did I fall in love with my SP?

[Capital Hunter 18263]

If SP includes dancers at SCs, then yes on three occasions I did fall in love several years ago. My definition of falling in love is that I was all the time thinking about her wondering what she does at the moment and if she is safe and happy (Is this like falling in fall) and not necessarily wanting to make love with her but be with her, even conversing and more so kissing and hugging. The first time she was a tall, short hair brunette with snow white skin and it lasted more than a year and second time again a tall, short haired brunette and not as intensive as first one and lasted two months and the third time she was a beautiful long hair blonde-brunette with silk like pale skin and big blue eyes and this one lasted 2 years, overlapping with first one (I was in love with two girls for several months). All three of them loved me back and dated outside the SC.

 

As far as escorts is concerned no I have never fallen in love, I do care about a blondie that I see in private (not in love). I remember at one time 2 years ago, I was emotionally involved with a tall short hair brunette (an agency escort) that when I read that she has quit escorting last year, I was feeling sad for a while, and more recently I got too emotionally involved with another short hair brunette (again an escort) but not classified as in love and I did care very deeply about her state of well being but paid a relatively high price for that. She never returned the favor (never cared back). So, I will not allow myself to become emotionally involved with another escort for as long as I am in the hobby, but falling in love with the three dancers was fun and rewarding to some extend and I will allow it if it wants to happen again:).

[m*******e 103]

I'm not sure if Love and SP are 2 words that can be in the same sentence. Love with an SP and Love with a GF or SO is not or cannot be the same. It can exist and it can be the same or different - NO - it must be different. It cannot be the same given the nature of the relationship. It sometimes feels the same, it creates so much happiness and elation at times. It creates so many fun times, crazy times, together times, intimate times, sad times and cry times. It hurts like the real Love - sometimes so much so because you know that the dynamics are different and cannot really change. That is why a barrier must exist between both otherwise it becomes too difficult to deal with at times - but it must exist so that some sanity can be maintained and so that the moment you do spend together can be enjoyed. It is one of the most difficult dynamcs to deal with at times but can also be the most estatic high one can experience. I wish I could explain it better and had more time and space to write about it. All I can really say is it can provide the highest of highs and lowest of lows when in a relationship with so many dimensional layers and depths.

[Loki318 1631]

I'm not sure if Love and SP are 2 words that can be in the same sentence. Love with an SP and Love with a GF or SO is not or cannot be the same. It can exist and it can be the same or different - NO - it must be different. It cannot be the same given the nature of the relationship. It sometimes feels the same, it creates so much happiness and elation at times. It creates so many fun times, crazy times, together times, intimate times, sad times and cry times. It hurts like the real Love - sometimes so much so because you know that the dynamics are different and cannot really change. That is why a barrier must exist between both otherwise it becomes too difficult to deal with at times - but it must exist so that some sanity can be maintained and so that the moment you do spend together can be enjoyed. It is one of the most difficult dynamcs to deal with at times but can also be the most estatic high one can experience. I wish I could explain it better and had more time and space to write about it. All I can really say is it can provide the highest of highs and lowest of lows when in a relationship with so many dimensional layers and depths.

No matter how many times one falls in love and no matter who with it is never the same way twice ;)

If you have a "regular" SP, or GF, or Friend with Benifits.... any one your are seeing regularly (not even necessarily often) You do have some sort of "love" feelings for them. I suspect that the same is true of the SP's ;)

The heart break comes when one falls out of love and the other dosen't!

 

I am so glad that we can be "in love" with so many different people at the same time :D

 

Loki318

[hunknhot 1067]

I did want to add one that I forgot on my note.

 

Thats the IDEA of loving someone. Another consuing one. Having a perception of being in love with someone that gets confused with reality.

 

I know... more confusion.. but it's LOVE ! it's no really a consistent equation.

 

 

What a topic.

 

I have to say I must disagree with some or at least provide a different opinion.

