Help! I have fallen in love with an SP.

[Guest]

You say "The love is genuine and mutual", and "I will be by her side and support her for whatever length of time that is required." Excellent.

 

Re: insecurity/jealousy. Just keep in mind that it's her JOB. DON'T be insecure. She fell in love with YOU, not with any of her other clients. And not because you won some sort of "best in bed" award. None of her other clients are YOU. She comes home after her job each day to YOU.

 

Do your utmost to remain a welcoming haven for her, as you say you will.

 

In ALL walks of life and at ALL times, love means pain every time our loved one endures discomfort. It's the price that must be paid, it's awful, and it doesn't stop in 10 months. Or ever. There is no finish line. Hats off to anyone who discovers a shortcut or trick to get around this.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Froggy, I want to say, as kindly yet as firmly as possible: Get over yourself. Now.

 

Paid companions and clients do sometimes form permanent, committed relationships that are enduring, solid and richly rewarding for the two of them, their families and friends. It's a lovely thing when it happens. But whether it can happen successfully has everything to do with the man's ability to step away from the kinds of jealousies and possessive feelings that you're expressing.

 

The simple reality is that most men are not good at what feels like sharing their partner with other men. There's nothing wrong with having a strong desire for monogamous exclusivity, but if your partner is a paid companion her livelihood can be a source of friction, resentment and pain if you can't or won't take a breath and step away from it, recognizing that how she earns her living is not at all about you.

 

If you really want to get through this for the next year or so until she feels she can retire, I think you need to become more like her in some ways.

 

Many paid companions, including me, become adept at compartmentalizing pieces of our lives. I spend the "working" part of my day answering e-mail, talking to clients on the phone, making appointments and having meetings. I start work in the morning and by 3:30, I let go of Samantha and turn back into me. I spend time with my son when he comes in from school. We walk the dog in the park together, maybe do some errands, then come home. I make dinner. I talk about homework. My real-life partner usually comes by for a little while before dinner, for the evening, or later on, or I may go out to see him. After my son has gone to bed, I check my e-mail and verify my schedule of appointments for the next few days. Then I turn off the computer and go to bed, whether on my own or with my partner.

 

I don't talk about work with my partner, but he knows what I do: it's not a secret. I don't talk very much about my "real" life with my clients. I devote my attention to my clients when they're here. When they leave, I let it all go in the shower and when I do the laundry. As I write this, it's almost 1:00 p.m. on Thursday. I honestly couldn't say who I've seen this week without looking at my calendar.

 

By the time I get into bed at night, neither I nor my partner will feel that I've had sex with anyone else recently because those clients are not in my mental or emotional space at all. I am only with him. No one else exists in my heart, my mind or my focus. Whatever I've done with a client that day is gone.

 

If I was a psychotherapist, I would probably spend a lot of my time listening to people as they work on problems and issues in their lives. At the end of the work day, I'd leave all of that behind me and go home where I might listen to my family and friends talk about problems and issues in their lives, too. I hope I would be able to be as present and resourceful for my family as I am for anyone else. I wouldn't expect my family to avoid talking to me because I heard someone else's story that day.

 

If I was an actor, I might portray someone who has a husband, partner or lover in a play or film. That "working" relationship wouldn't overlap or interfere with my "real life" relationships though: it's just work.

 

"Just work" doesn't mean drudgery. Work can be enjoyable, rewarding and deeply fulfilling. But who I am in my worklife is not all of who I am all the time. I am a much more complete, balanced, complex woman than Samantha is. It's not easy to get to know me, though it's quite easy to get to know Samantha.

 

If the woman you love is similar, congratulate yourself that she's let you in to know her. Understand that this is something she works very hard to avoid doing because it's surprisingly difficult for healthy paid companions to be emotionally close to clients and the consequences are potentially painful, or worse. Give up your paranoia that she may fall for someone else in the next few months. Trust her.

 

In a companion/client relationship, it's all about him. In real life, it's all about the two parties, together. Focus on that. Enjoy being a couple. Focus on her. Put her first, focus on what she enjoys, love her and be as loving, considerate and thoughtful as possible. She will return it all two-fold, or more. If you withhold love, care, attention and affection, telling yourself that you're just protecting your tender feelings from the harsh realities of her working life.... stop. All you'll be doing is making her work to have a part of you. She doesn't need that. She gets plenty of that at work. If you want to be a partner, then be a partner, not a client.

[mm99 285]

This read like a Molly Bloom soliloquy. I'll be the realist and say was it going to turn out any other way for you?

