An Interview With... Sam Gaines - Being a Male Escort

[Guest lydiahardwood]

Each time I do one of these interviews I'm blown away by how much I've learnt and how many strong and interesting voices there are here in Canada! This week we've interviewed @SamGaines, male escort and intimacy expert. Have a look at his website here.

Q: Hey Sam! Thanks for agreeing to being interviewed by us - I’ve seen your website and you seem like a really interesting guy to speak to (guys if you haven’t checked Sam out already have a look at his website here)! So first of all, tell me a bit about yourself and your career so far?
A: Hello and thanks for interviewing me 😉 I have been doing this for about 2 years now. I was doing something totally unrelated to this before, and I spent quite a bit of time thinking about what I should do that is fulfilling and meaningful. I am not one to be bound to conventions so I knew that this would be an unconventional way for me to help women and give them the intimacy a woman needs from a man. I find it very fulfilling and know this is what I am meant to do. Outside of this, I am passionate about health, exercise, and the human experience. I would describe my personality as honest and to the point, with a strong sense of direction and passion. 

 

Q: On your website I see that you state you’re a straight Companion. Do you exclusively see women?
A: Yes, I am for women only.

 

Q: I can see that the services you offer are quite varied. What are some of the reasons that people come to see you?
A: Women come to me for a variety of reasons. It could be that they feel lonely and want somebody who they can touch and talk to. It may be that they are looking for a real connection with a man. They may want someone who is not afraid to be a man. It may be that they want to feel fulfilled physically and emotionally. When it boils down to it, all of this is about intimacy.
 
Women often see me because they are missing intimacy in their life. It is rare that a woman experiences real intimacy with a man. I think a woman deep down knows this is what she wants, but it is often difficult for her to articulate it, or even know what it feels like because she has never actually felt it. She often comes to me with a hope that she can experience what real intimacy is like with a man. I also find that sometimes a woman sets her expectations quite low, due to her own bad previous experiences with men. I think a woman will also do this as an emotional insurance policy. That way, if things don’t work out the way she had hoped, she is not very disappointed. I can sense this and I love to exceed any expectations a woman has about what real intimacy is about. This is such a great feeling and I feel blessed that I am able to do this with a woman. 
 
Yes women want physical intimacy, but before any of that happens they need to know if they can trust the man. Do they respect the man? Is he honest? Is he a sociopath? Is he only interested in himself? A man may be physically attractive, but that means nothing if a woman cannot trust him. Women are vulnerable and men are there to care for and protect women. If a woman feels like the man does not care about her and her interests, and only cares about his own, then she cannot trust him. If she cannot trust him, then she cannot be open to him emotionally and therefore physically. 
 

Q: I see that you like to use holistic methods in your intimacy coaching. What does “holistic” mean in this sense and why is it your prefered method?
A: I use the word holistic because it takes into account everything that a woman needs, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. A woman needs a man to care for her, so that she can express herself in the world without fear. However, she needs a man with a developed character to do that. Someone who she can trust. Someone who she knows is able to care about her due to his own overcoming of selfish desires that plague most men. When a man is able to love her in this way, she can and will love him back, which is a beautiful thing. This nourishes the human spirit.

 

Q: Are you out to your family/friends about your career? If so, what are their thoughts?
A: My family, no. Some close friends yes. Most people don’t understand what I do and don’t want to understand, which I have accepted.

 

Q: Do you think there is a stigma for seeing male escorts? And if so, do you think it’s a similar level of stigma compared to the rest of the industry, or is there more/less because you’re a man?
A: Well, I don’t think a woman feels good if she goes and tells all her friends and family about seeing a male escort. The reason for this is because most people are going to have their own biases. And a lot of those biases are correct, in that most male escorts are just there to act mechanically and use fake emotion. Sounds nice eh?
 
What I do is completely opposite to that, and most people are not able to understand that, or even want to. They are not able to understand the situation of the woman and what she actually needs. But then that should tell you what kind of friends you want to have anyway if they can’t even understand something that has a positive effect on you. 
 
