Sex toys and the differences with gender

[Guest lydiahardwood]

Hey lovers

Okay I've gone down a rabbit hole. Hear me out.

Sex toys and self pleasure. I loooove how women/vulva owners have been encouraged to explore their own bodies. Masturbation is way more normalised now than it was when I was at high school. I remember telling my friends that I tried it and they were disgusted but now we all discuss what toys we are gonna buy from Love Honey lol.

But it got me thinking about men/people with penises and how, if anything, self pleasure for them is almost shamed? Like I don't know many men who'd feel comfortable talking about exploring butt play solo. Or who would use a fleshlite or wand. The only times I've heard guys speak about fleshlites is to laugh at people who use them.

So I am curious - what are your masturbation habits like? Do you think there's much shame when it comes to men exploring solo pleasure? Why are so many people grossed out by butt play on men but not when it comes to women? How much of this is to do with homophobia? How much of it is due to misogyny (butt play associated with dominance and perhaps that goes against gender norms)?

Would love to hear your thoughts. ❤️ 

[peacectryguy 12547]

This is actually a good topic to explore and talk about in a rational, intelligent manner. Most of us men have been programmed from an early age by our fathers, peers and the overall male patriarchy that masturbation and especially butt play are some terrible, evil thing. We are taught that if we find pleasure in anything that involves having something in our anus, it means we are homosexual. As I have become more experienced and sexually self aware, I realize that most of this is a fallacy based solely on homophobia.

 For me, masturbation has always been enjoyable and for the majority of my life, a necessity. As someone that was single for a very long time and only married for a short time, relatively speaking, in middle age, finding a sex partner wasn't always easy. I did alright but I didn't really discover this wonderful lifestyle until my 50s. After discovering this world and exploring my sexuality deeper including my introduction to transgender, I realized that I can be a  heterosexual male but still enjoy other aspects that have always been taboo.

After I realized this and quit worrying about the trivial nonsense, I not only enjoyed the company of some very lovely transgender escorts but also bought myself an anal vibrator. I have also enjoyed some strap on play. Those and also having some companions give me a prostate massage has really opened my eyes to great experiences. I have found that stimulating the prostate has greatly enhanced my orgasms and frankly, the ejaculation is much greater. I now realize that the programming was flawed and both masturbation and butt play should not be feared or dismissed. Maybe not for everybody, I know but relax and don't be afraid to try new things, I say. Sorry if this was a little long winded, my friends. Cheers all and wishing for an end to covid and a healthy dose of sex for all, lol.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

A long time ago my wife went to a sex toy party ( back when we were very very active in the bedroom ), and she won a sex toy for man.  It was something similar to the fleshlight except that it was all gel(not the hard outside shell) and we tried it together and that thing felt pretty good on me, she didn't want me to use it by myself so she hid it somewhere in the house and there is no use for me to try to find it.  Fast forward to last year where I saw an ad for a pulsating "C" shape vibrator for men.  I talked to my wife about getting it for myself since we almost never have sex anymore and she agreed to get it for me as a gift from her.  A few weeks goes by and it comes in.  She ordered another version of what I was looking at (a knock off if you want) and it didn't look like the one I have seen.  We tried it in the bedroom together and I got rid of it faster then it took to take it out of the box.  That thing looked like a automatic cork screw remover but without the screw thingy in the middle.  It did not feel good at all.

My experience.

[roamingguy 300292]

Gotta say no to sex toys...told you I'm vanilla

But give me a good sandwich I could find places to eat it

I know, a Seinfeld episode for every occasion 

A tongue in cheek hopefully funny Rambling

RG

[NotchJohnson 214123]

2 hours ago, roamingguy said:

Gotta say no to sex toys...told you I'm vanilla

But give me a good sandwich I could find places to eat it

I know, a Seinfeld episode for every occasion 

A tongue in cheek hopefully funny Rambling

RG

When I can't have sex I look for ice cream, that usually solves that problem.

