Most embarrassing moment with an SP/Hobbiest

[i****v***** 310]

post removed

[d*mm*y 887]

Now that is seriously funny shit! I especially like the SP's come back!!!

I have had a bed collapse, not to bad just kinda jumped the frame and fell about 6 inches, we both looked at each other smiled and went at it kinda sliding into the angle till I was done. That's the only thing other than sex that has happened to me in 30 years of really going at it?

 

How the hell did you get your face that close to your cock? Mine barley reaches my Belly button (and I can't see my belly button, my belly is toooo large)

[PistolPete 61421]

2 years back was going at it doggie style, middle to the side of bed forgot to hang on to her hips and literally pushed her off the bed, she fell face first into the carpet... thank god..could of been the night table

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

This is a good thread, Pistol Pete almost the same thing happened to me, I let go on one side to wipe my brow and on a forward stroke shoved her almost clear off the bed we couldn't help but laugh, makes me think of another near miss involving a ceiling fan, but that's another story!

 

And I can't think of th amount of times my horsey has made an inappropriate sound at most inappropriate time!!!!

[Guest f***2f***]

OK here's mine.....having a duo a few years ago with a couple of strippers I scored over in HULL....luck of the draw....one is licking my balls the other is sucking my dick and I farted....didn't mean to but I was into it and just got relaxed.....it stank to high heavens and the girls were having a hard time down below....finally they collapsed in laughter...we lit some matches and then after I promised to not do it again we resumed where we left off.....it was a very hot night after that, so none the worse for wear.

[Tracey 258]

I have had a few embarrassing moments in my life as an Sp.

 

I was with a boxer one night in Mtl he lost the fight and his manager called the agency that I was working for and asked for a few girls I went with 2 other girls and none of them wanted to be with him because he was banged up pretty badly. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to do it he said yeah why not. I asked if he wanted a massage he said no and asked me to help him off with his boxers because he was soar all over. I agreed as I was helping him pull them off his leg got a crap and he kneed me in the face. I fell off the bed and when he leaned over to help me up we banged our heads together so I guess we both got pretty banged up. I got a really good tip maybe it was for the black eye he gave me since we didn't get to do anything.

 

But the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened was when I was doing a domination call. The client had asked for dildo training so I brought a few sizes a long to make a long story short I guess the really big one was a bad idea because when I pulled out he shit all over my dress. I washed it as best I could took a shower and called the driver luckily this happened in the winter time because I was wearing a coat with nothing underneath. When I got outside a gust of wind made my jacket fly up and half the street including my driver saw me naked. I put my dress in many plastic bags but the drivers car still stank.

 

Kisses Tracey...

[Guest f***2f***]

Oh my ... a black eye and being crapped on ... now those are some "good" ones, Tracey! Thank you for contributing to the thread. It's nice to hear from the fairer sex.

 

And igotaboner, two stippers in one night? I wanna be your wingman! Hey, I can even score some gas-x for you.

 

It really was a lucky break...the strip joint was closing....i asked a stunning black stripper who I'd been chatting up all night and getting to lap dance for me, if she wanted to go back to my hotel.....she said yes if her friend (a curvy white girl with an English accent) could come too (for security I thought). I said yeah if she wants to party...so they did, and we did.....and I farted!! But after that they really gave me a work out!:D

[VelvetCyclone 101]

My most embarrassing one was after the session was over. I've put my underwear back on and the SP is putting hers back on and we are chatting. I'm standing, one arm back on a table and, trying to look suave I guess (as if I could look suave in my boxers), I cross one foot over the other and put all my weight on the table. The table gives out and I go falling to the floor, land on my ass; the table flips into the air & lands on my head. I'm knocked silly. The SP was like, "do you need me to take you to emergency?". I'm sure that would have been even more embarrassing as all she wore to my place was her lingerie and a long coat. So much for looking suave. :)

[loneskater 25635]

I had a few embarrassing moment over the years but I would say the most embarrassing one happend 5 or 6 years ago. It involved a foreign city, alcohol and a barber shop. I used to spend some time on the West Coast and would occasionnally go spend a few days in Seattle. So while I was doing some sightseeing in the city, I discovered this barber shop who had this beautiful Asian working in it and what a frame. I got to know her some and would stop by during my visits. One of those times, I arrived in Seattle just before lunch. So got to the Hotel checked in, had a shower and out to lunch accross the street with some other people. Of course I am there to have a good time so why not have a beer with lunch. Did it ever taste good that day. Obviously I couldn't just have one, so I had 2 and 3 and... After lunch was over I decided to take a walk see if my favorite lady was working that day at the barber shop. There she was so I went in. Now this is the interesting part that I have not mentioned so far is that there was a back room to the shop with a massage table. Now come on, I wasn't only going there to get my moustache trimmed.

 

So in the back room we went. That lady could really give a massage. Her specialty was a facial massage. That was so great that it would completely relax you on a very normal day. Now you can imagine when you had a few few beers and you not so young anymore, eventually I was sleeping/pass out, not sure which. But what is really embarrassing is that I did not fall asleep while she was doing my back or the facial massage, I fell asleep when she was doing the happy ending while I was stiff as a rock. I hope I did not snore because other customers may have wondered what was going on in the back.

