An Interview With... Ninja83 - Companionship As a Client In a Wheelchair

[Guest lydiahardwood]

I'm excited to share this interview with another member of the Lyla community from Halifax, Nova Scotia - @Ninja83. It's a topic that I don't think has been covered enough before; I learnt a lot from this interview and that's probably proof of that! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and please remember to like and comment. 

 

Q: Hey B! We’ve exchanged the odd message here and there but it’s nice to get the opportunity to dig a little deeper and get to know you better. So tell me a bit about yourself.
A: Hi Lydia! Thank you so much for reaching out. I am a wheelchair user in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Since moving here, I’ve become somewhat of an accessibility advocate. I feel like it’s one of those things that is sorely needed in this city. I’m happy to say that accessibility in this city has certainly improved in the time I have been here, although there is still much work that needs to be done.

 

Q: When did you start seeing Companions? And how long have you been using Lyla?
A: I have been seeing companions for a couple years now. I remember the first time I had booked time with a companion. It was with @MsManda. I booked a hotel, arrived way too early and sat on the bed just counting down the minutes. I felt like Chevy Chase in the first Vacation movie…I just kept saying “This is crazy…this is crazy…”. I had no idea what to expect, but I was so happy with how things turned out.

I only recently started using Lyla. I had noticed a few companions mention it on Twitter, so I soon signed up for an account. While I still generally use Twitter to find companions, Lyla has been very useful.

 

Q: It's great to have you here, B. We recently interviewed @Cheeky.char on what it’s like being a Companion with a disability. So it’s interesting to hear about this from a Client’s point of view. If you don’t mind, can you tell me a little bit about your disability and how it affects your day to day life?
A: Well, as I stated above I use a wheelchair. I have used one since birth. My biggest obstacle due to my disability is getting around in this city, especially in the winter. It’s ironic that as I type this out we are currently in the middle of a snowstorm (which I was trapped in earlier). I frequently rely on transit to get from point A to point B and while all buses here are accessible, I am also very stubborn so will often just wheel myself wherever I need to go. It can certainly make my day to day life challenging, but I’ve never shied away from a challenge.

 

Q: You’re pretty open about being in a wheelchair from what I see on your Twitter. Do you tell Companions about it before visiting them?
A: I do, although I have often found and contacted companions through Twitter so they know I am a wheelchair user almost immediately without me having to tell them. There was one companion in particular who, after I had told her, chuckled and said “Oh I already follow you on Twitter.”

 

Q: Do you look out for ads that specify “wheelchair friendly” or similar in their ads? Do many Companions put this?
A: That’s not something I’ve ever looked for, nor is it something I’ve seen. In my experiences it isn’t something that has really come up when seeing a companion. When it has, it has never been seen as a negative thing. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. For example, I began seeing @SarahAlexxx over the summer and have been on a regular basis since then. There have been multiple times when she has said she finds me interesting and genuinely wants to learn more about my body and my disability. I remember one evening when we laid in bed while she researched my disability on her phone. I found it so intimate.

It was with her that I also discovered she had spoken to other companions that I had been with in the past, so she came fully prepared. She seemed to know all my little nuances. It was like we had already known each other even though we were meeting for the first time. I appreciated that more than I let on.

 

Q: She really is special, isn't she? Are outcalls usually an easier option for you?
A: Usually yes. Due to this being an old city, there are very few housing options that are accessible. Even the building where I live isn’t fully accessible, but I’ve made it work.

 

Q: What things should people consider when it comes to hosting Clients with disabilities that sometimes get missed?
A: I think the most important thing I can say is not to be afraid of asking questions or making faux pas. I understand that everyone is different, but for me I try not to take life too seriously. I was recently speaking with a companion that I plan on seeing in the near future and she expressed worry that she may say something “stupid” or offend me. I totally get that worry, but at least for me, it’s not necessary. I’d rather a companion ask a million questions than just assume something. It’s like when I’m out in public and kids stare, then their parents scold them for being “rude”. I’d rather they be curious and ask questions than be told what they’re doing is “bad” or “wrong”. I am 100% an open book and asking questions is how we learn.

After that we had a great conversation about what I am able to do and what I am not able to do, what I’m into, my kinks, etc. I can’t speak for her, but I am so excited for when we finally meet.

 

Q: Are Companions generally accommodating of you? Can you give me an example of anyone who has particularly impressed you?
A: Absolutely. While there are many, there is one certain moment that immediately comes to mind. The first time I met with @SarahAlexxx, at the end of the night she helped me put my socks back on. It confused me at first (as I am quite capable of doing it myself), but it’s another one of those things I now find very intimate. She showed so much care while doing so. To me, seeing a companion has never just been about sex, it’s about the connection. The intimacy. I’ve gone on social dates in the past where we just go for dinner and enjoy each other’s company. In some ways, that means so much more to me. (And while making plans for the first social date I had gone on, she immediately reminded me to find a restaurant that was accessible. It absolutely warmed my heart.) She now helps me get dressed every time and it means so much to me.