So yes, there may be stigma of a woman seeing me, but that is just due to a lack of understanding. If your friends don’t want to understand, then get new friends.
 

Q: What is your typical Clientele like? Male/female/couples?
A: They are female, who are typically either single or divorced. The common thread is that they have not had the best luck with men, for various reasons. I am there to restore faith and hope into mankind, as cheesy as it sounds.
 
I am very lucky to have the pleasure of meeting very nice, kind, caring, and thoughtful women. It is very rare that I am contacted by someone who is rude or disrespectful. They come in different shapes and sizes. Some are insecure about their appearance. I am a man who loves women so this is not a concern for me. After spending some time with me, their insecurities go away. 

 

Q: We talk a lot about feminism and misogyny here at Lyla. But I’m interested to hear if you tend to have negative experiences on the flip side, seeing female Clients. Have any Clients ever overstepped the mark?
A: I am happy to say I haven’t experienced this. Yes there have been some rude people contacting me, but it never goes further than a text message. I have had some encounters that felt a bit impersonal, but I was fortunately able to turn things around and establish a deeper connection. This is the part of what I do that is challenging but also rewarding. I like difficult things and overcoming them. There are some women who may come to me who are guarded or posture themselves. This is a defence mechanism. We are not able to be intimate when we are guarding ourselves. It is my job as a man to soften a woman. A woman can only soften when she feels she is not threatened. I love to see the softening of a woman, because then she can really be herself. It is exhausting for a woman to have to harden and protect herself. It is unnatural and disease causing. Unfortunately this is becoming more common in our time.

 

Q: Are there any comments that people make when they’re booking that make you uncomfortable or that you see as a red flag?
A: Yes all the time. It’s just part of the job and you have to remember, I am putting myself out there, so it will attract the wrong kind of people. It just comes with the territory. But I am not a snowflake so I just deal with them accordingly.

 

Q: What are some of the most common questions you get asked?
A: I often get asked if I see older women, as they know they are older than me. Women are often self-conscious about their age. I look at the female-ness in the woman, which is ageless, and the most beautiful thing to a man. I am there to bring it out in her more. Her age is superficial and I don’t care about superficial things. I care about substance. 
 
A lot of women ask me questions to see if I am the real deal. They want to know if I am honest. They want to know I am who I say I am. I spend as much time as necessary to make sure they know who I am, and what I am all about. It is understandable that a woman is cautious. This is because women are putting themselves out there and being vulnerable. It is different for men, so men often don’t understand the vulnerability that a woman has. I am there to make sure she trusts me and sees that I care about her wellbeing. 

 

Q: Have you had many Clients get cold feet during a session? How did you handle it?
A: Fortunately this has never happened. That is because I never move too fast. If they have any insecurities or worries, I am there to work them through it. That is what I am here for. There is no rush with me 😉 To see a woman open up is a beautiful process and it must be done with love and care.

 

Q: Do you enjoy what you do? What’s your favourite thing about it?
A: Yes absolutely. My favourite thing about it is seeing them smile in a way they never have before when it has been so long years since they have. Sometimes they break down and cry because it is so touching for them. It is really moving. It is difficult to describe the feeling.
 
I will give you a real life story. One woman I met had been in a very emotionally abusive relationship. It was extremely toxic. She was from a very traditional background. Divorce can either be illegal or extremely frowned upon with serious social and economic consequences. Due to her fear of leaving, she felt trapped. Actually I knew she wasn’t trapped, but getting out was going to cause some temporary pain. It would be worth it in the end. Why do I think it is worth it? Because living in a hell is always worth risking getting out of. Sometimes we don’t see it that way because the hell we are living in is “normal” and somewhat comfortable, so we accept it.
 
Miraculously she mustered up the courage to contact me (not an easy thing to do if you know her background). After much anxiety and talking back and forth, we finally ended up meeting. I knew I could help her but she had so many concerns and worries, which was understandable. She was extremely nervous to meet me, for a variety of reasons. She had never been with another man. What if her friends and family found out? 
 
