How do escorts handle people with herpes?

[icebaytrinity 183]

I have herpes, and its coming to the point that I'm willing to try escorts because I'm so afraid of rejection and especially whether or not people will tell other people of my condition.

[April Dawn 12207]

There are websites where people with sexually transmitted diseases can meet people in similar situations.

I personally would not see a client or date a person on my private life with an sti/std

but would really appreciate being told before hand.

It's 2011 sexually transmitted diseases are much more common and less stigmaized but I think you would have much better luck finding someone to date/sleep with you in the private sector as compared to here.

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[Megan'sTouch 23875]

How often are you getting outbreaks? Can you take Valtrex or other medication to control your outbreaks? If you use a condom and you are not having an outbreak, the risk of transmission is very low.

 

I don't understand the mentally of "I won't sleep with someone who has an STI" because when you are sleeping with strangers, you never really know. In my work, I pretty much assume everyone has every STI/D on the planet, until we get to know each other. This is one of the key reasons I chose to do massage rather than escorting. That is my personal choice, and I respect the choices of others.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

I commend you for your honesty, unfortunately in this world many people do not do the same.

 

As Megan said above, I generally assume everyone has an STI. The only person I know for a fact does not, is me. And that's because I get tested every 2 months. I know not everyone else does, and even if they tell me they do, it doesn't matter - safety first.

 

So when it comes to herpes, I am positive I have been with people who have it. I can't see it being possible that I haven't, it's so widespread. But if you are taking your medication, and never try to see someone while you're having an outbreak, and you always, always use condoms, I don't see any reason why someone would see it as an issue in a personal relationship.

 

Now professionally, as sex is how I make my living, although like I say I'm sure it's happened, knowing that risk is there I think I would say no. I couldn't jump in and see someone with something that could ruin my livelihood. I sincerely hope that does NOT encourage people to just keep things secret, because thats just low.

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

it's good to be honest

 

and like Megan and Cleo...I assume everyone have an STI...90% of women have VPH as you have over 200 types...it's impossible to tract everything and every kind.

[April Dawn 12207]

Sorry just being a bag without my morning coffee

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[Ace Drivers 134]

Not a bag! Women in your profession take all the risks...STI/D's are only the tip of the iceberg. It's not like you weren't polite...and it's your bodies, your jobs, your lives. Knowledge and honesty is key for an industry such escorting to survive. Otherwise, we go back to sleezy, slimy situations where no one wins.

 

I also commend icebay for having the courage to ask the question. There are some on this board would not have been as "nice" in their responses.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

I have herpes, and its coming to the point that I'm willing to try escorts because I'm so afraid of rejection and especially whether or not people will tell other people of my condition.

 

My answer above is pretty much general regarding STDs, but re-reading your post, I want to ask why it is you're 'willing to try escorts'? Because, just like any other woman you may try to score with, your sexual history impacts whether we will say yes or no. Not to sound too harsh, but if its rejection you're scared of, contacting escorts likely won't garner much different of a response than in the general public.

 

The best way to deal with this is to simply live your life. Bring it up with a prospective partner when the time is right. I have a few close friends who are in long-term relationships, where one partner has herpes. But since they love each other, it's a non-issue. And the other partner still is fine.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

All comes down to safe sex, right?

[icebaytrinity 183]

My answer above is pretty much general regarding STDs, but re-reading your post, I want to ask why it is you're 'willing to try escorts'? Because, just like any other woman you may try to score with, your sexual history impacts whether we will say yes or no. Not to sound too harsh, but if its rejection you're scared of, contacting escorts likely won't garner much different of a response than in the general public.

 

The best way to deal with this is to simply live your life. Bring it up with a prospective partner when the time is right. I have a few close friends who are in long-term relationships, where one partner has herpes. But since they love each other, it's a non-issue. And the other partner still is fine.

 

The difference as I see it is, that escorts have to be more open minded and be more educated on STDs, so its not like they would be so harsh if someone with herpes happens to reveal it to them. With someone who isn't working in the sex industry I'd imagine many, if not most, will have an ignorant opinion on the subject, and not mention will probably handle the event a lot less maturely. Based on first hand experience, I can tell you many people really are like that.

[sandimoon 72517]

Not impressed with the word " willing " either.

Not at all.

[fortunateone 156618]

The difference as I see it is, that escorts have to be more open minded and be more educated on STDs, so its not like they would be so harsh if someone with herpes happens to reveal it to them. With someone who isn't working in the sex industry I'd imagine many, if not most, will have an ignorant opinion on the subject, and not mention will probably handle the event a lot less maturely. Based on first hand experience, I can tell you many people really are like that.

 

 

This is something that you should be revealing before making an appt, not after arrival, or even after a couple of visits. No matter what you plan to do, the idea that you might not disclose this with first contact is alarming. It really doesn't matter if you assume escorts are more educated about STDs, the reality is that many many are not. And to be honest, being educated and open minded does not mean that I would plan to willingly expose myself to it knowingly.