 

There obvious dilemma of confusing lust for love. Although it may seem easy to determine the difference between the two I propose it is very difficult when you are right in the middle of it.

 

r100rs asked if he fell in love? I think you did. It's okay....obviously painful....but the fact that you fell in love with your SP doesn't de-value the reality of your feelings.

 

Are you in love with her? Probably..

 

Are you in love with her, her soul, everything about her and who she really is? Hard to tell only you will know that.

 

Some described the chemical bonds that are associated with the time spent and being intimate with someone. The chemical reactions formed with the prolonged exposure to someone you connect with, share moments, being erotic and enjoying each other's company. The chemical reactions that are created and that your body longs for and eventually needs. Perhaps it is just chemistry but I think these are the side effects for falling for someone. Love can have many spectrums, many intensities, many chemical levels. It could be that simple actually.

 

I mentioned confusing lust and love earlier.. but loving someone and being in love can also be confusing...

 

I guess my point is that.. yes you can fall in love here... both sides can.. how you deal with it.. well each person has their own way I guess.. Can it be painful? certainly.. but then again life is full of pain and happiness..

 

We are human after all but I guess some days it could be easier to be trees!

 

r100rs... I hope heart is feeling better !

 

hnh

 

ps If I have confused you by reading this well ..... it is a text about love you know.. :)

[bucky501 923]

quite right. One wonders sometimes just what love is--sounds somewhat goofy--but it can be terribly confusing. There is no precise definition.

I have been in love once or twice in my lifetime. This most recent--as I have previously written--was with my SP. When I say `my` I say that because after a while she is the only one I would see. She was all I wanted. Kind oif like unforced manogamy...how ironic is that?

 

But I know in my heart it was (and is) love. It became unconditional, accepting, caring but not consuming. There was more about intimacy in talking over coffee ( and a smoke) about life-families, friends, events, plans for the future, feelings etc etc. You start becoming connected just because. There is that elusive chemistry and kindred spirit thing going on.

And then there was the passion, sex ...this was purely physical at the start but got better and better as the emotions and feelings changed. Different and much much better. We found ourselves thinking often about the other and commenting on how strange that was becoming.

 

We never took the time to express our true feelings for one another. we both kept on a `business level`. Why? Good question. Were one of us frightened of doing anything? We didn`t really want to be serious or get hurt in another relationship? Maybe.

 

The sad, or unfortunate thing, is we never to the time to talk about it--one of us just walked the other way. And I understand that a relationship is not likely to work if the SP continues work and the hobbiest continues to hobby. (I`m a little old fashion)

 

I think, had we spoken, we may have been at least able to save what was already a beautiful friendship.

 

I hope someday it could be that. I would continue to cherish her being part of my life. She is a wonderful woman ...- and I value her as both that and a friend

[Seymour 3970]

I think, had we spoken, we may have been at least able to save what was already a beautiful friendship.

 

I hope someday it could be that. I would continue to cherish her being part of my life. She is a wonderful woman ...- and I value her as both that and a friend

 

I hope for you bucky that one day you are able to reunite with your friend and be able to talk about these emotions so that you both can have some closure. Good luck.

[bucky501 923]

thank you Seymour

 

i hope that perhaps she has read some of these postings and maybe...just maybe... she will think a bit about what I have said.

[m*******e 103]

Maybe its not so much that but more did I find a best friend that I love.

[bucky501 923]

very well said

 

a good friend she was

[m*******e 103]

Yes I did, with my one, with my only, forever AF.

[belladonna 279]

in love with a fantasy and not a woman.... don't you feel silly, loving something that doesn't exist?

it must be disappointing when reality collides with the illusion... and the image of her is only too human for you to understand.

[evans73 100]

I think you were in love with the feeling she provided but you confused it with the person in front of you. It happens alot. It's like married people who have an office crush...it's not the person, it's the emotion that they feel again.

