Ray Renpelle - Do men admit to hiring Companions?

[Guest lydiahardwood]

Happy day of rest! I hope you enjoy reading our latest interview with @RayRenpelle, whose name you may know as he's been active here on Lyla for some years. This is a topic I've wanted to cover for some time, and I'm grateful that Ray took the time to provide us with these honest and thoughtful answers. Ray, you're truly a ray of sunshine! Please comment and let me know your thoughts. 

 

Q: Hey there, Ray! Thanks for spending some time answering some questions for our lovely community here at Lyla. First of all - tell me about yourself.

A: I am a retired healthcare worker. I was married twice. First marriage ended in divorce after 28 years. My second marriage ended with the death of my wife to cancer three years ago. So I am now a widower.

Q: Thanks! So when did you start seeing Companions?

A: I started seeing Companions two and half years ago, six months after my wife's death. It was difficult at first as in all my years of marriage I had remained faithful, good or bad, and it is true. But I needed someone in my life. Companions seemed like the best choice for me .

Q: That's lovely to hear. ❤️ I see you’re very active on Twitter - it’s great to see Clients supporting Companions. How long did it take you to get that involved in the industry?

A: My first two attempts were failures. The first ghosted me, the second double booked me and I showed up second. When confronted she called me names and accused me of lying. So I took a step back for a couple of weeks then I did what little research I knew how then and just before Christmas 2 1/2 years ago I reached out to this companion who was on holiday then. We set a date for further contact then I booked a visit with her. It went so well that I booked another visit for her following work day. I never looked back. Through her I was introduced to others. I also got more involved by joining Lyla and Twitter and increasing my knowledge of Sex workers and different facets of the industry

Q: From the brief chats I’ve had with you, I can tell you’re a pretty open book. So tell me, does anyone in your personal life know that you see Companions?

A:. I am not hiding it nor am I broadcasting it but yes, one of my daughters knows, the other suspects and my sister also knows. Both are favorable to it as they realize that I need someone since I am now alone.

Q: Have many men (or women, for that matter) ever admitted to seeing Companions to you?

A:  I think the stigma around sex workers is still very strong and not too many people are willing to admit that they are seeing a Companion. I find there is no shame in admitting that we need someone in our life who can remain neutral but able to help in many ways.

Q: Do you think a lot more people see Companions than the average person might think?

A:. Oh I am sure. When we look at the number of Companions just in my area of Atlantic Canada and they all seem to be busy in the measure that they are willing to be. There are way more clients around us than we know. Could be a next door neighbour but it is still a secret for reasons of their own.

Q: What are the main reasons you think people are hesitant to admit to seeing Companions?

A: There are many. The law, worried that someone they know might see them, ending up in a potentially dangerous situation. Afraid the spouse may find out. So many reasons!!!

Q: From my experience, when men do admit to hiring escorts it’s always brushed off as a “I was in Amsterdam” or “I was in Thailand” kinda thing. Like they make it part of their tourist experience. Have you experienced this? Do you think that some people find it more “acceptable” if it’s part of a vacation experience?

A:. Of course it is. You know the famous saying: " What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!" . It is similar. To be honest, I really was in Germany as part of notary deployment. I was still a virgin and a nice sex worker took care of that in short time. One hour donation and I was out in ten minutes, haha! But I was now " a man"!

Q: Haha, love that! I want to talk a bit about “toxic masculinity” here. So as an example, harassing a woman on the street, cat calling, making them uncomfortable; this is almost a normalised experience for lots of women. People don’t think much of it when it happens. But if a man were to admit paying for Companionship… it is somehow perceived as more taboo? Thoughts?

A:. I think it is seen as being a lesser man if you have to pay for companionship. People may feel that you can't get a companion otherwise so you have to pay for it. People just don't understand that there is much more to it and the benefits one derives from being with a companion far outweighs any taboo. I personally know how I benefited from regular visits.

Q: And I'm so glad you have benefited from it! I’ve seen some shaming of men who appreciate and care for women too, including using Only Fans to pay for content. Do you think many men admit to using Only Fans and why do you think there is stigma around paying for porn?

A:  I am not too familiar with Only Fans. I know that it is possibly a good way to get to know a Companion. But porn has been around for a long time and I don't think there are too many who can say they have not been involved ever.