 

Even if I approach every encounter as tho the person has an STD, the bottom line also is that if you don't tell me, you are taking away my choice and my ability to keep myself safe. And that would be irresponsible and inexcusable.

But to me, that you think that seeing escorts is "OK" knowing you have this condition is also irresponsible, no matter what precautions are taken.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I have herpes, and its coming to the point that I'm willing to try escorts because I'm so afraid of rejection and especially whether or not people will tell other people of my condition.

 

Frankly, I'm troubled by your query because you seem to be saying that, because you have herpes--and presumably have had negative reactions from other women--you're "willing to try escorts." You say that you're afraid of being rejected and of having your condition reported to others.

 

I hope you're not buying into the stereotype of escorts as disease-ridden women. It's completely false. You are significantly more likely to be infected with a sexually transmissible infection (STI) from your wife or girlfriend than you are from an independent paid companion who works indoors. That's because we companions generally will not engage in sexual activities which are common in husband-and-wife relationships. We tend to be scrupulous about our health not only because we have many, many sexual partners whose histories we cannot possibly know but also because we have no reason to trust that our clients are infection-free.

 

I also hope that you're not imagining that escorts are the appropriate companions for someone who has an STI--that we're the "women of last resort," so to speak. What I mean to say is that it's okay to expose a paid companion to an STI because she's a prostitute. This is a reprehensible idea.

 

Forgive me if I seem to be casting aspersions your way if you don't think these things. I hope you're aware that many people take the health and safety needs of women in the sex trade much less seriously than other women's same needs.

 

Having said all that, I'd like to suggest that everyone calm down a bit when it comes to thinking about herpes. It's a real infection, it can be troubling at times, and it's also manageable. Good, accurate information is available from the Health Nurse. Read it carefully.

 

Many people have herpes and never know that they have it because they have mild or no apparent symptoms. Those at greatest risk are unborn children, yet women with herpes have safe pregnancies and deliver babies safely all the time in North America when their health care professionals know that the women have the infection.

 

People with herpes are most contagious in the first two years or if they have recurrences more than four times a year.

 

If you're using condoms 100% of the time, taking antiviral medication daily and having no sexual contact anytime you have sores, you're being responsible.

 

When or whether to tell a sexual partner that you have herpes is a complex decision. The Herpes Health website gives useful information to help in your decision-making process.

 

Finally, Australian sex workers who have herpes are advised not to work when they have symptoms until the sores have completely healed. They must use condoms 100% of the time when they're working.

[wendigo 687]

Icebaytrinity, it's brave of you to bring this topic up. My view is that you have to be honest and upfront about your condition with anybody you see. The fact is that a lot of women will refuse you based on your condition.

 

Actually, herpes appears to be one of the hobby's dirty little secrets. People can have it and be asymptomatic, yet infectious at the same time. Safe sex reduces the risk somewhat but not absolutely. I hate to be cynical, but there are almost certainly both providers and clients (a small minority I hope!) that know they have the disease yet continue to participate in the hobby/industry.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I also find the OP saying he is 'willing to try' an escort sort of derogatory but it would be interesting to have him explain this to us as it could have probably just been a bad choice of words, it has happened to me in more than one occasion.

 

Stereotype as Samantha mentioned could also be the reason why he referred that way to the possibility of having an encounter with an escort and I can't speak for everyone but for myself and in my experience I did have a stereotype for both escorts and men who spent time with them and of course after I became one my perception of them changed and I learned that just as in almost everything there are different types.

 

Also, a little information that most may not know is the OP is a new member and a young man (21) and IMO is very admirable that a person his age has the honesty and courage to speak up about that matter (herpes) as opposed to hiding it which he could have done so I suggest we try to help icebaytrinity to learn about this particular topic and try to give him advice on how to handle it as well as give him and us the chance to trough posts getting to know him .

 

Welcome to cerb Icebay I invite you to take the time to read the threads in the forum for you to understand the real privilege spending time with an escort can be :)

[stevecurious 42059]

Also, a little information that most may not know is the OP is a new member and a young man (21) and IMO is very admirable that a person his age has the honesty and courage to speak up about that matter (herpes) as opposed to hiding it which he could have done so I suggest we try to help icebaytrinity to learn about this particular topic and try to give him advice on how to handle it as well as give him and us the chance to trough posts getting to know him .

 

I agree 100% with Isabellas statement! I am quite sure that if I were 21 and had an issue such as this I would not have the "manhood" to speak of it...especially in this context! Not saying I wouldn't divulge that info. but maybe not so public. That being said the word "willing" may not have been the best choice of word and I suspect the OP will realize that after reading the many replies to his query.