 

That's my opinion...don't hate me for it :rolleyes:

[spud271 47779]

in love with a fantasy and not a woman.... don't you feel silly, loving something that doesn't exist?

it must be disappointing when reality collides with the illusion... and the image of her is only too human for you to understand.

 

agreed Bella, too often this is the case. i have known too many men who fell in love with the fantasy and not the woman. they never knew the woman in the first place, so love never really did exist, only a fantasy.

[MightyPen 67414]

I've met several SPs I've shared deeply with and come to care about, and who I'm pretty sure felt kindly toward me during the limited time we spent together. There can be real, honest, and intimate sharing both ways, even though the circumstances of the encounter are artificial. I like to experience that connection and affection to its fullest while I'm with an SP I really click with, and I don't hold my feelings in check during a session. That would waste some of the best parts of the experience! But I always make sure to recover perspective in between visits.

 

On the subject of falling in love in general, though... I think the object of early love is always mostly fantasy. We fall in love so easily, when we know so little about our new partners. Naturally we fill in the gaps, consciously or unconsciously, with a host of expected or hoped-for attributes. We build all of the undiscovered parts of our new lover using pieces we find in ourselves, and fall in love with the result.

 

Personally I thrill at the experience of discovering over time where that model went wrong, and replacing the rough scaffolding of my guesswork with the real thing as I learn more about my partner. But others I've known, through laziness or indifference or just lack of skill at communicating openly, cast their idealized and half-imagined partner in marble early in the relationship and then fiercely resist any facts that might chip away at its perfect form.

 

It takes time and close attention to understand a partner, and even then the best you can achieve is a good approximation based on what they choose to share of themselves while in your company. After all, who really shares everything with any one person? The spouse who believes with deep certainty that their cheating wife or husband is actually faithful is in love with a fantasy, too.

 

There's no escaping that we'll never know everything about someone, not even the people we love deeply. Most we have to take on faith. Every person we know remains part fantasy. If we never fell in love with fantasies, we'd never love at all.

[spud271 47779]

I've met several SPs I've shared deeply with and come to care about, and who I'm pretty sure felt kindly toward me during the limited time we spent together. There can be real, honest, and intimate sharing both ways, even though the circumstances of the encounter are artificial. I like to experience that connection and affection to its fullest while I'm with an SP I really click with, and I don't hold my feelings in check during a session. That would waste some of the best parts of the experience! But I always make sure to recover perspective in between visits.

 

On the subject of falling in love in general, though... I think the object of early love is always mostly fantasy. We fall in love so easily, when we know so little about our new partners. Naturally we fill in the gaps, consciously or unconsciously, with a host of expected or hoped-for attributes. We build all of the undiscovered parts of our new lover using pieces we find in ourselves, and fall in love with the result.

 

Personally I thrill at the experience of discovering over time where that model went wrong, and replacing the rough scaffolding of my guesswork with the real thing as I learn more about my partner. But others I've known, through laziness or indifference or just lack of skill at communicating openly, cast their idealized and half-imagined partner in marble early in the relationship and then fiercely resist any facts that might chip away at its perfect form.

 

It takes time and close attention to understand a partner, and even then the best you can achieve is a good approximation based on what they choose to share of themselves while in your company. After all, who really shares everything with any one person? The spouse who believes with deep certainty that their cheating wife or husband is actually faithful is in love with a fantasy, too.

 

There's no escaping that we'll never know everything about someone, not even the people we love deeply. Most we have to take on faith. Every person we know remains part fantasy. If we never fell in love with fantasies, we'd never love at all.

 

You should probably bother to go back and read my previous post about a real relationship I had with an SP. I actually understand the difference between "fantasy" and love. I've been in a real loving relationship with an SP, it takes someone who can see inside the woman and not the fantasy to actually make it work. You clearly don't understand what has been written on this subject over the past two years.

