did I fall in love with my SP?

[r100rs 859]

shit, my personal SP has left town and I am really depressed. I feel the same as when a great relationship has ended. It's been a month and I still feel a loss. We were getting together for intimate times a few times a week for years. I am hesitant to get a new regular SP as I don't want to open myself up to this feeling again. I used to be of the mind that having a closer relationship with an SP was a good thing but I now think that subconsciously I was fooling myself as to what type of relationship we really had. I would like to hear from members(SPs too!) who have had longer term relations.

 

thanks everyone.

[d*mm*y 887]

When you make love with someone on a regular basis you become emotionally attached. That is a simple fact, however you need to understand that it is a relationship of convenience for both sides and one thing in life is for sure, everything changes. I hold a special place in my heart for so many ladies, ex girlfriends, ex wives, ex SP's. The memory is precious and no one can take that away. I know that somewhere in this great big world is someone who is my perfect mate, and I am looking under every rock and leaving no stone unturned to find them. However by definition it has to be completely mutual... can't live without them kinda thing. You may have fallen in love, however she obviously did not. It is natural to have feelings of lose when something that you take for granted is gone, it can be as simple as your favorite coffee cup breaking and for weeks your morning coffee is missing something. Humans hate change, and when things are forced upon us it is even worse. You have the chance for a new beginning.

[ulixestrojan 3757]

I think that most humans are polyamorous (many loves) and it is entirely possible to fall in love with your SP. It has been my experience, in an intense moment, that both my SP and I have declared loving the other. When clearer heads prevail, we know what happened and then have to unruffle a little.

 

I am with dummpy - the memories are precious and belong to me and the one it is shared with - SP, MP, girlfriend, wife, occasional lover - however, the transaction is a business transaction, regardless of how much emotion is tied to that transaction. Hey, I cried when I sold my old Norton motorcycle and it was never as good a ride as some of the amazing women I have met through my life.

 

Things change and coping well is about having clarity and resilience. All the best.

[m*******e 103]

Its a tough one to call. Is it falling in love or caring for an SP or both. Logic said how can it be falling in love. SHe spends time with you and you provide her with things she needs or wants. Its something both parties need or want so it can't be love. But then it can gradually become more than just spending an hour. It can be going for lunch or dinner, hanging out, buying some items needed at the home, giving her drives to different places when needed. It seems like love but know you its not the love for a future wife or even a serious girlfriend. It becomes love for a dear friend you care for and who you want to help out in whatever way possible to make her life a better one. When such a person leaves or changes it does fell exactly like having lost one's best girl friend. Its a very difficult situation and takes many many months if not more to get to the point where you can go through an entire day, then 2 then a week without thinking about her. Seeing other SPs regardless of how wonderful, beautiful, sensual, and sexual they are can help a little but cannot replace a relationship that has developed and evolved over a long period of time. The only thing you can say is that as much as it may hurt when it ends, its difficult but you should also remind yourself that it was so wonderful to have had that relationship and have felt as good and as happy as you did for the time it did last. I only hope she felt a little of that too and that a part of you stays with her. I guess if you don't won't to get into this situation never let the relationship with an SP become anything other than a business relationship unless you're willing to have your heart and soul tugged at both up and down. If not for my common sense telling me otherwise my heart and soul would say its like being with and losing a loved one - there is no way around it.

[loneskater 25635]

LOVE!!!! It is a word that is easily said however many have difficulties with it's true meaning. For divorce lawyers it means business as so many pronounce it these days but don't realize the effort requird to keep love going.

 

So you have to wonder weather you had fallen in love with your favorite SP or was it lust, special connection or friendship. Over the years, I have had some special mutual connections with some of SPs/FS strippers and have seen some outside of business. But I can't say that I have felt madly in love with any of them. Some have moved on and in my case I have moved on more often than the SPs and I have found memories of those experiences. I even went back and seen some favorites during visits back to previous cities I lived in.