3 hours ago, peacectryguy said:

This is actually a good topic to explore and talk about in a rational, intelligent manner. Most of us men have been programmed from an early age by our fathers, peers and the overall male patriarchy that masturbation and especially butt play are some terrible, evil thing. We are taught that if we find pleasure in anything that involves having something in our anus, it means we are homosexual. As I have become more experienced and sexually self aware, I realize that most of this is a fallacy based solely on homophobia.

 For me, masturbation has always been enjoyable and for the majority of my life, a necessity. As someone that was single for a very long time and only married for a short time, relatively speaking, in middle age, finding a sex partner wasn't always easy. I did alright but I didn't really discover this wonderful lifestyle until my 50s. After discovering this world and exploring my sexuality deeper including my introduction to transgender, I realized that I can be a  heterosexual male but still enjoy other aspects that have always been taboo.

After I realized this and quit worrying about the trivial nonsense, I not only enjoyed the company of some very lovely transgender escorts but also bought myself an anal vibrator. I have also enjoyed some strap on play. Those and also having some companions give me a prostate massage has really opened my eyes to great experiences. I have found that stimulating the prostate has greatly enhanced my orgasms and frankly, the ejaculation is much greater. I now realize that the programming was flawed and both masturbation and butt play should not be feared or dismissed. Maybe not for everybody, I know but relax and don't be afraid to try new things, I say. Sorry if this was a little long winded, my friends. Cheers all and wishing for an end to covid and a healthy dose of sex for all, lol.

I have had 2 special ladies that inserted a prostate massager in me with my consent.  I have to say that it was not that bad.  I also agree that in this day and age there should be no more judging of people because of what they practice (except if it's illegal) and with whom they do it with. 

[OldandNerdy 1303]

I'm definitely not into the butt stuff personally, but I do have a variety of toys.  Mostly variations on the fleshlight style stroker, but also some other fun things.

 

My most recent purchase was the wevibe verge.  It's quite the fun little toy, and even better with a remote partner.

 

Hey, a guy has to have something to warm him up during these cold winter months.

[Akira 31]

Never really experimented with toys while solo play. But did very much enjoy when my ex used her vibrator on my package. Never really thought about using a vibrator on my own. But it would be enjoyable. 

[Guest lydiahardwood]

17 hours ago, NotchJohnson said:

A long time ago my wife went to a sex toy party ( back when we were very very active in the bedroom ), and she won a sex toy for man.  It was something similar to the fleshlight except that it was all gel(not the hard outside shell) and we tried it together and that thing felt pretty good on me, she didn't want me to use it by myself so she hid it somewhere in the house and there is no use for me to try to find it.  Fast forward to last year where I saw an ad for a pulsating "C" shape vibrator for men.  I talked to my wife about getting it for myself since we almost never have sex anymore and she agreed to get it for me as a gift from her.  A few weeks goes by and it comes in.  She ordered another version of what I was looking at (a knock off if you want) and it didn't look like the one I have seen.  We tried it in the bedroom together and I got rid of it faster then it took to take it out of the box.  That thing looked like a automatic cork screw remover but without the screw thingy in the middle.  It did not feel good at all.

My experience.

Oh no, what a shame! I was thinking about how there's such a wide range of options for people with vulvas and I feel like there's less option with toys for men. I've heard suction ones are good - has anyone tried one? Funnily enough I was talking to a friend who bought one after he stuck his thing in a vacuum cleaner and liked the sensation HAHA.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

After installing a bidet at home and people started to know about it I was hearing stories about how some guys use the water jet to excite the prostate.  And before anybody ask....no I did not try it and will not shoot water up my bunghole.

[Guest]

I'm more into oils and gels to facilitate and enhance some experiences.

[OldandNerdy 1303]

1 hour ago, lydiahardwood said:

Oh no, what a shame! I was thinking about how there's such a wide range of options for people with vulvas and I feel like there's less option with toys for men. I've heard suction ones are good - has anyone tried one? Funnily enough I was talking to a friend who bought one after he stuck his thing in a vacuum cleaner and liked the sensation HAHA.