[MightyPen 67414]

You should probably bother to go back and read my previous post about a real relationship I had with an SP. I actually understand the difference between "fantasy" and love. I've been in a real loving relationship with an SP, it takes someone who can see inside the woman and not the fantasy to actually make it work. You clearly don't understand what has been written on this subject over the past two years.

 

Thanks, but I did read through the whole thread first. Notice that I shifted my subject early on from SP relationships to love in general. My comments on love were about its limitations in all cases, and my point was that love with anybody has large elements of fantasy, even after a long relationship.

 

That's not meant to diminish the experience any of us has had of being in love with another person, or to cast doubt on whether your particular experience represented real love.

 

I originally quoted your post because it was your comment about love vs. fantasy that prompted my post (that much of love is always fantasy), not to comment on your particular case. I've removed the quote in case that made you think my post was just about you.

[cuteFrenchy 403]

I believe that many of you are confusing love for lust. Even if you care deeply for your service provider, I do not really think that it can be classified as love.

 

Many philosophers have tried to define the concept of love. It is not an easy concept to grasp or define. Most know what love is once they experience it. However many confuse it with lust and other strong feelings of attachment or affection. If your feelings are overwhelming and all consuming then your feelings are probably of lust.

 

I'll give you quote from Leo Buscaglia (a.k.a. Dr Love) to ponder :

 

"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you."

 

[spud271 47779]

I believe that many of you are confusing love for lust. Even if you care deeply for your service provider, I do not really think that it can be classified as love.

 

Many philosophers have tried to define the concept of love. It is not an easy concept to grasp or define. Most know what love is once they experience it. However many confuse it with lust and other strong feelings of attachment or affection. If your feelings are overwhelming and all consuming then your feelings are probably of lust.

 

I'll give you quote from Leo Buscaglia (a.k.a. Dr Love) to ponder :

 

"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you."

 

 

Thank you!

[MightyPen 67414]

Many philosophers have tried to define the concept of love. It is not an easy concept to grasp or define. ...

 

"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you."

 

As you say, a hard concept to grasp or define. And highly subjective.

 

I think the quote above captures an important part of a healthy relationship -- but I feel that way not just about lovers, but also relatives and close friends. I agree that I love those people. But I'm not in love with them, which is a different concept (in my mind) altogether. I guess I'd say that the idea expressed in the quote is necessary, but not sufficient, for my own concept of "in love".

[etasman2000 15994]

As you say, a hard concept to grasp or define. And highly subjective.

 

In English the word 'love' has different aspects. That's why I usually just go Greek: eros, agape, philia and storge.

[Newton 714]

I'll put my two cents in here.

 

There're simple concepts and composite ones.

 

Lust is a simple one because it's a chemical reaction. It's all in the brain.

 

Love is a composite concept. Half chemical and half social but mutually reenforcing.

 

We say fall in love on first glance. Is it chemical? Yes. But social too because we already have built social constructs in our mind what lovers we are searching in a crowd. Therefore, a first glance isn't a simple glance. It's fitting a person with our mental consructs. It's like Eureka.

 

We say grow apart even though were perfect match in the beginning. Again it's both physical and social. One person might not take care of their body as much as the other. Or one person didn't grow as intellectuall as the other. Therefore the person no longer fits the construct the other has in his or her mind.

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[buggernot 588]

Love at first sight or loving someone before you get to know their warts and sores is complete bullshit. I'm sorry but you gotta develop love, anything else is lust or misguided passion.

[Porto Lover 159]

Love at first sight or loving someone before you get to know their warts and sores is complete bullshit. I'm sorry but you gotta develop love, anything else is lust or misguided passion.

 

Sorry but i have to put my grain of salt in this one...

 

First i will try to explain myself in the Shakespear language cause like you can see it is not my maternal language, sorry.

 

I am 48 years old, married (like most of the hobbiest here...) for more than 25 years now. I use to see mp and sp for over 20 years now. This forum and other is full of helpfull thread and this one caught my eye.

