Daniel17 3616 Report post Posted July 17, 2011 So a couple days ago, I was walking through the rideau centre and bumped into THE ex-girlfriend. Yes, not just an ex-girlfriend, THE ex-girlfriend. I've dated numerous girls in the past, but nothing was ever too serious with any of them, except THE ex-girlfriend. We dated for three years, which might not seem like a lot for some of you, but for me that's like a dating decade. I hadn't seen or heard from her in almost a full year, and we bumped into each other. There was some awkward talk.... HER: Well it was nice seeing you, we should catch up some time? ME: Sure, that sounds great! (I don't really mean this, it is just saying no, would be kinda awkward) HER: What you doing now? Want to grab some starbucks? My treat? ME (in my head): FUCK ME (in real life): Sorry, I would love too, but I'm actually headed out to grab lunch with someone. (I really was!) HER: Oh ok... ME: K, well I have to go, it was nice catching up with you! Most awkward conversation of life. Anyways, earlier this afternoon I got a text from her asking me if I wanted to meet up. First off, I didn't even know she still had my number, because I didn't have hers. And I had to decide what to do.... I turned on the PVR in my brain and rewinded back to how it ended..... ************************ I'll admit, this is the one girl that has left me heart broken. I use the word broken, because when we broke up, I actually felt physically broken. Like, I no longer was hungry, I'd sleep in & always go to work late, I was like a vampire and hated sunlight, would listen to Coldplay all day, and thought everything in the world sucked. Needless to say, I was being extremely over-dramatic, but at the time it did feel normal. Listening to sad music all day like Snow Patrol didn't help at all. I was sad, bitter, depressed, dejected, all rolled into one. I was so sad, almost like the sad you would see when you leave your apartment, and the dog keeps barking and is thinking... DOG: What are you doing? I don't understand! (yes, dogs have thoughts too!) I didn't understand the break up at all. We were so wonderful, happy, and in such a good place. We would be happy going to a fancy restaurant, we would be happy staying in, ordering pizza, and watching a movie, we would be happy just being together and laughing at all the stupid bullshit in the world. Immediately after the break-up, I would only think about the fun moments, I refused to remember the bad. The truth was there is always bad, by to my silly brain it didn't exist. I realized about 3-4 months after our break up, a better understanding of it all. That the sadness does go away. I can eat my food, I can hug & kiss without feeling guilty, that its ok to have a crush, and I that I can like someone else for a minute, a day, a month, or however long I want. I've come to the realization that love comes slowly, but your first love comes intense, emotional, and slippery, and that's the same way it'll exit... intense, emotional, and slippery. I realize there's no need to rush, and now when things don't work out (which happens often, lol), the end doesn't feel like a monumental clusterfuck. Look at me now, I'm me. I'm so much different a person then when I was dating her before. I don't fall so deeply in the puddle of BS like I used too, I'm more mature, and wiser. Hell, now I got a real job, I do big-person things like groceries, laundry, and pay my bills. I'm an adult!! ROAR!!! I'm free to see who I want, I'm allowed to think that girl at Starbucks is cute, I can have flings with friends, but I also know that the real thing does exist and will be there waiting for me regardless of how long I decide to take. Because why rush? ****************************************** So what did I text her back? I just told her no. I'm over with it. I was over with it before, and today confirmed it. The whole point of this post? Forget about silly people in the past, and be happy with yourself. You will get over it. You know why? Because you will be a better you. Just move on. *imaginary high five to anyone who has had their heart broken, because now we're all so much better* 15 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FunJay 139 Report post Posted July 17, 2011 Dude, that is one of the most insightful and personal things I have read on this board. Thanks for sharing. As someone who made the opposite decision fairly recently (ie - my response was "Yes that would be great to reconnect and catch up") -- let me tell you -- it is not the right thing to do. It is just so damn hard to move on some times. Sometimes a kick in the pants (like your post) is what is needed. Thanks again for sharing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EmilyRushton 253372 Report post Posted July 17, 2011 Your post hit the nail on the head in so many levels, thank you for sharing as almost all of us can relate to what you have experienced. Break-ups suck and moving on is hard, when you run into the "ex" the what if's all pop into your mind again. Excellent post and topic. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted July 17, 2011 Thanks for that post. Enjoyable read, and something a lot of us can relate to RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest gagagaga Report post Posted July 17, 2011 I always tell people who consider going back to an ex, he/she "is an ex for a reason. Focus on that reason for a few minutes and you will realise that they need to stay out of your life." I'm not saying to never take a chance, because sometimes the second time around works, but it is very very rare. I have gone back to ex's, but just for sex. great post. I'm glad you figured shit out before you got stuck in a mess!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cleo Catra 178382 Report post Posted July 17, 2011 Good for you for saying no. Most people, myself included, likely wouldn't have been as strong, and smart. Thanks for sharing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birdboy 10482 Report post Posted July 18, 2011 Good on you, Daniel17. You're a stronger person than I am. In most other parts of my life, when I'm done, I'm done. But in matters of the heart, well, I'm an eternal optimist, sometimes to my detriment. You've captured the tone and sensations of the situation well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrrnice2 157005 Report post Posted July 18, 2011 The whole point of this post? Forget about silly people in the past, and be happy with yourself. You will get over it. You know why? Because you will be a better you. Just move on. *imaginary high five to anyone who has had their heart broken, because now we're all so much better* Different context from here, but as I read the final paragraph I just thought, "I WISH I had the opportunity to rekindle something that is now impossible." Staying in context, Daniel, your personal confidence is a great thing to see. :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antlerman 17064 Report post Posted July 18, 2011 Nice post It is amazing how we can look into our selves when we are given the chance....... Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted July 18, 2011 Great post! And great advice "Move on!" I wish someone had told me these two simple words months ago, although I probably wouldn't have listened. Some time ago I left the lifestyle for several months because I had gotten back together with "The one who got away". One girl I had dated in my younger days but who had always stuck in my mind, my memories painting her in a very rosy light, her serious personality flaws were "cute little quirks" as far as my memory was concerned. Once back together with her, the teenage blinders were off and I was seeing her with a clear headed, adult's mind.....and it quickly became clear that she's fucking nuts! The sex was great but there wasn't much else there... maybe that's a little harsh, she's a sweet girl and has a lot of really great traits but we just weren't compatible as a couple...we weren't back then and we're still not. I've always been able to stay close friends with all of my ex's, all my breakups have been amicable, I've even attended two of my ex's weddings :p....but with her...well, things are very tense and awkward now with someone who I care a great deal about. In all past relationships I'm the one who was dumped and handled it fine which is why I've always been able to remain friends with them. This is the first time I've had to break up with someone....and I guess attractive women aren't used to being broken up with and she doesn't know how to deal with it. We remained really good friends after we broke up the first time, but this time I fear that I may have lost a really good friend...And that hurts. I don't know if our friendship will survive a second break-up. I hope it does...but I just don't know. If months ago I had had your presence of mind and willpower to say "No, we've been down this road before and it didn't work" I would have saved myself a boatload of trouble and yes, a lot of heartache too. So I applaud you! And I give the same advice to anyone reading this who may be thinking about or trying to get back together with the "one that got away"....two simple words..."Move on"....rarely will things work any better the second time around. The reasons you had for parting ways in the first place will still be there. And it may sound harsh to say, but there's plenty of fish in the sea. Somewhere out there is someone who is right for you, I truly believe everyone has a perfect match for them somewhere out there. The one from your past is not that one, or she/he wouldn't be in your past. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rickkm 328 Report post Posted July 18, 2011 You are one strong dude; most of us would have folded and gone to Starbuck's...and would have lived to regret it. Men are so weak when a female approaches them because we are simply not used to that, usually it's the other way around. You are one lucky dude as this was a close call; you avoided a lot of heartache my friend!