Question - encouraging better forum etiquette

[OldandNerdy 1304]

I see more and more new folks lately basically posting "Does anyone know this provider?" Type posts without doing anything themselves.

 

Then usually @Greenteal will do some searching, post the results, share his "How to" post, and then usually follow up 1 or 2 more times.

 

So I figured I'd poll everyone and see what others thought

[Guest]

    My "How to" post was at the demand of the mods/admins in an attempt to reduce this kind of thread. There were also discussions about banning that kind of post, but never went that far. I'm hoping some are learning from the help and educate approach. If not, they can meet their Instagram and porn stars and tell us how "great" it was.

    I'm also getting frustrated with inquiries about private subjects. We don't need threads asking if some ladies are still active, when they're coming in town, what services they offer or why they don't answer.

   Ladies are allowed their privacy and to choose when and with who doing business. If she doesn't reply, she's either not available or not interested. Take the hint and move on!

[NotchJohnson 214136]

I have no issues with helping out newbies but when you give all the info they need or the one I can give and they ask again can you give me more names of ladies that you have seen in "that" city or did she give you "this service" or "will she allow that if I give her more money".  The thing is that I can give you 100 names of ladies that I have seen or that advertise or heard but at the end of the day some have quit this work or died(yes a few of them have past away) or are not working during Covid etc.

Like mentioned I will help you find a lady but I can't decide for you.  What if my likes are not what you like?

[roamingguy 300292]

Just thinking outloud here...please don't ban me 😆

Thought One. Just wonder how many of these people are just consumers of Lyla and never become contributors. Not just lack of posts in other forums but no recommendations posted if they did have a date with a companion they sought to find out about (caveat if she didn't want a reco then not posting one is appropriate)

Thought Two. Am I the only one who wonders if these members are bona fide clients or just guys who might likely contact a lady for free pics and never book a date nor intended to book a date.

Thought Three Is it just me or does it seem the day a question is asked is the very same day they join...or am I wrong?

And one comment. It's obvious that some of the new posters don't take time to read the rules and don't navigate/explore the site before posting. How many times have (hypothetical example) we seen posts like "Has anyone seen XYZ in Toronto" posted in General Discussion Area forum when it should be posted in the Toronto forum.If new members want Lyla members to put out effort to help them, shouldn't the new members put minimal effort (eg read rules etc) in before posting?

Whew A Long Winded Rambling

Don't Ban Me Please  

RG

 

[Mikeyboy 27134]

Honestly, I believe in Live and Let Live. If you want to do the research for them and post it, great. If you don't, then that's fine too. Sometimes I'm in a mood to be helpful and show them an ad is fake. Sometimes I don't bother because it's so obvious. In those cases I don't bother replying at all.

I do find that there is a lot of hostility and negativity towards new posters lately though.  I believe it's to the detriment of the site to be scolding new posters who ask questions even if the answer should be obvious. This is after all a recommendation and discussion board. We shouldn't be trying to shut down every conversation.

Just my 2 cents (if it's worth that ;) ) 

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, roamingguy said:

Just thinking outloud here...please don't ban me 😆

Thought One. Just wonder how many of these people are just consumers of Lyla and never become contributors. Not just lack of posts in other forums but no recommendations posted if they did have a date with a companion they sought to find out about (caveat if she didn't want a reco then not posting one is appropriate)

Thought Two. Am I the only one who wonders if these members are bona fide clients or just guys who might likely contact a lady for free pics and never book a date nor intended to book a date.

Thought Three Is it just me or does it seem the day a question is asked is the very same day they join...or am I wrong?

And one comment. It's obvious that some of the new posters don't take time to read the rules and don't navigate/explore the site before posting. How many times have (hypothetical example) we seen posts like "Has anyone seen XYZ in Toronto" posted in General Discussion Area forum when it should be posted in the Toronto forum.If new members want Lyla members to put out effort to help them, shouldn't the new members put minimal effort (eg read rules etc) in before posting?