Q: It’s interesting how having a one night stand, watching free porn, having lots of sex is celebrated in some circles yet as soon as money is involved it’s a different story… what are your thoughts?

A:. Those who think they are doing all those things for free are very naive. The costs involved in such a night can sometimes surpass the cost of spending one hour with a Companion. At least with a Companion you know from the beginning how much and your phone will not be ringing the next day. Money is involved in both situations!

Q: That is such a valid point! I guess there are other things that a lot of men aren’t open about; using sex toys, anal play and mental health spring to mind. Why do you think this is?

A:. Maybe men are afraid to admit that they may have a "weakness" and are afraid or embarrassed to say that they mental or physical help. Whether it be through conversation or the use of toys or stepping out of what may be view by many as the norm may be something needed for them but they might see it as a weakness. Let's not forget that each one of us (men) feel we are better lover than the other therefore do not need those things.

Q: Can you think of any ways that we can break down that stigma, and make paying sex workers more normalised?

A:. Something I said for years even when I was not connected with sex workers. The first thing is decriminalize sex work. The second would be in my opinion to leave that poor guy(John) alone. If he is not causing a scene but simply seeing a Companion for valid reasons of his own why does the law have to make such a big deal of it. It should be viewed much as going for a doctor's appointment or a visit with a therapist which in many ways it is.

Q: One thing I’d like to say is that I know there’s judgement towards men who pay sex workers but Lyla is a classic example of how many of these men care and respect women - especially ones who are quite heavily involved in it (RTing schedules, participating in boards like this one). Have you had many discussions with other men who are involved in this industry and what have your experiences been like?

A:. I have not had the opportunity to meet or have much dialogue with other men . The sad part of it is that in my beginning I was met with a fair amount of negativity from other clients. I was too reachable and I started getting some nasty messages from others and even a couple of sex workers. I was ready to quit and would have if it had not been for the Companions I knew and encouraged me to continue and showed me how to be less reachable. It has since stopped and as I become better know both on Lyla and Twitter, the interaction has been better and very positive.

Q: Thanks so much for your time on a pretty delicate subject. You rock! Anything else to add?

A: Yes! I want to add that I am thankful to site like Lyla where I was able to find much information about SWs , about proper etiquette regarding this industry, what makes a good client that a Companion will not hesitate to say yes to he he ask for another booking. I have learned a lot about the personality of Companions, clients. It has dispelled many misconceptions I had about sex work and Companions. I have learned to avoid certain review boards who allow too much negativity and descriptive material. It serves no good and is misleading. Twitter has also been a good source of info.
I want to thank you for the hard work you put into this and for even considering me for this in spite of my short time of experience. Through venue like this I can continue to learn. I also want to add that the last 2.5 years have been great. I enjoy the Companions I know and every minutes with them. 
Thank you for taking the time to read me!

[NotchJohnson 214134]

It's great to hear stories from our male members like @RayRenpelle that supports sex workers as much as I do.  So thank you @lydiahardwood for inviting him to this week interview...keep them coming.

[RayRenpelle 429]

I would like to add one more thing. Another person who knows of my activity is my family doctor. She actually recommended that seek out a well reviewed and recommended Companion as opposed to picking up a random girl at some social event. She was so right. I can say that I feel totally safe and comfortable with the Companions I know. And in 2.5years I never got so much as the common cold from this activity. And the support and encouragement I got from them during all the woes of last year or so( house sale, car accident, lung cancer) is more than a random girl would have provided. Specially my regular Companion who has been like a tower of strength for me. Can't go wrong with good Companionship.

[Cheeky.char 460]

Really enjoyed reading this one! Thank you Ray, and I’m so glad you moved past those first two bad experiences to find companions to enjoy time with! 

[beesh 1286]

Thanks @RayRenpelle for this honest & reflective interview (traits that are rare in general nowadays 😞)

As regards the subject, I would love to tell everyone regarding the wonderful woman who is my companion.

But then there are serious legal consequences the moment the issue of monetary transactions come to light.

The illegal status of paid companionship SUCKS 😡 I hope some day we have FULLY LEGAL companion work.

Thanks

[Phaedrus 209521]

Thanks, @RayRenpelle! Excellent interview!

