Life Lessons Learnt From Sex Work - Callista Carter

[Guest lydiahardwood]

Happy Sunday sexy, smart and sensual people! Today's interview is with someone I've had fascinating discussions on Twitter with and who is relatively new to Lyla - @Callista Carter ❤️ I hope you enjoy and please do comment with any life lessons you have learnt from this industry, whether you're a Client or Companion. 

 

Q: Hey Callista! Thanks for being our interviewee on this exciting topic. Let’s start with getting some info on you - where are you from and what do you do?

A: I'm from a little bit all over. Originally Alberta, although I've been in BC for almost 5 years. I've lived on Vancouver Island, Prince George BC, and now in the Okanagan. I am currently a masseuse! I just rebranded from fully escorting when I moved to the Okanagan. 

Q: Thanks for the intro! So how long have you been doing this? What services do you offer?

A: I have been in the industry most of my life off and on. I was trafficked quite young and was brought into the industry on a few platforms then. 

As a sex worker, I have been working off and on since I was about 21 (I'm now 26). I say as a sex worker - because that's what I currently do and there is a huge difference between a label of child trafficking and sex working. 

 

Q: I am so sorry you went through that. Can I ask what the transition was like between trafficking and consensual sex work?

A: Unfortunately it happens in this world. But I've really made a good transition between the two. I didn't work in the sex trade for a few years and decided to go on my own will and sought an agency at that time. It changed my entire life for the better. I've had tons of shuffles too, don't get me wrong. But I'm able to get back on my feet and heal and I'm feeling quite self empowered since deciding to work as a worker.

 

Q: Did you have any preconceptions before going into sex work?

A: Getting into sex work from a past of being trafficked, was a whole new world for me! I definitely had a stigma going into it, but honestly sex work gave me my power back! 

 

Q: This is a slightly loaded question but… sex work. Easier or harder than it looks?

A: Sex work is way harder than everyone thinks. People think we just lay on our back and get paid. Or think that we JUST have sex.

My typical day as a sex worker:

Wake up, check my work Facebook, Twitter, Email, Text messages. I then get in the shower, get ready. I spend anywhere between 1-2 hours mentally preparing for my day via meditation, motivation podcasts, blazing, eating, hair, makeup galore! 

By that time, I'm then taking pictures, posting ads (which costs money too), I'm accepting texts, occasionally phone calls. About 1 in probably 15 messages are actually for the city I am located in, and half of those are people just wasting my time, or calling me horrendous names. 

The actual appointment is the easiest and best part of my job (aside from the fact that half the time you have to drag a gentleman into the shower so they aren't gross and actually smell nice).

 

Q: It’s so much more than doing the session and getting paid, right? What else goes into it?

A: Marketing lots and lots of marketing... that's a difficult part on its own.... ESPECIALLY Facebook and Twitter with the algorithms to flag most SW anything! I love the pay of my career, although sometimes the emotional labour that comes with it isn't ALWAYS worth the extra cash. 

That being said I absolutely adore my job! It keeps me challenged, every day is different, you meet the most amazing clients and people, you are part of making someone's day (even sometimes month or year). All that is such a rewarding feeling and keep me at it. Although I'm looking at school for another career, I feel I'll always still do SW in some form or another.

 

Q: What life skills have you picked up during your career?

A: As far as life skills go; there is so much to SW. Especially as an independent provider. I own a business. 

I have learned things like marketing and algorithms, how to make a website. Also how to get ready quickly. I've learned about budgeting, saving, and investments (I still have TONS of work to do, but I'm working on it). I've learned the value of my own boundaries and to value myself. I'm slowly becoming more knowledgeable on taxes too! 

And those are just the basics!

 

Q: What about “emotional” skills? So stuff like setting boundaries, putting a Client’s nerves at ease?

A: I used to have a hard time putting up boundaries and would beat myself and hate myself for almost letting someone harm me. Even emotionally. Now as I'm developing as a woman and have the time and space to do the work on myself that I need to, I see myself flourishing! I'm more clear in knowing what I like and don't like (and it's forever changing, as I evolve and explore more things too).

 

Q: What about in terms of self exploration - has sex work enabled you to get to know yourself better in certain ways?

A: Sex work has given me lots of opportunities to practice self care. I love the outdoors and can go often! I can afford a really good therapist. I have a life coach too, that's able to work in my corner. 

Although sex work is isolating in the "real world". I get to develop a beautiful relationship with myself. I have learned self respect, self empowerment, integrity, hard work and an ample of other personal skill sets.

 

Q: There’s a stigma that sex work is a “dead end” job, right? But all these things we’ve spoken about proves the opposite. How would you “dress up” certain skills to make them civvy friendly? E.g. writing ads = copywriting.

A: I have recently updated a resume and I was able to transfer a lot of skills. Instead of just saying I'm a masseuse, I just painted a picture I own a massage company and gain clientele via word of mouth/ Facebook marketing. 

The transferable skills I was able to highlight are things like, bookkeeping, reception, cleaning, organization, massage etc. I would also add, I feel that a lot of my career is also therapy for my clients. Being a good listener is super pertinent!