We finally ended up meeting. I could tell she was emotionally traumatized. She was shaking the whole time. Not because she was nervous, but because of her trauma. After meeting, I could see her softening. Keep in mind her lifetime experience with men was not so positive, so she was extra cautious and guarded around me. After some time she was able to finally relax. I could see an internal shift in her. After we met, she ended up getting out of her toxic relationship and moving forward in a positive direction. The next time we met she was like a completely different person. She was smiling, genuinely. We still keep in touch and she is now in a much happier place. 

 

Q: What advice would you give a man looking to get into escorting?
A: Ask yourself if you have the emotional capacity to care for women. It requires character development. It takes a dedication if one wants to really help women. It also requires a healthy mind and body. Getting to where I am requires a keen desire to challenge and confront your own deficiencies. Technically, anyone with a pulse can become a male escort, but it doesn’t mean you can understand somebody. It doesn’t mean you can feel what they feel. It doesn’t mean you can care about another person. These are the real things that matter. Good looks do not compensate for character flaws.

 

Q: What advice would you give to someone looking to seek out a male escort?
A: Listen to your gut. Spend some time getting to know them. If they are too impatient to get to know you, then you already know what you will get. Evaluate them like how you would evaluate dating someone. Do they care about you? Are they just self-interested? Are they dishonest? Men are designed to care for and love women. Women are designed to evaluate whether a man can do that or not. It is quite simple really.

 

Q: Thanks so much for your time, Sam. Have you got anything else you’d like to add?
A: I want to say thanks for reaching out to me for this interview. I am very passionate about what I do and I think if done right it can really help people. I am here to give women what they need from a man. I just use my profession as an unconventional way to do it 😉

[Sharpe 771]

Thanks for the interview @lydiahardwood.  Although I take issue with some of his comments and don’t agree, I do appreciate the opportunity to read about and try to understand his point of view.  Thanks!

[Guest]

  Interesting topic for sure. But as true "Technically, anyone with a pulse can become a male escort", it requires a solid foot in the door and proper word to mouth in the right kind of affluent market to make a living from it. Being a very niche markets, it takes a bit more than looks and skills to make it a career.

[vegeta85 1675]

Guy's a modern day Casanova. I wonder if he gives advice to regular joes, when it comes to attracting and being intimate with women.

[beesh 1286]

Good for you (& your lovers) dude. If companionship became fully legal in Canada, I would do it part time.

I am sure there is a niche market for overweight - frighteningly unconventional looking - mid age man, specializing in South Park & other morbid humour (basically Shrek .. but human) 😁

[Allie Zeon 2925]

Wow...I'm blown away with Sam's answers, care to share your website to the rest of us? Thanks ☺️

[Deanna Delight 157]

Thank you for this interview @lydiahardwood and thank you for the honesty and strength of your metal Sam Gaines. I can relate to some of the rudeness you have to deal with. As a Bi MtF CD Escort I deal with rude comments as well but they just make me more determined to carry on and never return the rude comments. I often counsel men with their nervousness about trying someone like me for the first time. I have been very successful doing that and have made many friends and help them with other disappointments in their life. Keep up the good work Sam and continue being very personable and understanding. You are right when you say it feels great to see the smiles on their faces when the find they can trust you. I am lucky to see that with the men I have counseled, pleasured and shown something they hadn't experienced before. It is my pleasure to give them a Great Experience without any attitude and never rush our sessions. 

[Guest lydiahardwood]

1 hour ago, Allie Zeon said:

Wow...I'm blown away with Sam's answers, care to share your website to the rest of us? Thanks ☺️

https://www.samgaines.com/ ❤️ 

[Allie Zeon 2925]

6 hours ago, beesh said:

Good for you (& your lovers) dude. If companionship became fully legal in Canada, I would do it part time.

