An Interview With... Jenesis - Reporting Red Flags, When It’s Necessary and How To Do It

[Guest lydiahardwood]

It's time for another interview with a member of our community. A huge thank you to @Jenesis for agreeing to being interviewed and for suggesting this important topic. ❤️ 

Q: Hey Jenesis! Thank you for suggesting this topic, it’s very relevant especially since our red flags forum in the private Providers area is relatively new. Before we dive into this, can you tell me a bit about yourself and your career so far?

A: Sure!  I am a mid 40ties, part time escort. I like to call myself a Funtime part time escort as I got into this business to have a form of secure, safe but fruitful dating life. 

I own a mainstream business that keeps me busy and gives me the appreciated privilege of being able to be very selective in my clientele. I say appreciated privilege because I know that for the majority, this is not the case. I bring this up, because it affects the way I do business and that way, I recognize, is completely different then most. 

I have been escorting actively since 2014. But have dabbled back and forth years in different paid relationships like private mistress services. 

Q: Sounds like a great journey so far! So, let’s start with red flags. What would you consider to be a red flag in a Client?

A: In communication, anyone who is pushy for an answer faster then I give. Anyone who is condescending, demanding, overly rude or vulgar. 

In person, anyone who mentions BBFS during the session. Even playing coy. I don’t stand for it. You get one mention and I warn and move on. Second time, session is cancelled. I never see the client again. I have not had someone push hard enough to make me report them but that has been a hard rule I set for myself before starting into this industry. 

Anyone who tries for service already express as a no-go. 

Anyone who talks down about another escort. 

As I screen well, I don’t see these infractions but again, some of the hard rules I have set for myself. 

Q: They all sound like perfectly reasonable conditions. What are some things that people consider red flags but you don’t necessarily?

A: One big one is what constitutes a time waster. I do not believe that some guys asking questions to be considered a time waster. Especially in first contact situations. Asking if you provide a certain service or asking what your hours are, even if posted on your website, does not a time waster make. 

I know for me, when looking for businesses that I need and that charges a lot of money, I am cautious. I ask questions, and even though I read websites, etc, sometimes you need either a little re-assurance that what is written is true, and you also may have a question not listed. 

So for this, I don’t consider all question style communication to be time wasting. Only when it is excessive or repeated questions do I then consider it a time waster. Sometimes you have to invest in your business and for us, that is also investing time in potential new clients. 

Q: What do you do if a Client refuses to screen or offers alternative screening methods to what you’ve asked for? Is that worthy of posting about to warn others?

A: I don’t think a guy refusing a deposit to be a time waster. It just means they are not comfortable with that type of booking process. 

And while it sucks and is annoying, I don’t find a guy making a simple request for alternative screening to be a time waster. I just simply say no. 

Some things are just part and parcel of an industry and for us, this is one. I personally have a typed template I use for this type of inquiry. I send and leave it at that. If he contacts me back without the things I asked for, I ignore. I feel this is the right course of action. 

I don’t think posting full doxxing info on Twitter for these types of things to be the correct course of action. If anything, I feel that these types of “warnings” are more harmful to our industry as it makes more and more men wanting to simply refuse using non-text apps, and refuse any screening of any kind. They are fearful and in some cases, rightfully so. 

Not only that but reporting these types of things should be private. This way the guy doesn’t change his MO. Most guys who use text apps won’t change the number or guys who use their phones will go to text apps only after something happens. If you openly report a phone number, the guy is just going to change it and the warning becomes useless anyway. Keep reports to private sites and private emails lists for actual better protection. 

Q: This is such a personal industry that I guess it can be easy to misconstrue a genuinely decent person who knows what they want as a demanding asshole. Any tips on how to differentiate between the two?

A: Tone. It’s all about the tone. It is just that sometimes that tone is hard to read in text. 

I’ll give two examples though. 

1) I’m curious as to your services. Do you provide ****, DFK and MSOG in the hour?
2) I only have sessions DFK, **** and MSOG on the hour. You do this?

I would ignore number 2. Number 1 is just a guy asking a question. 

Remember that screening is not just fill out a booking form and book a date. There has to be some communication in order to find out more personally about he client. A booking form first, yes but then after, spend a couple of minutes asking some questions, get to know his likes before the session. You will have a much better idea of the client you are going see and can judge some possible red flags that you can’t see in a email booking form. 

Q: What about bad dates, can you tell me what bad dates you’ve been on?

A: I haven’t had any “bad” dates. I have had two time wasters and one date that went awry after the appointment. 

The two time wasters each booked two appointments and cancelled both. They were reported on varies Bad Date Lists. 

The other, I emailed a thank you a couple of days after the appointment. He expressed regret and upset because he thought that “companion” time was free time. I felt confused by this and actually posted on Lyla in the open forum about it to ask if I was wrong in what I perceived he wanted in the session. After being re-assures I read the situation right, I posted his info as being a time boundary pusher as he pushed for Off The Clock time and that is disrespectful. Even if he pushed for it after the fact. 