[Guest J***u]

I agree with Sam I'm sorry if offend you Sam in what I'm going to say but it's my 2 cents in this.I seen some great ladies here in NB if one of them fell in love with me I would turn them down I couldn't handle the fact she's seeing other men.But to answer your question it could turn into jealousy the fact that you left your wife of 20+ years for this women could tell her "well if he done it to her he could do it to me".I think you should try and move on easier said then done I know but I was in love with this girl months ago but 2 other guys wanted her heart she wasn't worth all the pain and I wouldn't want you or even my worst enemy's to go through it

[mrrnice2 157005]

I continue to be amazed in the way that the thread topics continually overlap with each other. This topic in one form or another continues to come up, and I for one am so glad that it does.

I am still, in relative terms, new to this community and to what it is all about. Without exception, and perhaps I have been "lucky" in my experiences, but my encounters have all ranged from being really nice to incredible. When I say that, I am referring to the personal interactions and "connections."

I simply want to say that the SP's are VERY GOOD at what they do. Right or wrong, every instance has left me with a feeling that they enjoyed our time together as much as I did.

It would be very easy I think to fall in love with an SP, or at least develop a strong attraction, and that is being said from the perspective of someone who has had the love of his life and would not want to have another to replace her. Again, SP's are VERY GOOD at what they do.

In your particular circumstance, you should feel blessed that you have met the love of your life and that she has found the same in you.

Being an SP is a career choice, a job, and to do it well need not interfere with her "real life." If she wants to be successful, then it is her role to be "the" person for whomever it is that she happens to be with. As with any job, and I expect that it is the same for any person who wants the self satisfaction of being successful in a job, one gives everything to it at the moment.

For you to make this work with her, then I expect that you will have to trust her, trust your own instincts. If there is love between you, then the professional side of her is that alone, and the personal side belongs to you. The fact that she enjoys what she does, and the fact that she takes pride in what she does must be a source of pride to you, otherwise I wonder where it will lead.

A woman who is intelligent, has her own career, has her own life, goals and desires should be supported by her partner and if you are ready and able to do that for her, then you are set. If not, then jealousy I expect can be a very nasty relationship killer.

 

Trust her, love her, support her, and perhaps that shall be returned to you many times over.

[froggy774 100]

Thanks to all of you that have offered comments. Your comments really helped. To answer qwertyaccount, LF does know that I am struggling with this and she has been extremely supportive to include helping me find ways to get some answers. We did mutually agree to me posting this thread in search for answers. Seeing me struggle breaks her heart; we both have to gain in me dealing with this. For the SP that have posted a response, I can not thank you enough. I will get over myself, trust her, support her, love her and rest in peace knowing that I am her "end of day" or welcoming haven. Her job is demanding enough, I don't need to add stress to her life. The distinction between personal life and work to include forgetting the calendar are starting to sink in :-)Thanks all.

[roamingguy 300292]

Just a quick interjection here. I for one couldn't get in a relationship unless it was monogamous (and that's both ways)...although my dating days I'm done with them

So meeting escorts is not the way to meet the woman of your dreams, since by definition escorting is not monogamous.

It is, or should be a fun, no strings attached activity, but no expectations of a monogamous/exclusive relationship should be had

And if the guy wants a relationship with an escort to "save her", the ladies chose this...they don't want to be saved. They want to be treated with respect. This is their life, their livelihood.

RG

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

If you've developed a relationship with her the whole time she was SPing, what's another 10 months? If you love her, then trust her. If your insecurities get in the way, you will sabatoge this relationship for good. There could also be some hidden resentment on your part since you've fulfilled your end of the bargin by leaving your wife. Being with someone isn't a contract and it doesn't have a deadline. You've also only known her for 1.5 years. Take your time. Just a word from the wise. ;)

[sandimoon 72517]

PLEASE allow me to preface that my thoughts are in no way a judgement

of a man`s behaviour but simply my particular feelings & observations on this post.

Thank you.

While I agree with so much of what others have said I have a separate

concern.

It was at the start of my SP life & will forever remain the reason why

I would never enter into a permanent, non-financially motivated

relationship with a client. Boyfriend, husband, partner, what have you.

Especially if he saw me as a married man & expected me to believe

he would be faithful to me forever.

Why? Because if he cheated WITH me, he would cheat ON me.

Has it even occurred that she may be more afraid & insecure than you?

In all that you said you never mentioned her feelings.

You discuss her finances, her independence, her impending retirement

but if you go back over your post you use the word ` I ` a lot.

You say she is perfect for you.

But are you perfect for her?

Sandi