I am sure there is a niche market for overweight - frighteningly unconventional looking - mid age man, specializing in South Park & other morbid humour (basically Shrek .. but human) 😁

I think Shrek is quite sexy 😗

[Allie Zeon 2925]

9 hours ago, Greenteal said:

  Interesting topic for sure. But as true "Technically, anyone with a pulse can become a male escort", it requires a solid foot in the door and proper word to mouth in the right kind of affluent market to make a living from it. Being a very niche markets, it takes a bit more than looks and skills to make it a career.

Technically, everybody can be an escort but only very few can make it as a fulfilling career.  Being male escort is very challenging since most women can get laid pretty easily compared to men.  

This is rather personal question to Sam:. Are you doing this full time?   

[Allie Zeon 2925]

10 hours ago, Sharpe said:

Thanks for the interview @lydiahardwood.  Although I take issue with some of his comments and don’t agree, I do appreciate the opportunity to read about and try to understand his point of view.  Thanks!

I would like to hear a different opinion from Sharpe.  This is the first time I read the interview of a male escort and read his comments.  Such an eye opener and much more complex than I thought originally.  Love to hear different opinions from you. 

We are all adults here.  As long as we respect the differences, having a different opinion or point of view will be totally fine imo

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Allie Zeon said:

Technically, everybody can be an escort but only very few can make it as a fulfilling career.  Being male escort is very challenging since most women can get laid pretty easily compared to men.  

This is rather personal question to Sam:. Are you doing this full time?   

   I agree and my point was how good networking at the right time and place will make all the difference for someone trying to make it in such a limited market. Kind of situation where reputation is more important than looks and gimmicks.

[Allie Zeon 2925]

Networking and reputation?  I think discretion is pretty important and the clients might not tell their personal experience to others.  There is no review board for straight male escort either.

I just look at Sam's website.  Articulately written and he seems to be very patient and capable of soothing and convincing his clients.  There is no Price set on his website although he mentions multiple hours booking is recommended.

I look at his gallery: fit, muscular with a nice masculine jaw  as well as being a gentleman.  I'm intrigued too 😜

Is Sam a member of Lyla? I have more personal questions lol

[Sharpe 771]

11 hours ago, lydiahardwood said:

A woman needs a man to care for her, so that she can express herself in the world without fear. However, she needs a man with a developed character to do that. Someone who she can trust. Someone who she knows is able to care about her due to his own overcoming of selfish desires that plague most men. When a man is able to love her in this way, she can and will love him back, which is a beautiful thing. This nourishes the human spirit.

Thank you @Allie Zeon.  Maybe I read into this too much, but I felt the above passage was a bit condescending and disrespectful towards women.  

 

11 hours ago, lydiahardwood said:

Women are vulnerable and men are there to care for and protect women. If a woman feels like the man does not care about her and her interests, and only cares about his own, then she cannot trust him. If she cannot trust him, then she cannot be open to him emotionally and therefore physically. 

Um ....just no.  This just sounds like quotes from bad self help relationship books mashed together.  
Again maybe I’m making too much of it.  Sorry.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Allie Zeon said:

Networking and reputation?  I think discretion is pretty important and the clients might not tell their personal experience to others.  There is no review board for straight male escort either.

I just look at Sam's website.  Articulately written and he seems to be very patient and capable of soothing and convincing his clients.  There is no Price set on his website although he mentions multiple hours booking is recommended.

I look at his gallery: fit, muscular with a nice masculine jaw  as well as being a gentleman.  I'm intrigued too 😜

Is Sam a member of Lyla? I have more personal questions lol

    Without having clients talking about their personal experiences online or elsewhere, being referred by someone or a trusted source will be far more effective than any written ad, no matter how detailed it is. The goal is achieving name recognition, and from there making a living from it becomes more realistic.

   

[Allie Zeon 2925]

1 minute ago, Greenteal said:

    Without having clients talking about their personal experiences online or elsewhere, being referred by someone or a trusted source will be far more effective than any written ad, no matter how detailed it is. The goal is achieving name recognition, and from there making a living from it becomes more realistic.