Like most people, seeing companions just isn't something I talk about. The stigma is most certainly there. This probably isn't helped by the fact that most of my friends are happily married, as far as the world is concerned.

But as you say, there must be an awful lot of guys seeing companions out there, judging by the number of them we collectively keep in business!

[[email protected] 4]

Great interview!

[Guest]

   I was once mocked by a coworker for admitting the occasional paid companionship. But the same guy was bragging about visiting the local strip club and getting extras. This sparked a debate as he was trying to make me believe how different and cheaper it was, when the reality was not. Once the cover charge, drinks, dances, extras and tips are paid, the amount is the same if not more to an average session. For the same rate, your choosing between a comfortable and private setting with access to a shower, or awkward cubicle activities and some napkins.

   Not sure if the conversation got him curious to experiment. But the topic was never addressed again.

[Kindbutsexy 1048]

Great interview Ray. For me, the sad part is that I would love to share my positive experiences with some of my ‘guy’ friends because I have had many and I think there is a good chance some of them are seeing providers too. No one wants to be the first to bring it up in case the conversation goes sideways because in my case I’m in a relationship so that is why websites like LYLA are so helpful for clients. 

[Neil young 79]

Great questions. 

Stigma, I think, would lessen if it were decriminalized ( look at pot for example - as to how something can go from taboo to socially celebrated). 

I agree that some sp are just like therapy, mine is definitely one of them. Laughs, good music, great sex without complications. The great thing about some  sp is they provide the GFE without the drama associated with an actual relationship.

Personally,  I am not bashful about my playing; I even suggest  it to my single pals!

[good-date 1711]

Depends who’s asking!

On 7/20/2021 at 12:43 PM, Greenteal said:

   I was once mocked by a coworker for admitting the occasional paid companionship. But the same guy was bragging about visiting the local strip club and getting extras. This sparked a debate as he was trying to make me believe how different and cheaper it was, when the reality was not. Once the cover charge, drinks, dances, extras and tips are paid, the amount is the same if not more to an average session. For the same rate, your choosing between a comfortable and private setting with access to a shower, or awkward cubicle activities and some napkins.

   Not sure if the conversation got him curious to experiment. But the topic was never addressed again.

Guy was a hypocrite!!

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, good-date said:

Depends who’s asking!

Guy was a hypocrite!!

  Was pretty much the point on top of men with very narrow definitions of what constitute companions/escorts. I gave this example in regard to strippers, but the same could be said for massages(non-therapeutic), arrangements and other forms of of adult entertainment or relationship following similar principles.

   Can call it hypocrisy or denial, but won't change the reality.

[NsCandi902 0]

🤯 No, not to their wives that believe they are in monogamous relationship with husband of 20 years… only for him to put me on a shelf like a doll for later while he goes out and purchases whatever type of young thing he wants! 

I have no problems with the person providing services, they are only doing their job. It’s just not being open with partner since you share monies… we should be allowed to explore and be explored as well. Sorry for the long RANT…

NSCandi902…

[Brad Matson 1]

Most i know would if they' did. , or say they would if the opportunity arises. 

  There seems to be less stigma and a increase in  acceptance of prostitution here from a couple of decades ago.  

Maybe it's the younger New Generation that's driving it forward.  Prostitution Pot & Pepsi. 

2 out of three ain't bad. 

[dmav522 5]

As someone with a disability, It doesn’t make any sense that I’d be charged for a basic human right under section 7. Kind of ridiculous when you think about it. I mean if it’s two consenting adults, and if there’s no evidence of trafficking or organized crime then live and let live.

[the destination 1]

I think it depends on who you are talking to. Not going to tell my mom about it but after a few drinks it might come out in conversation with a brother 

[cjl private 4]

Companion work is very stigmatized.  I am a supporter yet I have to hide it as it would hurt my profession/job if clients found out.  I find it crazy that society is open to so many things that in my opinion are way more taboo.  Not sure why society has picked this as the worste thing a man can do but that is the way it looks.

[lucymaxwell 1]

I think it relies upon who you are conversing with..

[Andee of Burlington 28]

not with standing religious or moral beliefs, I was always puzzled by the fact that consensual casual sex is accepted more than

consensual monetized sex. 

 

in other words, it’s OK to be a slut rather than a whore. Such hypocrisy, if you ask me.