 

Personnally if I like an SP I will repeat often with her and I tend to only see a few within a time period but this doesn't mean I have fallen in love with them. I guess it is more a matter of feeling more confortable and knowing I am going to leave very satisfied. I have had my share of bad experiences over the years and don't care much to repeat. But if I or she moves then I look for another SP that I find some chemistry with.

 

This doesn't mean you could not fall in love with an SP or MP, after all they are women, but it is easy to have some feelings and think it is LOVE

[kih 458]

shit, my personal SP has left town and I am really depressed. I feel the same as when a great relationship has ended. It's been a month and I still feel a loss. We were getting together for intimate times a few times a week for years. I am hesitant to get a new regular SP as I don't want to open myself up to this feeling again. I used to be of the mind that having a closer relationship with an SP was a good thing but I now think that subconsciously I was fooling myself as to what type of relationship we really had. I would like to hear from members(SPs too!) who have had longer term relations.

 

thanks everyone.

 

My advice is to seek another SP immediately to get over your loss. Many fine ladies available. Look under the recomendation section! Perhaps even see them all! :)

[alexgrenyait 2186]

many years ago i was not in this industry full time but did have one client.after a couple of months i felt i had fallen in love with him and told him i would not take payment anymore.it was a mistake i made with this person as i really did not know who he was.my heart was broken by him many times.what attracted me to him was that he was older and that he made me feel safe and taken care of.once i stopped taking payment all that changed...i will not even tell you what i lost but it was alot.my world was turned upside down.we went into business together and it was a nightmare.which is how i found myself in this industry fulltime a little over a year ago.

perhaps the same thing has happened to other girls.i know for myself because of this past experience i never make the mistake of mixing business with personal pleasure.i choose to stay unattached until my time in this industry is done.i find that is the best way as i am not prepared to stop escorting at this time.there have been times when i felt a client of mine was perhaps liking me too much and if i feel that i run,as i feel it would be hard to have a relationship and also escort.

so i believe that unless the girl stops taking money from you the feeling is not reciprocated.always remember it is a business transaction with hopefully both parties still having fun with each other.i think if someone was falling in love with their sp perhaps they should either talk to her about it if you are willing to accept her profession but if you are not the best thing would be to put some distance between you so your heart or hers will not be broken

i hope this helps from an sp's point of you.

ps.i myself could have easily fallen in love with a client of mine but after past experience am the wiser

regards alex grenyait ox

[shypilot 113]

This is one of the most interesting threads I have read in a while and it begs the question of what is love. Having bin married for many years the similarities in how one feels is not that different.

 

I can say with all honesty that I could easily marry a certain SP if she said yes and I have no reservations about it. She has provided me with friendship, caring, intimacy, emotional support and more. I was married for 20 years and I loved my wife with everything I had. The feelings I have for this SP are equally intense if not more so. But in the end you still have to maintain your perspective, this is a business for her and although it is possible the feelings can be mutual it seams to me you have to figure how strong you are to handle what she does for a living. Believe me I have no illusions about how she feels and in the end I have a friend for life. How different are these feelings from the feelings you may have with your spouse when you think about it. I am no longer with the woman I married but I still love her and cherish her friendship.

 

If you think about it and if you have fallen in love with an SP, part of what you feel is associated with the person that she is and what she does. If she was to stop working, especially if she enjoys her work you are forcing a change I suspect you would not be too happy with.

 

So in the end what I am trying to say is if you are fortunate enough to have met an SP that you can and have become emotionally attached to cherish the time together, enjoy the friendship that you have and if you are fortunate enough that friendship will last but don't expect it to be more and you will find that is quite a lot on its own. Loosing a friend; a very close friend hurts whether you are married to them or not, that won't change but keeping things in perspective does help. Heed the advice others have offered on this thread, it is all valid.