 

I wonder what type of responses he would have received if he had of used the wording I have herpes, and its coming to the point that I would like to meet escorts because I'm so afraid of rejection and especially whether or not people will tell other people of my condition. I suspect we will never know but I am curious none the less.

 

I believe that his question is indeed valid, a little rough around the "willing" edges but valid none the less. I wish I had some first hand knowledge to give or advice to render but I do not. Regardless I am sure there are those who do, either SP or hobbyist and I am sure you will receive plenty of info. as long as we can all get over the word willing...

[TGirl-Kay 7484]

Please lets try and remember that this is this young mans first ever post here on CERB. How many of us had the understanding of the language and politics of sex work down pat from the get go?

 

Please give this young man the same oppertunity to learn the ropes that we all had.

 

I thought that his question was a valid one.

As SPs we all get to decide what our personal risk tolerance is, some of us give BBBJ, some only covered. It's our personal choice, I'd rather have a client who was open and honest with me than one who had been shamed or driven by desperation to keeping health information a secret.

 

November

[icebaytrinity 183]

Yeah, it was a bad choice of words. I wanted to edit it, but it wouldn't let me. Sorry if I offended anyone.

[roamingguy 300292]

I have herpes, and its coming to the point that I'm willing to try escorts because I'm so afraid of rejection and especially whether or not people will tell other people of my condition.

 

While I agree the phrase "willing" doesn't sound good, keep in mind a couple things. First, to publicly discuss an issue which has to be troubling for him, takes a great deal of courage. He should get a kudos for that alone.

Second, his age, 21, and third his posting history (2 posts)

Some people find it hard to convey thoughts to words. But if you look at the entirety of his post, the gist of it to me at least, he is worried about trying intimate relations because of the fear of rejection and that whoever he tries to see will tell other people about his condition. His choice of word "willing" does on first glance seem bad, but in context I take it as he wants to see escorts because the escort wouldn't tell others of his condition and an escort might not be as likely to reject him out of hand because he has herpes. And the inference from that is clear, he would tell a escort of his condition

Look at the intent of his words and post, I certainly don't think he intended any disrespect to the ladies. And really, if he wanted avoid all the criticisms, he could have avoided posting altogether and kept it a secret

As I see it

RG

[VedaSloan 119179]

Never ever keep this information from a potential sexual partner. If you plan to see an escort, she needs to know up front in order to make the best decision for her.

[ottawaadventurer 5114]

This has been an interesting read... And I understand all of the responses. All of them.

 

That being said, I also remember my first few posts... My first few questions.

 

And this guy is asking for help/information/advice. Good for him. How many guys with herpes just say 'fuck it', see SPs, and never tell them. Lots. I am sure.

 

So while I agree his choice of words is unfortunate, good for him for asking. So many guys with STIs or STDs never tell...

 

One of the things I love about CERB is how forgiving people here are. We all blow it sometimes. Give him a break, and some good advice. Think of it as a teaching moment.

[stevecurious 42059]

Yeah, it was a bad choice of words. I wanted to edit it, but it wouldn't let me. Sorry if I offended anyone.

 

No offence taken here! Sometimes it is that one word that seems to make our whole statement appear to sound different than it actually is!

[cat 262460]

How many of us have worded things without thinking of the different ways our writing could be interpreted? I know I have, literally hundreds of times. I prefer to err on the side of "no malice intended" when reading threads that have statements that could be interpreted in different ways. Life is too short to nit pick and assume people are hurtful by nature.

cat

[Carrie Moon 68826]

I have 2 close friends (one male one female) who have herpes and neither are in the sex industry. They both have this same issue in their personal lives. The female friend literally got it the first time she had sex. She was my roomate for some years and I witnessed her get very bad episodes where she was in bed with fevers for 3 days at a time.

 

The male friend belongs to a herpes group in Toronto and dates within that group but I've witnessed in both cases when they confide in me how troubling it is to open themselves up to prospective sexual partners.

 

I've always been a safe GFE escort.. lost many prospective clients as a result I'm sure but many stick with me because they know they're less likely to get an STI from me regardless of how often I get 'checked'.

 

I sympathize with your struggle and would recommend you see someone who is safe GFE. Take the precautions of covered BJ of course, perhaps even a dental dam for DATY if you choose to partake. (I do partake in DATY uncovered.. perhaps there needs to be a further definition to allow for this uncovered rather than safe GFE)

 

That being said I've enjoyed sessions where no oral/genital sexual contact took place..ie a handjob/titfuck or even mutual masturbation which can be really really hot! In such a case you don't have to explain that you have herpes. You can completely relax without explanation..

 

I'm thinking this is where you'd like to be.. as telling an escort can lead to the same rejection as in your personal life. There's no guarantee that she won't also freak out.

 

There's much ignorance about STI's and escorts are not immune to ignorance. They're just ladies who choose to charge.. it's not like we go to 'escorting school'