 

Q: Do you think that Clients can learn something from participating in sex work too? Such as manners?

A: Oh yes, Clients can learn tonnes of things!! Manners and how to treat a lady 100%. But also some sexual and non sexual techniques. I often will guide clients when trying new things to "teach" how to go about pleasuring in those ways! Clients can also have an opportunity to work on themselves I'm sessions too. That be patience, confidence, learning to relax/self care.

Thank you sooo much for your time Callista! 

[Jenesis 294]

37 minutes ago, lydiahardwood said:

I spend anywhere between 1-2 hours mentally preparing for my day via meditation, motivation podcasts, blazing, eating, hair, makeup galore! 

 

This part is so true. People don't realize the mental preparation that goes into seeing clients. 

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences. 

[Allie Zeon 2925]

Thanks Lydia, as usual.  @Callista CarterCan you please elaborate more how you can be sex trafficked?  Were you born in Canada? 

You sound very positive despite the bad start.  Amazing! Thanks 

[NotchJohnson 214129]

18 hours ago, Allie Zeon said:

Thanks Lydia, as usual.  @Callista CarterCan you please elaborate more how you can be sex trafficked?  Were you born in Canada? 

You sound very positive despite the bad start.  Amazing! Thanks 

I was also baffled by this statement made by you @Callista Carter, I would have never taken something like this lightly.  Sex work should be something that you decide to get into not pushed in by someone else...right?

Thanks for inviting her for this week interview @lydiahardwood.

[AndrewR 308]

It is great to learn what goes into a career as a SW; the hard work and challenges. We all need to appreciate and respect the ladies even more and realize what a privilege it is to spend time with them.

[Steampunk 143]

The one thing I am looking for in the choice of an sp:  doing on her complete free will, liking the job and away from sex trafficking.  That is one reason I prefer 30 and over. I realized some younger person would meet the criteria and I may be missing much , but simpler for me.  

[HenryOcean 196]

Thank you for sharing @Callista Carter
 

Love the positive attitude, best of luck on all your future plans! 

[Callista Carter 76]

On 5/31/2021 at 12:33 PM, Steampunk said:

The one thing I am looking for in the choice of an sp:  doing on her complete free will, liking the job and away from sex trafficking.  That is one reason I prefer 30 and over. I realized some younger person would meet the criteria and I may be missing much , but simpler for me.  

I have entered the industry on my own will as an adult. I definitely have gotten away from the other. I choose to work consensually and with pride in what I do and am able to accomplish!  

[Callista Carter 76]

On 5/31/2021 at 3:44 AM, NotchJohnson said:

I was also baffled by this statement made by you @Callista Carter, I would have never taken something like this lightly.  Sex work should be something that you decide to get into not pushed in by someone else...right?

Thanks for inviting her for this week interview @lydiahardwood.

I definitely don't take it lightly sir. But I have also done a lot of personal healing and growth, that I've been able to overcome some of those hardships. Living in a terrible past, doesn't open up avenues to a beautiful future. Those things happened, and they weren't sound in any way. All I can do is hold my head high and be proud of the accomplishments I've made on spite of my history. 

[Callista Carter 76]

On 5/30/2021 at 9:27 AM, Allie Zeon said:

Thanks Lydia, as usual.  @Callista CarterCan you please elaborate more how you can be sex trafficked?  Were you born in Canada? 

You sound very positive despite the bad start.  Amazing! Thanks 

Canada yes. I was underage and a number of events in my life ended me up in a sex trafficking situation. I will spare the details, for my own personal story and not everyone needs to know absolutely every part of it. 

I definitely try and keep a positive attitude. If I can impact people positively, then my work here is complete! Xoxo

[Callista Carter 76]

On 5/30/2021 at 6:31 AM, Jenesis said:

 

This part is so true. People don't realize the mental preparation that goes into seeing clients. 

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences. 

This is the most crucial part of my days!

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Callista Carter said:

I definitely don't take it lightly sir. But I have also done a lot of personal healing and growth, that I've been able to overcome some of those hardships. Living in a terrible past, doesn't open up avenues to a beautiful future. Those things happened, and they weren't sound in any way. All I can do is hold my head high and be proud of the accomplishments I've made on spite of my history. 

This is such an interesting interview! I really commend the positivity you radiate @Callista Carter. You have such beautiful perspective in life despite of your experiences. Always keep your head up high! 

[Steampunk 143]

On 5/30/2021 at 12:27 PM, Allie Zeon said:

Thanks Lydia, as usual.  @Callista CarterCan you please elaborate more how you can be sex trafficked?  Were you born in Canada? 

You sound very positive despite the bad start.  Amazing! Thanks 

Contrary to what most people think, most sex trafficking victims are canadian girls. Traffickers are very good and quick at selecting and recruiting. (You probably know that.) And thanks to Lydia and Callista.

[Callista Carter 76]

On 6/3/2021 at 5:08 AM, Steampunk said:

Contrary to what most people think, most sex trafficking victims are canadian girls. Traffickers are very good and quick at selecting and recruiting. (You probably know that.) And thanks to Lydia and Callista.