Whew A Long Winded Rambling

Don't Ban Me Please  

RG

 

   Just a few years ago Lyla was considered over-moderated. Then it was almost dropped completely before adopting a middle ground. I don't want to complain too much as @lydiahardwood seem to be only active mod/admin. Me and a few others try to help by reporting inappropriate posts and abusive members, but without admin privilege's, we can only do so much.

[Mikeyboy 27134]

I'm normally a "not rock the boat" kind of guy. (It's now beer 3 on Friday night when I tend to speak more honestly if you will indulge me). 

I just know that there are many out there who have tried this site once and moved on due to the scolding they got from their first post.  I've heard the grumblings.  Asking about an SP on a discussion board may not be how you "do your research" but for the uninitiated, that is actually what they are doing by asking the question. They are hoping that more experienced people will share their knowledge. They are then scolded for not doing their research before doing so instead of being pointed in the right direction. All I'm saying is help them or don't. There's no reason to try to make them feel small for asking a question. 

And yes,  there are many situations when the questions are not appropriate. I just don't see her asking if anyone has any information on spacific SP on a website dedicated to discussing that very thing is inappropriate. 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Mikeyboy said:

I'm normally a "not rock the boat" kind of guy. (It's now beer 3 on Friday night when I tend to speak more honestly if you will indulge me). 

I just know that there are many out there who have tried this site once and moved on due to the scolding they got from their first post.  I've heard the grumblings.  Asking about an SP on a discussion board may not be how you "do your research" but for the uninitiated, that is actually what they are doing by asking the question. They are hoping that more experienced people will share their knowledge. They are then scolded for not doing their research before doing so instead of being pointed in the right direction. All I'm saying is help them or don't. There's no reason to try to make them feel small for asking a question. 

And yes,  there are many situations when the questions are not appropriate. I just don't see her asking if anyone has any information on spacific SP on a website dedicated to discussing that very thing is inappropriate. 

      When I joined, my first posts were moderated. Short inappropriate posts were deleted and this motivated me( and other new members) to read the rules and try to understand the board before posting anything.

      When they removed( or laxed) that part, this opened the floodgates to members who never read the rules or threads with advices. As previously mentioned, we don't have many active mods/admins left and it gets a bit frustrating to read several new threads about the same thing.

      You can find a lot by using top corner search tool and Google. Sometimes the best way to learn, is the hard way.

      Worked for me.

[Mikeyboy 27134]

I've said my piece and I hope you gents have a good weekend.  My one piece of advice to leave you with is to go easy on the newbies.  If we want this site to thrive (and I believe we all do) we need them. Make the site as welcoming as we can.  

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Mikeyboy said:

My one piece of advice to leave you with is to go easy on the newbies.  If we want this site to thrive (and I believe we all do) we need them. Make the site as welcoming as we can.  

   I don't think we've been particularly harsh on newbies. Instances of hostilities were often due to loaded questions with potential privacy, safety and livelihood concerns for ladies.

   Being unfamiliar with criminal laws and SW etiquette is no excuse. If they don't take the time for minimal research, "tough love" they'll receive. Up to them if they want to stay and learn or go elsewhere.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Well, yeah. I get that newbies can be irritating; I think it's just something we have to put up with.

This is really a general netiquette problem. All communities have their own set of rules (some explicit, some not) and their own way of going about things. The right thing to do when joining a new forum is usually to lurk for a bit, get a feel for how it works, and then start to contribute. But a lot of people don't do that - they just sign up, post away, and annoy the more established members of the community. This really isn't unique to this forum; you can see the same playing out in other discussion boards, subreddits, and pretty much anywhere else people talk about things online. Hell, you can see it in real life, too. And we just have to put up with it, because it will never change.

Finally, I'd like to reiterate what @Mikeyboy said, because it's important: if we scare off all the potential new members then we have no future. We can point them in the right direction without being overly harsh about it. And anyone who feels that's too much effort is entirely at liberty to simply ignore it and move on.

[Guest]

    Also want to point out how certain forums seem to exist under their own rules and shown a fair amount of aggressively toward anyone pointing it out. I've been told enough time to "mind my own business" and to "f.. off", to stop trying. And considering the majority of DNR/DND come from that area, there obviously a well known problem.

