Biggest lies ever told (or heard)

[da2root 871]

I would never not show up for any of the fine ladies of CERB. I would value the time...no way I would just not show up. Rude and pointless....

[thedriver 6179]

The check is in the mail.

I gave at the office.

I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Trust me I'm a cop.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Jean Drapeau: "The Olympics can no more have a deficit than a man can have a baby."

 

[qwertyaccount 15793]

• We're doing this in the name of public safety, not to make money from fines.
  

[roamingguy 300292]

 

RG

[Old Dog 179138]

Hmmmmm....

 

1 "Oh that. I was just swimming in really cold water."

2. "Of course I love your family."

3. "It was delicious but I couldn't eat another bite."

4. "Of course I don't mind that your mom is coming to live with us."

5. "We value your call, please stay on the line..."

6. "Masturbate?? Are you kidding? Never."

7. "I'll be ready in 5 minutes."

8. "It's not you, it's me."

9. "We will be there to install the cable between noon and 3."

10. "I have never even looked at another woman."

 

[stevecurious 42059]

I love you too!

[Guest f***2f***]

-It's absolutely free!

-I think we just need some time apart.

-Sorry dear not tonight, I have a headache

-No (to the question "Does my butt look big in these pants?)

-She has a great personality (instead of saying she's very homely)

-I'll make it up to you

[ottawaadventurer 5114]

Elect me and I will serve honestly

[BarrhavenWoody 10776]

I'm the widow of the former president of some far away country and I will give half my inheritance to you if you help me....

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I love you too!

 

I don't know how many times I've heard that one. I don't believe these are words to be thrown around lightly!!

[WhatDoYouThink 110]

stripper says ... I've never done that with anyone before.

[roamingguy 300292]

 

-No (to the question "Does my butt look big in these pants?)

 

 

RG

[qwertyaccount 15793]

• I wasn't kissing her, she was kissing me (only remotely believable in high school)
  

[Old Dog 179138]

1. Things were a lot tougher when I was a kid.

2. Everybody loves Lima beans!

3. I was abducted by aliens and they had sexual relationships with me.

4. I was not staring at her chest.

5. I was not staring at her bum.

6. No, I did not try to sneak a peak down your top.

7. Every time you leave food on your plate, a kid in Africa dies.

8. It's supposed to look like that.

9. I love my job.

10. I had to work late....

[NotchJohnson 214123]

I won't cum in your mouth.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

• That will clean right up with some club soda.
  

[qwertyaccount 15793]

• I wanted to call but my battery died
  
• I wanted to call but I couldn't remember your number
  
• I will call you tomorrow
  
• A portion of the net proceeds goes to a local charity
  

[Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958]

-Sorry, this is my last cigarette (when a stranger sees you smoking and tries to bum one)

 

-I totally left a message with <insert family member/secretary/room mate's name here>

 

-I totally waited for you/I didn't see anyone else wile you were gone

[Phaedrus 209521]

Email? What email? I never got it...