[amadeus65 113]

many years ago i was not in this industry full time but did have one client.after a couple of months i felt i had fallen in love with him and told him i would not take payment anymore.it was a mistake i made with this person as i really did not know who he was.my heart was broken by him many times.what attracted me to him was that he was older and that he made me feel safe and taken care of.once i stopped taking payment all that changed...i will not even tell you what i lost but it was alot.my world was turned upside down.we went into business together and it was a nightmare.which is how i found myself in this industry fulltime a little over a year ago.

perhaps the same thing has happened to other girls.i know for myself because of this past experience i never make the mistake of mixing business with personal pleasure.i choose to stay unattached until my time in this industry is done.i find that is the best way as i am not prepared to stop escorting at this time.there have been times when i felt a client of mine was perhaps liking me too much and if i feel that i run,as i feel it would be hard to have a relationship and also escort.

so i believe that unless the girl stops taking money from you the feeling is not reciprocated.always remember it is a business transaction with hopefully both parties still having fun with each other.i think if someone was falling in love with their sp perhaps they should either talk to her about it if you are willing to accept her profession but if you are not the best thing would be to put some distance between you so your heart or hers will not be broken

i hope this helps from an sp's point of you.

ps.i myself could have easily fallen in love with a client of mine but after past experience am the wiser

regards alex grenyait ox

Thanks Alex that was a very good post. For me I could easily fall in love with a couple of sp's but I will always pay. I do though have a couple of great friendships with my regular sp's I take them shopping and out for dinner or lunch before and after our sessions. I enjoy it and so do they but thats as far as it goes. Being recently seperated after a number of years of marriage I am definately not into the relationship thing and doubt I ever will be again. Driving to the city ever couple of weeks to get my oil changed works very very well for me. I don't have to date anyone and I get my needs taken care of for far far less money than I would spend trying to romance a woman that might or might not put out. Thank god for the boards and the girls I have met through them, has saved me a pile of money and grief compared to what I had before;)

[cat 262460]

I love the responses to this thread! The fact that there has been so much caring and thought put into the replies, shows the tenderness at hand. Many of you realize that I don?t really fit into the SP box that most think of when one pictures the role of the SP in someone?s life, so I have a bit of a different take on the emotional aspects in this realm. This post is long, and on the reread I can?t find anything to delete, so accept my apology in advance for the length of this conscious stream of thought that follows. That said, what I say here may or may not apply to any and all.

 

Playing devil?s advocate, I would like to ask, what is wrong with a broken heart?

 

In our society we shun the things that have been labeled painful or hurtful. What is missed is that true emotional growth only comes from the challenges that we call pain. Loving, in my opinion, is always a good thing, even when I know it is going to end. Emotionally, as a society we are closed off most of the time. We shield our personal lives from our work, and vice versa. We keep our friends at arm?s length and build walls to ensure that we don?t have to deal with anything ?painful?. The answer is that we are programmed from childhood that anything negative is to be avoided at all costs. Children are soothed in a hurry when something normal and natural happens, instead of being allowed to experience the emotions and learn to process them. They become adults and spend their lives avoiding anything painful instead of experiencing life as it was meant to be lived.

 

I love to watch the reactions when someone cries in public. Adults squirm in their seats and try and vacate as quickly as possible. Why? There is no reason to shift in our seats unless we intentionally caused the tears, and even then, unless it was a malicious intention why the discomfort? We all experience the broad range of emotions we are designed to feel. Without the hurt, how would we know what made us feel good? If it doesn?t rain, how do we truly learn to appreciate the sunshine? Why are we so afraid to love?

 

I thrive on loving; it?s why I do what I do. I love the guests I have the honor of getting to know. Not the ?you need to leave your wife? kind of love, but the kind that is there unconditionally. Liking the qualities of someone, but loving the faults and watching as someone realizes how truly lovable they are, is my favorite aspect of what I do. I am usually the rebound girl, my guests come to me when the realization hits that life goes on after a D has hit, (death, divorce, desertion) and they are feeling lost and out of touch. Hobbyists make up a small portion of my day, the rest is filled with men who are moving forward and figuring out what?s next. They are the monogamous souls that really want a long term relationship but are not ready. They come to me to reassure themselves they can lie with another woman other than the one that is gone. What they learn is that the world continues to turn and they are going to be fine.