     No matter what services are offered, comments and recos shouldn't go beyond safety, cleanliness and other positive feedback. But we got endless threads about some businesses staff, including offer extras or not. I don't see who benefits from this and why this is tolerated.

[Guest]

   I will apologize in advance for the rant as I feel the need to clarify my last comment.

   I seriously think @lydiahardwood /admins/mods need to seriously clean up the Massage Discussion forums.

   LYLA has a clear rule against the promotion/mention of sexual services, something well understood in most forums. But in many massage discussion, there's a culture of directly asking and heavily implying adult services are offered. Something I seen in a majority of inquiry threads and from members who should seriously know better. There no circumstances were anyone should ask if a normal massage or extras! And replying "I left happy" should NOT be acceptable! It's NOT clever and certainly NOT subtle! EVERYBODY understand the meaning, including cops and therapists!

   And FYI, every posts, recos/reviews will pop-up in Google searches. Comments implying "extras" are crippling for massage therapists offering health services. They end up with unwanted clients/patients and lose job opportunities because they're considered liabilities for places offering insurance receipts.

   This is not something I'm pulling out of my as.., This is a long time problem with real consequences. Once or twice a year we see news articles like this:

    Some registered massage therapists in unregulated provinces offering sex for sale and insurance receipts | CBC News

   Describing sexual harassment, men not understand the difference between MA's and RMT's and insurance fraud.

   If ladies(or gentlemen) want to offer erotic massages, they can mention on their webpages/ads, clarify details in private communications or offer it in person. But if you feel the need to ask, DO IT PRIVATELY and POLITELY!

   

   Hope I was clear enough and changes will come sooner than later.

   

[Guest lydiahardwood]

Hey everyone. I hear your feedback and will try to take it all onboard and answer as fairly as I can. 

We have done what we can to make it as clear and easy for new member as possible. This includes:

- Sending them a welcome DM explaining the rules

- Having the "new to this" forum at the top on the homepage

- Having the FAQs clearly visible

As Greenteal mentioned, many people were saying that Lyla was over moderated before. In my eyes, the kind of posts asking "does anyone know this Provider", "where can I find a good Provider in x" may be a bit annoying to those of us who have been here a long time and understand how to use the board. But they're 1) not dangerous and 2) boards are kind of hard to use if you're not used to them (throwback to feeling completely out of my depth in my first month or two working here).

I'm not excusing the laziness, just accepting that boards can be hard to navigate and people rarely read things properly, especially a big welcome message full of texts. ESPECIALLY when you're just looking for a quick recommendation or advice on finding a Companion. 

I have a couple of concerns regarding "cracking down" on these type of posters.

- It may come across as pedantic to a new user

- I don't want to discourage very needed activity here

- I believe that mine and other Mods' time and efforts are better spent on moderating dangerous content, advertising schedules for Providers on Twitter, conducting interviews etc.

My advice to you is:

- Please do report these threads when you see them, if you have the time and energy, and we will remove or reply as necessary. Most likely with a link to GT's very helpful thread so they can learn to do their own research by themselves

- If you get frustrated by them, don't reply. In the words of Elsa: let it goooo

The actions I am inclined to take off the back of this:

- Clean up the massage discussion area as per GT's suggestion as the points he has raised are fundamentally against our rules as opposed to being a bit annoying

- Edit the welcome message to make it even clearer how to look up recommendations

Any feedback is welcomed. ❤️ 

[OldandNerdy 1304]

Well that escalated quickly :S

 

To be clear, it was not my intent to insinuate that there were problems with the moderation on this forum.  I think we've hit the sweet spot where there's enough freedom for people to show their true colours while still maintaining a sense of decorum.  I'd hate to see that change.

 

My intent in posting this was to generate a discussion around the lack of effort that some folks, often newbies that don't know any better yet, show when posting for information, and what we as more experienced and active forum users could do to better inform/educate people. 