   

Agreed.  If I were his client I would recommend to my friends.  Not too sure, how many women can be like me though

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Allie Zeon said:

Agreed.  If I were his client I would recommend to my friends.  Not too sure, how many women can be like me though

  As for your last question , he doesn't seem to be a member of this board. Reasons why Lydia posted a link to his website.

[Allie Zeon 2925]

5 minutes ago, Sharpe said:

Thank you @Allie Zeon.  Maybe I read into this too much, but I felt the above passage was a bit condescending and disrespectful towards women.  

 

Um ....just no.  This just sounds like quotes from bad self help relationship books mashed together.  
Again maybe I’m making too much of it.  Sorry.

You are blunt Sharpe.  Realistically I would agree with you but remember Sam's target market is women who are lonely, betrayed, unsure or women who want to be treated like a woman.  O yes, we love being protected, loved and hugged...no matter how successful and independent we are.

I cried a lot due to loneliness before I became an escort eventhough people think I was strong and successful and independent

[NotchJohnson 214134]

9 hours ago, Allie Zeon said:

You are blunt Sharpe.  Realistically I would agree with you but remember Sam's target market is women who are lonely, betrayed, unsure or women who want to be treated like a woman.  O yes, we love being protected, loved and hugged...no matter how successful and independent we are.

I cried a lot due to loneliness before I became an escort eventhough people think I was strong and successful and independent

The world needs male escort like Sam just as much as all the fine ladies like the ones we have on here.  I'm not single or divorced but I also need intimacy and comfort like all the ladies that see male escorts.  Yes, Sam may be a good looking guy(from a woman point of view) but he has the character to do his job well and not everyone can do that.  I'm reminded of the movie "Deuce Bigelow, male gigolo" where all he did was make the women feel good about their selves.

Man and women are wired differently and not everyone can decipher all of that.  Sam may have the magic touch to do so.

 

Thanks @lydiahardwood for inviting him this week.

[beesh 1286]

15 hours ago, Allie Zeon said:

I think Shrek is quite sexy 😗

Now I am blushing 🥰 ... but with my skin tone of a baked ham, you can never guess 😆

[Kitten 1281]

I AM A FAN OF SAM!

Do we have one of these humans in Ottawa?

Thrilled to see that there are men providing for ladies as well and genuine connection is at the top of this lady's list. I believe that's why I adore worship so much.

Men like Sam truly are precious  💋

Going give this another read but must bring my toy with me this time...

[Kitten 1281]

19 hours ago, Allie Zeon said:

I would like to hear a different opinion from Sharpe.  This is the first time I read the interview of a male escort and read his comments.  Such an eye opener and much more complex than I thought originally.  Love to hear different opinions from you. 

We are all adults here.  As long as we respect the differences, having a different opinion or point of view will be totally fine imo

I am happy you asked this @Allie Zeon as the raging feminist in me was quite curious as well. I am a fan of differing perspective and debate. Thank you Sharpe for sharing his.

Although I can understand how those words may seem insulting, deep down those are the things that women want and helps us feel calm.

I do very much like it when a man holds me and I can literally feel myself melt into him. We may not admit it but we do like to be vulnerable.

Allie had the best point when she had brought up that he is marketing towards lonely women and feel hes hitting the target quite well there!

I did cruise through the site a little more and this whole God thing might throw me off a little bit. Women do like to feel disneyfied and I feel that is what Sam is delivering here. We like your strength very much. Sadly more men (at least the ones I have known outside this type of work) use it to destroy then to protect.

[Allie Zeon 2925]

Haha  @kitten you are pretty excited!  Let us know girl lol

[Kitten 1281]

This is quite exciting to see and I would love to see more men do this! There being a niche for everything is not gender-specific.

Perhaps it was making something stubborn deliver for me earlier that's got me in such a good mood 😉

[Sharpe 771]

I am a fan of debate and different perspectives as well.  Thank you for sharing your pov’s @Allie Zeon and @Kitten.