 

I am not a traditional SP, I sometimes develop very intimate relationships with my guests. I give as much as they do. I never utter the words, because I know the effect words like that have, but it doesn?t change the emotions that are felt, and I have heard the precious words more often than I can count. Would I change it? Not a chance! It is needed to allow them to realize that they can still love.

 

People confuse the chemical reaction of falling in love with real love and we are all susceptible. In my career I have two guests that I fell in love with. Both are still close friends that I maintain contact with almost daily. Fortunately common sense prevailed as we realized that the chemicals had taken over and were governing us. Were there tears? Of course! But we rode them out and the relationships morphed into something much deeper and dearer than the heart pounding, mind boggling sense that comes with the ?in love? mantra. I have had numerous marriage proposals, ring and financial statement in hand. They were the White Knights who were looking to save me from ?this life?, when I did not need saving. The other guests, I watch with wonder as they gain confidence and start to move towards finding what makes them happy. I have had the privilege of attending weddings that happened after guests reached the realization that they can love again, and move on.

 

I govern myself with one rule, tell the truth about myself. The emotions that follow will happen; I experience them, learn from them and continue to grow. Don?t be afraid to cry or to laugh, to love and most important don?t be afraid to lose. It is an integral part of who we are as human beings and it is what makes us what we are.

 

Catherine

[cat 262460]

My advice is to seek another SP immediately to get over your loss. Many fine ladies available. Look under the recomendation section! Perhaps even see them all! :)

 

 

In grief counselling this called "replacing the loss" and isn't a viable answer. You have to allow yourself the time process the emotions so that you can participate in a new relationship fully. It is a common practice that takes place and usually leads to people getting involved without being able to give fully of themselves. Take the time to grieve and complete the intitial loss and the next relationship will have a chance...

 

Catherine

[amadeus65 113]

My Gosh Cat that was poetic, almost put me in tears reading that. You definately know how to write beautiful prose, then again though you are from the south and women from there at least the educated ones like yourself have a natural way around them that makes a man feel young and alive, just like the smell of magnolias in mephis in my ;) Thank you for brightening up my day cat, you have that way about you, I wish you would tour to thunder bay or winnipeg sometime, I would truly like to meet you and spend some time wth you, the conversation for me would be worth it. Thanks again....

[antlerman 17064]

I have this incredible urge to call at and crawl into her arms and have a good cry.......

I know that there is nothing more relieving than having a good cry and showing your vulnerable with a woman.......the feeling after is great.....

 

Besides.....sex after emotional release is sometimes the best sex I have had.......passionate....intense.....mind blowing.....

[T**-D*** 100]

I think loneliness also plays a role in all of this. Very few people enjoy being lonely.

[cat 262460]

Isn't it? I absolutely agree that whether the emotions flow before or after, it always leaves me smiling!

Catherine

[Guest f***2f***]

Well written Cat I pretty much agree with it all.

My take is that love is what makes us human. The thing I can never agree with is that we can only love one person....you know the whole monogamy thing. There are so many ways to love too. I have dear female and male friends whom I love but I don't have to jump in the sack with them. The feelings are intense and deep and I think some people confuse these sometimes.

[r100rs 859]

Well am I surprised with the quality of responses I got from my post. I must admit that shortly after posting this topic I was feeling very vulnerable and was worried I would get a reply like " this is not a 12 step recovery website ".

 

Thanks everyone for your responses, they were all very understanding and insightful and you have no idea how much they helped.

 

 

ulixestrojan: reallyfeel the loss of your norton : I would probably feel the same if my faithful 30 year old BMW r100rs was gone.

[kih 458]

In grief counselling this called "replacing the loss" and isn't a viable answer. You have to allow yourself the time process the emotions so that you can participate in a new relationship fully. It is a common practice that takes place and usually leads to people getting involved without being able to give fully of themselves. Take the time to grieve and complete the intitial loss and the next relationship will have a chance...

 

Catherine

 

 

Cat,

 

I think I misunderstood r100rs originating post wrong.

 

I can personally relate to what you have mentioned. Also, a very good friend of mine lost his long time wife to cancer. He was a mess dealing with the illness in itself but he was able to grieve his loss after her passing and got back into the dating scene. It didn't take long and met a real nice lady which he married approximately 6 months after the passing of his first wife.