 

I woke up, got dress and went back to the hotel after setting a date for the evening. Didn't even get my moustache trimmed that time.

[JoyfulC 132299]

I've had so many embarrassing moments, if they ever make the story of my life, they'll have to call it "Bloopers."

 

But the faceplant stories remind me of something that happened a couple years back. I was playing with someone -- he was lying on some of my funny furniture, and I was standing over him, straddling his face. It was a very warm day, but my friend did not prefer a/c -- so I was getting really hot while I was getting HOT. When I exploded, I felt a bit faint for a second, and my knees turned to jelly. I fell forward into the wall, and sort of slid down it with my face (still twitching and gushing!).

 

After I collected myself, I was quite embarrassed. How graceful, eh? But I had to face him, and when I did, he looked at me and said....

 

"So? Did you cum??"

 

Uh, no, I just discovered I'm epilectic.

 

But there are two things you'll never hear a woman say during sex:

 

1) Damn! I didn't want to cum that fast!!

 

and

 

2) Is it big enough for you? Is it bigger than your last girlfriends?

 

;-)

 

..c..

[Guest f***2f***]

I've had so many embarrassing moments, if they ever make the story of my life, they'll have to call it "Bloopers."

 

But the faceplant stories remind me of something that happened a couple years back. I was playing with someone -- he was lying on some of my funny furniture, and I was standing over him, straddling his face. It was a very warm day, but my friend did not prefer a/c -- so I was getting really hot while I was getting HOT. When I exploded, I felt a bit faint for a second, and my knees turned to jelly. I fell forward into the wall, and sort of slid down it with my face (still twitching and gushing!).

 

After I collected myself, I was quite embarrassed. How graceful, eh? But I had to face him, and when I did, he looked at me and said....

 

"So? Did you cum??"

 

Uh, no, I just discovered I'm epilectic.

 

But there are two things you'll never hear a woman say during sex:

 

1) Damn! I didn't want to cum that fast!!

 

and

 

2) Is it big enough for you? Is it bigger than your last girlfriends?

 

;-)

 

..c..

 

That is freakin hilarious!! Love your sense of humour.:D

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

all these stories are hilarious...lmao... so here's one of mine..

 

while working in NYC in may i had a fireman come to visit...

I had seen him a few times b4 and was excited to see him again...

My flat had 2 bedrooms...and the one i used to sleep in had the window open facing the street...the other bedroom was lit with candles trying to make it romantic for us {candles in daylight} so he comes in we start making out right away...his shirt comes off and he throws it.. throws it right on top of the candles next his pants and underwear.. but we didn't notice the fire until the detector goes off...we both ran...me to the burning shirt and he to the detector...he had to grab a chair to reach it and with that he was standing naked facing the street...lmao....you should have seen the look on his face....the fireman who starts the fire....lol

 

kisses,

Emma

[PistolPete 61421]

Sorry... but LMAO... just picturing this guy standing naked on a chair with a hard-on and disconnecting the smoke detector!! LOL

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

it was hilarious...i still laugh everytime i think of it...i would tell you more funny stuff but right now duty is calling...woohoo....i'm going to get me some...lol

kises,

Emma

[PistolPete 61421]

it was hilarious...i still laugh everytime i think of it...i would tell you more funny stuff but right now duty is calling...woohoo....i'm going to get me some...lol

kises,

Emma

 

Duty calls....god love ya sweetie! that is why we love women like you....great sense of humor, great personality!

[Guest f***2f***]

Duty calls....god love ya sweetie! that is why we love women like you....great sense of humor, great personality!

 

and where emma is involved there could be another fire started once she gets heated up!! You're the bomb emma!!:D

[PistolPete 61421]

and where emma is involved there could be another fire started once she gets heated up!! You're the bomb emma!!:D

 

I read your review in the Halifax section a few days ago on Emma, thanks buddy! and looking forward to her coming to Ottawa...could well imagine Emma getting heated up!;)

[loneskater 25635]

Duty calls....god love ya sweetie! that is why we love women like you....great sense of humor, great personality!

 

Absolutely. Welcome to the Ottawa section! We love having great discussions. That was a good story. That would have been a picture for the fireman's calendar.

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

and where emma is involved there could be another fire started once she gets heated up!! You're the bomb emma!!:D

 

 

 

Thanks Boner...lol...

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

Absolutely. Welcome to the Ottawa section! We love having great discussions. That was a good story. That would have been a picture for the fireman's calendar.

 

yes it should have been a picture for sure....lmao

[jimmyhat 470]

Thats hilarious, but would you believe I'm a threepeat offender for that??!? I've had no other problems in that area, but after three times I can't help but think there might be a problem... Ah well, I chalk it up to "ultimate relaxation", no offense should be taken or recieved...