Now I have had some dates where chemistry was not there and I chose not to see that person again, but I would not consider those bad dates. 

Q: I'm glad you've not had any "bad" dates necessarily. I hope it stays that way! Seeing as positivity is kinda our thing… can you tell me about some good ones?

A: I honestly have so many amazing clients, it is hard to single out a few. 

Now as I alluded to earlier, I started actively in 2014, But I dabbled quite a few years ago. I met a client then and we are still going strong today. We have had some breaks along the years but to have an almost 20 year relationship with a client is something special in my personal opinion. 

I have a couple multi-year, weekly or by-weekly regulars that I simply adore and really can’t imagine life without them. 

These men are special to me and give me so much more then just my monetary considerations. I can only hope that I give them as much as they give me. 

Q: That's so lovely! 🙂 So if someone shows a red flag or you have a bad date, what do you do to report it?

A: I have a couple of places I post the warnings. A few escort sites, like Lyla, have Private Bad Date Sections where I post. 

I also have some mailing lists that I am apart of, DMing on Twitter, etc. 

If I were to publicly post, I would post the incident and request private communication for passing on the client information details. 

Q: What information do you tend to include?

A: I include everything I screen for with the exception of the provided companion reference information. 

So this will include full name, non-text app number, email address, and either review board handle, work verification, or ID. 

I admit that I rely heavily companion reference. That is to ensure the person is real, respectful, etc. 

I then rely on communication of my own to get a good handle on the person. I am lucky though, in my mainstream work, I use email all day long for communication. I have learned tone and mannerism via text and this makes spotting red flags in email a lot easier. If this is an issue for you, ask for a phone call to get to know him better. It will help you a great deal. 

Q: Thanks so much for your time! Have you got anything else you’d like to add?

A: I got a bit of sense of what ladies who use text for communication, or who gets multiple contacts in a day from my tours so I have a few tips to help. 

First - don’t take it personally. That is a given for every lady. When they reject your screening, your services etc, they are not rejecting you personally. They are just rejecting the “product”. It sounds cold when putting it like that but that is the reality. Don’t ever take it personally. It will help you and your esteem if you don’t. 

Also for large admin work, use text replacement on iPhone or Android. It allows you to add a small typed acronym of your choice and it will enter the long phrase you have set up. 

For example: When asked what my services are, as that is a hugely asked question, I type GFE and it types out “While I don’t like discussing detailed services for your safety, I can say I have been described as a GFE/PSE provider” 

So I don’t get annoyed typing out the same long sentence over and over. Guys get a professional response every time. It is a win-win. 

Also use two email addresses, one with auto responder. Set up an auto-responder, and use that email for all your ads. Then when a guy contacts you, you can have a professional reply that directs them to screening and booking. 

This has saved me so much time. Because I don’t provide a number. It is every clients first contact with me if they don’t contact me via my website. So when they don’t follow up, I know not to bother with them, but they have gotten a reply from me. So while I am ignoring them, they don’t actually know that. It helps stops all this “she didn’t get back to me” when you already know they won’t follow your screening. 

My form is set up as drop down menu. So I also have a section that says “I have not read your site but I want to book an appointment”. 

It opens a field for name and email. No message. You then also have check a box that agrees to NOT getting a reply from me. Men actually use this and I get a laugh every time. I ignore of course but it is set up to give me a little chuckle. And it avoids me wasting my time with replying. 

The block feature is your friend. Use it. Don’t torture yourself dealing with someone as soon as you know you won’t see them. Be polite, “thank you but I think I will pass. I wish you all the best, have a great day” and then block. Use that line with anyone. Someone calls you a bitch; use the line and block and move on. Don’t hold it in. They are not worth your mental and emotional energy. 

Doing some of things will not only help with your everyday bookings and how you deal with people but it helps with not becoming jaded and not giving people parts of your time and emotion that don’t deserve it because they won’t appreciate it. 

[NotchJohnson 214123]

Thank you @Jenesis and to @lydiahardwood for another great interview.

[Sharpe 771]

Thank you @Jenesis.  Some great information here.  Thanks as always Lydia

[Trevor Lyla 43]

Great interview - Also think the same goes the other way round also. I don’t think an escort asking for payment in advance is generally a scammer. It's very easy for clients to change their plans and they do so sometimes with no reason or regard for the escort. 

Would be nice where if there was a middle payment processor - that would mediate between the escort and the client. I.e the client pays the deposit to the middle payment processor, sends confirmation to the escort, Escort can't withdraw until the code that is sent to the client is provided to them.... 🤔

[Kitten 1281]

This COMM nerd LOVED reading this ❤️

Thank you for sharing such on point advice 💋

[Guest ModCat]

very informative, loved this!