I would say this is false. It's an issue that is worldwide wide. I'd check your statistics. Even statistics will be off, as trafficking is such a difficult subject and not everyone who has experienced it has come forward. We've just had an increase lately about Canadian women speaking up about their stories, so it comes across as more of a Canadain issue on that front. 

[Callista Carter 76]

Just now, Callista Carter said:

I would say this is false. It's an issue that is worldwide wide. I'd check your statistics. Even statistics will be off, as trafficking is such a difficult subject and not everyone who has experienced it has come forward. We've just had an increase lately about Canadian women speaking up about their stories, so it comes across as more of a Canadain issue on that front. 

Children in India are being bought from families to old men and that is sex trafficking in itself as an example. 

[Guest]

44 minutes ago, Callista Carter said:

Children in India are being bought from families to old men and that is sex trafficking in itself as an example. 

   Without stats, we can also say this is a huge problem with Asian women. China's infamous history of female infanticide and one-child policies(now two) exposed many young Asian girls to a lifetime of abuse and slavery. When meeting an Asian SP or MA, it doesn't take too long to see if she's got a real life or trapped without basic communication skills to ask for help. When I see ads with "new arrivals", I see young women treated like luggage.

   I'm always cautious with those type of ads. When evidence of entrapment, better avoid and report.

[Steampunk 143]

I meant in Canada it is Canadian girls. I know it is an international problem. But here in Canada many people think the problem is mainly women from Eastern Europe or the Philippines being brought in Canada often under false pretenses.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Thanks for the interview, @Callista Carter!

One thing I'm curious about, if it's not an overly invasive question: how did the fact that you're a victim of trafficking and your experiences with that affect your decision to go into sex work on your own terms?

[Allie Zeon 2925]

On 6/3/2021 at 12:52 AM, Callista Carter said:

Canada yes. I was underage and a number of events in my life ended me up in a sex trafficking situation. I will spare the details, for my own personal story and not everyone needs to know absolutely every part of it. 

I definitely try and keep a positive attitude. If I can impact people positively, then my work here is complete! Xoxo

Totally get it thanks. Btw, I have heard from my manicurist (who most probably know who am I although we never talk about it) that she literally witnesses a girl being picked up from the street in downtown Moncton, brought to the car with Quebec plate number.  I feel so bad 😞

[Allie Zeon 2925]

It's a beautiful teenage girl. I also watch on YouTube, the traffickers  indeed are targeting young, pretty girls, by either force (kidnapping them) or by luring them with false promises 🥺. 

 

 

 

 

[Steampunk 143]

5 hours ago, Allie Zeon said:

It's a beautiful teenage girl. I also watch on YouTube, the traffickers  indeed are targeting young, pretty girls, by either force (kidnapping them) or by luring them with false promises 🥺. 

 

 

 

 

I supposed every case is different but I would say that kidnapping is not the method of choice as it triggers a focussed police effort and the risks are much higher for rhe trafficker. Traffickers know who to target (vulnerable) in reality or on social media and what to say and it takes them very little time to "convert" someone. Coercition (threats, including against family) would be used to keep the girls in business  when they want or try to leave.

[Kitten 1281]

I was a little floored when she was asked about her trafficking experience. That was an incredibly intrusive. She would have elaborated if she cared to.

Being a victim doesn't mean you have to be physically snatched up or coerced to the point you are helpless. It can also involve mental manipulation and intimidation. It can also effect more women than just young pretty helpless teenagers.

We all matter 🖤

In the future I think it might be a little more respectful not to ask someone to elaborate on their abuse unless they are willing to freely offer it.

I would be curious to hear the answer to @Phaedrus question. Could be a good chance to speak about turning a negative experience into something positive and beautiful!

If you care to share but you don't have to.

I think I have a bit of curiosity behind your answer. I wasn't forced into trafficking I did start this line of work on my own quite young due to an abusive experience. I would be curious if our opinions were similar at all. If you don't care to discuss this publicly I would 100% understand and respect your boundary.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us 💋

[Callista Carter 76]

On 6/7/2021 at 4:31 PM, Phaedrus said:

Thanks for the interview, @Callista Carter!

One thing I'm curious about, if it's not an overly invasive question: how did the fact that you're a victim of trafficking and your experiences with that affect your decision to go into sex work on your own terms?

I chose to become a sex worker from a past of being trafficked, based off of getting my power back. Becoming a sex worker really made me realize that I do have say in what I do with my body and mind. It's been a very healing and liberating experience. I've learned where my own boundaries stand and don't settle for anything less. There's not enough money in the world for me to back out of my boundaries now. 

[Callista Carter 76]

18 hours ago, Allie Zeon said:

Totally get it thanks. Btw, I have heard from my manicurist (who most probably know who am I although we never talk about it) that she literally witnesses a girl being picked up from the street in downtown Moncton, brought to the car with Quebec plate number.  I feel so bad 😞

Yeah that's scary 

[Callista Carter 76]

On 6/7/2021 at 9:38 AM, Steampunk said:

I meant in Canada it is Canadian girls. I know it is an international problem. But here in Canada many people think the problem is mainly women from Eastern Europe or the Philippines being brought in Canada often under false pretenses.

Thanks for that clarification!