 

In my experience with managing and coaching people, they learn new behaviours best when: 

 

- We show them the expectations 

- We model the expectations 

- We provide coaching/feedback

- We show that not meeting expectations does not give them the result they are looking for

 

So this was the point I was hoping to make, that instead of providing all the info they were looking for, we instead give them the tools and some coaching to allow them to achieve their goals of finding that perfect companion. 

 

I've always said that the way a potential client interacts with people in a semi anonymous forum such as this, speaks volumes about what they would be like to deal with in person.   

 

With all the complaints I see (especially on Twitter) from SP's about the complete lack of effort from potential new clients to the point where they simply text "available?" without bothering to read the ad they found the number on, I'd think that this forum is providing a lot of information about some of these new folks to the providers here.  

 

But hey, that's the great thing about the poll, it shows that people don't agree with me on this point. And that's cool, to each their own.  This was always about trying to make this already great forum even better, but I can certainly admit when I'm wrong about something.

 

@lydiahardwood Quoting the bard William Martin Joel - Don't go changing, to try and please me, you've never let me down before -- I love you just the way you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, OldandNerdy said:

Well that escalated quickly :S

 

To be clear, it was not my intent to insinuate that there were problems with the moderation on this forum.  I think we've hit the sweet spot where there's enough freedom for people to show their true colours while still maintaining a sense of decorum.  I'd hate to see that change.

 

My intent in posting this was to generate a discussion around the lack of effort that some folks, often newbies that don't know any better yet, show when posting for information, and what we as more experienced and active forum users could do to better inform/educate people. 

    Was not my intent to hijack your topic. But if the goal was to "rip the band-aid off" known problems, I took the opportunity to raise this one.

    Part rule, part etiquette and part overdue reminder to all..

     

[Guest lydiahardwood]

14 minutes ago, OldandNerdy said:

 

@lydiahardwood Quoting the bard William Martin Joel - Don't go changing, to try and please me, you've never let me down before -- I love you just the way you are.

Absolutely no offence taken, my darling! These conversations are so important and this one in particular highlighted some issues that definitely needed to be ironed out! I took a good look at the Winnipeg Massage Discussion forum and issued over 20 warnings and hid a hell of a lot of content. So it was necessary.

On that note - please, no one feel afraid or uncomfortable to call me out or raise issues. It's how we learn, improve and keep Lyla a toxic free environment! Big love ❤️ 

[beesh 1286]

Is any one else getting SPAM messages like this (this is my 2nd one) 😤

 

I didn't know where to put this ... so I am posting it here on "forum etiquette" thread

@lydiahardwood is there some way to report spamming members of Lyla ?

thanks

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, beesh said:

Is any one else getting SPAM messages like this (this is my 2nd one) 😤

 

I didn't know where to put this ... so I am posting it here on "forum etiquette" thread

@lydiahardwood is there some way to report spamming members of Lyla ?

thanks

  Received similar yesterday from a different spam account. You can report by clicking "Report reply" on the top right corner of the pm.

 

[beesh 1286]

2 hours ago, Greenteal said:

  Received similar yesterday from a different spam account. You can report by clicking "Report reply" on the top right corner of the pm.

 

I did that last time, even informed @lydiahardwood

[Guest]

1 hour ago, beesh said:

I did that last time, even informed @lydiahardwood

  Normally taken care of in 24 or 48hrs depending on Lydia's and other mods/admins availabilities.

  I always keep in my inbox and can see once the account is deleted/banned.

[misterdynomite30 174]

9 hours ago, beesh said:

Is any one else getting SPAM messages like this (this is my 2nd one) 😤

 

I didn't know where to put this ... so I am posting it here on "forum etiquette" thread

@lydiahardwood is there some way to report spamming members of Lyla ?

thanks

I got the same message today. First time that ever happened.

Reported it also. 

[Guest lydiahardwood]

15 hours ago, beesh said:

I did that last time, even informed @lydiahardwood

Thanks, @beesh. Should be banned now but if I missed one please let me know! ❤️ 

Sorry about these spam accounts, guys. Seem to have been an increase lately. There is one way around it that I can think of; turning off PMs for new members. But I'm hesitant to add more restrictions for new users. I will keep an eye to see if it gets out of hand. Please continue to report as and when it happens.