply a case of anonymous sex for money, nothing more.

Also, during the time I was researching escorts, and google came up with all sorts of sites, the only site I was on that showed a atmosphere and environment of mutual respect was CERB, the others basically fed into the idea that it is paid sex for money that is all

And for most of my encounters, first it's nice to be alone with a lady, phone off, outside world gone for a couple hours or more...an escape so to speak. But as I pleasantly found out it's more, much more than sexual, there is the social/communication interaction...the connection made between two people.

Granted, a couple encounters haven't been that way. But for most of them I've been fortunate enough to be with ladies that I can have that sort of interaction with. And with one lady, when I saw her the second time, she opened up more about her personal life, like she was talking to a friend.

I guess the point I'm so long windedly trying to make is that it can't simply be a case of services-time for money. Not unless the ladies are real good actresses. By the same token, I'm not naive, I know that the lady wouldn't be there without being compensated...I do know it's their livelihood.

I guess I would call it a "paid friends with benefits relationship

I like seeing ladies. Some ladies are/will be repeats, and that has to do a lot more with the social/communication/interpersonal interaction than the sexual side. I also like meeting new ladies, just something in their website/profile/posts catches my attention. But I'm under no illusion, I'm not looking for Ms. Right. But the ladies have my respect, they aren't nothing to me after the encounter, even if I never see them again.

And the community atmosphere on CERB versus the other sites, IMHO, feeds into that positive lady/gentleman relationship

So what is the SP/Client relationship, simply time-services for money, or more. To me it's more, I like to think of it as "paid friends with benefits"

There, thats a long winded rambling

RG

[MightyPen 67414]

Is the relationship between a SP/[client] ... strictly a business relationship, or more. ... But, I find it hard to compare in any way shape or form the relationship a lady and gentleman have to let's say, your mechanic ...

To me it's more, I like to think of it as "paid friends with benefits".

I think it's more like that mechanic relationship you mentioned than some of us would like to think... but that doesn't diminish its value.

 

Clients and SPs have a business relationship, but it's an exchange that transpires in an intimate, deeply personal space. That's where the confusion can come from. The thing being sold is physical and personal intimacy. Sometimes, it's pretty straightforward sex-for-hire. Other times, both parties are picking through a dense thicket of the client's feelings, desires, and vulnerabilities. I imagine most sessions are somewhere in the middle. An SP's working self has to be prepared for whoever comes through the door, and good SPs do their best to find out what one particular client needs, and fulfil that during the time together.

 

But remember that the experience is asymmetrical. The client wants what's being offered badly enough to pay a considerable sum for it. Some kind of obstacle keeps him from obtaining the same thing in "civilian" life. But the SP is generally more comfortable, and expert, with the thing being purchased. The two people involved are engaged interactively with each other, and can be entirely honest while doing so, but in the bigger picture the experience means very different things to each of them.

 

As intimate relationships go, the one a client has with an SP is equipped with a pair of gigantic training wheels. The SP is assured to be interested, generally accommodating, reassuring, and focused on the client's satisfaction. Things are pretty much assured to go well for the client. But that artificial safety also limits the relationship's real utility: you're only going to learn so much, and experience so much, in any kind of relationship with an SP. And I can only imagine that the accommodation this requires on the SPs part instantly limits the depth and significance of the relationship, friendship, or whatever we want to call it to her. She limits her responses to suit the situation: in making those choices, she adopts a role. In that sense, we can't avoid the fact that at least to some degree, it is an act.

 

But that's okay: if you saw, let's say, a conventional psychotherapist, that's like a friendship with gigantic training wheels. That person isn't really your friend in a conventional sense. The therapist might genuinely care about you as a person (with some professional detachment). You cover some very intimate and personal ground, and develop some kind of professional-yet-personal relationship. And both parties are being perfectly honest throughout the exchange. It's just that they've also set boundaries and adopted certain roles.

 

Consider SPs as a kind if intimate therapist, and I think you're close to the real nature of the relationship. At least, for those guys who are looking for that. For some, it's much simpler. It's all part of the same broad territory.

 

"Paid friends with benefits"? Okay, but only to the extent that a psychotherapist is a paid friend without them. ;) The SP's responses are friendlier, closer, more personal... but that professional wall remains.

 

ps: I've presumed here to make claims about the experience from an SP's perspective that I can't possibly know about for certain. To those who know better, please jump in and correct me wherever I've gone wrong.

 

pps: This grew waaay longer-winded than I'd planned. Sorry. It's a subject I get super-talky about.

[mrgreen760 37785]

It did take me awhile to wrap my head around it but for me it's a business relationship first and foremost, a naked one perhaps :) but a business relationship just the same. No more and no less and once I came to that realization....I'm ok with it.

 

Peace

MG

[Kubrickfan 12836]

It did take me awhile to wrap my head around it but for me it's a business relationship first and foremost, a naked one perhaps :) but a business relationship just the same. No more and no less and once I came to that realization....I'm ok with it.

 

Peace

MG

ikeep hoping it's a bit more than this although based on a couple other recent threads here there is definitely a number of ladies here that share this attitude and philosophy. I tend to agree with Samantha andMegan and the other guys here that say it's more than that. And I am grateful to see those responses.

[Guest s******ecan****]

I took the bus for many years. Same route same time often same driver for months. You could say there was a relationship formed, he would know my stops, sometimes wait a bit if he was early. Heck we might even talk about how the day went, it was a 45 mins ride on his bus.

 

I don't think there is any difference here.

 

 

Your story reminds me of

, I see a lot of the same sentiment here on CERB, we extend birthday wishes, offer advice, offer support in times of difficulty, defend each others honour, etc. Yes its a business, but people are a part of that business and so elements of friendship abound.