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra-Sky 12606 Report post Posted July 18, 2011 This is a really awesome post. I just thought I would add one thing. In the case you describe above, and in the advice you give at the end you talk about "silly people" and how we should move and and that the experience becomes a learning one that make you better. This is all assuming that the person you dated was an idiot etc etc. However, I believe that sometimes two equally awesome people choose to date and then break up, not because one is "bad" etc, but rather, because either they are not at the same place in their lives or because their behaviors become destructive when together (as in a lot of dysfunctional relationships). So I hear you with the moving on and life getting better but sometimes it's ok to choose to be friends with your ex because they were never a bad person to begin with. Also, props to you for having the courage to say no to hanging out with her when that's what you really wanted to do. hugs to you xoxo Sky So a couple days ago, I was walking through the rideau centre and bumped into THE ex-girlfriend. Yes, not just an ex-girlfriend, THE ex-girlfriend. I've dated numerous girls in the past, but nothing was ever too serious with any of them, except THE ex-girlfriend. We dated for three years, which might not seem like a lot for some of you, but for me that's like a dating decade. I hadn't seen or heard from her in almost a full year, and we bumped into each other. There was some awkward talk.... HER: Well it was nice seeing you, we should catch up some time? ME: Sure, that sounds great! (I don't really mean this, it is just saying no, would be kinda awkward) HER: What you doing now? Want to grab some starbucks? My treat? ME (in my head): FUCK ME (in real life): Sorry, I would love too, but I'm actually headed out to grab lunch with someone. (I really was!) HER: Oh ok... ME: K, well I have to go, it was nice catching up with you! Most awkward conversation of life. Anyways, earlier this afternoon I got a text from her asking me if I wanted to meet up. First off, I didn't even know she still had my number, because I didn't have hers. And I had to decide what to do.... I turned on the PVR in my brain and rewinded back to how it ended..... ************************ I'll admit, this is the one girl that has left me heart broken. I use the word broken, because when we broke up, I actually felt physically broken. Like, I no longer was hungry, I'd sleep in & always go to work late, I was like a vampire and hated sunlight, would listen to Coldplay all day, and thought everything in the world sucked. Needless to say, I was being extremely over-dramatic, but at the time it did feel normal. Listening to sad music all day like Snow Patrol didn't help at all. I was sad, bitter, depressed, dejected, all rolled into one. I was so sad, almost like the sad you would see when you leave your apartment, and the dog keeps barking and is thinking... DOG: What are you doing? I don't understand! (yes, dogs have thoughts too!) I didn't understand the break up at all. We were so wonderful, happy, and in such a good place. We would be happy going to a fancy restaurant, we would be happy staying in, ordering pizza, and watching a movie, we would be happy just being together and laughing at all the stupid bullshit in the world. Immediately after the break-up, I would only think about the fun moments, I refused to remember the bad. The truth was there is always bad, by to my silly brain it didn't exist. I realized about 3-4 months after our break up, a better understanding of it all. That the sadness does go away. I can eat my food, I can hug & kiss without feeling guilty, that its ok to have a crush, and I that I can like someone else for a minute, a day, a month, or however long I want. I've come to the realization that love comes slowly, but your first love comes intense, emotional, and slippery, and that's the same way it'll exit... intense, emotional, and slippery. I realize there's no need to rush, and now when things don't work out (which happens often, lol), the end doesn't feel like a monumental clusterfuck. Look at me now, I'm me. I'm so much different a person then when I was dating her before. I don't fall so deeply in the puddle of BS like I used too, I'm more mature, and wiser. Hell, now I got a real job, I do big-person things like groceries, laundry, and pay my bills. I'm an adult!! ROAR!!! I'm free to see who I want, I'm allowed to think that girl at Starbucks is cute, I can have flings with friends, but I also know that the real thing does exist and will be there waiting for me regardless of how long I decide to take. Because why rush? ****************************************** So what did I text her back? I just told her no. I'm over with it. I was over with it before, and today confirmed it. The whole point of this post? Forget about silly people in the past, and be happy with yourself. You will get over it. You know why? Because you will be a better you. Just move on. *imaginary high five to anyone who has had their heart broken, because now we're all so much better* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel17 3616 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 I agree I shouldn't have put "silly people" at the end of the post. There isn't anything wrong with them at all, it's just two people on separate roads that are headed into different directions. Thank you everyone for the kind comments though and also sharing of your own personal stories. They are all very nice to hear. Anyways... it's 5am, wondering why I'm not sleeping and I should be more like the title of this thread, and "moving on" to some zzzzz's before work in a couple hours. Yuck! All the best again to all of you, you rock my socks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drlove 37204 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 ...a monumental clusterfuck. Hmmm... that describes my last relationship perfectly. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