 

So to continue my story, last year for my birthday i decid to treat myself with a beautifull sp (that is now out of the business and will keep her name out for now). Take an arrangement to see her in the afternoon.

 

And this is where it all started. At the first look of her i immediatly fall in love with her. It was unbelivable... i never had sentiment like that in my life. Even with my present wife that i am married to for more than 25 years. And when love hit you, you better be seaten, cause it is really a knock out. The feelling where so high that i had to consult a psychologist to understand my feeling. At the peak of it, i almost lost control of my life and was about to leave everything for her... Everything... But that women was more down to earth than me and made me undestand that was an error to do so.

 

And from now on, that girl stopped escorting and i am still in love with her. We talk to each other every day and see us every week. No more physical contact at my demand cause she dont want to go further in the relation. So i have to stop being close physicaly cause it is torturing myself. But we are very close friend

 

So guy's please dont tell me that "love at first sight" doesent exist. It is not only a women affaire. Even in 2010 the psychologist doesent understand that felling and dont know how it can be treatened. Strange is in it...

 

To conclude my story, I did fall in love with that women before we had sex. And that was a year ago, so since then we did have plenty of sexual experience together and it was always very good and each other like it . But since a few month at my demand, i stop sexual relation with her to see if it was a sex affair. Sorry guy's to turn you down, but no sex with her dident turn the fire inside me... I still very in love with her, even if i dont have the sex part. But the sad part is that women dont want to be more present in my life,, so i have to cut down in our relation to protect myself.

 

That it for now...

[JoyfulC 132299]

Intellectually, I'd agree with Buggernot -- but love at first sight did happen to me. I gotta tell you, it wasn't as pleasant as they make it seem. When I ran face first into the love of my life, I certainly wasn't looking for it. I had plans! And they involved being single.

 

Even today, sometimes I look at him and wonder what my life might have been without this love complication. I was always very independent and quite content on my own, enjoying a spectrum of friends and lovers. I never needed to be in a relationship -- and I sure sidestepped enough opportunities -- but somehow I can't help but believe I was supposed to find Fred and live my life with him.

 

Are we sexually great? No. Truthfully, he's very meat & potatoes and I'm more kinky. It's been weird. And in some other areas of our lives, we have had to make tremendous compromises. Each of us had been with other partners previously which didn't work out, and each of us had been on our own and been comfortable with it. Each of us was prepared to live on our own for the rest of our lives -- probably even looked forward to that prospect.

 

But sometimes you run into your own true love, your counterpart -- and then there's nothing you can really do but go with the flow. I can't say that it makes sense to me on an intellectual level, but that's what seems to have happened to me.

[MightyPen 67414]

And this is where it all started. At the first look of her i immediatly fall in love with her. It was unbelivable... i never had sentiment like that in my life. Even with my present wife that i am married to for more than 25 years. And when love hit you, you better be seaten, cause it is really a knock out.

 

I'm absolutely thrilled for you that you got to experience this feeling. And happy too I suppose that, having found it, you didn't let it completely overwhelm the other things you value in your life.

 

I agree with others that a lot of the miscommunication in this thread has been about the definition of "love" we're each using at different times. But what you felt was that transforming and transcending feeling that we experience when we're with just the right person. That's the almost supernatural feeling that poets have been writing about as "love" for ages.

 

There's no accounting for the unique little elixir of attributes it takes for each of us to respond this way to another person, but its power is undeniable. I think discovering what you do respond to in this way is a chance to learn an awful lot about yourself, what you value and yearn for, and about many parts of you that usually languish deep in the subscionscious.

 

I suppose some folks can value more highly that "true" love that lies in the calmer bond achieved deep into a long relationship -- that agape sense of constructive union. But that's a matter of perspective, and I think what you're describing is one of the greatest emotional peaks we can experience within a full life. It's sometimes transitory, but it's always an unforgettable jolt and a reminder that being alive and human is more complex and mysterious than we think. Some folks never experience it. You did.