 

Needless to say there was some controversy from his family and his first wife's family which made things very difficult for him.

 

However, notwithstanding the obstacles they faced as a new couple and the controversy, they are still very happy and together with over 8 years under their belt.

 

The length of time to grieve will be unique to the individual and only they will know when they are ready to move on.

[sledder 496]

Cat, that was so eloquently and truthfully put, it just blew me away, i dont know how else to put it! I rarely respond and contribute on this board as I`d rather just read the threads, and frankly I rarely have time to see an sp or write a review, but as i read more of and about you, you are something else! I`m sure all here would agree that since you and especially you and a few other sp`s have starting contributing here regularly, it has just become such a pleasure to jump on here everyday and see what`s up! So, you have stimulated my mind for a while now, can we meet? I,`m pm`ing you now!

[loneskater 25635]

I`m sure all here would agree that since you and especially you and a few other sp`s have starting contributing here regularly, it has just become such a pleasure to jump on here everyday and see what`s up!

 

Absolutately and it seems this is more true in the Ottawa section. As far as I am concerned, It makes this Board unique and we have a chance to have interesting discussions that are not one sided. It is also happening in the massage section where MPs are also getting involved. I will admit I have learned a lot from reading the ladies comments and from the one on one conversations I had during encounters. It has certainly improved my respect for these wonderful ladies and my attitude towards them. It is great to be in Ottawa.

[antlerman 17064]

What is so grerat about this thread is that it is heart felt......sincere and real......but if you put all these guys in a bar and try to start the same conversation....now that is funny........

[shypilot 113]

What is so grerat about this thread is that it is heart felt......sincere and real......but if you put all these guys in a bar and try to start the same conversation....now that is funny........

 

That is all to true antlerman, this has been one of the best threads I have read hear. Anonymity provides us the ability to say what is actually on our minds and hearts. Men in general are a very funny breed when it comes to reveling our feelings to each other, it simply is not done. It would be a very funny thing to watch indeed if you did try to start this kind of conversation in a bar.

[JoyfulC 132299]

You know what they say: "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!"

 

..c..

[ulixestrojan 3757]

Congratulations to all that have contributed to this thread - you are very much human beings. I always hesitate with the words "human beings" because I think we are more human "becomings" - not a pun, you pervs (but my inner perv says it could be). I feel like I have learned quite a lot here and would like to contribute more.

 

I had an amazing phone call today with one of my favorite ladies - we had a very intense period last year and things blew up with my home life and I made a decision to stay for all the normal reasons. Yet, we still love each other. This means a lot - because I feel like I did not handle things in the best possible way - frankly, I did not have a clue what I was doing.

 

We talked about it, and discussed it, and used metaphors and examples, but the simplest way of stating our emotions is that we care for each other deeply and love describes those emotions. Now, is this white picket fence stuff - not quite. We are not really sure what it looks like, except that we agreed to make sure that we are in each other's life for as long as we can be. I think this is a story that is still evolving. I am nervous about revealing this much of myself and feel naked and not in a good way. However, I think that the gifts you have shared with all of us can only be celebrated by truly being who we are - even if it is on a bulletin board such as this.

 

Thank you one and all - keep up the loving, or keep the loving up, or get up and keep loving.

[antlerman 17064]

I am nervous about revealing this much of myself and feel naked and not in a good way.

 

Wow..this is a perfect comparison.........naked.....yup...when men are naked we put on a show of masculinity...(think showers...towel whipping and shit like that).........and bravado.....but to bare our feelings and emotions stips us ...naked.....we retreat and hide.

 

Now to all the guys out there....if you have never read.."Men are from Mars...Women are from Venus"...please go read it.

 

It may be an old book...but it puts into perspective how our brains work with our emotions.....it really opened my eyes many years ago.....

 

Hell...buy a copy...have a "friend" buy you a copy......if it is found...tell you SO you are trying to become a better person.......but please read it....