I had a Lovense Max for awhile, which has both a vibration and a suction function.

 

It was good, especially the suction part, but overall the toy itself was just annoying.

 

While I'm not especially "endowed" , the opening in the toy was super super tight, to the point that I had to dismantle it to get it to even work, and use a liberal amount of lube.  Then once in, it felt a bit like a tight clamp, and because the thing was about a foot long, you had to maintain a solid grip on it.

 

So while in the end it gave a good amount of pleasure, the 10 minutes of frustrated setup, and then having to make sure you kept it in a certain position so that you didn't either slide out of the grip if it rolled the wrong way, or that you didn't push/pull/twist your peen in ways that it was never meant to go, I ended up getting rid of it since I found I just never bothered using it.

 

The remote play feature was the best part of it, but if you don't have a remote partner, it's basically yet another cumbersome thing to try and stick your peen into.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

54 minutes ago, OldandNerdy said:

So while in the end it gave a good amount of pleasure, the 10 minutes of frustrated setup, and then having to make sure you kept it in a certain position

It often took me longer then 10 minutes to get my wife in the mood and had to keep her interested for that mood too. 

 

Should sex toys be ready and available at anytime you need them?  I mean once your done they should be cleaned and ready for the next time....right?

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, NotchJohnson said:

Should sex toys be ready and available at anytime you need them?  I mean once your done they should be cleaned and ready for the next time....right?

   An easy enough task when dishwasher safe...

 

[Guest lydiahardwood]

4 minutes ago, Greenteal said:

   An easy enough task when dishwasher safe...

 

Ngl I do this lol

[NotchJohnson 214123]

11 minutes ago, lydiahardwood said:

Ngl I do this lol

@lydiahardwood I wasn't aware that you had so many toys in your night stand drawer to do this in your dishwasher.😂

[Guest lydiahardwood]

2 minutes ago, NotchJohnson said:

@lydiahardwood I wasn't aware that you had so many toys in your night stand drawer to do this in your dishwasher.😂

Oh Notch, you have no idea 😂 #coronaloner

[charlottequinn123 7291]

People have no idea what our dishwashers go through! Haha... this is such a great picture!

[OldandNerdy 1303]

19 minutes ago, NotchJohnson said:

@lydiahardwood I wasn't aware that you had so many toys in your night stand drawer to do this in your dishwasher.😂

Her nightstand IS a dishwasher.

 

She is a very efficient girl afterall

[OldandNerdy 1303]

But back to one of the points of this topic, yes, there is definitely a lack of variety of toys for male-typical body parts unless you enjoy anal play.

 

If you look at the male section of toy shops, it's basically a variety of things to put your thing into, usually marketed as being identical to a particular "adult star".  

 

There are very few options that allow remote play, especially as compared to those made for female-typical body parts.

 

I'm jealous that it's so hard to find something that I can just "use" and then for the most part just lay back and enjoy the ride.  

 

The verge is pretty good, but also a bit tricky with timing.

 

 

[Kitten 1281]

I LOVE this topic and it's certainly enjoyed reading these perspectives!

I have never been aware that men have been shamed for masturbating but I suppose there are a lot controlling significant others out there. Something else I have noticed talked about for one gender but not the other. Most of us suffer the grips of control in one form or another.

I have never understood why someone wouldn't want to explore with their partner but perhaps that's why I'm still single at my age. No regrets and I enjoy my freedom quite well. I also enjoy exploring and happy to hear that there are how many hobbyists who are not afraid to step out of their comfort zone! Moreso that trans providers are explored and appreciated. Helping others explore a mindset I have been shamed most of my life for is one of the largest things I enjoy about this work and why after a decade of an attempt at mugglelife I have returned! I do however prefer to keep this playtime discrete as sadly there are still quite a bit of stigma surrounding it.