I had a few embarrassing moment over the years but I would say the most embarrassing one happend 5 or 6 years ago. It involved a foreign city, alcohol and a barber shop. I used to spend some time on the West Coast and would occasionnally go spend a few days in Seattle. So while I was doing some sightseeing in the city, I discovered this barber shop who had this beautiful Asian working in it and what a frame. I got to know her some and would stop by during my visits. One of those times, I arrived in Seattle just before lunch. So got to the Hotel checked in, had a shower and out to lunch accross the street with some other people. Of course I am there to have a good time so why not have a beer with lunch. Did it ever taste good that day. Obviously I couldn't just have one, so I had 2 and 3 and... After lunch was over I decided to take a walk see if my favorite lady was working that day at the barber shop. There she was so I went in. Now this is the interesting part that I have not mentioned so far is that there was a back room to the shop with a massage table. Now come on, I wasn't only going there to get my moustache trimmed.

 

So in the back room we went. That lady could really give a massage. Her specialty was a facial massage. That was so great that it would completely relax you on a very normal day. Now you can imagine when you had a few few beers and you not so young anymore, eventually I was sleeping/pass out, not sure which. But what is really embarrassing is that I did not fall asleep while she was doing my back or the facial massage, I fell asleep when she was doing the happy ending while I was stiff as a rock. I hope I did not snore because other customers may have wondered what was going on in the back.

 

I woke up, got dress and went back to the hotel after setting a date for the evening. Didn't even get my moustache trimmed that time.

[jimmyhat 470]

Glad you shared that experience, but I have to say, that was still pretty hot, not so much a blooper...or at least a hot blooper

I've had so many embarrassing moments, if they ever make the story of my life, they'll have to call it "Bloopers."

 

But the faceplant stories remind me of something that happened a couple years back. I was playing with someone -- he was lying on some of my funny furniture, and I was standing over him, straddling his face. It was a very warm day, but my friend did not prefer a/c -- so I was getting really hot while I was getting HOT. When I exploded, I felt a bit faint for a second, and my knees turned to jelly. I fell forward into the wall, and sort of slid down it with my face (still twitching and gushing!).

 

After I collected myself, I was quite embarrassed. How graceful, eh? But I had to face him, and when I did, he looked at me and said....

 

"So? Did you cum??"

 

Uh, no, I just discovered I'm epilectic.

 

But there are two things you'll never hear a woman say during sex:

 

1) Damn! I didn't want to cum that fast!!

 

and

 

2) Is it big enough for you? Is it bigger than your last girlfriends?

 

;-)

 

..c..

[cat 262460]

Like Joyful C, I have had more bloopers than I care to remember. But one that never fails to make me giggle is a visit I had with a guest a number of years ago. Picture "The Gentle Giant". He was a giant of a man, 6'5 or 6'6 and everything in his life was super sized. The house was custom built with lofty ceilings and oversized doors, and all the furniture was scaled to suit him perfectly which meant I needed a ladder to get on the couch. I, of course, am a smurf. 5'3, paint me blue and I fit under everyones arm. For some reason, he took a fancy to me, and I visited his overly enormous house on many occasions.

 

Due to his size, he had some unusual hobbies, one of which was breeding British bull mastiffs. Some of these dogs stood shoulder to shoulder with me and altho they were gentle, I was constantly being knocked off my feet when they would come to greet me as I got out of my car. The dogs ruled the man and the only way to control them was to lock them out of the house. They were like spoiled children and listened to no one. The pet door was big enough that I could walk thru it with just a slight stoop and the dogs had free reign over the 200+acres that he occupied. After dusting myself off and managing to get to the house, he would welcome me in and lock the pet door to keep them out of our way. I don't have alot of tolerance for pets that are not well behaved and tried to get him to pen the dogs when I was coming but he said it put the females in a testy mood, so he would rather just lock them out of the house after my arrival.

 

One evening, we had finally moved things to the bedroom and after much play had assumed his favorite position with me bent over the bed, legs dangling and bottom offered up. He stood behind me and things were progessing nicely for both of us when he started going wild! I held on for dear life, quite sure he was going to split me in two, when he started screaming about me doing something that was incredible. I wasn't doing anything but scrambling to maintain my hold on the sheets and pray for the tilt-a-whirl ride to be over when he exploded and collapsed on my back with shudders that vibrated my teeth. As he regained his composure, he started to tell me that whatever I was doing was so mindblowing that he had never felt anything like it. At that point I was wondering if I had left my remote egg in and it turned on by itself, as I had no idea what he was talking about.

 

When he started to extricate himself, he stepped backwards and tripped ass over tea kettle on his back! One of his dogs had come into the bedroom and was seated directly behind him licking her chops. As far as we could figure, she came in without us hearing her and the scent of us brought her over and she licked the juices off his balls while we were playing, thus the something "incredible". As the realization that his dog had participated in this, his stomach turned on him, and he spent the next 30 mins in the bath, tossing his cookies and muttering about "not being into beastiality". I laughed so hard it offended him and I was never invited back. To this day, I can see his face, with that moment of clarity in which he realized he had been finessed to the finish line by his favorite bitch!

 

Catherine

[antlerman 17064]

Damn woman.....you are the greatest.......your description is worthy of a publication.......what a visual you give!!!.........

[Guest f***2f***]

I don't care who you are...that's funny right there!!!