Another instance that just came to mind is when I was speaking with a companion who had recently had a scare with an allergic reaction (she’s okay!). We were talking and she had brought up how I am allergic to latex, something I told her AT LEAST a year ago. I was blown away that she remembered. I’ve dated women for a long time who don’t remember small details like that.

 

Q: Have you ever seen a Provider who also has a visible disability?
A: Not yet, but you had mentioned Cheeky Charlie earlier and I am so looking forward to meeting her in the not too distant future.

 

Q: What do you think about advertising, do you think platforms make it easy enough for Clients with disabilities to find a suitable Companion? 
A: From what I’ve seen, advertising has been great. I used to only use Twitter, but sites like Lyla have made things so much easier (especially since not everyone is on social media).

 

Q: What can platforms like Lyla do to make it easier?
A: Every disability is different so it is hard to say. The one thing that comes to mind is when it pertains to imagery. A friend of mine, when posting photos to Instagram, will often put a description of the photo in the caption section so that may be something worth looking at. A larger font option may also be useful for those who are visually impaired.

 

Q: Thank you so much for spending some time answering these for me. It was great to get a bit of insight! Is there anything else you would like to add?
A: I think what I’d really like to say is that since seeing companions, I have been so much happier. 2020 was a dumpster fire of a year for many reasons (aside from the obvious), but seeing companions on a regular basis has taken such a weight off my shoulders. They’ve given me confidence…something I haven’t had in a very long time. To each companion I’ve spent time with, thank you. Thank you for helping me feel like Me again.

 

[Sharpe 771]

Thank you for sharing story and experiences @Ninja83.  I’m glad to hear you’ve found such amazing companions!  I absolutely agree that connection and intimacy are key to an experience not just the physical.

I always look forward to Sunday mornings @lydiahardwood thank you both!

[Phaedrus 209521]

Thanks, @Ninja83! And Lydia, of course. Another great interview and a really good insight into a part of the industry that really doesn't get talked about much at all.

[waterat 20911]

Thanks @Ninja83. You're an inspiration and I have to add a thanks for your acknowledgement of the NS ladies that I hope to share some time with once we're able to travel again! I love these community interviews, always eye opening and instructive so thank you to @lydiahardwood as well.

[NotchJohnson 214129]

Great interview @lydiahardwood, thanks for inviting @Ninja83 to share his story.  I really enjoyed reading it and that he mentioned 2 great ladies that the East coast have @SarahAlexxx and @Cheeky.char, one thing is for sure if I ever visit that part of the country I'm hooking up with them 2 fine ladies.

[conquistador 18487]

Thanks Lydia for doing this interview with Ninja, as another person with a disability it's great to see this being discussed! 

[2bigalow2 2938]

I recently fractured my hip and currently cannot use stairs.  I could not go to several companions as they had walk-ups.  I wish providers would say they are handicap accessible.  This interview is great.  I would like to here from the companion side working with the disabled. In an interview.

[Guest lydiahardwood]

18 hours ago, 2bigalow2 said:

I recently fractured my hip and currently cannot use stairs.  I could not go to several companions as they had walk-ups.  I wish providers would say they are handicap accessible.  This interview is great.  I would like to here from the companion side working with the disabled. In an interview.

Sorry to hear that, sounds painful! 😞 That's a good idea for an interview. We did do one with @Cheeky.char as she's a Provider with MS but not quite what you're suggesting. Btw, if you ever fancy doing an interview let me know - would be nice to feature more Clients. 🙂

 

[2bigalow2 2938]

7 hours ago, lydiahardwood said:

Sorry to hear that, sounds painful! 😞 That's a good idea for an interview. We did do one with @Cheeky.char as she's a Provider with MS but not quite what you're suggesting. Btw, if you ever fancy doing an interview let me know - would be nice to feature more Clients. 🙂

At this time I do not wish to do so.  But I would be open to this in the future.  I am hoping my physio will get me back to my job.Quickly and repaired. lol.

 

 

[Allie Zeon 2925]

Can I be honest?

Beginning of my career, I welcome disabled people as a client.  I was even willing to carry their wheel chair to my house and help them back safely to their wheelchair and made sure they were safe back to their car after the session. It took at least 90 minutes of my time and I was always exhausted afterwards.  They always paid me an hour since most of them on disability income.

I always have a mixed feeling whether or not I want to have disabled people as a client.  Unless if they are willing to pay extra, by all means they are welcome.  

It’s probably best if they choose more caring providers who can satisfy their needs perfectly and I’m so happy @Ninja83

[Allie Zeon 2925]

@Ninja83happy for you that you have found great providers that can fulfill your needs.

Everyone needs to be happy sexuality. I’m all for that.  Unfortunately if you are disabled, trans or women, I might not be the best choice.  Unfortunately I’m straight, I wish I could be born bisexual 😢

[D@rkN!t3 6]

I am also in a wheelchair so I found this interview and the responses positive and informative.  🙂