Perhaps I should be considering a spectrum of toys when I do my shopping? 

This cat is curious how you guys would feel if providers had different types of toys for you to explore on your parts as well as our own?

Do you feel it could add to the experience or would most of you just prefer to play with real flesh?

I adored @Greenteal mention of oils and lubricants to help things slip in a little more comfortably. I am a lady who gets incredibly wet and still appreciates how easier things can glide with a little help.

Lately I've been practicing with infusing my own with CBD to help relax things even more 😽

[Btowntrucker 35]

This topic is great ! I’m a well in me 40s and I just starting using and trying new toys to see what I like , something out their are definitely scary looking , but it’s fun to widen the variety or pleasure . I had no idea I would like anal so much ( not big of course ) and being ashamed of using toys is unfortunate I wish everyone could have a good experience for their first time so they don’t feel like sex is a bad thing or it’s dirty , it’s definitely not a dirty thing it’s very open now days , let’s embrace it ! Let’s have some fun with our bodies and feel good about it , we only got one life midaswell live it to our fullest 

[waterat 20911]

3 hours ago, OldandNerdy said:

.... I ended up getting rid of it since I found I just never bothered using it.

Damn it! @OldandNerdy you need to advertise your yard sales here on lyla. Get with the program, man!

2 hours ago, lydiahardwood said:

Ngl I do this lol

Admitting my age and ignorance: I thought ngl was referring to natural gas liquids..... and I prefer to wash my 'dishes' by hand :)

[peacectryguy 12547]

@Kitten, I like that idea of a variety of toys. Obviously, not all guys would be into that and would be more about the flesh to flesh touch as you say but I would find a combination of both to be very stimulating. I was with a lady once who used her vibrator while I came in from behind.  Kind of a man/ machine DP if you will. Not only did the combination give her great pleasure but I found the tingle of the vibrator on me to be a huge turn-on. 

[Kitten 1281]

11 minutes ago, peacectryguy said:

@Kitten, I like that idea of a variety of toys. Obviously, not all guys would be into that and would be more about the flesh to flesh touch as you say but I would find a combination of both to be very stimulating. I was with a lady once who used her vibrator while I came in from behind.  Kind of a man/ machine DP if you will. Not only did the combination give her great pleasure but I found the tingle of the vibrator on me to be a huge turn-on. 

 

I have done this while entertaining and it is insanely pleasurable. It helps create certain experiences for those who may be too introverted or shy for group situations. Provided the toys don't spark insecurity which I find can happen. All valid feeling that should be respected and considered.

I was born and raised in a small place and have felt most of these barriers. A lot of them I have been working on for decades to overcome and feel proud when I see others brave to do this work. I can also understand not wanting to jeopardize their comfort to do so.

Toys perhaps we could reframe as tools as they are glorious for intensifying the pleasure of all genders, but intensity also is not for everyone. I will get working on adding more variety when I can ❤️

[peacectryguy 12547]

16 minutes ago, Kitten said:

 

I have done this while entertaining and it is insanely pleasurable. It helps create certain experiences for those who may be too introverted or shy for group situations. Provided the toys don't spark insecurity which I find can happen. All valid feeling that should be respected and considered.

I was born and raised in a small place and have felt most of these barriers. A lot of them I have been working on for decades to overcome and feel proud when I see others brave to do this work. I can also understand not wanting to jeopardize their comfort to do so.

Toys perhaps we could reframe as tools as they are glorious for intensifying the pleasure of all genders, but intensity also is not for everyone. I will get working on adding more variety when I can ❤️

I can understand the insecurity part. Men, for all our outer bravado, machoism or whatever you call it, are for the most part, insecure about themselves. I do think guys should think about the pleasure more and not worry over the trivial things. One thing about the stimulation of "tools" is it helps to overcome the de-sensitization caused by the condom. I think most guys if they thought about that would be more open to it. Just my thought on it though.